'What a stinker!' - Terrible Jokes! - English Addict / Ep 247 - LIVE CHAT - Sunday 30th April 2023

Welcome to today's livestream.

I hope you are feeling well.

There you are waiting for me.

It is so nice to see you here today.

Once again, we are back with you.

It's ever so nice to be with you once more here on YouTube.

It's ever so lovely.

Hi, everybody.

Hello.

This is Mr. Duncan in England.

How are you today?

Are you okay? Oh, yeah. So I.

Are you happy?

I hope so.

Can I, first of all, say I am suffering a little bit today

because I have hay fever now.

Normally, I don't get hay fever at this time of year.

However, because we've had a very strange winter

and also a very strange spring

as far as the weather is concerned,

everything has been really weird, to say the least.

So what's happened is all of the pollen has come out at the same time.

Everything has erupted.

All at once.

So there is a lot of pollen in the air.

So even though I don't normally get hay fever at this time of year,

I am at the moment getting it.

So I don't normally have hay fever until the end of June

or July, but I'm having it early this year.

So that's one of the reasons why my throat is feeling.

And also sounding rather weird.

Anyway, we will battle on.

Will it stop us from having fun?

Of course not.

So my name is Mr. Duncan. I talk about English.

I like the English language very much.

You might describe me as an English addict,

which is the reason why I'm here.

I'm here doing it.

And I hope you are here for the same reason.

Because you love learning English.

The English language

is fun.

The world of English is a fun and exciting place to be.

I'm so glad you could join me today for this live stream.

Yes, we have made it all the way to the end of another weekend,

but also the end of another month because we are about to say goodbye to April.

Yes, it's Sunday.

Oh, lovely.

So Sunday is here and we are all together once again.

We are back.

I hope you've had a good week.

It's been a rather strange week for me.

Lots of things going on.

Of course, if you are regular, you will know that we are planning

a little bit of a get together.

We are meeting up in June and we are going to meet

and I suppose you would describe it

as one of the most romantic places in the world.

We are going to have

our big English addict rendezvous in Paris.

That is coming up in June.

So those weeks are slowly going by.

They are we are getting ever closer,

ever nearer to our big meetup.

So if you are coming along, if you are meeting up with us in Paris, are you excited about it?

I know I am.

I'm very, very excited indeed.

So we have the live chat as well.

We can't have this without you because

without you, we don't have anything.

When you think about it.

Can I say hello to.

Oh, very interesting, Louise Mendez

is here today.

Are you going to meet up with us in Paris?

Louis?

I can't wait to see you, by the way.

I can't wait to meet with you and whoever is coming.

I really cannot wait for two reasons.

First of all, I feel as if I need a holiday.

A little break.

And also, I'm really looking forward

to meeting some of you in Paris.

I can't wait.

It should be a very interesting experience.

My passport is ready.

We have arranged somewhere to stay,

and we have arranged the flights as well.

Now, we were going to go by train to Paris because you can

you see, you can go under the English Channel through the Eurotunnel.

However, because there are lots of strikes taking place

at the moment concerning the the railway and also the train drivers

and all of the other people involved, they are at the moment of going on strike.

So we've decided not to go by train

just in case.

So at the moment, as far as we know, there are no problems with flying

unless of course, all of the pilots

and all of the stewardesses and the stewardess,

they all decide to go on strike, in which case

we might have one or two problems.

Let's hope not.

So it's nice to see you here.

Thank you, Louis, for joining us. You are first.

We also have Beatriz.

Hello to Beatriz.

It's nice to see you, too.

Jemmy is here from Hong Kong.

Hello to you as well.

We have Vitesse.

Oh, now I know that Vitesse enjoys telling jokes.

And guess what?

We are talking all about jokes today.

Jokes? Telling jokes.

But maybe today we will also

talk about telling bad jokes.

Jokes that aren't funny.

So there are, of course, some jokes that are funny and very hilarious.

Very funny.

But of course there are some

jokes that are not very good.

We will talk all about that later on.

So if you have any jokes for us today,

and of course, that includes you, the tests as well.

If you have any jokes to share with us, you can later on.

We have Mr. Steve here as well.

He is joining us at around

about 2:30 UK time.

So look out for Mr.

Steve as well.

I suppose I should mention

what is happening next weekend.

A very big weekend next weekend

because we will have official.

The King of England will be crowned next weekend.

So that's happening next Saturday.

And as I understand,

we are having some celebrations here in much Wenlock,

so we might actually go into much Wenlock next Saturday

for the coronation of King Charles

and the third next Saturday, next Saturday.

So we might actually be doing something live next Saturday

as a way of celebrating that.

Will you be watching?

Will you be viewing?

I know a lot of people here in England and across the UK will be watching.

And I have a feeling also maybe there will be a lot of people

watching around the world because it is interesting, I suppose

from my point of view,

this is something quite special

and I suppose also here in this country

we are very accustomed to all of the ceremonies

and the things that concern the royal family, the King,

and of course formally we had the queen who sadly passed away last year.

So that is the reason why we are going to crown

the new king of England next week.

So what about you?

Will you be watching it or will you not be watching?

Because, of course, some people

have no interest in any effect, to be honest.

So I would imagine from a cultural point of view,

I think it would be quite interesting

for those watching overseas and in other countries,

too, to see what happens when we

we bring in a new monarch, because it's been a long time since we've done this.

The 1950s was the last time we did any of this.

So it is a big

event and for many people it is the first time that we've ever seen it.

Ever seen it actually happen?

I was out yesterday with Mr.

Steve.

We had the most glorious walk yesterday.

Even though the weather today is not very nice, we did manage to get a little bit

of sunshine yesterday.

Would you like to have a look at some of the things we saw?

Okay.

Here it comes right now.

Things

That’s amazing.

We had a lovely time yesterday, a very nice time

walking out and about in the beautiful sunshine.

It was a lovely day.

Although today it is raining.

We've had lots of rain.

But apparently next weekend for the king's coronation.

Apparently the weather is going to be rather nice.

So we might actually be live on YouTube

next Saturday on the same day

that Prince Charles becomes King Charles next

Saturday is what that's all about.

If you are wondering why I'm so interested in all of that.

And of course, Prince Charles is feeling rather excited as well.

I wonder how happy he feels when.

Well, actually, I am feeling very, very excited.

I can't wait to be the king of you all.

You will obey me.

You will bow before me

because I'm the king of England.

Or at least he will be next Saturday night.

So a lot of people talking about it.

Some people already are complaining because they they they don't want to hear about this anymore.

I must be honest with you.

People are talking a lot about the coronation next week.

We might talk about that with Mr.

Steve as well, because he will be with us in a few moments.

Something I want to mention also today is I'm getting older

and I have a feeling maybe you are as well.

Do you find sometimes

do you find that you need to remind yourself or to have something

that will remind you to do something important?

So maybe something you have to do later, or maybe on another day.

But there is always that chance.

There is always a danger that you will forget to do it.

So is there something that you do

that helps you to remember,

to do something that you have to do in the future?

So, for example, some people like to write notes.

I have a little note here.

So this particular note that I have here

is reminding me of today's subject,

because I wrote this down last night

and I thought it was a very good idea

for today's live stream.

So sometimes you have to do this, you have to write things down

or maybe you have to do something that it will remind you

to do something else, something later.

And I do find over the past, maybe two or three years,

I sometimes forget to do things.

Maybe something I have to do, maybe an appointment

or maybe something that I must do on a daily basis.

Even even if it's something you do regularly.

You might find that you need

to remind yourself to actually do it.

Is it a sign of age?

I wonder?

We might talk about that with Mr.

Steve a little bit later on as well.

Can I say hello to Jemmy in Hong Kong once again?

Hello, Jemmy.

I hear you have not been very well.

You have come down.

You have been ill with the dreaded Luigi.

Yes, it still exists.

It is still around.

Not everywhere.

But yes, there are people

at the moment who are still battling or trying to cut down

or reduce the numbers of people who are affected by coronavirus.

It is something that has not gone away.

We are still giving vaccinations in this country.

We are giving boosters to those who need it, those who are vulnerable.

So I suppose in a way you might say that

in many parts of the world, corona virus has not gone away at all.

In fact, some people are worried that it might come back.

I believe now I might be wrong, but I think at the moment in Italy,

they are now demanding that

people wear masks again for a short time.

Is that true? Is it true?

So this is something that I read yesterday.

But you know what it is?

You know what it's like these days.

You see something, you read a news article, especially on the Internet,

and maybe it's true, maybe it's false, maybe it is real.

Maybe it is untrue.

But that's what I heard anyway.

So I hope you're feeling much better.

Jemmy, After your brush with COVID, if you have a brush with something,

it means you experience that thing

or you come very near to experiencing it.

So if you have a brush with something,

it means you come very close to it or maybe you experience it

for real.

You have a brush with a serious illness.

We often say that a person might have a brush with the law.

If you have a brush with the law, it means you have been in trouble with the police.

Maybe you've been arrested or detained,

but that, as they say,

may be another story entirely,

apparently.

No, it is not happening.

People are not wearing masks in Italy.

So there you go.

You see, sometimes if you want the real truth,

if you want the news as it really is,

sometimes you have to get that information

straight from the horse's mouth.

So with that, thank you very much, Francesca, for telling me.

Hello, also to Palmira.

Hello to you as well.

Who else is here today?

Claudia?

Oh, Claudia, what's cooking?

Claudia, what have you got in your part?

What's cooking?

Claudia Is it something spicy and hot?

Well, is it?

Tell us what you're cooking today.

And it would be very nice to

maybe share it with you.

To be honest with you, it would be very nice.

Very nice indeed. Rosa is here.

Also. We have Franco.

Hello, Franco.

Franco, I believe you will be joining us in Paris.

Is that true?

I'm excited.

I really am.

Well, you also have. Who else is here?

I don't want to forget anyone.

Oh, Lily is here. Lily

is here as well.

Intelligent is here.

That is very nice.

Very nice to see you.

Who else is here as well?

Before my voice completely stops working.

You, Dom.

Hello, you Dom, The old man in Bangkok.

Hello to you.

And it's nice to see you here as well as you can see behind me,

everything is looking rather nice and colourful because spring is definitely here.

I think it would be fair to say that we are coming towards the end of spring

and we are slowly heading towards summertime.

Are you excited for the summer months?

I know I am.

So apologies for my throat.

I am sorry if I sound a little croaky today,

but I am suffering slightly from hay fever.

Unfortunately, there is a lot of strange things happening in the air.

Oh, apparently Claudia has orange cake

in the oven.

All I can say

is I would like

to have

a slice of your orange cake.

One of my most favourite flavours besides mint.

I like mint, but I also like orange.

So anything that has the flavour of orange,

I absolutely love, especially chocolate orange.

The combination of chocolate and orange together is absolutely amazing.

The only problem is I can't eat it at the moment

because I am losing weight, unfortunately.

So Jemmy has been suffering from high temperatures

and also a sore throat

and it went on for

around about 11 days.

It's not very good.

I remember when I had COVID last year, I caught COVID and I caught it for Mr.

Steve. Can you believe that? I did. It's true.

I caught it from Steve and

I was ill for two weeks.

It took me two weeks to recover from COVID last year.

I do not recommend it to anyone.

Mr. Steve will be with us in a few moments.

Yes, we do have Steve here.

Oh, by the way, the farmer, the farmer was in the field

at the back of the house yesterday,

which got me very excited because whenever the farmer appears

at the back of the house, that normally means

that there will be animals coming soon.

So hopefully we are going to get some animals

at the back of the house, maybe some sheep,

maybe some lovely lambs,

or perhaps some cows.

Who knows?

Okeydokey, we are back.

Everyone as Mr.

Steve gets himself into position.

Yes, he is coming up any second now.

Now we are back talking.

Hello to everybody.

It's myself and him.

The other guy, the other one

that everyone loves to talk about,

do they?

They do, apparently. Hello, everyone.

I'm Mr. Steve.

If you don't already know, most of you do, of course.

And I'm here with the the delightful Mr.

Duncan on Sunday for this world of English.

And what have we been doing this weekend, Mr.

Duncan? I know what I did last night.

What do you do last night?

I went to see a show, so I didn't go because I didn't want to Mr.

Duncan didn't want to go to see this amateur dramatic show. Yes.

And the reason is because the theme of the show

was something that I had absolutely no interest in.

And this is something this there is

it is interesting because there are certain things that come along, maybe cartoon characters

or maybe stories or certain movies

that that everyone seems interested in.

But for some reason, you yourself, you have no interest in it whatsoever.

And this particular theme

of the show that you went to see last night

is something I have no interest in whatsoever.

What was it, Steve?

It was called Shrek the Musical.

Shrek.

And I would normally you see that wouldn't appealed to me because I didn't particularly

I didn't really go for those types of that genre genre.

Yeah, a category of absurd and such as?

Well, it's just it's a cartoon, isn't it?

Well, it's animation. Animation, animation.

But the reason I went, of course, is because in the drum circles, which are

which means there are lots of different amateur dramatic groups operating in the West Midlands area.

And you tend to know people in shows

and they know you and you all go to watch each other's shows to support,

to support each other, because they have to sell tickets and things like that.

It's the only audience anyone has.

They all of the audiences are just people from the other groups.

Well, that's not strictly true.

It's friends of the people who are in the productions, and if it's something that's got children in it,

then the parents will go and their friends and grandmothers and all that sort of thing.

So people will go.

The reason why I did not go is because I have no interest and I hunt.

I had a horrible feeling that I would not enjoy the show.

And Mr.

Steve came back last night and said, Duncan,

you would not enjoy that show.

Well, you see what sweeten the deal for me if you say something, sweeten the deal,

it means you don't really want to do something, but somebody gives you some incentive.

Yeah, it's going to give you a good reason to do it. Yeah.

So this reason is what sweeten the deal for me was that we were going to have a curry.

I was going with a friend of mine and he said, Well, why don't we go for a curry first?

So we asked Curry,

but I've got to sit and endure 3 hours of Shrek.

I actually it was a very, very good production.

I mean, I you know, the story was a bit not for me, but it was looking at it

from the perspective of seeing

what another amateur dramatic group can do.

It was very good.

So I can't knock them for that.

But technically, you do have to say that because then if if you

if you make a critical remark about their show, that means they won't come to see your show.

So when you are in a show, they won't come.

So everyone has to go to each other's shows because if you don't,

well, first of all, the

there will only be half of the audience there.

But also because sometimes the shows well,

I have no interest in Shrek, I will be honest with you.

I always think of it as a kids thing, which it is, really.

But it is.

But they did sort of give it to an adult anyway. Yes.

Intelligent says I feel the same about Star Wars Little. Yes.

Well, yes, I'm just going by the name of just saying hello to them.

Okay.

So yes, So some you know, I like we like Star Wars,

but I mean, we went to see what was up when we went to see last year.

Last year, we didn't get to see this year we went to see Bond,

which is again, sort of kids themed show,

but which normally wouldn't appeal to us.

But we went anyway.

Peter Pan. Peter Pan, That's it. We went to see that.

Yeah, I bet again a curry beforehand.

So that's sweetened the deal. Okay again.

But I do £20 a ticket for an amateur show that was very expensive.

But the thing is I don't think grown men

should be going to see children's shows because it's really odd.

But it's a family show.

I would I would describe it as a family show.

So it was section.

What they did was different to the film.

It's just a bit weird, that's all. I do think it's weird.

Just, you know, I do.

I went, as I say, to support

a friend,

to go along with a friend, have a night out, which is a nice night out, to be honest.

Seeing a children's show.

Well, it was a family show, family themed show, Shrek.

There's no doubt that the characters that were being portrayed weren't

really anger that much children, judging by some of the dialogue.

Well, if I remember rightly, I think Shrek, the films,

I think there's been about five or six of them now, and all of them I've never seen.

I saw a bit of the first one and I had no interest straightaway.

I knew that that I would never watch

anything to do with Shrek ever again.

But I think it does have some adult jokes as well, you see.

So I think it does it does cater to children,

but also older people as well because of some of the humour.

And of course, it's been adapted in a musical form.

Yes. So you've you've got the music there, although I didn't really like the music

because it was all sort of R&B themed music, which I'm not a fan of.

But anyway, let's enough of that. Mr. Duncan's really boring.

Everybody continues.

We've got more important things to talk about because we have an important event occurring next weekend.

We have the coronation and he will be crowned

the king of everyone here in the UK.

Of course, King Charles will become king

Charles next week, Second, third, or is it third?

It's definitely the third. Okay.

Definitely not the second.

I don't think that he came to a very good end.

The second one.

So we're going to try again with the third one.

The third.

Charles, We'll see if he gets to keep his head

and for how long.

So that's happening next year.

Oh, yes. So exciting.

I what are we are we planning to do some kind of

you know, we're going to go out and film what's going on locally is doing well.

There's something happening in much Wenlock, so we might be doing a livestream

or we might just do some filming and show it next Sunday.

So we will be with you next Sunday, but we might also be with you live on Saturday.

So we're going into the local town

to see what is happening.

I've got a mock coronation going on, Do you think?

Because at what time is the actual coronation taking place?

I think it's in the afternoon. Oh, right.

So we need to go in the morning and then come back so that we can watch it live on television.

And I won't be Ira because it's just an event.

So I should watch it from the historic point of view.

So this is where Mr.

Steve and myself differ slightly.

I don't have much interest in it, but Mr.

Steve wants to see it as as a historical moment of time, which we will never see again.

It's like the funeral I like to watch.

Do you like to watch the Queen's funeral?

Did you enjoy that? I did enjoy that, actually.

I like the sort of pageantry and the and the

and the pomp and circumstance and everything that goes with a royal event.

What was your favourite part of the political what was your favourite part of the funeral?

I'm not sure, actually.

Mr. Duncan Music, I think it's always the music with me.

Yes, the choice of music and the the singing

was wonderful

and I like a good choir.

Mr. Duncan, as you well know.

And I thought that was pretty.

The music's always the music for me. It's always the music.

Yes. Okay.

That I think we're sort of proud to be British Army.

You always feel a little proud in in your own country.

When when something like this happens, though, there is very little to be proud of at the moment.

Even this country, we are basically the laughing stock of the world.

So you don't like Shrek and you don't like to watch anything to do with the royal family?

Well, I wonder if they're linked in some way.

Well, they both have a large ogre,

and that's all saying.

That's all I'm saying.

Well, apparently next week there is there is a big part

of next week's event that is very special.

Steve,

I don't know if you've heard about this, but there is one thing,

one part of next week's coronation that is really important.

And a lot of people have been worried about they have they been really worried about it.

And that thing is that can you see it is a break.

He looks like a giant brick, but it isn't.

It is something called the Stone of Destiny.

Yes, it is. That is it.

And apparently the monarch, the new monarch, before they can be crowned,

they have to kneel on that.

It doesn't look very comfortable, does it?

I think. Padded.

No, I think you have to you have to kneel on it

and you have to pledge your allegiance to the country

and all its subjects so that that is a real thing.

By the way, I know it sounds like something from Lord of the Rings, but it isn't.

It's a real thing.

This is one of the reasons why sometimes other countries

like to have a little laugh at us because we have things like the Stone of Destiny.

Well, they're probably jealous because they haven't got a stone of destiny.

So they laugh and pretend that they're laughing, that actually

they wish they'd got that history going back over a thousand years.

And, you know,

it's it's to do with history and it's to do with

a sense of belonging.

Well, course there was a round we could see because this lives in Scotland

and you know, at the moment relationships between

England and Scotland are not very good at.

The moment you might say that they are slightly

tense, let's just say.

So they had to bring this all the way from Scotland,

but it will be there next.

King Charles will be kneeling and he will be saying,

I swear to take care of everyone

who lives up and down the UK.

Yeah, you'll have to watch it to see the full.

I'm sure it will be watched millions, if not billions, around the world.

However,

there is something else and you might not have heard about this, Steve, so we will just move that away.

That's out of Africa.

Go, go, go.

I say, AlphaGo, it's the stone of destiny is going

back, waiting for King Charles to kneel upon it.

But apparently, if we are watching next week,

you know, you won't believe this.

We are all being told

that if we watch the coronation next week, we must all swear

an oath in front of our television screens.

So apparently during the service, during the ceremony,

they are going to ask everyone around the UK

if they swear allegiance to the king.

And we are all supposed to say

in our living rooms in front of the television.

We are all supposed to say, I do, I do.

I swear allegiance.

So will you be doing that?

Probably not, because I think that's a bit silly, but it's true that that's what they're actually doing.

Probably won't be doing that.

Isn't that strange?

But of course, if you I don't know if they still do that,

but if you want to become a British citizen,

you have to swear allegiance to the crown.

Or because I remember I don't know if they still do that, but they certainly did

sort of 20 years ago.

Somebody I used to work with was born in Malaysia

and she became a British national,

got a British passport, right to live and work here.

And she part of the process was she had to swear allegiance to the queen at the time.

Well, I think that's normal in that sense, because you all kind of you

all kind of putting yourself in a situation where you are having to prove

that you want to

stay or you want to live in a particular country.

I think the same thing happens in the United States.

You have to pledge allegiance to the flag, to the

the actual US flag, the stars and stripes.

So I think there is a similar thing.

But I think you're right, Steve.

I think you do have to do that.

You have to pledge allegiance.

So instead of the queen, it will be the king.

So if you want to become a UK citizen,

you want to have your little magic green card.

You will have to pledge allegiance.

You will have to promise to obey and respect the king.

How do we feel about the new monarch? Says intelligent?

Well, fine.

I mean, personally, it's not something we've got any any choice in.

So it is what it is.

We can't you know, kings and queens aren't voted in.

It's all to do with succession. Yes.

So five, 500 years ago, you could get rid of them by chopping their heads off.

So it was very useful.

But we don't do that anymore.

Yeah.

So, yeah, it's fine.

It is what it is.

It doesn't really.

It's just sort of in the background.

It's funny that with having the royal family here, you sort of

most people sort of

approve of it because they like the sort of it's

you feel a bit proud when you talk about it to other people I think sometimes.

But it doesn't on a day to day basis, it doesn't really have much significance

to all those Brits, although the problem is it's all we hear about these at the moment.

There is always something about the royal family, whether it's

whether it's Prince William and Kate

or whether it's Prince Harry and Meghan,

or whether it's Prince Andrew and and all of that,

Giovanni says,

Would we be allowed to live stream the coronation?

I don't know how that would work, though.

We would have to be there.

Well, with the television in the background, I think, you know, I think

I think we would definitely get copyright strikes everywhere.

So we might we might be sent away to the Tower of London.

Yes. Maybe beheaded.

Well, I'm in a Gilbert and Sullivan production at the moment called Yeomen of the Guard,

which is set in the Tower of London in

1870, something probably

so, yeah.

So maybe that's a bit of a connection there.

Really. I think there's a connection.

So what are we doing today, Mr. Duncan?

Because I have no idea Yes, I've just. Come on.

I didn't hear you preparing anything.

In other words, you were paying no attention whatsoever.

Zero.

Sound like the buzz of not knowing the band reacts to things as they happen.

You must be having a very good time then, because you have no clue.

Today we are talking about jokes.

Making jokes.

Not necessarily good jokes.

Not necessarily jokes that are

that might be described as

good jokes, let's just say.

So they might not be good jokes.

So we are looking at that a little bit later on.

Also, we oh, also excitement.

We are playing

Fill in the blanks.

Ooh, that's good. Mr. Duncan.

I look forward to it. I like Phil.

I like filling in the blanks.

So we've heard so and I know a lot of well,

we know a lot of people like that.

The buzz of not knowing says intelligent.

Yes, that's it.

Of of having to sort of react and think on your feet

and being thrust into a situation where you have not prepared yourself,

which I think sometimes that's a useful skill to try and develop, isn't it? Mr.

Duncan Being able to carry on talking and just fill the void

all the time,

something I have to do quite often on here You do, particularly when I'm around.

Giovanni asks, Could it be possible to do a live stream from your living room

following the coronation

and maybe commenting on it that I just so know what I was going to say

is I suppose we could be on whilst it's happening and talk about it.

So I suppose if you could watch us on YouTube talking

and then maybe you could watch the coronation on your television

so you could almost have commentary from us.

So I think that I do like that idea.

So that is something I'm going to think about.

We could wait.

The trouble is we would descend into sarcasm.

Probably it would be a bit like Terry Wogan.

Many of us commenting on commenting on the Eurovision Song Contest.

Okay, so Eurovision Song Contest, you know,

you'll all have that probably if you're in Europe, certainly.

And you probably would, you probably have your own local commentators.

The one we used to have in the UK was always very sarcastic and cutting about the acts

and about the whole process of the Eurovision Song Contest, and that's to be quite funny to follow.

So what I was saying was that we could do the same with the coronation, although of course

we could actually ask our viewers

to swear allegiance to to us.

There might be a lot of swearing taking place, swear allegiance

to your live English, Mr.

Duncan and Mr. Steve

instead of the King.

Yeah. Yeah, I think we might.

We might do that. Yes, it's a good idea.

I think I can make you all part of my special group.

The English addicts.

And we will go around putting right

people's bad grammar and spelling mistakes.

It is an argument Lewis has brought up something that about the monarchy costs,

you know, out of our taxpayers have to pay for the monarchy, which is true.

We a certain proportion of our taxes go go to fund that.

But I think it's some it's just a few pounds a year each.

I think it's out at the moment though, a few pounds is a lot of money to some people,

but the counter argument to that is always that the royal family

bring more into the country in terms of visitors and things like that.

So they always say that yes, it costs us money, but in fact,

because people come to visit the country, then it puts money back in.

Yeah.

Although at the moment, apparently because we put a lot of tax,

this government have put a lot of taxation in on,

you know why the argument is a load of rubbish

because if they bring in a lot of money why don't they just use the money that they bring in

to pay for the royal family instead of asking

everyone, every person in the country to put money towards it.

So that's always been the one.

We're not going to argue about this for that.

That's always my counter point.

What I was saying was that people are being forced to pay a lot more tax.

If you come to the UK now as a visitor on holiday,

they've put up the taxes

and apparently is putting people off coming to the UK and they're now going to France

or to Spain or to other places where their taxes are lower.

And I notice that for us to travel to France in June, guess how much we have to pay in taxes?

Oh yeah, probably.

Probably of just sharing them.

Okay. There was £160 in tax.

Okay. We had to pay.

You know, that's a lot of money, isn't it?

Just to buy the holiday.

This was taxation imposed by the government on this to buy holidays,

the flights and all that sort of thing is all also of taxes involved.

It was quite a lot of money is spent travelling is I mean you can't

you can't get on a plane that without having to pay tax because everything is taxed.

But my point about the royal family is that if they bring so much money

in just by existing, then that money should pay for them.

But it is £100 million.

It's going to cost

next Saturday, £100 million.

It's going to cost for the coronation next week.

But they will have sold those rights to to various

news outlets across the world, probably for more than that, I don't know.

So so we should get a tax refund for it

if they're going to make extra money from that, we should get some tax back.

I'm being very fair here.

So I am not just trying to start an argument.

I'm just I'm just being very fair.

I think that's very fair thing to do.

They should say hello, everyone in the United Kingdom because

because the royal family are making so much money.

Now, you have some of your tax back.

You don't have to have all of it.

But we're being taxed more than at any point in in recorded history.

Yes, well, that's the point you just making my point for me

because of the problem about go into that.

Right.

It's just it's going to mentioned Brexit but I won't.

Yes, that's it. Anyway.

So that's next weekend.

You can probably imagine everyone is quite excited about it.

If I was honest with you, everyone is talking about it.

Some people are complaining about it whilst others are very, very excited.

So it should be interesting to see what happens.

Of course we have a big event coming up.

Steve did mention it slightly, so in June

we are going to be meeting up in Paris with our little rendezvous

and I hope if you can make it, I hope you will be there as well.

You've set up the WhatsApp group, haven't you?

Yes, Mr. Lincoln, Which is

which you do.

There's one person you've completely left out of the WhatsApp group and yes,

there is like before I mentioned the WhatsApp group, it is not for this, it is for the Paris trip.

So because I've had some complaints already

about the WhatsApp group not being for everyone.

So it's not a it's not a private group, it's not something that's done in secret.

It's just because we are using that to arrange the Paris meet up.

And I haven't included. Mr.

Steve Yes, he hasn't.

He hasn't sent me an invite. Can you believe it?

Have you went to Paris.

Goes every everyone's on there.

He was going except Steve.

So yes, we'll be using that too,

you know, so that we can contact each other

when we are in, but mainly for when we are in.

Yes. Okay.

So that we can coordinate meet ups and such like

and it's going to be fun, but we're going to it's going to be how many are going now?

Mr. Duncan?

Well, I'm not going to say okay at the moment because it's

still we still have the whole of May, so anything could happen.

We were going to go by train, but apparently all the train strikers,

all the train workers are striking.

So we have to be careful of that.

So so I just hope what I'm hoping now is

all the people that work at the airports don't decide to go on strike.

Well, I've read something today that that is exactly what they're planning. Oh,

but I think we'll be safe in June because

it's not the biggest.

They'll wait till the kids are off in July and August before they strike that that's when they can have the

the most effect was June is one of the most busiest times for travel, if they want to see it.

But it's not as busy as July or August.

The fact when the children are off, that's what I already I'm thinking

the day we started, there's bound to be a problem.

But it looks as if they're Steve.

It looks as if the trouble in Paris is slowly subsiding.

Right.

So that's good news.

So it would appear that's all slowly subsiding.

I think there are still some problems there, but that people are starting to calm down a bit now.

So that's it.

So we have that coming up today.

We are looking at

ten days of Louis. Yes.

Now we don't pay for as many of the royal family as we used to.

It's been cut down dramatically, hasn't it?

In the past, everyone used to get

used to get a payment from the tax, but it's been considerably shrunk down. Now.

I don't think a lot of the grandchildren actually get any money anymore.

It's cool, remember?

Yeah, I'll tell you what it's called.

It's called a civil list. Yes,

go on. Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'll let you expand.

You go on.

It's called the Civil List.

And in the past, it used to be really long.

They used to be everyone on there and the taxpayer

would have to pay everyone on the civil list.

But over the years, they've shortened the civil list.

But it's still a lot of people

who whose silver spoons we are paying for.

So it's still quite a few, including including the ones

near the top and some of them who are lower down as well.

I don't know where it stops now, but I know that

I'm sure I don't know anyway.

But yes, it's been cut down a lot. Yes.

Over the over the last few decades.

The thing I just said. Yes.

And I said before you 3:02 o'clock.

So as I was trying to say, we are looking at jokes

and of course, we have one person here

on the live chat who loves telling jokes.

We do.

We have Vitesse, his Vitesse here today. He is. He is.

He is, Yes.

Although he wasn't First, we had we actually had

Louis was first on the live chat today,

wide awake with his fingers ready on the button, the reset button on his fingers.

You could have said that if you wanted.

So we're going to look at jokes and humour, things that make us laugh.

Would you say that you have good sense of humour?

Steve I would.

I would like to say that.

Yes, I would. Yes,

I would say that would go in my plus comments,

plus points in my list of plus points

is that I can see the funny side of things most of the time

when it comes to neighbours, I don't.

But when it comes to other things I do.

Yes, there are some things that Steve never,

never sees the funny side of, to be honest.

So we are talking about jokes, looking at jokes and humour,

and if you have any jokes that you would like to tell us

and please feel free to do so.

We also have fill in the blanks coming up later on as well.

Intelligent.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Lydia.

Who says it looks like the world is getting more

And now there is a great word.

I saw that.

Mr. Duncan.

Yes, Egalitarian.

Egalitarian.

I love that.

And people are becoming more equality orientated.

It rips is up the wrong way when someone claims

an undeserved advantage.

Think that is something that a lot of people are sometimes talking about equality.

So actually I made a video about three or four weeks ago all about this subject.

So when we think about equality, we think about things all being on the same level.

But of course, there is another word that is interesting, which is equity.

Equity is giving chances or opportunities

to groups of people in society

to give them the same chances as everyone else.

So it is a word that sometimes confused with equality,

everyone on the same level and equity,

which means you are giving groups of people

the opportunities that they wouldn't

always have or they wouldn't have

if they weren't given the chance to do it.

So I think it is quite an interesting word, and I think you are right, Lilia.

People are maybe sometimes they are too worried about it

or too concerned about it, where it becomes

maybe an extreme form of expression.

And I'm sure you can think of quite a few examples of that at the moment.

So the live chat is very.

Oh, I see. Yes, yes.

Equality, equity, an interesting distinction.

You are right.

Yes, they do have different meaning.

Slightly.

Yes, Steve, I can smell something.

Can you smell something? Cooking?

Is it orange? Can you smell orange?

I think that might be coming from Claudia.

That's Claudia is orange cake.

But I can also smell something meaty.

Well, yes,

that will be the chilli con carne

that I am cooking, which is probably.

Is that Mexican chilli con carne.

It's mince

with which is done with fried with onions.

So it's beef is it beef mince with chilli spice.

And then we will add in

some red kidney beans and then we'll have it with rice.

But you could put it into, you know, so pizza pockets or something cool.

But yes.

So I think it's Mexican. Is it Mexican? Probably.

Yes. It's probably has some kind

of probably derives from from Mexico.

But I think also there are many variations as well

out there across South America and maybe even Europe as well.

I wouldn't be surprised if there is a a European version of chilli con carne.

Yes, it's it's it's got a lot of tomato in it as well.

Chopped tomatoes and also tomato paste as well.

So it's very tomatoey.

And yes, it's a bit like mince,

but more tomatoey and spicy. Yes.

So if you like spicy food I can highly recommend chilli con carne.

We have jokes coming through by the way, already.

Right. And already.

Why did the tomato polish?

Asks Giovanni.

I think you'll have to give us the answer then.

So we will wait for that right of the to vote Yes.

Okay.

Where do math teachers go on vacation?

They go to Times Square.

Oh, that's a good one. That's in America, isn't it?

Because Times Square is also a type of

mathematics equation.

I like that. Very good. Very.

I see. That's it. You see?

So that might be described as a joke, but also maybe a type of pun as well.

What did the calculator say to the student?

Yeah, you can always count on me.

Yes, that's a little this one, isn't it?

It is.

I should have my left of.

Really? Let's see if I can find my laughter.

Where is it?

I mean, here we go.

That's good.

That's my laughter. Do you like that?

If Patricia Claudia isn't.

Hasn't got her hands in somebody's mouth,

she's got them in food, making food.

And it's strange that, isn't it?

Maybe.

I bet you don't make many dishes with lots of sugar in mind.

You cakes got sugar in it.

So how do you feel about making sugary cakes when you know

that they're attacking people's teeth?

Well, I would hope that the advice that Claudia gives to her

patients is to make sure you brush your teeth after you've eaten sweet food. Yes.

Or do you brush before now?

There's always been a debate, has there?

Not, about cleaning your teeth.

Should you clean your teeth just before you eat

or should you clean them afterwards?

Interesting.

I mean, it would seem obvious to clean them afterwards, but

I think it's often suggested that

if you clean your teeth afterwards, Claudia, and maybe you can back me up on this

or give your own opinion that when you've eaten,

then the enamel becomes softer.

And if you brush your teeth afterwards, you can.

You're more prone to wearing the enamel away on your teeth. Yes.

And I think it's advised, particularly if you've had citrus

fruits, acidic citrus fruits, dark and orange, that you wait

at least 10 minutes before cleaning your teeth because the acid sort of softens you

something.

I don't know.

I don't think that's ever been solved ever since I've been a child.

Nobody's ever solved this thing.

Should you clean your teeth before you eat or afterwards?

Personally, I clean my teeth before. Well, yes.

That's because I can't be bothered.

This is routine as I'm getting ready in the morning, shaving, cleaning the teeth.

I don't want to do all that and then have my breakfast come back up and then have to clean the teeth again.

You've got you have to wash your face again.

So probably through laziness or not laziness, through

just being easier, I tend to clean my teeth in the morning.

I just sound like laziness to me.

Well, that's part of it anyway.

Steve, Is it?

Claudia does because we need to know.

We must find out.

I have a joke connected to going to the dentist.

Or is it something to do with the time?

Well, yes, Go on, tell the joke.

Yes, go on.

Thank.

I have an appointment tomorrow with my Chinese dentist.

The appointment is at 230.

Very good, Mr.

Duncan. Very good. Yes.

I think that's one term you can add to your repertoire.

Just a little bit racist.

Not very racist. Just a little bit racist.

I meant TV test.

You can add that joke to your repertoire.

That's a good one. I like that.

What time do you go to the Chinese dentist? 230.

Yes, because I raised this across my tooth. 30.

Slightly racist, maybe, but to me a bit racist.

Anyway, now you can be a bit racist.

You don't have.

It's only if you if you're very racist, but if you are just a little bit racist.

How about this? Last night when I went to see

the musical Shrek The Musical,

just saying, it sounds awful.

It sounds funny, doesn't it? Yeah. No, it sounds awful.

And one of the characters is a is a donkey.

Yeah.

Who was originally played by one black actor.

Comedian. Okay.

Whose name I can't remember.

That would be Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy? Yes.

So I didn't realise this.

I can I don't remember the film, but

it was a white guy playing this character and he was doing

the black American accent,

which some of us thought was maybe inappropriate.

But, you know, people say, Oh, should he be doing that?

You know?

So yeah.

So this is the this is what we get into now here in the UK, probably in America

as well, is all this, you know, cultural appropriation and can should white people

play the parts of what historically black people or vice versa in films?

And you know, is it appropriate for a white person to

to dress up as a donkey and, do it,

and in a black American accent?

I think anyone can do it.

Well, anyone dressed up as a donkey.

I think that's so wrong, isn't it? Yes.

It's hardly cultural appropriation.

So we don't know about you. What about the accent?

Yes, he was very much doing that.

Eddie Murphy, the sort of, you know,

southern black American accent.

And it almost sounded like a bit like

taking the pay off an accent.

But so I don't know why he felt he had to do it in that style

because I suppose it's because the character in the film had that accent.

But I know what you mean.

Well, this is the thing you said you do. It's.

I suppose it would be like you had a white person,

a Caucasian, playing Nelson Mandela.

Would that be acceptable?

Well, it probably wouldn't be.

Not now.

It would have been. Yes.

I don't think it's ever been acceptable.

Know, it seems to be the case now that it's when was it acceptable?

If you're if a white person is playing the part of a historic

if it's a historical film and it's not appropriate

for a white person to play that part and black out.

No, I'm saying no.

I'm saying the other way round doesn't seem to be a problem.

You misunderstanding me, I'm saying not black up.

You just do it white.

I want to just go.

Hello, I'm Nelson Mandela.

And people would go, No, you're not.

Your wife is supposed to be black. So that. So that's it.

So that that's the point.

Because of Cleopatra, you see a lot of people complaining at the moment because Cleopatra.

Oh, Dave, I mean, this is such see, this is the problem when you start digging this whole

there is no end to it.

Exactly.

This is why we normally avoid these topics.

Cleopatra, the famous film made in the 1960s,

which was a huge blockbuster film, wasn't it, with who?

Who played Cleopatra in that it will be Liz Taylor.

Liz Taylor.

That's one of my favourite films.

I cried when I watched that.

It was so moving.

And but of course, by today's standards,

you probably wouldn't allow Elizabeth Taylor to play that role,

although although in in fairness, she did she did wear makeup.

So she did wear some makeup.

She did.

If you see the movie she is she does have some

dark complexion.

Not completely, but there is there is some complexion there.

So, Mr. Steve, do you drink coffee without sugar?

Says Pedro.

No, I drink coffee with sugar.

I drink tea without sugar, but coffee with sugar.

Because to me, to my taste, coffee is quite bitter

and I like to have a little bit of sugar, just about a level teaspoon.

Okay. Just to to make it more flavour. Hmm.

But I wonder what people in Paris do.

Do they have do they do Parisians?

Maybe.

Maybe Louis can tell us.

Is it can you have coffee in Paris?

With or without sugar?

Does it matter? Of course you can. Well, I'm just asking.

But we were there.

We had coffee in Paris, and I think they offered it and they offered sugar to us.

So, yes, the answer is yes.

What about Italians?

Do you drink coffee with?

With or without sugar?

What is the normal way of drinking it?

I think it's either barley or either.

Yes, the I'm just interested in knowing.

Anyway, we're talking about jokes now it's time to tear ourselves up

because we really do need it and we all need cheering up at the moment.

So today we are looking at the.

Steve. Yes, Steve, Steve, Steve, Steve.

I read that what we tested just yeah, I don't think it's directed at us.

Steve Yeah. Steve Terrible jokes.

Oh, terrible jokes.

We have a couple here.

Oh, this is quite a good one.

Coleman says

If you cry at my funeral,

I swear I won't talk to you ever again.

That's a good word.

Carmen Also says, Have you tried coffee with chocolate?

Yes, a mocha Mocha.

Okay, we've got to move on, Steve.

Yeah, because we have a format.

It's a terrible jokes for those waiting.

And you are very patient people. That's all I can say.

We are looking at jokes, maybe bad jokes.

So the joke is

commonly defined as a humorous statement.

A statement or something that is said,

a sentence that could be seen

or is often seen as humorous as we have seen.

Some very good examples on today's live chat.

So there are lots of people giving their examples, and I will give you an example.

Now here we go.

I say, I say, I say my dog has no news.

How does he smell? Terrible.

How are we Defaecating.

This was on a livestream to Vitus because of its theme on jokes.

And as we know, Vitus is always telling his jokes to his happy I'd.

So I think we ought to dedicate this livestream to the tests. Yes.

Okay.

Very nice.

This is all for you.

And I will get complaints, you say,

because no one else has ever had a live stream dedicated to.

This was the first time I see it.

So you say these things and then I have to deal with all the complaints afterwards.

Now no one will complain, so that doesn't even see the relevance.

Anyway. That is a joke.

That was a joke.

It might be seen as a terrible joke or not a very funny joke.

It can also have something called a riddle.

Riddle?

I like riddles.

I will be honest with you.

A puzzling question.

So I suppose riddles can also be humorous.

So maybe a question that you ask someone and maybe have a little

maybe almost like you have to use your brain.

You have to use your mind to work out.

Have you got an example, mister?

Do I have an example of a riddle?

Well, it's funny you should say that, because I do

what gets better as it drives.

Yeah.

So that's, you know, if you look at that, what gets better is it denies that that's a riddle.

It's something that doesn't seem to make sense, that has not had must have an answer. Yes.

To play with words. Yes.

So the answer always seems difficult until you know the answer.

And then you go, oh, of course.

So you feel maybe sometimes a little bit foolish when you don't know the answer.

So here's a good one.

What gets better as it drives a towel?

I don't get that.

So as you draw your self, oh, the towel gets wet.

So what gets better as you dry should it?

They know what gets better As it gets better as it dries.

Right.

Well it dries. It's doing it. Oh it's dry air. Right.

So dry can be a verb.

Dry can be a very.

See that's it.

Well I thought, you know, it must explain this. Yes.

All right, so it's drying you.

I have to explain it to you now.

That's fine, because, you know I'm doing this.

Obviously, I did.

No, I was just trying to, you know, have conversation to

go away with that.

So what gets better as it dries a towel?

I like that one.

That's a good one. So that's a good example of a riddle.

Here's another one.

What has what I but cannot see.

Oh, hang on before you go on The Riddler in the Batman movie.

Yeah. Yes.

He's always coming up with these little riddles and a little hence his name.

Yeah, exactly.

It's the clue is in his name.

Yes, The Joker.

Did you know what the Joker does?

Kills people.

Anyway,

what is a riddle?

The same as a brainteaser.

It could be good.

And it can be, but.

But normally a brainteaser is a type question.

It's just a question, a general question.

So a brainteaser can be anything, any type of question.

But a riddle is more specific.

What has one eye but cannot see a sewing needle.

It has an eye that you thread the cotton through. Yes.

So yes, it's a riddle normally has something that you would sort of.

Oh, yes.

And you sort of smile at it, wouldn't you. Yeah.

You would sort of fit like it.

Is it the same as a conundrum or you might be fooled again.

A conundrum might be just a puzzle.

So a conundrum can be something very long and complicated.

Where is a riddle?

Is something short and succinct and usually funny or often funny?

Yes. Well, it has one eye but cannot see.

Yeah, a sewing needle because it also has an eye.

Has an eye at the top where you thread the cotton through at the top.

Yeah. You can. You can also have a version of that

that goes what has eyes but cannot see.

And the answer to that would be a potato

because potatoes have eyes.

It's little black blemishes.

They call them eyes then. Yes.

So that's that's very good. Mr. Duncan.

So that's a riddle.

Yes. Here we go.

Is word, pun, pun a type of joke

that is a pun, a simple play on words.

So maybe you take a word that is used in one way and you use it

in another way that might be seen as amusing.

It might make someone have a little laugh.

For example,

here is an example of a pun.

What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?

MM You call him Doug,

right?

Because Doug is the name of a person,

but also it can be the past tense,

the the actual sound of the word.

Doug, The past tense of digging, digging hole.

And of course, when you dig a hole, you use a shovel or spade, and that would be cool.

That would be stamp duty, but pronounce the same.

Yes. Hence

the cleverness of pun. Yes.

So quite often a pun is a play on words.

Here's another one.

I'm not worried about going bald.

You know what they say?

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

That's sad.

So it like here too.

Sounds like a common expression here today.

Gone tomorrow.

But we're saying hair today, gone tomorrow because it sounds hair and hair.

Sam very similar. Yeah.

And you might describe that also as a pun, a play on words.

And then you say here today, gone tomorrow,

were expressing

the fact that things are often

temporary or fleeting, fleeting, something that is temporary

or only lasts for a short time, usually like money.

Yes. Or partners.

Yes. And today, gone tomorrow definitely is, you use that expression.

A politician said something you've got one minute is gone.

Maybe the next day you had it for long.

All of us, you might say.

All of us are here today, gone tomorrow, just like my hair.

Maybe you have a bad joke, some terrible jokes.

We often describe bad jokes or jokes that aren't very funny as.

Stinkers.

Oh, here's one from Giovanni.

Okay, then what do you call a magic dog?

A lab cat, DAB radio.

That's actually a la abracadabra.

It's actually quite funny.

I like that.

That's funny.

You would call that a stinker. It's.

It's funny, but

yes, it's interesting.

That is not anything that's almost like a pun. So.

No, I like that one.

That's not that's not a stinker.

And of course, why is that funny?

Because when you when a magician is

coming to the conclusion of his his his act

or whatever thing that he's doing, you know, he says abracadabra.

Yes. It's one is a well, it's when he's about to actually perform the trick, when

about to perform the trick, he will say abracadabra,

and then the doves appear from somewhere.

So I'm obviously a Libra Kadabra is a play on words.

So it is a word that's used as a spell down

and like, abracadabra, like open sesame.

That's.

Thank you very much for Giovanni, who admits that this is terrible.

So that could come under the the category of being a stinker.

Here we go.

Vito says, well, we would not be a live stream without one of his jokes.

Laughs.

A man in a French restaurant asks

the waiter, Do you have frogs legs?

No, no, replies the waiter.

I always walk like this.

That's a good joke.

That's a good joke. Yes.

Because he's saying, do what?

The man in the restaurant is asking is

do you have frog's legs on the menu? Yes.

Because you wouldn't not you have to say

on the menu if you're in the restaurant, do you have frog's legs?

But of course, if you were to say to somebody, if you have do you have frogs like,

oh my God, you're sucking the life out of this chair?

I'm just explaining it. Yes.

Hopefully people and perhaps I don't need to explain that.

You need to explain that one.

And that is quite a simple joke, But it's.

Yes, I like that. I like that. Yes. Yes.

So there are many, many types of bad jokes.

Here's one.

I have an example, Steve.

Doctor. Doctor.

I feel like a pair of curtains.

Oh, pull yourself together.

Yes, I feel like a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together. Yes.

Because a doctor, if somebody says to you, pull yourself together, it means get hold of yourself.

You know, control yourself. Stop being just silly.

If you're crying over something quite minor,

somebody might say to you, you know, say you say you just grazed

your elbow. Hmm.

You know, didn't even draw any blood that you grazed.

Oh, look at my elbow.

You know, Hardly.

You know, pull yourself together. Don't be so silly.

You're telling that person to.

To calm down?

Yes. To stop being so hysterical. Stop being.

So what's the modern phrase?

Stop being a snowflake.

Yeah, I would say now, don't be such a big baby.

Yes, exactly.

Pull yourself together because when you close your curtains, you pull them together.

You Pull them together.

I think I'm a pair of curtains.

Pull yourself together.

Also, we can have a very funny joke,

maybe something that is really, really funny.

Nystrom just told a joke

that appeared on Saturday Night Live.

I can't repeat it because it's very rude,

but I'm going to keep it on the live chat if you want to read it yourself.

But it's a little rude so we won't call that a dirty joke.

Have you?

Is that a category you've got coming up?

That's not really a dirty joke.

That's satire. Satire. So it's being satirical.

It is making fun of a certain group or organisation.

So we would probably describe that as satire.

And satire in the UK is a very popular form of humour.

Take a group of people like like politicians,

the royal family, the royal family, and you make jokes about them.

Institutions, the Civil service,

those sorts of things which we like to take, make fun out of.

And that's satire.

Yes, we used to be very good at satire in this country, but we don't do it very often.

However, in the United States they are still very good at doing

satire and making fun of of people in authority.

And we have a magazine that comes out every month, which we sometimes get called private.

Yes. Which is a satirical,

humorous magazine

that pokes fun at institutions and people in charge.

People in power. Yes.

And it's these days, it's easy to do because

most of our politics at the moment

is pretty awful when you think about it.

So a very funny joke is described as a howler

because when you find it funny, you howl or you laugh

very, very strongly, think it's so funny,

you laugh.

It is a howler.

Here's it. Here's one. Steve.

I like this one comeback, right?

So this is a kind of witty or amusing remark,

but this is normally given in reply

or in response to someone.

So maybe they say something to you, maybe they insult you

and you have to come back with a smart

answer to make them feel bad.

So quite often we use a comeback when we have to answer

or reply to someone quickly,

but also in an amusing way.

Yes, it's not easy to do.

Somebody might say something to you at work

and everybody laughs at you because they've met.

Somebody made this remark and then.

But if you come back quickly with a funny reply,

then you will come out on top because quite often

if you're not quick enough, you might not think of that reply straight away.

Yes, you might think of it 10 minutes later

when wedding, which often happens, the effect is lost.

It always reminds me of that great episode of Seinfeld

where George Costanza

is is humiliated in of his work colleagues.

When he's eating all of those those prawns is frozen

shrimp and he's eating lots of shrimp.

And one of his colleagues says

the ocean called.

They are running out of shrimp.

But unfortunately, George does not have a comeback,

although later on he does he does think of a comeback and it's not too late.

It's a very funny episode and it annoys him because he thought of it afterwards.

That's it. But yes, so it's banter in a way, isn't it?

Banter sort of, Yeah.

Well, sometimes it can be.

I'm not sure if it's even banter because it's it's somebody is putting you down.

They are really trying to make you

look stupid and upset you.

But sometimes, sometimes they might be doing it in a

you know, if you're with friends, they might might be just sort of gentle,

sort of ribbing, as they say when you're just taking the mickey out of each other.

I mean, I've got a friend who

is I mean, we're both over 60, but he's a year and a half younger than me.

But he always you know, whenever we talk about

anything that I've got an acre of pain or something, he said, well,

he says, well, you are, you know, you are much older than me,

and I'll sort of always make comments about my age as though I'm sort of 20 years older than him.

But there's only a few.

But I've got to come back with something, you know, to him about maybe his weight or something.

And then it's just a bit of friendly banter, but in a joking way when you're making a comeback.

But quite often it can be said, as you say, and a deliberate way to put somebody down

to make them feel bad.

You're trying to make them feel bad. Yes.

But why are fish?

Well educated? Says Alessandra. Well,

tell us why.

Why are fish well educated?

Is it something to do with them all?

Spending a lot of time in school?

Oh, arise.

Oh, right.

That could be.

Yes. We spend a lot time in schools.

Oh, that's because.

Because, of course, a group of fish.

A group of fish together is called a school. Yes.

Mm hmm. Mm

hmm. Well, did the fish say when it swam into a wall dam?

I like that one.

That's good.

So dam is an expletive

if you bang your finger with a hammer. Hmm.

Dam. Dam.

The course.

Maybe you find out that Mr.

Steve is is on the live stream.

Damn damn dam and blast.

But of course, a dam d a m and it's pronounced the same way is

is something, you know, a wall used to hold water back.

And of course the fish is trying to swim upstream and there's the dam in the way.

Of course the joke

when you when you scream dam, it is actually an abbreviation of damnation.

Did you know that?

Did you know that dam?

When you're angry, it's actually an abbreviation of damnation,

which would be seen as offensive in the past.

Alexandra Yes, it was a school offensive because they spent a lot of time

in schools.

Another type of joke, of course, is a gag gag.

So a very quick joke, a very short joke, maybe a joke that you tell.

There are many comedians who tell lots of jokes, lots of short, quick,

humorous jokes and we often call those gags.

So they are jokes that are told maybe one or two or maybe many over a period of time,

which a lot of what we're getting on the live stream here you could describe

as gags as well, because they're relatively short jokes.

Definitely.

Yes. Yes, I can tell a dirty joke.

A man walks down the road, so he says to you, Do you have the time on your cock?

It says, No, I normally keep it on my wrist like everyone else.

So that's sort of like, No, that's a dirty joke.

Yeah. So a dirty joke.

Not a dirty joke, you see, because the word cock is used is a friendly way of greeting someone, right?

Yeah, it is a cock. Yeah. All right, cock.

Have you got the time on your cock?

Although they don't really.

Yeah.

No, I, I normally keep it on my wrist like everyone else.

It's quite good that I like that one.

Have you got a category about dirty jokes? Nope.

Because you don't want to encourage it on the live stream.

That's the only dirty joke we have today.

But the dirty joke was to explain it for completeness.

Well, I think.

I think I think that joke really does explain it.

Dirty jokes are quite often rude or offensive.

Maybe blue.

We often describe rude jokes as blue jokes have sexual connotations.

Well, that's what I hinted at.

Well, yes, but we have to explain. Blue. Blue.

The joke is a joke is this a joke?

It's sort of rude sexual content.

Okay, it's rude.

Yeah, I can say the word sexual contact.

You can say it. You can say it and you can say

it. It is not banned.

No, you're right.

Six, six, six, six, six, six.

Giovani, what is it used in British, English or American?

Is what used in British English or American?

Giovani I don't quite sure what

Dhow may be the word. Damn.

Yes, it's I think it translates about across the water, doesn't it. Yes.

Well it's used in both.

We we say they say it, we all say it.

It's amazing nowadays actually how many are

how many American phrases are used in British English and also the other way round as well.

But I wonder, I think what Giovanni is saying is a dam,

something that holds water back. Yes.

In America.

Do they smell it damn or is it still damp?

We don't know. I think it's still the AM.

All right.

In that case. Yeah.

So in British English, it would be to M and pronounce the same sounds.

The same.

It may be in America.

It's just damn means no

if it's, if it's if it's the

something that blocks the water it's dam.

If it's, if it's annoying, that's and angry

and it's a sign the wrong way isn't there.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

The dam that blocks of water is dam. Yeah.

Yes, exactly.

Whereas the expletive is dam and yes, sure of the dam.

Good, good.

It's good to see you're awake, Mr.

Juncker, but I'd you there.

One of us has to be seen. That's a good comeback.

There is, you see?

So he was making fun of me, and then I made fun of him.

Ryan, what about you?

That's my campaign. That's not really.

Yeah, that's great. If you're five.

Yeah, that's great.

If you're a five year old child and if you say, damn, is it rude?

Yes, it damn you. Yeah.

If you say damn you, you're effectively saying to somebody, go to hell yeah I damn you to hell

is what they're saying.

So yes it is, It's, it's rude.

It wouldn't be seen as a nice way to describe somebody's work.

Damn you.

I mean, it's effectively saying to somebody die and go to hell.

Yeah, I'm saying that.

But it's probably been, you know, but it's used a lot and people don't even think what it means. Yes.

They don't really think about it.

Really Get rid of that damn mouth, get rid of those damn

something.

But if you're but you can, it doesn't have to be offensive because you can.

It's just a view.

If you hit your finger with a bullet, with it, with a hammer,

you're putting a knife that damn. Yes.

Can say that.

That's not really.

You know, you're effectively saying damn to the hammer aren't you.

There are, there are far worse things you could say.

You're starting with F for example.

Okay.

Yes, I think we all know that one Steve. Yes.

It's a yeah. Damn is. Yeah.

Damn you. You could say a lot worse to somebody.

Yeah. Yes.

There are so many more words.

Four letter words. Yes.

Could be used. We know. Yeah, I know. Everyone knows.

Everyone knows what.

I'm just know. Explaining that we all know the bad words.

We all know the

scissor.

Knock the word damned if you use the word damned.

That means somebody has.

Yeah, yeah.

That's like the past, isn't it?

Tense. Almost.

Yeah. If somebody is damn.

Well I do mean they've been sent to hell. Yes.

A person who's damned is just doomed for a terrible fate.

Yes, yes.

You could say to somebody. Yeah, you're you're damned.

It means it won't what you do, it's, it's never going to work out for you.

We just can't.

We just have a competition here. How many times today?

Mr. Steve said dumb or damned if you count them.

And please send me the answer.

I've finally says yes. That's from the famous film.

Sincerely, my dear, I don't give a

If you say if you don't give a damn about something, it means you don't care.

Yeah, I don't give a damn about what you say.

Okay. I don't.

I couldn't care less if you more to add to your counting.

Yes. Oh, yes. It's 22 for Mr. Duncan.

We've been prompted.

Topic said nothing. Well, you keep just gambling.

I sorry for any. Thank you Tomic.

Yeah, well, it's quite funny.

Telmex said very little today, but he's prompting his now to play.

Fill in the blanks.

Yes sir, which we will do.

I might also have to prompt myself.

Here we go. Then.

It's time to play that game that we all love playing.

We all like playing this game.

I like playing it. Mr.

Steve likes playing it, and I hope you enjoy playing it as well.

I think we know what it is.

It is.

Fill in the blanks.

Fill in the blanks to and fill in the blanks.

Fill in the blanks to fill in the blanks.

Fill in the blanks. Fill in the blanks.

Fill in the blanks.

What's happened to the time today, Mr..

I can't believe it's 22 four.

I can't believe we've been.

I've been standing here for an hour and 10 minutes.

You have it is going on.

Every moment has been has been complete gold.

Right? Here we go. Filling the blanks.

We can get a few in before the

the deadline at 4:00.

Do you mind spitting all over me as I spitting has

I think Steve.

Steve can smell the chilli carne and it's making his mouth water, which is why I'm getting a shower.

Here we go then. Steve, fill in the blanks.

All you have to do is fill in the blanks with words

to fill in the blanks that you see underneath here.

The first one is you only something to something if you want some

something dramatic Grammar is the key to this grammar

from a grammar drama grammar.

It's very posh grammar mind you doing that.

This term has come up with the phrase which of course we know.

We're all told this, aren't we, by our parents?

If you come back from school crying because another child has said something nasty to you,

your parents or what your mother will say, sticks and stones

may break your bones, but words will never hurt you, which is the biggest load of rubbish. Yes.

Well, maybe that maybe the bad words written on house bricks

and they're throwing the house bricks at you, in which case they will hurt you.

They won't.

They can't physically hurt you, but mentally they can very much hurt you.

It's the biggest load of rubbish.

It's the worst possible phrase that your parents could ever say to you

because it's rubbish, because people's words really can you?

Yeah, I think mentally I think it would be fair to say nowadays

some people are more sensitive to everything, so I suppose there has to be a point

where you have to accept that people will be rude

and unfriendly and it's just part of life.

So here we go.

We what they what your parents should say is that

is that if somebody says something nasty to you, say something nasty back and get in, get your own back.

That's what your parents should say. Yes.

And then stand up for yourself.

Then they probably will hit you and then you've got to hit them back. Yes.

Well, if you can.

And then this time b c, you've got to stop them back.

You can escalate it.

Obviously, by that point you're in serious trouble.

H t hello to h t watching in china.

Hello. Hello to you.

H t stands for high tension, is it?

Yeah. Okay.

H t cables. Yeah.

Well, you know.

Yeah, that's what I'm just saying. Yeah. Have you got any suggestions?

Yeah. Yeah.

Have you taken some medicine or something today? Uh,

yes. You only

have to pay if you want some food.

Yeah, Yeah, that's good.

If you only have to pay,

you only have to pay if you want some food.

So you might go into a cafe and you sit down,

but you don't buy anything.

Yeah, but you have to maybe buy something if you want to stay.

But you only have to pay if you want some food.

But they're not letting you stay there.

You can wait there, but you only have to pay if you want some food.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's good.

The context has got to be explained there, which we think we have.

Intelligence says you only care to call if you want some praise.

Oh, yeah.

Yes. Oh, yeah.

So you only care to call so that the implication there is that

you're only phoning somebody accusing you of only them.

If you want a compliment, you could say compliment instead of praise.

They're usually cool to.

Yeah, he's mine. He's one of mine.

I just sit with a few others here.

No. Oh, no, I'm not giving the answer.

I've just thought of one.

You only come to me if you want some money.

Well, that's what Tomek says.

Oh, you only have to work if you want some money.

Oh, I see. That's.

You only have to work if you want some money.

Mm hmm.

I suppose.

Well, mine is.

You only come to me if you want some money.

Yeah, That means you only want to know me when you want something.

You only come to me if you want some money.

Any cat that could be said to literally any cat.

Yes. Uh, cat cats?

Yes. Because then you come to you and they want something.

Cats, money,

food, food.

I mean, let's get us.

We want to know what's a cat getting it to do with money.

Of course, we probably all experience this, particularly if you are a parent

or maybe you've got certain friends or people you're in relationships with and they only

they only come to you if they want some money.

Yeah.

And you know, you might put up,

put up with it for years and then eventually, you know, so you get rid of them,

you show them the door, you say out, get out of that door.

I don't want to see you ever again.

You only try to joke if you want some fun.

Mm. Yeah.

You only ask to go

if you want some day off.

I think that's quite, um.

What have you got then?

What have I got?

Because we've got to fit a few more in. Haven't boring.

I've got a lot baby.

I've got a lot.

You only have to win if you want some fries.

There are actually quite a suggestions that you could have had.

You only need to call if.

You want some help out?

Yeah.

Or you only have to ask if you want some help.

So actually with this sentence, you could actually have quite

a few suggestions here and they would all be correct.

You only need to ask.

You only have to cool

if you want some money you already have to.

It's okay. It's no problem.

So in that particular sentence you are saying it's all right.

If only you only have to call.

If you want some help, you only have to ask if you want some help.

It's no problem.

So you are almost offering your service

or you are offering your help in that situation.

Very tense.

It says you only have to support if you want some help.

That doesn't quite work.

But if you replace the words sport with exercise,

you only have to exercise if you want

some help.

Yeah, that would fit better.

Oh, if you want some fitness.

Yes. You only have to

exercise if you want some fitness, that would work.

It's good. I like it.

I like it a lot.

Here's another one. Let's have another one, shall we?

As we are slowly

running out of time just now, go to 10 minutes.

We can fit another two in. I think.

Mr. Duncan, it's amazing how fast the time goes, though.

It does come very quickly today.

I'm not sure why, but it has.

We are all something for something next week. Oh.

Oh well, something for us.

Something next week. Yeah. Are. Oh,

can I kick out.

Can I suggest one?

No, maybe not

grammatically correct.

Please. Please think about the grammar

before you hear Ritika.

We are all

that doesn't quite fit.

Unfortunately.

What are we?

Yeah,

that one doesn't quite fit.

Unfortunately. Never mind.

Good. Good try.

Thanks for trying.

Lilya says we are all booked

for our meet up next week.

Oh, well, it isn't next week.

All meet up.

The one that we were talking about earlier is not coming just yet, but it is on its way.

We are all ready for our lesson week since Common.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah. Yes.

We are all excited for our coronation next week.

Oh, it would be probably the coronation. Hmm.

Unless you yourself are being crowned. Yes.

So. So maybe.

Maybe Charles and Camilla will say

we are excited for our coronation next week

because, of course, we have King Charles, but also we have the queen consort.

Giovanni said exactly that.

We are all excited for our coronation next year.

Oh, yes. Yeah, we are.

We're happy for. Our trip next week.

Yes, we are all ready

for our trip.

We're happy.

Yes, we are waiting for our holiday next week. Yes,

we are excited for our meeting next week, says Rosa.

We are all united for our game next week. Mm.

Yeah, Yeah.

If you're if you're rooting for the same

team.

Team. Yeah.

So we are all

waiting.

Maybe we are all ready for our fine next quiz.

And if you're going to be fined for something, you probably wouldn't be ready for it

if you are going to be fined because normally when you're fined you don't realise

you've done something wrong until after the event.

So that's probably up.

We are all up for our party.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Intelligent.

We are all up for our party next week.

Yes, If you're up for something, it means you.

You're excited to be doing it, You're prepared,

you want to do it.

It's something maybe you are eager, you are very eager to do.

You can't wait to do it.

We are all screwed for our presentation next week, says Jemmy

if it's a group presentation, yes, it's it.

To be screwed means to be to be something that means that you have

maybe a bad outcome waiting for you

or maybe something that's going to go terribly wrong and you know it's going to go badly.

You can say, oh, I'm screwed if you think something is going to go wrong

and you don't think there's any possibility it could go right, you can say, I'm screwed.

There is no way it's going to go right?

Oh, sure, where that expression comes from.

But it obviously does have sexual connotations.

Okay, Steve, I think it means that, yes,

it refers to and I won't go into that.

No, just. Just don't. Steve.

Yeah, please don't you.

I can't I can't stress enough.

But some people might anyway anyway.

Steve. Yeah.

You just have to take the hint sometimes.

Stop.

We are all called for our rehearsal next week.

Uh, we have been called for our rehearsal.

Next week would be slightly better English.

So think about something that you are looking forward to doing.

So this is a kind of sentence

that is expressing something that you are looking forward to.

I am looking forward

to this.

We all want what are we?

We are all

ready for our lesson next week, says V test,

which does face but maybe also can be what?

Inaki, you could have said we are

we are all ready for our rehearsal.

Yeah.

Or yes, you'd have to say if you're going to use the word cold,

you would have to maybe change those words slightly.

We have all been called for our for a rehearsal.

Next week would be better but yeah.

Uh, yes,

the crown is a T is a UK TV show,

but it it's not real.

It's not historical. No, it's all fictional. Fictional.

Even though there are people that think it's a documentary.

But it isn't. It's all just.

It's all fantasy. It's all fictional.

I don't believe anything that's in it doesn't resemble

fact in any way.

That's it.

It's not real, is.

There might be some truth in it, but most of it is just.

And this is the trouble with these types of what look like very well

presented shows.

It's not a documentary.

It is

facts, faction, fiction, faction, fiction.

I can tell I'm getting close to the point right up close to it.

You started off like this.

We are all ready for our exam next week.

Yes, there's a good one. Yes, Rosa.

So there's a group of you, you are all taking an exam.

Your students.

We are all ready for our example

where you could say, Are we all ready for our exam next week and turn that into a question mark?

That's it.

We are all ready for our wedding next week.

Yeah. Anyway.

Right? Come on, Mr. Duncan, I think you need a lie down.

I need a lie down.

I think you've just done too much today.

Mentally, I'm now exhausted.

You've been standing up, you've been walking around, you've been picking things up.

And now.

And now you're all tired.

That Giovanni says, chuffed Question mark, I think you mean.

What does that mean if you're chuffed?

I don't remember saying that we must have done.

If you're chuffed, it means you're very pleased.

Pleased you're happy. You are.

You are quite pleased with yourself.

I'm so chuffed that you remembered my birthday.

You just happy, pleased?

Maybe.

Maybe that's a suggestion for all for our quiz.

We are all chuffed for our

maybe.

Maybe in that situation, maybe not that, but maybe something that you are looking forward to.

There is a word that I'm looking for and no one has used to hold down for.

I together next week.

This time I guess, or next month, you could have said we are all down for it

so you can be up for something, but also you can be down for something.

And both both can be used to mean the same thing.

Is it just me?

It was Mr.

Duncan genuinely annoyed, genuine, annoyed with Mr.

Steve.

Oh, this is just normal.

No, this is what we're like. Normally.

It's like this all the time. I'm used to it.

You want to see what it's like afterwards? It's.

It's the kicking.

And the scratching and the slicing. Mild.

This is mild. Yes. You should see us off air.

We are all pumped for our party next week.

Okay?

Yeah.

If you're pumped, you've got plenty of energy

ready to go, raring to go as long as you don't get pumped at the party.

Yes, some people want to be pumped at the party,

so here's my answer. Thank you.

We are all thank for our you next week.

Oh, no, Giovanni, that's not a that's a suggestion.

What do you call this? A conundrum?

A puzzle.

Fill in the blanks.

What would you describe?

It's just a little.

It's a game. Francis Wood is.

A brainteaser? Yes.

Okay. Steve, I don't know. You're here.

Okay, fine. Go on, then.

You taking your pills today is.

The adrenaline's kicking in now. Is it good?

About time. So I have.

That's interesting.

Better than good.

Just try again.

Okay.

We are all prepared for our vacation next week,

but of course, you can also be excited.

We are all excited for our vacation.

Had a lot of very similar

suggestions.

So this this can be something that said, if you are looking forward to something

we, are prepared, maybe you are ready to do something.

You are ready to do it.

We are ready for our vacation or our wedding.

Rosa said. Yes, that's it.

Well, our reunion. Good.

Anyway. That's it. That's it. We're going now.

It's time to say goodbye.

Okay, then.

Right? Yes.

Nice to be here.

Nice to see you all. Happy to learn something?

Yeah, I have it.

So it's being with you certainly taught me a lesson.

Just Because you're a native English teacher doesn't mean that you can't learn something every day.

And we learn of you just as you learn of this.

Hopefully the balance is more this way.

And sometime, Steve, learn. Otherwise we shouldn't be here.

Sometimes Steve learns things for me, which is always not that I've ever admitted, right?

He would never admit it now.

So that's that's almost it for today.

I hope you've enjoyed this 2 hours.

It's gone by very quickly.

Don't worry.

We are back next weekend, A special weekend.

It is the coronation of King Charles.

Next weekend, we might be with you on Saturday, hopefully live.

And we will definitely be with you on Sunday.

Next Sunday we are back.

And of course, we have a new month as well.

We will be into the first week of May.

Next week. May.

So this is Mr. Duncan and

Mr. Steve saying thank you very much for watching us.

Then don't forget, by the way, to give us a lovely life now must do that.

Your apps, we absolutely insist.

Please, please give us a life.

Let you do that because it helps Mr.

Duncan to be found on the Internet.

And the more people that watch, the more chance of Mr.

Duncan carrying on, doing this for many, many years.

Yes, many, many, many people don't watch and people

don't watch, then we can't carry on, as simple as that is.

If you don't watch, if you don't view, if you don't tell your friends.

And then we we just simply fade away into nothingness.

And that's how it works here on YouTube.

Say you're gone the likes how Mr.

Duncan be noticed.

And this give energy and purpose to everything that he does right.

I shall see you next week.

Are you on this weekend?

And maybe, I don't know.

Anyway, you can always announce that later on.

There we go.

I'll see you next week.

So it's a goodbye from May and it's goodbye from him.

And of course, you know what's coming up next.

Of course you do...

ta ta for now.