3 Lessons on Hope in Challenging Times | Wajahat Ali | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: SF Huang

The last time I addressed this august TED crowd was in 2019

上一回我在 TED 發表演說是 2019 年，

from the main stage in Vancouver,

在溫哥華的主舞台上，

where I was giving my first TED Talk on the case for having children.

那是我初次在 TED 演說， 主題是生孩子。

And that's where I shared the news I had just received earlier in the week

那時我分享了我當週 早些時候接到的消息，

that my then two-year-old daughter, Nusayba,

我那時兩歲的女兒紐賽巴

was diagnosed with stage IV cancer and needed a full liver transplant.

被診斷出癌症第四期，

需要完整的肝臟移植。

So how have your past three years been?

所以，你過去三年過得如何？

As you can imagine,

各位可以想像，

our last three years have been eventful.

我們的過去三年很……多事。

However, they have given me some tough,

然而，這三年給了我一些艱難的、

learned, lived experiences and lessons

記取的，親身體會到的經驗與教訓，

about this ephemeral thing we call hope.

讓我了解了所謂的「希望」， 這個轉瞬即逝的東西。

And apparently, there is a huge demand for hope right now.

很顯然，現在對希望的需求相當大。

In 2022,

2022 年，

we're all dealing with multiple crises.

我們大家都要面對多重危機。

A pandemic has killed 900,000 Americans,

已經造成九十萬美國人死亡的疫情，

there's a partial lockdown, there's disinformation,

有部分地區封城，有假消息，

there's income inequality,

所得不均，白人優越主義興起，

the rise of white supremacy, people telling people like me,

有人會對像我這樣的人說：

“Go back to where you came from.”

「滾回你的老家去。」

We have to learn new Greek letters every few months,

每幾個月我們就得學新的希臘字母，

and oh, yeah, there's climate change.

喔，對，還有氣候變遷。

But other than that, things are pretty peachy.

但，除此之外，一切都很好。

And with all of that, you might be asking,

在這樣的情況下，你可能會問：

“Well, then, why should we be hopeful in such hopeless times, Wajahat?”

「 那，為什麼

我們應該要在這麼無望的時代 保有希望，瓦賈哈特？」

And that is a very valid question.

這樣問很合理。

And it's a perfectly fair question.

這是個好問題。

But hope is what allowed me to believe that my daughter would somehow survive.

但，是希望讓我能相信，

我女兒會以某種方式活下來。

And she did.

她的確活下來了。 可以的話，請容我簡短分享

And so if I may, allow me to share briefly

three pieces of advice or lessons

三項建議或經驗之談，

or things that we can do

或我們能做的事，

that gave me hope in hopeless times

在無望的時期，它們給了我希望，

and that I hope can help you.

我希望也能幫到各位。

Number one.

第一，

Tie your camel first.

先綁好你的駱駝。

There's a great saying in Islam,

伊斯蘭有一句金句， 許多穆斯林都聽過，

many Muslims know this,

that, have faith in God, but tie your camel first.

對上帝要有信心， 但先綁好你的駱駝。

As a dad,

身為爸爸，我覺得

I felt utterly hopeless with Nusayba's cancer.

我對紐賽巴的癌症完全感到無望。

I'm the dad, I'm supposed to fix things.

我是爸爸，我應該要把事情搞定的。

But I couldn't fix cancer.

但我搞不定癌症。

Cancer plays for all the marbles.

癌症所向無敵。

It's a relentless, brutal, remorseless killing machine.

它是無情、殘酷、 毫無慈悲的殺人機器。

It does not care about your vacation plans.

它不在乎你的假期計畫。

It does not care about your bucket list.

它不在乎你的心願清單。

It does not care about your Netflix queue.

它不在乎你的 Netflix Queue 分享空間。

It comes for everything.

它什麼都不通融。

Then, coronavirus.

接著，新冠肺炎病毒！超威。

Awesome.

How do I defeat coronavirus?

我要怎麼打敗新冠肺炎病毒？ 我只是個四十一歲、

A 41-year-old, middle-aged, slightly overweight male with flat foot.

中年、稍微過重的扁平足男子。

It's easy to feel helpless,

很容易就會感到無助、

out of control, adrift.

失控、茫然無所依。

But at the end of the day,

但，到頭來，

try letting go of what you can't control

試著放掉你無法控制的，

and just focus on what you can control.

專注在你能控制的。

The simple stuff.

簡單的事。

Wear a mask.

戴口罩。

Get vaccinated.

打疫苗。

Take care of your daily chores.

把日常家務做好。

Something that makes you feel that you have some control,

讓你覺得你在這個世界上 多少有些控制權、能動性，

some agency in this world.

When it came to Nusayba,

就紐賽巴的事來說，

that meant as a dad, just to be present, you know,

意思就是，我這個爸爸 要陪在她旁邊，

building her her Lego Friends set when she asked me to build it.

當她要我組裝樂高好朋友系列 玩具組時，就幫她組裝。

Watching "Frozen" 39 times,

看了《冰雪奇緣》三十九次，

then followed by "Zootopia" 46 times,

接著看《動物方程式》四十六次，

then followed by "Moana" 56 times.

接著再看《海洋奇緣》五十六次。

Getting her the tasty frozen yogurt from the hospital vending machine

到醫院販賣機

幫她買她喜歡的好吃冰凍優格，

that she loved.

Do what you can the best you can.

做你能做的，盡力去做。

Have hope, but tie your camel first.

抱持希望，但先綁好你的駱駝。

And then be like Elsa from "Frozen"

接著，再學《冰雪奇緣》的艾莎，

and let the rest go.

其他的事，就放手吧。

Number two:

第二：

invest in joy.

投資喜悅。

Make the intention to actively invest in this thing called joy every day.

要刻意

主動去投資一種叫做 「每日喜悅」的東西。

Almost like a workout.

幾乎就像是運動鍛鍊， 你得承諾投入。

You have to commit to it.

It has to be a discipline.

必須要是有紀律的訓練。

Build and flex that muscle.

建造、收縮那塊肌肉。

The world does not need more masochists or martyrs.

這個世界不需要更多受虐狂或烈士。

It does not need more overworked, overstressed burnouts.

它不需要更多過勞、

壓力過大的精疲力竭。

New rule for 2022.

2022 年的新規則。

You deserve to have moments of joy, even if they are fleeting,

你活著的每一天都應該 擁有喜悅的時刻，

every day that you are alive.

即使它們稍縱即逝。

And you have to take those moments,

你得去抓住那些時刻，

you have to grab them, you have to seize them.

你得抓牢它們、緊握它們。

I love food,

我愛食物，

所以封城期間，我用媽媽的食譜， 學會如何做巴基斯坦菜。

so I learned how to cook Pakistani food,

took my mom's recipes during lockdown.

My kids love Lego, so that means now I love Lego.

我的孩子喜歡樂高， 那就表示現在我也喜歡樂高。

I love drinking chai.

我喜歡喝香料奶茶。每天 泡杯茶就會讓我覺得很開心。

I make a cup of chai every day, it makes me happy.

不論我經歷到多少壓力、痛苦或不幸，

No matter how much stress or pain or misery I was going through,

I made sure to invest time every day,

我都會確保每天投資一些時間，

to invest in things and people

投資在讓我感到喜悅的 人事物及體驗上。

and experiences that gave me joy.

And finally, number three.

最後，第三。

I would recommend, humbly, invest in the narrative of hope

我會虛心地建議，

投資在懷抱希望的可能情境。

because the alternative is apathy and cynicism.

因為其他可供選擇的 就是漠視和憤世嫉俗了。

Investing in hope is painful.

投資希望是很痛苦的。

It means opening yourself up to the possibility of pain,

那意味著要把你自己打開，

betrayal and disappointment.

接受痛苦、背叛以及失望的可能性。

It's easier to court cynicism, right?

追求憤世嫉俗就容易許多，對吧？

You expect nothing, so you lose nothing.

沒有期望，就沒有失望。

But it also means you have resigned yourself to the cheap seats.

但那就表示你放任自己在遠處觀望，

You are a spectator who yells out "Boo,"

你是發出噓聲的觀眾，

instead of being a participant in the ring where your nose could get bloody,

而不是拳擊場上可能 被打到流鼻血的參與者，

但至少參與者還有在做點什麼。

but at least you're pushing the ball forward.

It means choosing apathy and nihilism, which is comforting and easy,

那就意味著選擇漠視和虛無主義，

很舒適也很輕易，

but also lazy and destructive.

但也很懶惰且消極。

During Nusayba's cancer,

紐賽巴得癌症時，每晚 在家人入睡後我都會坐起來，

I used to sit up every night after my family went to sleep

and I stayed up till, like, three or four am, I couldn't sleep.

我睡不著，到三、四點還醒著。

我反而學《復仇者聯盟： 終局之戰》的奇異博士去想像，

And instead I imagined,

like Doctor Strange in "Avengers: Endgame,"

with the time stone,

他有時間寶石，就能 看到每種情況和結果，

every possible scenario and outcome, just to prepare myself as a father.

我這個爸爸要做好準備。

I had to emotionally prepare for every outcome.

我得為每種結果做好心理準備。

So I used to imagine Nusayba dying.

所以我以前會想像紐賽巴過世了。

I imagined burying her with my own hands.

我會想像自己親手埋葬了她。

I imagined making the phone call to her grandparents,

我會想像打電話給她的祖父母，

explaining that she had died, listening to them cry.

解釋她過世了，聽他們哭泣。

I imagined living the rest of my life like a shell of a man,

我會想像在我接下來的人生裡

我是一具戴上笑臉的行屍走肉，

but pretending to put a smile on my face

because I had a son to raise and now a daughter.

因為我還有兒子要養， 現在還多了個女兒。

My wife, badass that she is,

我那個壞壞的老婆，

was also pregnant during Nusayba's cancer.

在紐賽巴得癌症時也懷孕了。

I had to be prepared.

我得做好準備。

But I also chose to invest in a narrative in which Nusayba lived.

但，我也選擇投資在紐賽巴 會活下來的那個可能情境上。

And I imagined seeing her alive

我想像能看到她活著，

with a liver transplant, smiling,

得到肝臟移植，滿面笑容，

regaining her hair, full of joy and life.

開始重新長出頭髮， 滿是喜悅和生氣。

I preferred that story.

我偏愛那個故事。

That's the story I invested in,

我投資在那個故事上，

even as we were sitting on the edge of what seemed like a falling cliff,

即使當我們已經坐在 懸崖邊緣快要掉下去時，

I decided I would put out the lawn chair and at least enjoy the scenery.

我決定我要把草坪躺椅搬出來，

至少享受一下風景。

Over 500 people, mostly strangers,

超過五百人，大部分是陌生人，

chose to sign up to be donors for Nusayba,

選擇登記成為紐賽巴的捐贈者，

even people who told me they hated me for my politics.

甚至包括討厭我的政治觀點的人。

They were moved by her story.

他們被她的故事感動了。

Sometimes some people can change.

有時，有些人可以改變。

Sometimes some people can choose to do and be good.

有時，有些人

可以選擇做善事當善人。

An anonymous donor, Shawn Zahir,

匿名捐贈者尚恩‧札希爾決定 將自己的部分肝臟捐贈給

decided to give a piece of his liver to a girl he never met

他從未見過的女孩， 只為了讓她活下來。

just so she could live.

I'm not Pollyanna.

我不是盲目樂觀的人。

I'm not a foolish, wide-eyed, naive optimist.

我不是愚蠢、天真、 幼稚的樂觀主義者。

I'm a pragmatist,

我是務實主義者，

fully aware of the many challenges and horrors we are facing.

非常清楚知道我們要面臨 許多挑戰和可怕的事。

But through my own personal experience, if it is at all helpful,

但，根據我個人經驗， 如果有一點幫助的話，

I can assure you that walking through this forest of horrors,

我可以向你保證， 穿越這恐怖的森林，

going on this journey, wherever it may lead,

踏上這段旅程，不論它會通往何處，

if you choose to invest in hope,

如果你選擇投資在希望上，

it at least makes the ride a bit sweeter and easier.

至少會讓這段旅程稍微 甜蜜、輕鬆一點點。

And as the wise ram tells Po in “Kung Fu Panda 2,”

如同《功夫熊貓 2》中 羊仙姑告訴阿波的話：

"Your story may not have such a happy beginning,

「你的故事可能沒有快樂的開頭，

but that does not make you who you are.

但這無法形塑你會是什麼樣的人，

It is the rest of it,

而是在接下來的故事裡，

who you choose to be."

你選擇要成為什麼樣的人。」

Right now,

現在，

survival is victory in this story that we are living.

在我們所處的故事中， 所謂的勝利就是活下來。

We are alive during a pandemic.

在疫情中，我們活著。

We are winning.

我們就贏了。

And just for that, we should be grateful.

光是這一點我們就應該感恩。

And I hope the choices we make in these challenging times will,

我希望，在這些困難 時期中我們所做的決策，

願真主願意，願上帝願意，

Inshallah, God willing,

lead to a better story for all of us.

帶我們所有人走向更好的故事。

And I believe that begins with choosing to invest in hope

而我相信，起點就是要在無望的時期

during hopeless times.

選擇投資希望。

Whitney Pennigton Rogers: Thanks so much for that.

惠妮‧潘尼頓‧羅傑斯：非常 謝謝，能聽到這些真的很棒。

It was really wonderful to hear,

我們好像可以聽到 背景有紐賽巴的聲音，

and I think we may even hear Nusayba in the background,

很讓人興奮。

which is, I think, exciting.

瓦：抱歉，是她在上 虛擬學校，我盡力了。

WA: I'm sorry, that's her, it's virtual school,

I'm doing the best I can.

野生世界就在那裡。

The wildlings are right there.

What's keeping us from the wildlings is a very thin wall, so let's pray.

只和我們隔了一道 非常薄的牆，咱們禱告吧。

WPR: I think we talked about this before we started,

惠：在開始之前我們有談到， 我們現在都在家裡，

that we're all at home right now.

That's the thing I think we all know.

我們都知道這一點。

So that's what it is.

事實就是這樣。

I think before we dive into just talking more about what you've suggested

我想，在我們更深入討論

你剛才對於發展希望的建議之前，

around growing hope,

I'd love to start by talking a little bit about your book

我一開始想先談談你的書，

"Go Back to Where You Came From,"

《滾回你的老家》，因為 我想這會是個很好的基礎，

because I think that it will provide a nice foundation

for, sort of, understanding your thinking around this

協助了解你在這方面的想法，

and sort of how you've come to really embrace this.

以及你如何漸漸能夠擁抱這一切。

So I guess maybe you could start first by talking about the title of the book.

能否請你從這本書的書名談起。

You know, it's part memoir, part historical analysis,

它算是部分回憶錄，

部分歷史分析，

part how-to guide on being inclusive and creating a place of belonging.

部分指南，說明要如何

有包容心以及創造歸屬地。

How did you come up with the title?

你是怎麼想出這個書名的？ 為什麼選用這個書名？

Why did you choose this for the title of your book?

瓦：書名是《滾回你的老家：

WA: So the title is “Go Back to Where You Came From:

及其他關於如何成為 美國人的實用建議》。

And Other Helpful Recommendations on How to Become American.”

非常故意的挖苦，

Very deliberate tongue in cheek, both ugly and funny, right?

又醜陋又好玩，對吧？

Because I believe that's the lived experience of life.

因為我相信那是人生的體驗。

但，那是許多像我這樣的 美國人之親身體驗，

But that's the lived experience of many Americans

who are still trying to love a country that doesn't love us back.

仍不斷嘗試去愛一個 不用愛來回應我們的國家。

And so how do you respond to that pain?

你要如何回應那樣的痛苦？

And some people cry, as you can tell, I laugh.

有些人用哭泣回應， 你可以看得出來，我用的是笑。

And so this book is also an elegy

所以這本書也是種哀歌，

for the rest of us

獻給我們其他人，

who are still striving to be co-protagonists

還努力想要在這美國故事當中 爭取第二主角的其他人。

of this American narrative.

And the book tries to expand and stretch this country

這本書試圖擴展延伸這個國家，

to accommodate all of us

來容納我們所有人，

to become the multiracial democracy it has to become.

成為它必須要成為的 多種族民主國家。

Or else I believe it'll all fail.

要不然，我認為它會完全失敗。

And it's done with a lot of humor and hope,

會用許多幽默和希望來談， 整本書的過程都是如此，

and throughout the journey, you read the book,

you know, I talk about Nusayba's cancer,

我會談到紐賽巴的癌症，

but there's lots of interesting things that happen to me.

但我身上還發生了很多有趣的事。

惠：太輕描淡寫了。 瓦：我的人生就像

WPR: To put it mildly.

WA: Yeah, my life is like a telenovela,

電視連續劇，墨西哥 肥皂劇，不論是好是壞。

like a Mexican soap opera for better and for worse.

And so I hope that when you get to the end part,

我希望，當你看到最後一部分時，

where I talk about "invest in hope, but tie your camel first,"

我會談到「投資希望， 但先綁好你的駱駝」，

the hope that I give the audience for the future,

我給予讀者的未來希望，

I don't want it to make it a hallmarky,

我不想寫一個正字標記認證、

fake, saccharine, Hollywood ending.

虛假、故作多情的好萊塢結尾。

I want you to really, like, I want it to be earned.

我希望你真的……我希望是掙來的。

And you know, the way to earn it is to confront the horrors,

至於要怎麼掙， 就是要面對恐懼，

confront the challenges, name it, own it.

面對挑戰，把它點出來， 處理它，談論那些痛苦，

Talk about the pain, wear the mileage and the scars.

帶著走過的經歷和傷疤走下去。

But despite all of that, you still persist, right?

儘管這麼辛苦， 你仍然堅持著，對吧？

And because I agree, I mean,

因為我認同，我的意思是，

what I said in the speech, the five-minute talk that I just gave you,

我在剛才的五分鐘演說中所說的，

我深信不疑。 我經歷過各種深刻絕望的時刻。

I believe in it.

I've been on all the sides in moments of deep despair.

I've been there, of darkness of pain,

我走過痛苦的黑暗，

and I realize if you tap out, it's over.

我了解到，如果你 棄械投降就結束了。

If you tap out, it's done.

投降，就到此為止。

And what I've seen,

而我所見到的，我們可以 談談因為你讀過這本書了，

and we'll probably talk about it because you read the book,

在我人生中的那些時刻，

in those moments in my life where you feel like it's over, it's done,

會覺得結束了，沒救了，

I'm at the edge of the cliff and I'm about to fall,

我在懸崖的邊緣，我就要掉下去了，

there's been a plot twist.

劇情卻出現了轉折。

Like, the the page turns,

好像翻到了下一頁， 翻到了一個更好的故事。

and with it comes, like, a better story.

And so in the book I mention there was a time

所以，

在書中，我提到 有段時間我完全破產了，

where I was completely broke, homeless,

my parents were in jail, I was taking care of my grandparents.

無家可歸

我的父母親在監獄裡， 我要照顧我的祖母和外婆。

And I’m like, there’s no way, I couldn’t even imagine my future.

我無法想像我的未來，我無法想像

I couldn't imagine living to the age of 40.

我能活到四十歲，老實跟大家說， 我認為我活不過三十五歲。

I thought I would be dead by 35.

I’m being honest with anyone who’s listening.

如我剛才所言，我像奇異博士， 有很多想像，而我的時間表

My timeline, you know, I imagine a lot, like I said, like Doctor Strange,

it ended at 35, I just couldn't imagine it.

只到三十五歲就結束了， 我無法想像後續，我知道我會死，

And I just knew that I would die.

It’d be over, and I almost did die.

就結束了，而我真的差點死了。

But here I am, sitting in my home,

但我現在坐在我家裡，

married to a woman who's way better than me,

娶了一個比我好太多的女人， 癩蛤蟆娶到天鵝。

I married way up.

她比我更性感、更聰明， 很荒謬，一點也不 OK。

Like, hotter than me, smarter than me,

like, it’s ridiculous, not even cool.

And then I got three kids and then Nusayba, who was supposed to die,

接著，我有了三個孩子，接著 是本來應該不在世的紐賽巴，

他們告訴我她無法活下來。

that’s what they told me, she wouldn’t make it.

他們說，對這女孩不利的 所有併發症都發生了，

They said every complication against this girl is happening,

you could just hear her chirping right now,

你現在聽到嘰嘰喳喳的 說話聲就是紐賽巴，

I'm sure you guys can hear her chirping, that's Nusayba.

所以，你永遠不會知道， 你永遠不會知道。

So you never know, you never know.

WPR: We have a question that came in from Darcy,

惠：我們收到了達西的問題，

where Darcy asked, "The idea of investing in hope is a great one.

達西問：「投資希望的 想法是很棒的想法。

But how can we make it tangible?

但我們實際上要如何做？

You mentioned visualization or avoiding complaining,

你提到視覺化想像或避免抱怨，

but how else can we actually bring this to life?"

但還有什麼其他方式可以實現它？

WA: It's a very good question,

瓦：很好的問題，

and that's where I say, tie your camel first.

這時候我就要說，先綁好你的駱駝。

You have to exhaust yourself of every possibility within your control.

你必須要把你能掌控的 所有可能性都嘗試過。

You know, and after that, you have to let go.

在那之後，就得放手。

I'll give you an example, I mention it in the book.

讓我舉個我書中提到的例子。

There was a moment, my parents were in jail.

有一段時期，我父母在牢裡。

I'm 21 years old, I have to leave school.

當時二十一歲的我，必須離開學校。

I'm taking care of my grandparents,

我要照顧祖母和外婆，

my grandmothers, who used to live with me.

她們以前和我同住， 我是唯一的孩子。

I'm an only child.

我得處理家裡的事業，

I have to care of the family business,

I have to pay the lawyer.

我得付律師費，

It's post-9/11, my community turns vicious and cruel.

那時是九一一事件之後， 我的社區變得很惡毒和殘酷。

Bad news travels fast, ladies and gentlemen,

各位先生女士，壞事傳千里。

bad news travels fast.

I'm surgical with my budget.

我的預算做得超精準。

I have an Excel sheet.

我有張 Excel 試算表。 我得支付所有的帳單。

I've got to pay all the bills.

According to my Excel sheet,

根據我的試算表，

after I withdrew the 20 dollars from Wells Fargo

在我從暖泉大道及傳教大道 路口的富國銀行提取

on the corner of Warm Springs and Mission,

二十美金之後，

I was supposed to have 71 dollars left.

我應該只剩下七十一美金。

I go to the ATM of Wells Fargo.

我到富國銀行的自動提款機，

I take out the 20 bucks, I get the receipt.

我取出二十元，拿了收據。

I look at the bottom, instead of 71 dollars,

我看向收據最下方， 不是七十一美金，

it was 00.03.

是 00.03 美金。

I had 20 dollars, 00.03,

我有二十美金，

00.03，我得付帳單、付律師費，

I had to pay the bills, pay the lawyer,

take care of my family.

照顧我的家人。

And I swear to you, at that time ...

我發誓，那時……

I mean, honestly, I said: “I have done everything in my power.

老實說，我說：「我能做的都做了。

I am exhausted.

我累壞了。

What can I do with three cents?”

我能拿三分錢做什麼？」

I didn't even get angry, I didn't get upset.

我甚至沒有生氣， 沒有沮喪，我記憶猶新，

I remember this vividly, it was a beautiful Bay Area day,

那天的灣區天氣很好， 那裡的人都知道，

anyone who lives there knows, 4pm, little bit of a windy breeze.

下午四點，有點微風。

The sun was still there, it was just idyllic.

太陽還在，就像田園詩一樣。

And I remember I started laughing, look at the receipt,

我記得我看著收據，開始大笑，

我後面的幾個人都 搞不懂這傢伙是有什麼問題。

and a couple of people behind me

were trying to figure out what’s wrong with this guy.

因為我不知道該怎麼辦， 我就咯咯地笑了起來，

Because I didn’t know what to do, I just chuckled, I had three cents left.

我只剩下三分錢，所以我就這樣做：

So this is what I did.

我拿著二十美金到對街，

I took the 20 dollars, went across the street and decided to splurge.

決定要揮霍一下。

I went to Subway

我進了 Subway，

and had a Subway supersized meal,

吃了一頓 Subway 的超大特餐，

foot-long tuna sandwich with all the workings and avocado.

一呎長的鮪魚三明治，加了 酪梨和所有能加的東西。

And then I decided to have two chocolate chip cookies.

接著，我決定要點 兩塊巧克力餅干。

Then I went next door and had -- what is a Venti?

接著我到隔壁間買——

特大杯嗎？星巴克最大杯的叫什麼？

What's the largest one at Starbucks?

惠：我想是特大杯，我不喝咖啡。

WPR: I think Venti, I don't drink coffee.

WA: Venti caramel frappe with extra caramel drizzle, right?

瓦：特大杯焦糖星冰樂 再額外淋上焦糖。

And I had now 20 dollars became 10 dollars.

我的二十美金變成十美金了。

I went home, and I told my grandmother,

我回到家，我跟祖母說：

I said, "I've done everything I possibly could.

「我已經盡力而為。

There's nothing else I can do.

沒什麼我能做的了。

We have 10 bucks left, I'm sorry."

我們只剩下十塊錢，很抱歉。」

I had some Dal Chawal that night watched a Netflix movie.

那晚我們吃了一些印度米，

看了一部網飛的電影。

And I remember, I said this in the book, I let go.

我記得我在書中有說，我放手了。

There's nothing else I could do.

沒什麼我能做的了。我完全放手了。

I completely let go.

I said, Allah, whatever happens, Inshallah, I leave it up to you.

我說，阿拉，不論發生什麼事， 若真主願意，就都交給你了。

I've done everything within my powers,

我盡力而為了，我能 想出來的我都做了。

like, everything I could possibly think of, I've done.

就這樣，

This is it, like, you want to save me, save me,

想救我就救我，不想就拉倒， 我要享受我的潛艇堡。

you don't want to save me, whatever, I enjoyed my Subway meal.

我記得，這很有趣，

And I remember, this is really interesting,

I had the best night's sleep that night that I have ever had in my life.

那晚是我這輩子睡得最好的一晚。

I remember that sleep to this day.

至今我都還記得那晚的睡眠。

I have prayed for that sleep.

我祈求能有那樣的睡眠， 我覺得我像個小嬰兒，

I felt like I was a baby in my mother's womb.

睡在母親的子宮裡， 我很納悶為什麼。

I tried to wonder why.

It's because I knew that I did everything within my powers,

那是因為，我知道 我已經盡力而為了，

I exhausted myself, and I let it go.

我已竭盡所能，我就放手了。

And then what happened,

接下來發生的是，我拿到了 兩千五百美金的貸款。

somehow, I got a loan and 2,500 bucks came.

And the story continued.

故事繼續延續下去了。

And so when you're saying about doing something tangible,

所以，說實際上要如何做， 並不只是我說……

it's not just me saying that like,

you have to have some feeling of control and autonomy

你得感覺自己有控制權和自主權，

in what is a world where you feel adrift

即使在這個世界上， 你覺得茫然無所依，

and the ground is shifting beneath your feet.

當下的處境是如何地變動。

Those small chores that you take for granted,

那些被你視為理所當然的日常小事，

they'll give you order, some discipline.

能夠給予你秩序，一些紀律。

I’m making that chai. I’m painting this.

我泡那杯香料奶茶，我油漆這裡，

I’m feeding my children. I took out the trash.

我要給孩子吃東西，我要倒垃圾。

I did some work today.

我今天做了一些事。

I can control this. I did this with my hands.

我能控制這些，我用雙手做的。

I'm still alive, right?

我還活著，對吧？

And then you plot and you do the best you can,

接著，策劃並全力以赴， 然後就放手吧。

and then you let go.

And I think those daily chores, that daily routine, that you establish

我想，那些日常家務，你所建立的

每日例行事項，

gives you a sense of rhythm,

能給你節奏感，最少最少，你能說：

at the very least, says,

"The world can take everything, but it won't take this.

「世界可以奪走一切，

但奪不走這個。

It won't take my delicious cup of chai that I made with my own hands.

它奪不走我親手泡的這杯美味茶飲。

It won't take this little plant I plotted outside.

它奪不走我種在外面的這株小植物。

It won't take my love for my kids.

它奪不走我對我孩子的愛。 它奪不走這些。

It won't take that from me.

Not today, death, not today."

今天不行，死神，今天不行。」

So I hope for whoever asked that question, I hope that was hopeful.

不論是誰問的問題，我希望 這些能幫助你保持希望。

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