Sakinah Hofler: How creative writing can help you through life's hardest moments | TED

Transcriber: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Camille Martínez

翻译人员: Boya Li 校对人员: Cissy Yun

你是否曾经目睹过一件事，

并且希望当时自己能发声，

但却没有？

Have you ever seen something

我的第二个问题是： 你是否经历过某件事情，

and you wish you could have said something

你从未提起过它，

but you didn't?

尽管你本来应该这么做？

A second question I have is: Has something ever happened to you

我对行动这一理念很感兴趣，

and you never said anything about it,

即目睹某件事情的发生——

though you should have?

也就是被动地观察——

I'm interested in this idea of action,

和“作证”的区别。

of the difference between seeing something,

“作证”意味着 记录下你所见过的、

which is basically passively observing,

你所听闻的、

and the actual act of bearing witness.

你所经历的。

作证最重要的部分是书写，

Bearing witness means writing down something you have seen,

是记录。

something you have heard,

something you have experienced.

书写可以捕获记忆。

The most important part of bearing witness is writing it down,

书写证明其存在。

it's recording.

Writing it down captures the memory.

历史上有关“作证” 最著名的例子

Writing it down acknowledges its existence.

就是安妮·法兰克的日记。

她只是写下了 她自己和家人的遭遇，

One of the biggest examples we have in history

关于她在“隐秘之家”的生活，

of someone bearing witness is Anne Frank's diary.

她的日记让我们有了 对这个家庭的一手记录，

She simply wrote down what was happening to her and her family

在历史上最糟糕的时期之一。

about her confinement,

and in doing so, we have a very intimate record of this family

今天，我想谈谈 如何用创意写作

来“作证”。

during one of the worst periods of our world's history.

我会手把手教你一项练习，

And I want to talk to you today about how to use creative writing

我自己经常这么做，

我也会教很多学生这么做。

to bear witness.

他们未来会成为工程师、 技术人员、管道工——

And I'm going to walk you through an exercise,

也就是说，他们不是作家，

which I'm going to do myself,

他们也不打算 成为作家。

that I actually do with a lot of my collegiate students.

但我们可以用这些技巧来展示

These are you future engineers, technicians, plumbers --

我们曾经隐藏的东西。

basically, they're not creative writers,

这能让我们卸下重担。

they don't plan on becoming creative writers.

But we use these exercises to kind of un-silence things

只需三步。

第一步，进行头脑风暴 然后写下来。

we've been keeping silent.

It's a way to unburden ourselves.

针对我的学生， 我会给他们起一个头，

And it's three simple steps.

So step one is to brainstorm and write it down.

即“当这件事发生时”。

我想让他们接上这个开头，

And what I have my students do is I give them a prompt,

写下他们经历某些事情，

听到或看到某事，

and the prompt is "the time when."

或者，他们目睹的一件事

And I want them to fill in that prompt

with times they might have experienced something,

他们本可以干预 但他们没有。

heard something or seen something,

我会让他们以最快的速度写下来。

or seen something and they could have intervened,

我举一个例子， 我曾经写下过这些。

but they didn't.

当9/11事件发生几个月后，

And I have them write it down as quickly as possible.

两个男孩打赌要欺负我，

So I'll give you an example of some of the things I would write down.

他们这么做了。

The time when, a few months after 9/11,

比如当我和我的姐妹 走在城里，

and two boys dared themselves to touch me,

有人向我们吐口水， 叫我们恐怖分子。

and they did.

The time when my sister and I were walking in a city,

比如当年，

我在一所很奇怪的中学读书，

and a guy spat at us and called us terrorists.

只比我大几岁的女孩， 被迫嫁人——

The time way back when

嫁给年龄近乎是她们两倍的男人。

when I went to a very odd middle school,

又比如一个朋友 用枪指着我的时候。

and girls a couple years older than me were being married off to men

nearly double their age.

比如有次我去参加午餐会，

The time when a friend pulled a gun on me.

为一个同事送行，

一个大老板花了四十五分钟 询问我的血统。

The time when I went to a going-away luncheon

另外一些时候， 我目睹了某件事情，

for a coworker,

而我并未出手干预。

and a big boss questioned my lineage for 45 minutes.

比如说， 我乘坐火车时

曾目睹一位父亲 打自己的儿子，

And there are times when I have seen something

and I haven't intervened.

而我什么都没做。

For example, the time when I was on a train

我曾无数次经过 无家可归、需要帮助的人身边，

and I witnessed a father beating his toddler son,

他们向我乞讨， 而我从他们身边路过，

and I didn't do anything.

我没把他们当作人看待。

Or the many times I've walked by someone who was homeless and in need,

类似的事情还有很多，

they've asked me for money, and I've walked around them,

但你回想一下， 当你遇到性有关的事情，

and I did not acknowledge their humanity.

你在心里压抑的事件，

还有关于你家人的事，

And the list could go on and on,

but you want to think of times when something might have happened sexually,

因为（小声） 上帝保佑他们。

（笑声）

times when you've been keeping things repressed,

我们爱自己的家人，

and times with our families,

但与此同时， 有些事情我们不会去谈论。

because (In a hushed voice) God bless them.

我们不会谈论吸毒，

(Laughter)

Our families, we love them,

but at the same time, we don't talk about things.

或者酗酒的家人。

我们不会谈论 患有严重精神疾病的家人。

So we may not talk about the family member who has been using drugs

我们只会说： “喔，他们一直都这样，”

or abusing alcohol.

我们希望只要不谈论、

We don't talk about the family member who might have severe mental illness.

不肯定它的发生，

我们就能装作它不存在， 问题能自行解决。

We'll say something like, "Oh, they've always been that way,"

and we hope that in not talking about it,

我们的目标是列出十件事，

in not acknowledging it,

we can act like it doesn't exist, that it'll somehow fix itself.

一旦你有了十件事，

你已经完成了第一步， 也就是作证。

你释放了你曾经压抑的东西。

So the goal is to get at least 10 things,

and once you have 10 things,

在这之后， 你准备好进行第二步了，

you've actually done part 1, which is bear witness.

You have un-silenced something that you have been keeping silent.

缩小范围，找到重点。

我的建议是 你从那十件事里，

And so after this, you're ready for step 2,

选出三件你最无法忘怀的事，

which is to narrow it down and focus.

三件让你感受最深的事。

And what I suggest is going back to that list of 10

这些事件 不一定是最戏剧化的，

而是让你觉得， “啊，我必须就此写点什么。”

and picking three things that are really tugging at you,

我建议你在桌前坐下， 拿起纸笔——

three things you feel strongly.

It doesn't have to be the most dramatic things,

我更喜欢这种记录方式， 但你也可以用平板电脑，

but it's things that are like, "Ah," like, "I have to write about this."

iPad，或者电脑，

And I suggest you sit down at a table with a pen and paper --

但得是能用来记录的东西。

that's my preferred method for recording, but you can also use a tablet,

我建议在三十分钟里 集中精力，

an iPad, a computer,

也就是远离你的手机，

but something that lets you write it down.

把它切换到飞行模式，

不打开邮件，

And I suggest taking 30 minutes of uninterrupted time,

如果你有家庭， 有孩子，

那就缩短到二十分钟，五分钟。

meaning that you cut your phone off,

put it on airplane mode,

目标是给你自己 留出写作时间。

no email,

写作的时候，

要注意以下三点。

and if you have a family, if you have children,

你要专注于事件细节，

give yourself 20 minutes, five minutes.

The goal is just to give yourself time to write.

专注事件发生的顺序，

What you're going to write

专注于你对它的感受。

is you're going to focus on three things.

You're going to focus on the details,

这是最重要的。

今天我来当小白鼠，

you're going to focus on the order of events,

所以，我会把流程展示给你们。

and you're going to focus on how it made you feel.

That is the most important part.

我来挑选三件事情。

I am the guinea pig today,

第一件让我感触非常、 非常深的事，

是在9/11事件发生几个月后，

and so I'm going to walk you through how I do it.

有两个男孩拿我试胆。

I'm going to pick three things.

So the first thing I feel very, very strongly about

记得我当时 在加州北部的一家偏远商场里，

is that time a couple months after 9/11

我在走路，仅此而已， 没有妨碍任何人，

when those two boys dared themselves to touch me.

我感觉到有人跟在我后面， 离我很近，很近，

I remember I was in a rural mall in North Carolina,

我心想：“嗯，这有点奇怪。 我还是走快点吧。

and I was walking, just walking, minding my business,

我明明在商场里。 这是怎么了？”

and I felt people walking behind me, like, very, very close,

他们也加快了步伐， 我听见他们的交谈：

and I'm like, "OK, that's kind of weird. Let me walk a little bit faster.

“你来！” “不，你来！”

然后他们中的一个推了我一把， 我几乎跌倒在地。

There's a whole mall around me. What is happening?"

于是我重新站起来， 觉得应该有人向我道歉，

They walk a little bit faster, and I hear them going back and forth:

最奇怪的是， 他们没有逃走，

"You do it!" "No, you do it!"

And then one of them pushes me, and I almost fall to the ground.

而是走上前， 就这么站在我旁边。

So I kind of pop back up, expecting some type of apology,

我记得其中一个金发男人，

and the weirdest thing is that they did not run away.

穿着一件大红色立领衫

They actually went and just stood right next to me.

他对同伴说： “给我钱。我下手了，哥们儿。”

And I remember there was a guy with blond hair,

另一个棕发男人， 我记得他的发型很有层次感，

and he had a bright red polo shirt,

给了对方一张五元纸币，

and he was telling the other guy, like, "Give me my money. I did it, man."

我还记得那钱皱巴巴的。

我心想， 我还站在这儿吗？

And the guy with the brown hair, I remember he had a choppy haircut,

刚刚发生了什么？

and he gave him a five-dollar bill,

被别人拿来试胆打赌， 感觉真的很奇怪。

and I remember it was crumpled.

And so I'm like, am I still standing here?

而且他们还当我不存在。

This thing just happened. What just happened?

这让我想起小时候，

And it was so weird to be the end of someone's dare,

有人怂恿我 去摸恶心的脏东西。

and also at the end to not exist to them.

我觉得我自己就是 那肮脏又恶心的东西。

I remember it kind of reminded me of the time when I was younger

and someone dared me to touch something nasty or disgusting.

另一件让我感受深刻的事，

是当一个朋友拿枪对着我，

I felt like that nasty and disgusting thing.

我应该说我曾经的朋友。

（笑声）

A second thing I feel very, very strongly about

当时我们一群人在外面，

is the time a friend pulled a gun on me.

他冲上来，

手里拿着 明显有问题的棕色纸袋，

I should say former friend.

(Laughter)

我知道里面是什么，

I remember it was a group of us outside,

我向来心直口快， 于是张口就说。

and he had ran up

and he had the stereotypical brown paper bag in his hand,

我说： “你拿枪干什么？

你不会开枪打人的。

and I knew what it was,

and so I'm a very mouthy person, and I started going off.

你是个懦夫， 你连枪怎么使都不知道。”

我一直不停的说着，

I was like, "What are you doing with a gun?

说啊说，

说啊说，

You're not going to shoot anyone.

他也变得更加、

You're a coward, you don't even know how to use it."

更加、

更加愤怒。

And I kept going on

and on

他掏出枪对准我的脸。

and on,

and he got angrier

and angrier

我记得当时 我们陷入一片死寂。

and angrier.

And he pulled the gun out and put it in my face.

我记得他紧绷的表情。

我记得枪膛的样子。

I remember every one of us got very, very quiet.

我心想——

I remember the tightness of his face.

我肯定当时我们所有人 都在想——

I remember the barrel of the gun.

“我就要死了。”

And I felt like --

第三件让我感触非常、 非常深刻的事，

and I'm pretty sure everyone around me who got quiet felt like --

是午餐会上的老板。

"This is the moment I die."

我记得我像往常一样， 迟到了。

And the third thing I feel very, very strongly about

我就是这样的人， 我老是迟到。

is this going-away luncheon and this big boss.

我晚到了，

I remember I was running late, and I'm always late.

全桌都坐满了， 只有他身边的位子空着。

It's just a thing that happens with me. I'm just always late.

我跟他不熟， 只在办公室见过。

I was running late,

我当时不知道为什么那个位子空着。 后来我知道了。

and the whole table was filled except for this seat next to him.

于是我坐了上去，

他在问我叫什么名字之前，

I didn't know him that well, had seen him around the office.

说的第一句话是：

I didn't know why the seat was empty. I found out later on.

“这都怎么搞的？”

And so I sat down at the table,

我当时心想， 我脸上有什么东西吗？

and before he even asked me my name,

这是怎么了？ 我不知道。

the first thing he said was,

他举起手问我：

"What's going on with all of this?"

“这都怎么搞的？”

And I'm like, do I have something on my face?

What's happening? I don't know.

我意识到， 他说的是我的头巾。

And he asked me with two hands this time.

"What's going on with all of this?"

我在心里默念： “别，别是今天。”

但他是大老板， 我老板的老板的老板。

And I realized he's talking about my hijab.

所以我忍了四十五分钟，

And in my head, I said, "Oh, not today."

我忍受他问我 我是从哪儿来的，

But he's a big boss, he's like my boss's boss's boss,

我父母是哪儿人，

and so I put up for 45 minutes,

还有我祖父母。

他问我在哪儿上学， 在哪儿实习。

I put up with him asking me where I was from,

他问给我这份工作的面试官是谁。

where my parents were from,

my grandparents.

He asked me where I went to school at, where I did my internships at.

在这四十五分钟里， 我尽量非常、非常、非常礼貌，

He asked me who interviewed me for that job.

我尽量回答他的问题。

但我记得我用眼神求救，

And for 45 minutes, I tried to be very, very, very, very, very polite,

我看向同桌的其他人： “帮帮忙，说点什么。”

tried to answer his questions.

那是一张四方餐桌， 我们两边都有人，

But I remember I was kind of making eyeball help signals

没人插话。

at the people around the table, like, "Someone say something. Intervene."

甚至连身居高位的人， 老板们，

And it was a rectangular table, so there were people on both sides of us,

都没说任何话。

我记得我感到无比孤独。

and no one said anything,

even people who might be in a position, bosses,

我当时觉得我不配在这里，

no one said anything.

And I remember I felt so alone.

我记得我想辞职。

I remember I felt like I didn't deserve to be in his space,

这就是我的三件往事。

现在换你列出三件往事。

and I remember I wanted to quit.

一旦你列出了三件事 和其中细节

你还知道事件发生的顺序 以及你当时的感受，

So these are my three things.

And you'll have your list of three things.

你就可以用创意写作 进行见证。

And once you have these three things and you have the details

于是我们来到第三部，

选一个并讲述你的故事。

and you have the order of events and you have how it made you feel,

你不用写出一本回忆录。

you're ready to actually use creative writing to bear witness.

你不用成为作家。

And that takes us to step 3,

我知道， 不是所有人都喜欢讲故事，

which is to pick one and to tell your story.

You don't have to write a memoir.

但我们是人类。

我们天生会讲故事，

You don't have to be a creative writer.

如果有人问我们 今天过得怎样，

I know sometimes storytelling can be daunting for some people,

我们会讲开头、 过程和结尾。

这就是叙事。

but we are human.

我们的记忆 能通过讲故事存活，

We are natural storytellers,

so if someone asks us how our day is going,

we have a beginning, a middle and an end.

你只需要找到适合你的形式。

That is a narrative.

Our memory exists and subsists through the act of storytelling,

你可以给年轻的自己 写一封信。

你可以给年轻的自己 写一个故事。

and you just have to find a form that works for you.

你可以给你五岁的孩子 写一个故事，

You can write a letter to your younger self.

根据你要讲什么故事。

你可以写一个讽刺故事， 一首歌，一首反讽的歌。

你可以写一个剧本。 你可以写一首童谣。

You can write a story to your younger self.

You can write a story to your five-year-old child,

我曾经读到过—— 当然，这只是理论——

depending on the story.

“咩咩，黑羊， 你有羊毛吗？”

You can write a parody, a song, a song that's a parody.

“有的，有的先生，三大袋。”

You can write a play. You can write a nursery rhyme.

这首民谣实际上讲的是 穷困的英国农民被施以重税。

I've read -- I mean, these a theories, though --

that "Baa, baa black sheep, Have you any wool,"

你可以当作维基词条来写。

"Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full,"

如果你经历过，

is actually about impoverished farmers in England being taxed heavily.

目睹某件事情发生 而你没有采取行动，

也许你可以从那人的视角 讲述故事。

You can write it in the form of a Wikipedia article.

那么，如果我回到 火车上我见到的那一幕

And if it's one of those situations

where you saw something and you didn't intervene,

那个被殴打的男孩， 他的感受是什么？

perhaps write it from that person's perspective.

看着一车人对此视若无睹， 是什么感觉？

You know, so if I go back to that boy on the train

如果我对无家可归者 产生同理心，

who I saw being beaten, what was it like to be in his shoes?

What was it like to see all these people who watched it happen and did nothing?

试图弄清楚他们沦落至此的原因， 会怎么样？

也许这会改变我的一些行为。

What happens if I put myself in a position of someone who was homeless

也许这会让我 对一些事情更主动。

and just try to figure out how they got there in the first place?

讲述故事， 能保持故事的鲜活。

Perhaps it would help me change some of my actions.

你不用向任何人 演示这些步骤。

Perhaps it would help me be more proactive about certain things.

但哪怕你讲故事给自己听，

And with telling your story, you're keeping it alive.

你会说：“发生了这样的事。

So you don't have to show anyone any of these steps.

这种怪事确实发生了。 这不是我想象出来的。

这是真实存在的。”

这样一来， 也许你会找回一点力量，

But even if you're telling it to yourself,

you're saying, "This thing happened.

那被夺走的力量。

This weird thing did happen. It's not in my head.

今天我想做的最后一件事，

It actually happened."

是讲述我的故事给你们听。

And by doing that, maybe you'll take a little bit of power back

我选的是这个大老板的故事。

that has been taken away.

之所以选它是因为， 我觉得不仅仅是我，

And so the last thing I want to do today

is I'm going to tell you my story.

别人也肯定曾经被

And the one I picked is about this big boss.

地位更高的人出言轻蔑。

And I picked that one because I feel like I'm not the only one

我觉得我们所有人， 都曾经遇到过这种事，

我们什么都没法说，

who has been in the position where someone has been above me

因为这类人将我们的生计、 我们的薪水，

and kind of talked down.

掌控在手中，

I feel like all of us might have been in positions

或者当我见到掌握权力的人，

where we felt like we could not say anything

对他人出言不逊，

because this person has our livelihood, our paychecks,

我们本该出手相助却没有。

in their hands,

or times we might have seen someone who has power

如此一来， 通过讲故事，

talking down to someone,

我又重新获得了一点， 被夺走的力量。

and we should have or could have intervened.

我给故事里的人改了名，

这是十年前的事， 所以没关系，

And so, by telling a story,

不一定要有大团圆结局，

I'm taking back a little bit of power that was taken away from me.

因为这只是我 在记录那天发生的事。

And I have changed the names,

and it's been a decade, so it's going to be OK.

这就是我如何用创意写作，

And it doesn't have a happy ending,

because it's just me writing down what happened that day.

进行见证。

And so this is how I use creative writing

在莉莎的告别会上，

to bear witness.

我想问我老板的老板的老板，

他到底是蠢，

还是笨。

At Lisa's going-away luncheon,

他看了一眼我的头巾，

然后问我是从东南亚哪里来的。

I wanted to ask my boss's boss's boss

if he's stupid

我告诉他，其实我来自新泽西。

or just plain dumb

他问我的父母是哪儿来的，

after he takes one look at my hijab

还有我的祖父母， 我的曾祖父母，

and asks me where I'm from in Southeast Asia.

以及他们的父母、 父母的父母，

仿佛想从我的血缘里寻找什么，

I tell him that it's New Jersey, actually.

He asks where my parents are from

仿佛在寻找答案， 为什么纽瓦克的黑人穆斯林女孩

and my grandparents and my great-grandparents

and their parents and their parents' parents,

能坐在他身边，

as if searching for some other blood,

在这家铺着桌布， 菜单有塑胶封膜的餐厅。

as if searching for some reason why some Black Muslim girl from Newark

我想说：“因为奴隶制，混蛋。”

但是我要养车， 要付房租，交保险费，

wound up seated next to him

at this restaurant of tablecloths and laminated menus.

各种保险费，

I want to say, "Slavery, jerk,"

要还信用卡，

还贷款，治蛀牙，

but I've got a car note and rent and insurances

还爱吃寿司，

所以我把“混蛋”吞下肚， 但还是告诉他事实。

and insurances and insurances

and credit cards and credit debt

“告诉我，”他说，

and a loan and a bad tooth

“逊尼派为什么跟什叶派不对付？”

and a penchant for sushi,

“告诉我，”他说，

so I drop the "jerk" but keep the truth.

“伊拉克到底怎么了？”

“告诉我，”他说，

"Tell me," he says,

“沙特、叙利亚和伊朗是怎么回事？”

"Why don't Sunnis and Shiites get along?"

"Tell me," he says,

“告诉我，”他说，

"What's going on in Iraq?"

“为什么穆斯林都喜欢炸弹？”

"Tell me," he says,

"What's up with Saudi and Syria and Iran?"

我真想把导弹塞进他屁股里，

"Tell me," he says,

连同他的西装一起炸飞。

"Why do Muslims like bombs?"

但现实里， 我一边喝着加糖冰茶，

I want to shove an M1 up his behind

and confetti that pasty flesh and that tailored suit.

一边环顾四周， 看向我周围的同事，

没有一个人回应我的目光。

Instead, I'm sipping my sweetened iced tea

反而，

looking around at the table, at the coworkers around me,

他们做了最美国的事。

none of whom, not one, looks back at me.

他们赞美上帝，

Rather,

他们大吃特吃，

they do the most American things they can do.

假装没听见他说的话，

They praise their Lord,

假装他们看不见我。

they stuff their faces

谢谢。

and pretend they don't hear him

and pretend they don't see me.

Thank you.