Sakinah Hofler: How creative writing can help you through life's hardest moments | TED

Transcriber: Joseph Geni Reviewer: Camille Martínez

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 麗玲 辛

你可曾目擊某件事，

你希望你當時有發聲，

但你沒有？

Have you ever seen something

我要問的第二個問題是： 你可曾遇到某件事，

and you wish you could have said something

你卻從來沒有說過這件事，

but you didn't?

可是你應該說出來？

A second question I have is: Has something ever happened to you

我對「行動」這個概念很感興趣，

and you never said anything about it,

想了解看到某件事情，

though you should have?

基本上，也就是被動地觀察，

I'm interested in this idea of action,

和「見證」這個實際行動的差別。

of the difference between seeing something,

見證的意思是寫下 你所見所聞、所經歷的。

which is basically passively observing,

and the actual act of bearing witness.

見證最重要的部分 就是寫下來，做記錄。

Bearing witness means writing down something you have seen,

something you have heard,

something you have experienced.

寫下來可以捕捉記憶。

The most important part of bearing witness is writing it down,

寫下來，就是承認事件的存在。

it's recording.

Writing it down captures the memory.

在歷史上，其中一個 最著名的見證實例，

Writing it down acknowledges its existence.

就是安妮‧法蘭克的日記。

她就只是寫下了她和家人的 遭遇，她的監禁生活，

One of the biggest examples we have in history

of someone bearing witness is Anne Frank's diary.

她這麼做，讓我們看到 這個家庭的私密記錄，

She simply wrote down what was happening to her and her family

記載了世界歷史上 最糟糕的時期之一。

about her confinement,

and in doing so, we have a very intimate record of this family

今天我想要和大家談的 是如何運用創意寫作

來做見證。

during one of the worst periods of our world's history.

我要帶大家做一段練習，

And I want to talk to you today about how to use creative writing

用我自己當例子，我和很多 我的大學學生做過這種練習。

他們是未來的工程師、技師、水電工，

to bear witness.

And I'm going to walk you through an exercise,

基本上都不是且不打算成為創意作家，

which I'm going to do myself,

that I actually do with a lot of my collegiate students.

但我們會用這種練習來

These are you future engineers, technicians, plumbers --

為我們沉默不說的事打破沉默。

basically, they're not creative writers,

這是讓自己御下重擔的方式。

they don't plan on becoming creative writers.

But we use these exercises to kind of un-silence things

有三個簡單的步驟。

第一步，

we've been keeping silent.

腦力激盪並寫下來。

It's a way to unburden ourselves.

我和學生的練習方式是， 我給他們提示，

And it's three simple steps.

So step one is to brainstorm and write it down.

提示是「有一次……」。

我要他們把那提示補滿， 可以填上他們經歷過的某件事，

And what I have my students do is I give them a prompt,

聽到或見到的某件事，

and the prompt is "the time when."

或者看到某件事，本來 可以介入卻沒有去做的經歷。

And I want them to fill in that prompt

with times they might have experienced something,

heard something or seen something,

我要他們盡快寫下來。

or seen something and they could have intervened,

讓我舉個例子，這是我會寫的。

but they didn't.

有一次，九一一事件後的幾個月，

And I have them write it down as quickly as possible.

兩個男孩在打賭敢不敢來碰我，

So I'll give you an example of some of the things I would write down.

他們碰了。

The time when, a few months after 9/11,

有一次，我和我姐姐 在城市裡走路時，

and two boys dared themselves to touch me,

有個人對我們吐口水， 叫我們恐怖份子。

and they did.

The time when my sister and I were walking in a city,

很久以前有一次，

我就讀一所很奇怪的中學，

and a guy spat at us and called us terrorists.

比我大幾歲的女孩會被嫁出去 給年齡近她們兩倍的男人。

The time way back when

when I went to a very odd middle school,

有一次，有個朋友對我掏槍。

and girls a couple years older than me were being married off to men

nearly double their age.

有一次我去參加同事的送別午餐會，

The time when a friend pulled a gun on me.

大老闆質問我家系的事， 問了四十五分鐘。

The time when I went to a going-away luncheon

還有些時候，是我看到 某件事卻沒有介入。

for a coworker,

and a big boss questioned my lineage for 45 minutes.

比如，

有一次，我在搭火車，

我目擊了一名父親打了 他還在學步年齡的兒子，

And there are times when I have seen something

and I haven't intervened.

我什麼也沒做。

For example, the time when I was on a train

或者，有很多次， 我走過有需要的街友旁邊，

and I witnessed a father beating his toddler son,

他們向我要錢，我繞過他們，

and I didn't do anything.

我沒有把他們當人看。

Or the many times I've walked by someone who was homeless and in need,

例子還有很多，

they've asked me for money, and I've walked around them,

但你可以想想和性有關的遭遇，

and I did not acknowledge their humanity.

你想要把事情壓抑著的時候，

和家人相處的時候，

And the list could go on and on,

but you want to think of times when something might have happened sexually,

因為（小聲說）願上帝保祐他們。

（笑聲）

times when you've been keeping things repressed,

我們的家人，

and times with our families,

我們愛他們，但同時， 我們不會談一些事情。

because (In a hushed voice) God bless them.

我們不會去談 有家人在吸毒，或酗酒。

(Laughter)

Our families, we love them,

but at the same time, we don't talk about things.

我們不會談某個家人 可能有嚴重的心理疾病，

So we may not talk about the family member who has been using drugs

我們會說：「喔， 他們一直都是那樣的。」

or abusing alcohol.

我們希望，不要去談這件事，

We don't talk about the family member who might have severe mental illness.

不要承認它，

我們就可以假裝它不存在， 它就會自己修復了。

We'll say something like, "Oh, they've always been that way,"

and we hope that in not talking about it,

目標是寫下至少十件事，

in not acknowledging it,

we can act like it doesn't exist, that it'll somehow fix itself.

一旦寫下了十件事，

你就完成了第一步，見證。

你已經為你一直保持 沉默的事情打破了沉默。

So the goal is to get at least 10 things,

and once you have 10 things,

接著，你就可以進入第二步，

you've actually done part 1, which is bear witness.

You have un-silenced something that you have been keeping silent.

縮減範圍，集中焦點。

我會建議回到那十件事的清單，

And so after this, you're ready for step 2,

挑出真正讓你感到揪心、 感覺很強烈的三件事。

which is to narrow it down and focus.

And what I suggest is going back to that list of 10

不見得是最戲劇化的，但會是像

「啊，我得把它寫下來」的事。

and picking three things that are really tugging at you,

我建議你到桌前坐下，

three things you feel strongly.

It doesn't have to be the most dramatic things,

拿出紙筆，這是我偏好的記錄方式， 但你也可以改用平板、

but it's things that are like, "Ah," like, "I have to write about this."

iPad，或電腦。

And I suggest you sit down at a table with a pen and paper --

把這件事寫下來。

that's my preferred method for recording, but you can also use a tablet,

我建議你找一段三十分鐘

an iPad, a computer,

不受打擾的時間， 意思就是手機要關機，

but something that lets you write it down.

或開飛航模式，

別看 email，

And I suggest taking 30 minutes of uninterrupted time,

如果你有家人，有孩子，

給你自己二十分鐘，或五分鐘。

meaning that you cut your phone off,

put it on airplane mode,

目標就是給你自己寫作的時間。

no email,

你要寫的內容

要著重三點。

and if you have a family, if you have children,

你要著重細節，

give yourself 20 minutes, five minutes.

The goal is just to give yourself time to write.

你要著重事件的順序，

What you're going to write

最重要的是，你要著重 它帶給你的感覺。

is you're going to focus on three things.

You're going to focus on the details,

今天我是白老鼠，

you're going to focus on the order of events,

所以，

and you're going to focus on how it made you feel.

我來帶大家體驗一次我怎麼做。

That is the most important part.

我要挑三件事。第一件 讓我有強烈感受的事情

I am the guinea pig today,

是在九一一事件的幾個月後， 兩個男孩在比賽敢不敢來碰我。

and so I'm going to walk you through how I do it.

I'm going to pick three things.

So the first thing I feel very, very strongly about

我記得我走在北卡羅萊納州 鄉間的一家購物中心裡，

is that time a couple months after 9/11

只是走路，管好我自己。

when those two boys dared themselves to touch me.

我感受到有人走在我身後， 且非常靠近我，

I remember I was in a rural mall in North Carolina,

我想：「這好怪，我走快一點。 購物中心人很多，這是怎樣？」

and I was walking, just walking, minding my business,

and I felt people walking behind me, like, very, very close,

他們也加速了，我聽到

他們你來我往：「你來！」 「不，你來！」「你來啦！」

and I'm like, "OK, that's kind of weird. Let me walk a little bit faster.

接著，其中一人推了我一把， 我差點摔倒在地。

There's a whole mall around me. What is happening?"

我跳起來，預期應該會得到道歉，

They walk a little bit faster, and I hear them going back and forth:

最詭異的是，他們沒有跑走。

"You do it!" "No, you do it!"

And then one of them pushes me, and I almost fall to the ground.

他們竟然就站在我旁邊。

So I kind of pop back up, expecting some type of apology,

我記得

有一個人是金髮， 穿著亮紅色的 polo 衫，

and the weirdest thing is that they did not run away.

They actually went and just stood right next to me.

他對另一人說：「把錢給我， 我做到了，老兄。」

And I remember there was a guy with blond hair,

另一個人是褐髮，我記得 他留著不齊的髮型，

and he had a bright red polo shirt,

他給了他一張皺巴巴的五元鈔票，

and he was telling the other guy, like, "Give me my money. I did it, man."

我心想，有人看到我在這嗎？ 剛發生的事是怎麼搞的？

And the guy with the brown hair, I remember he had a choppy haircut,

and he gave him a five-dollar bill,

成為比膽量遊戲的對象，感覺好怪，

and I remember it was crumpled.

And so I'm like, am I still standing here?

對他們來說我不存在的感覺也很怪。

This thing just happened. What just happened?

那段經歷讓我想起 我更年輕些的時候，

And it was so weird to be the end of someone's dare,

有人跟我打賭敢不敢 碰很噁心的東西。

and also at the end to not exist to them.

我覺得我就是那噁心的東西。

I remember it kind of reminded me of the time when I was younger

and someone dared me to touch something nasty or disgusting.

讓我感覺很強烈的第二件事

是有一次朋友對我掏槍。

I felt like that nasty and disgusting thing.

應該說「前朋友」。

（笑聲）

A second thing I feel very, very strongly about

我記得我們一群人在外面，

is the time a friend pulled a gun on me.

他跑過來，

手上有個很典型的褐色紙袋，

I should say former friend.

(Laughter)

我知道那是什麼，

I remember it was a group of us outside,

我很愛嘮叨，我就開始碎唸。

and he had ran up

and he had the stereotypical brown paper bag in his hand,

我說：「你拿槍要幹嘛？

你不會對人開槍。

and I knew what it was,

and so I'm a very mouthy person, and I started going off.

你這個懦夫根本不會 用槍。」我就一直講，

一直講，一直講，

I was like, "What are you doing with a gun?

You're not going to shoot anyone.

他便變得越來越生氣，

You're a coward, you don't even know how to use it."

更憤怒，更憤怒。

And I kept going on

and on

他掏出槍，指著我的臉。

and on,

and he got angrier

and angrier

我記得每個人都變得非常安靜。

and angrier.

And he pulled the gun out and put it in my face.

我記得他的臉有多緊繃。

我還記得槍管的樣子。

I remember every one of us got very, very quiet.

我覺得——

I remember the tightness of his face.

我很肯定我周圍每個 變安靜的人都覺得——

I remember the barrel of the gun.

「我活不過這一刻了。」

And I felt like --

讓我感覺非常強烈的第三件事

and I'm pretty sure everyone around me who got quiet felt like --

是一場送別午餐會和我的大老闆。

"This is the moment I die."

我記得我晚到了，

And the third thing I feel very, very strongly about

我就是這樣，我總是會遲到。

is this going-away luncheon and this big boss.

我晚到了，

I remember I was running late, and I'm always late.

整桌都坐滿了，只剩他旁邊的位子。

It's just a thing that happens with me. I'm just always late.

我和他不熟，在辦公室見過他。

我不知道為何那裡沒人坐， 後來就明白了。

I was running late,

所以，

and the whole table was filled except for this seat next to him.

我坐上桌，

他都還沒問我名字，第一句話就說：

I didn't know him that well, had seen him around the office.

「這是要幹什麼的？」

I didn't know why the seat was empty. I found out later on.

And so I sat down at the table,

我心想，我臉上有什麼嗎？ 怎麼了？我不知道。

and before he even asked me my name,

the first thing he said was,

這次他改用兩隻手問我：

"What's going on with all of this?"

「這是要幹什麼的？」

And I'm like, do I have something on my face?

What's happening? I don't know.

我搞懂了，他在問我的頭巾。

And he asked me with two hands this time.

我心想：「今天不要啊。」

"What's going on with all of this?"

但，他是大老闆， 是我老闆的老闆的老闆，

And I realized he's talking about my hijab.

所以我忍了四十五分鐘，我忍受他

And in my head, I said, "Oh, not today."

But he's a big boss, he's like my boss's boss's boss,

問我從哪裡來、

我父母從哪裡來、

and so I put up for 45 minutes,

我的祖父母。

他問我讀什麼學校、在哪裡實習。

I put up with him asking me where I was from,

我問我那份工作的面試官是誰。

where my parents were from,

my grandparents.

He asked me where I went to school at, where I did my internships at.

整整四十五分鐘，我都試著 表現地非常非常非常有禮，

He asked me who interviewed me for that job.

試著回答他的問題。

但我記得我有用眼球 向同桌的人發出求救訊號：

And for 45 minutes, I tried to be very, very, very, very, very polite,

「誰說點什麼來干預一下吧。」

tried to answer his questions.

桌子是長方形的， 所以我們的兩側都有人，

But I remember I was kind of making eyeball help signals

沒有人說話，就連有點 權位的老闆也一樣，

at the people around the table, like, "Someone say something. Intervene."

沒有人說話。

And it was a rectangular table, so there were people on both sides of us,

我記得我覺得好孤單。

and no one said anything,

even people who might be in a position, bosses,

我記得我當時覺得我不配和他同坐，

no one said anything.

And I remember I felt so alone.

我記得我想辭職。

I remember I felt like I didn't deserve to be in his space,

以上是我的三件事。

你會有屬於你自己的三件事。

and I remember I wanted to quit.

一旦你找出了三件事，有了細節，

有了事件順序，有了你當時的感受，

So these are my three things.

你就準備好可以 用創意寫作來做見證了。

And you'll have your list of three things.

And once you have these three things and you have the details

那就要帶到第三步：

從中挑出一個，講出你的故事。

and you have the order of events and you have how it made you feel,

你不用寫回憶錄。

you're ready to actually use creative writing to bear witness.

你不必是創意作家。

And that takes us to step 3,

我知道有些人對於說故事 會感到怯步，但我們都是人。

which is to pick one and to tell your story.

You don't have to write a memoir.

我們生來就會說故事， 如果有人問我們今天過得如何，

You don't have to be a creative writer.

I know sometimes storytelling can be daunting for some people,

我們會講開頭、中段、結尾。 那就是種敘事方式。

but we are human.

我們的記憶能存在且持續存在，

We are natural storytellers,

so if someone asks us how our day is going,

靠的就是說故事這個動作，

we have a beginning, a middle and an end.

你只需要找到適合你的形式。

That is a narrative.

Our memory exists and subsists through the act of storytelling,

你可以寫封信給更年輕時的你。

你可以寫個故事給更年輕時的你， 或給你的五歲孩子，看情況而定。

and you just have to find a form that works for you.

You can write a letter to your younger self.

你可以寫諷刺文，寫首歌， 寫首諷刺歌，寫劇本。

You can write a story to your younger self.

你可以寫兒歌。

You can write a story to your five-year-old child,

我曾經讀過—— 不過這些都是理論——

depending on the story.

「咩咩小黑羊，

You can write a parody, a song, a song that's a parody.

你有羊毛嗎？有，有，滿滿三袋。」

You can write a play. You can write a nursery rhyme.

其實是在講英國的 貧窮農民被課重稅的事。

I've read -- I mean, these a theories, though --

that "Baa, baa black sheep, Have you any wool,"

你可以寫的形式還有 維基百科的文章。

"Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full,"

如果你的情況是

is actually about impoverished farmers in England being taxed heavily.

你看見了某件事卻沒有介入，

也許可以用當事人的角度來寫。

You can write it in the form of a Wikipedia article.

如果我回到火車上被打的男孩 旁邊，身為他會是什麼感覺？

And if it's one of those situations

where you saw something and you didn't intervene,

看著所有的人袖手旁觀， 他會是什麼感覺？

perhaps write it from that person's perspective.

You know, so if I go back to that boy on the train

我試著換位思考，

who I saw being beaten, what was it like to be in his shoes?

假設我是遊民，試著設想他們 最初是怎麼落得如此田地？

What was it like to see all these people who watched it happen and did nothing?

也許這樣能協助我 改變一些我的作為，

What happens if I put myself in a position of someone who was homeless

也許能幫觔我對某些事更加積極主動。

and just try to figure out how they got there in the first place?

說出你的故事， 你就能讓它繼續活著。

Perhaps it would help me change some of my actions.

你不需要讓任何人知道這些步驟。

Perhaps it would help me be more proactive about certain things.

就算你只是對自己說， 你也表達了：「這件事發生過。

And with telling your story, you're keeping it alive.

這件怪事發生過。不是我的想像。

So you don't have to show anyone any of these steps.

它真的發生過。」

藉由這麼做，也許你可以 拿回一些被奪走的力量。

But even if you're telling it to yourself,

you're saying, "This thing happened.

This weird thing did happen. It's not in my head.

今天我想做的最後一件事， 是跟各位說我的故事。

It actually happened."

And by doing that, maybe you'll take a little bit of power back

我挑的，是大老闆的故事。

that has been taken away.

我選它，是因為我覺得

And so the last thing I want to do today

除了我以外，別人也遇過 職位較高的人居高臨下對他說話。

is I'm going to tell you my story.

And the one I picked is about this big boss.

And I picked that one because I feel like I'm not the only one

我覺得我們都曾經有過 這種處境，覺得有話不能說，

who has been in the position where someone has been above me

因為對方掌控我們的生計、薪水，

and kind of talked down.

I feel like all of us might have been in positions

或有時我們見到某個掌權者 居高臨下對別人說話，

where we felt like we could not say anything

because this person has our livelihood, our paychecks,

我們本來應該／可以介入卻沒有。

in their hands,

or times we might have seen someone who has power

所以，

透過說故事，我可以拿回 一些我被奪走的力量。

talking down to someone,

and we should have or could have intervened.

我把人名改了，

且已經過了十年，所以沒問題的。

And so, by telling a story,

故事沒有快樂的結局，

I'm taking back a little bit of power that was taken away from me.

我只是寫下那天發生的事。

And I have changed the names,

and it's been a decade, so it's going to be OK.

這就是我如何運用創意寫作

And it doesn't have a happy ending,

because it's just me writing down what happened that day.

來做見證。

And so this is how I use creative writing

在麗莎的送別午餐會上，

to bear witness.

我想要問我老闆的老闆的 老闆，他到底是太蠢，

還是只是裝傻，

At Lisa's going-away luncheon,

因為他只看了我的頭巾一眼 就問我是否來自東南亞。

I wanted to ask my boss's boss's boss

if he's stupid

我告訴他，我其實來自新澤西州。

or just plain dumb

他問我的父母、祖父母、 曾祖父母來自哪裡，

after he takes one look at my hijab

and asks me where I'm from in Southeast Asia.

還有再上一代，再再上一代，

好像要找其他的血脈似的。

I tell him that it's New Jersey, actually.

He asks where my parents are from

好像要找理由說明為什麼 來自紐瓦克的黑人穆斯林女孩

and my grandparents and my great-grandparents

and their parents and their parents' parents,

會在這間有桌巾和護貝菜單的 餐廳裡坐在他旁邊。

as if searching for some other blood,

as if searching for some reason why some Black Muslim girl from Newark

我想說：「因為奴隸制度，渾球。」

但我要付汽車貸款、房租，

wound up seated next to him

at this restaurant of tablecloths and laminated menus.

和保險、各種保險，

I want to say, "Slavery, jerk,"

還有信用卡和卡債，

還有貸款，牙齒也不好， 而且喜歡吃壽司，

but I've got a car note and rent and insurances

所以我拿掉了「渾球」 但留下了事實。

and insurances and insurances

and credit cards and credit debt

他說：「告訴我，

and a loan and a bad tooth

什葉派和遜尼派為什麼處不來？」

and a penchant for sushi,

他說：「告訴我， 伊拉克的狀況如何？」

so I drop the "jerk" but keep the truth.

他說：「告訴我，沙烏地、 敘利亞、伊朗是怎麼回事？」

"Tell me," he says,

"Why don't Sunnis and Shiites get along?"

"Tell me," he says,

他說：「告訴我，為什麼 穆斯林喜歡用炸彈？」

"What's going on in Iraq?"

"Tell me," he says,

"What's up with Saudi and Syria and Iran?"

我想把 M1 從他的後庭塞進去，

"Tell me," he says,

弄髒那蒼白的皮膚和訂製的西裝。

"Why do Muslims like bombs?"

我沒這麼做，

I want to shove an M1 up his behind

我只是啜飲我那杯加糖的冰茶，

and confetti that pasty flesh and that tailored suit.

環視著和我同桌的同事，

他們沒有一個人跟我對到眼。

Instead, I'm sipping my sweetened iced tea

確切地說，

looking around at the table, at the coworkers around me,

他們做的是最美式的事情。

none of whom, not one, looks back at me.

他們讚美他們的主，

Rather,

他們大吃特吃，

they do the most American things they can do.

假裝沒聽到大老闆的話，

They praise their Lord,

假裝沒看到我。

they stuff their faces

謝謝。

and pretend they don't hear him

and pretend they don't see me.

Thank you.