11 Tips To SPEAK Better English as an Introvert

What's up guys?

I'm Ethan your RealLife English fluency coach and maybe like

yourself I am an introvert but learning languages over the last 12 years has

helped me a ton in being able to overcome the paralyzing shyness that

I felt when I was younger, so let me tell you that if you are shy or you believe

that maybe you're an introvert that this does not need to be a barrier to being

able to speak English fluently and confidently.

And the 11 recommendations

that I have for you will help you a lot.

So I hope that by the end of this video

you will feel proud to be an introvert but that you will not let it get in the

way of reaching your goals and by the way if you're new here every week we are

making new lessons just like this one to help you get the mindset, the method and

the mastery that you need to be successful on your English learning journey.

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So hang with me because this

will certainly be the longest tip but it will also be one of the most important

discoveries that you have by watching this video

so let's actually start out with a quick test so, first off,

So how did you do did you answer, mostly a or mostly B?

Now if you answered mostly B you most likely are an introvert, but it's not so black and

white it's not that you're either an introvert or an extrovert

and you're on one side or the other it's actually more like a scale so you could

be really completely introverted you like your time alone or you could be

really completely extroverted that you need to be around other people or you

could fall anywhere on that scale now as for me I definitely fall kind of

towards the middle but I definitely am an introvert now someone who falls right

in the middle is actually called an ambivert.

Now I'd like you to take a moment

and ask yourself "what is an introvert?"

most people think introverts are loners or hermits, nerdy or strange, unfriendly

or antisocial, now normally this is not actually the case and you might not even

be an introvert even though you believe you are one you might actually be a shy extrovert.

Now most people think that shyness and introversion are synonyms

but this is actually not the case so let's start off with shyness what is shyness?

Now shyness is the fear of social judgment, now shyness is painful

introversion is not for English learning it's probably that fear that you feel of

making mistakes of people laughing at you or of failing, it's that

uncomfortableness that you feel because you sound like a child, it's even the

shame that you feel about speaking up in any sort of situation where you can speak English.

Now you certainly should not feel shame for making mistakes it's

really a natural part of the process but that's a really big topic and we'll

definitely talk about it in a different video but what I want you to see here

is that both extroverts and introverts can feel shyness and not all

introverts are necessarily shy, so you could be a shy extrovert or you could be

a confident introvert in fact I actually have a friend who I recently was just

shocked to find out is actually an introvert because anytime we go to any

social gathering she is really confident she goes up to

other people she's curious about them, she asks really great questions

and she seems to just shine in these kind of situations.

So definitely by this

description it sounds like my friend is an extrovert, right?

Well it's actually not the case and we'll see why in just a few moments but

for now what I want you to see is that if you are an introvert it does not mean

that you cannot overcome your shyness and be confident and I want the rest of

the tips in this video to help you to reach your really confident self while

still proudly being an introvert so if introversion is not shyness then what

exactly is it?

Now being an extrovert or an introvert actually has to do with how

your brain reacts to stimulation.

Now extroverts really crave stimulation they're drawn to it that's why they thrive in

situations like parties meetings or conferences now you probably know some

extroverts who have really struggled during this time of confinement during

the pandemic, now introverts on the other hand are much more sensitive to the

stimulation and that's why in these same kinds of situations of being at a party

a conference or even a creative brainstorm they feel overstimulated and

their energy is quickly drained they need to recharge with quiet, reflection

and alone time now this is why introverts are usually much more drawn

to activities like reading, watching TV series, playing video games or even

one-on-one conversations but about a deeper topic now if you identify with

this then think about when you're with family or close friends

you probably don't usually kind of feel overwhelmed and you probably also don't

really feel shyness, but you still will need that time away on your own to

recharge your batteries now to find out if you are shy or an introvert think

about how you would react to an invitation to a social event.

Now a person who was shy maybe even if they were an extrovert would probably say no to the

invitation because they actually feel anxiety or fear but an introvert would

say no because they would prefer just to stay in and be on their own.

Now this of course also means that you can be a non shy introvert like Bill Gates or Meryl Streep

Now while they definitely value their time alone to recharge there are

authentic people and they don't really care what others think about them.

Now of course you could also be a shy introvert and it's not unlikely in fact

many introverts are shy because when they were younger they received some sort of

negative feedback telling them that it was wrong that they preferred being

alone or reflecting or it could just be lack of experience because introverts

naturally avoid stimulating situations.

Now if you are a shy introvert it might

be soothing to you to recognize that extroverts can also be shy it isn't easy

for every extrovert to be on a stage or to be in a really social environment in

fact we recently did a lesson teaching English with Shakira and through

watching a lot of interviews with her I discovered that she's actually really

shy but I would be willing to bet that she is definitely an extrovert because

she has a tremendous presence when she's on stage so she actually used what she

was passionate about to overcome her shyness and we'll talk about that more later in the video.

All right so that's all for this first tip we'll be going

through the next ten much faster but as we do I want you to start reflecting

already on whether you are introverted, shy or both so let's get into the next

one so the next tip is to actually start speaking online through Whatsapp or

another similar chatting tool.

This will help you to connect through someone

through the protective barrier of a screen and then once you get to know

this person better you can actually connect face to face via Skype and

practice your speaking now you might feel nervous and this is completely

normal but the more that you practice the easier that it will get and another

thing that you should know about introverts is that normally we don't

like small talk now small talk is kind of those little conversations that you

have to try to get to know someone or to start a conversation like about the

weather or what someone does for job but when you start speaking with

someone via Whatsapp you've gotten all those small talk conversations out of

the way so that you can talk about a more deep topic that you'll find more

fulfilling as an introvert now a really fantastic way for you to start

practicing your English in this way is through our Fluency Circle community now

this is filled with our students from all over the world who are passionate

about learning English just like you now it is concluded with all of our courses

and I would highly recommend our RealLife Native Immersion Course where

we help you to learn English without getting lost and without getting bored

we would take you on a forty one week real life adventure of the English

language each week covering a different topic related to our goal to help you to

use and understand real native English and make it a permanent part of your

life in a way that is fun, natural and convenient and of course if you're more

confident about your listening it will also help you to feel less shy when you

get opportunities to communicate with someone.

So the best part is that you can

try the RealLife Native Immersion Course for free with our three-part power

learning series just click up here or down description box below to learn

more and sign up.

So as I mentioned before introverts tend to prefer deep

conversations with one other person and for exactly this reason I highly

recommend that you try to create a strong relationship with someone in

English now a great way to do this can be to get a teacher, a coach, a tutor or

a language partner now the first reason that this is really great is because you

get to know them and they get to know you there's not as much pressure because

it's one-on-one and you know when the conversations going to end because it's

usually just one hour or so.

Now if you get a teacher or a coach, a good one anyway

they will have a lot of experience and they will help you to

grow your confidence without judging you or another great option is to practice

English with other learners like I mentioned we do this in the Fluency Circle

and this is really awesome because they have empathy for you they

know exactly what you're going through.

So one of our strengths is an introvert

is making and sticking to a plan so use that strength I highly recommend that

you start out by forcing yourself to do something where you'll have to speak

English now this could be to an English event or a language

exchange this could be talking with someone in English from your work that

you know is from another country or it could even just be going up to a tourist

on the street and starting a conversation.

Now for me personally I love going to language exchanges

I find that this is a great way to build my confidence

and to reach my goal of speaking other languages.

Now maybe for you this sounds scary but I think that if you actually do it you're going to

end up having a really good time and just imagine the fulfillment that you

will feel when you actually challenge yourself to do something like this

so just to give you another example I actually traveled to Paris last year and

even though I have pretty basic French I wanted to take advantage of this

opportunity to increase my skills so I challenged myself that anywhere I went I

would speak French before asking the person if they spoke English so

basically any time I went to a cafe a restaurant if I asked directions on the

street at the museum or anywhere else I would always start in French and

actually I did learn a lot during just a few days that I was travelling there so

this is actually a really great example of a small win that I was giving myself

now this is just doing something small that will help to boost your confidence,

so for example, you could go up to a tourist on the street and speak to them in

English if they seem like they're lost you could go into a Starbucks where you

know that they'll speak English and order your coffee in English it's just

finding these little opportunities to actually start using the language and

kind of breaking out of your shyness so what I recommend that you do for this is

that you actually make an agreement with yourself you could actually write this

down to make it a little bit more official but I know that you're here

you're watching this video because you have the goal to learn English and we're

going to talk more about this in a little bit but basically one thing that

you could do just to give you an example is that you could agree with yourself

that one time a week you're going to go to some event where you can speak English

and basically your goal during that time is to have one conversation with just

one person to get that person's contact and then to continue the conversation

later so that you can continue practicing your English and then if you

do that that really pretty small thing then you can go home and you don't have

to feel guilty about no to any other opportunities that week

also as a part of your plan I recommend actually having a time that you're going

to leave that way you can go home and recharge yourself but you definitely

need to make the most of the time that you have there so the rest of the tips

are also going to help you a lot with developing this plan so let's continue.

Now another one of your strengths is introvert is that you are probably a

great listener, introverts tend to be more focused than extroverts so put this

to use put the focus on the other person be curious be a great listener ask smart

questions and people love talking about themselves and this is a really great

way to get people to like you.

Now I know everyone wants to improve their speaking

but you definitely need to recognize input versus output now input is what

goes in basically reading and listening output is what goes out so that's

writing and speaking now actually in order to improve your speaking input is

super important you need to do much more of input so listening is really

important to develop your skills as a speaker.

So as I mentioned earlier extroverts tend to like small talk

like talking about the weather sports or

other similar topics but introverts tend to prefer deeper topics and this is

actually why you might be at like a dinner party or something and see an

introvert who's really quiet and you might think well that person's really

shy but it's not actually about shyness they're probably just thinking this

topic just doesn't really interest me so I'm not gonna say anything so as part of

your plan to speak more and to overcome your shyness one thing that you can

actually do is write down at home things that you're really interested in talking

about and then you can actually practice by yourself speaking about these you can

even record yourself and listen back to give yourself feedback or another thing

that you could do is tell that other person about something that you recently

learned now doing things like this are going to not only increase your

confidence but they'll actually probably get you really excited to talk about the

topics that you're actually interested in.

So as an introvert I know you're

going to want to avoid making mistakes but remind yourself that for that short

amount of time that you're having a conversation with another person that

the mistakes are great you need to make a lot of them and

act in order to improve so don't let them get you embarrassed make a mental

note to learn from them later but stay present while you're in that

conversation and speaking of embarrassment it's

really important that you start seeing it as something positive all that it

means is that you care what other people think of you and studies have shown that

people tend to see other people's embarrassment as an indicator of that

person's genuineness and authenticity so, take a deep breath remind yourself of

this fact and even start to get used to laughing it yourself if you make a silly

mistake you don't have to take it personally.

All right so the next tip is

to actually connect your English to another passion of yours, so before we

talked about going to language learning events or English speaking events but

this is not the only way to practice your English another really great way to

meet people is by actually finding ways that connect to things you're passionate

about so for example say that you love tennis what you could do is find some

different tennis forms online and connect with people there who share your

passion and then talk to them about this interest you could even connect with

them via Skype maybe you can even connect to people in your city to give

you an example with myself right now I'm actually taking vocal coaching and one

thing that has been really great is that not only am i learning about something

new but I'm actually learning vocabulary in Spanish related to that thing that

I'm interested in and actually improving my vocabulary in the language I'm learning.

So this also gives you a whole new purpose for learning English I could

give you another example from one of our team members Agnieszka who is also an

introvert and she also used to be quite shy but she has really blossomed and

she's used her english to do it she actually joined Toastmasters which was

something that she wanted to become a better public speaker and so she's had

to actually give speeches in front of other people in her native language

polish but also in English and this has been a whole new way for her to tie her

passion of learning English to another passion of hers and to really develop

herself as a person and Agnieszka has also told me that this has really helped

her to overcome her shyness so this is a really great way for you to be less shy

as well but also just to get really excited about your

because you're tying it to something else that you're passionate about.

Okay so if you are an introvert you can never be an extrovert and do not believe

anyone who tells you otherwise just like your height its genetic and it's

something that you cannot change but you can fake it you can stretch yourself and

act like an extrovert when it's important but just like a rubber band

there's a limit to how much it can stretch and if you stretch it too much

it'll break and it'll be very disastrous so make sure when you do this that you

get plenty of time to rest and recharge.

However this goes back to the last point

if you are faking it it must be for a worthy cause so for you as an English

learner it must be really closely aligned with a deeper purpose for why

you are learning the language don't fake it because you think that there's

something wrong with you and you need to conform to how other people think you

should be the roads of success is not in trying to be someone that you're not it

is in discovering what makes you unique and what you can personally contribute

however if you're faking it because it's necessary for a cause that's really

important to you then you can be successful to a point for example Elon Musk

hates public speaking but he does it because he feels a really deep

purpose to change the world and it's a necessary part of achieving that goal or

another example would be Meryl Streep that we talked about earlier she says

that she uses visualization exercises to actually put herself into the situation

and obviously it works for her because it's really convincing in many of her

movies that she's not an introvert so what is your purpose

I recommend actually writing about it, journaling about it and really getting

to know yourself and that way when you really do need to act like an extrovert

then you'll shine in that presentation or meeting or whatever is really

necessary for you to do the things that are important to you.

So finally number eleven,

it's really valiant what you're doing you're putting yourself outside of

your comfort zone doing things that are really difficult for you for something

that's really important for you so really it's important that you give

yourself some sort of reward for this effort so after doing something draining

like going to an event, a meeting, a language exchange or a party do

something that is really fulfilling for you as an introvert like reading a book

for me personally I really enjoy getting together with

my friends on the weekend but I also find it that it can be really tiring if

I overdo it like if I try to make plans with friends for Friday, Saturday and

Sunday by the end I'm just gonna be exhausted and that's going to affect my

work during the week so being that I actually know this about myself I take

this into account when I'm planning my weekends I get together with one group

of friends at most just Saturday night or just Sunday during the day but I

don't do it more than one day because I know if I do then it's not going to be

beneficial for me it's going to have the opposite effect but by doing this I'm

actually getting out there I'm seeing the people that I care about and then I

reward myself by doing something that I would prefer to do at home on Sunday.

All right guys thanks so much for joining me today now a lot of today's lesson has

been based on a fantastic book called Quiet by Susan Cain now if you are an

introvert then I believe this is a must read to really get to understand

yourself and your strengths as an introvert a great way to get started

with this is by watching Susan Cain's TED talk which I'll link up at the top.

Now as introverts we need to recognize that for better or for worse the world

really rewards extroverts but that doesn't mean that the world doesn't also

need us to really be our best as introverts bringing our reflective

creative and innovative ideas to our workplaces and to what we're

contributing to the world so I really want to just challenge you to start

doing this in your English and in your life and if you're an introvert and you

have a great story to share with us then I would really love to hear it we have a

new post about this over on Instagram so go check that out and write your message

there your story there and share it with other English learners and with me

you'll find that at @reallife.english and if you're an introvert like

me you probably love reading and we have this other recent lesson that we made

talking about six of the best books for English learners and for your life so go

check that out now it's time to go beyond the classroom

and live your English aww yeah!

Now let's jump into this list of six incredible

books for your English and your life.

All right so the first book that I have

for you on this list is the seven Habits of Highly Effective People now this is

definitely one of my top books ever now if you want to be more successful at

anything you should really consider reading this book.