How to Conquer Your Fear Of Speaking English | Why Mistakes are a Good Thing with Christina Lorimer

Hey y'all! We are back with another lesson from  the Beyond Borders Talk Show. This week with neuro  

language coach Christina Lorimer. In this lesson  you will get some fascinating advice on how to  

overcome your fears and even trauma of speaking  english, so that you can start communicating  

confidently. Christina welcome to the show! - Thank you! It's nice to be here. And if you are  

new here every week we help you to understand  fast native speech, to be understood by anyone,  

and to connect to the world. Like reallifer  Oscar who says that our videos motivate him  

to not give up. Now we're excited to join you on  your english learning journey too. It's simple:  

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When you're learning another language you're adding something you're not deleting. And I think that's a common  

misunderstanding. People think I need to like  delete my portuguese in order to add in english.  

It's like, no, the goal here is for you  to become bilingual or multilingual and  

we're you know we all have multiple identities  in our everyday lives all the time. You know  

I'm not the same person with my mom that I  am necessarily you know with my best friend,  

like we all have multiple identities  that we're juggling all the time.  

And now when we add in this new language that  brings with it sort of this other identity and  

this other Christina people used to always joke  with me. There was like a spanish Christina and an  

english Christina and now a portuguese Christina  and like they're all just a little different.  

Like one's a little happier, one seems a little bit  more moody, like you know they have all of these  

different. And I like to play with that because  that actually helps me change those in my  

brain, you know. I identify so much with South  America, Central and South America culturally  

like I identify a little bit more with some of  those different cultural behaviors that I do with  

the United States cultural behaviors around these  things. And so it's almost like I'm living a part  

of my identity and a part of my full self when  I'm abroad in some of these other countries that  

I feel like sometimes I have to  restrict a little bit when I'm here.  

So, hence the multiple identities. I mean I think the number one ask around learning languages, 

specifically learning english that I would put out  there to everyone is to really be super patient  

and super kind to yourself as you're going  through this process. Because I think that  

the feelings that most inhibit you from prevent  you from learning english are all these feelings  

around that you're dumb, and you're not getting  it and, it's not going fast enough, and a lot of  

things around comparing yourself to other people.  And so just know that everyone goes through that.  

Everyone struggles with those things and what  your job other than studying a little bit each  

day and really putting yourself out there is to  be really nice to yourself and really patient  

with your brain and your body. Because it's  especially if you're living in another country  

because it's actually going through a  lot. And that will only help you actually,  

although it doesn't feel like it, it'll help you  learn quicker if you're really just sort of like  

patient and kind to yourself. So, that would be my ask. - I absolutely love that being patient and being  

kind with yourself. I think that's applicable  to learning english. And you're able to do  

that with english it's going to be beneficial for  all other areas of your life as well.

If you want  to get better at speaking english then at some  point you're going to have to start speaking.  

Many learners tell me that they want to  speak english but they don't have anyone  

to practice with. Is this true for you? Well, we  created the RealLife App to solve this problem!  

At the touch of a button you will connect with  another learner in a different part of the world  

for a quick and engaging conversation so not only  will you practice and increase your confidence  

but you will also discover other cultures. What's  more? You can listen to our podcast and talk show  

episodes with full transcripts and vocabulary  definitions, including the full interview  

with Christina for free! I bet this all sounds  too good to be true? Well, it is true! You can  

download it for free right now by clicking up  here or down in the description below, or you  

can just search for RealLife English in the Apple  App or Google Play Store. See you there!

Everyone has some sort of fear, right? Because it's our brains it's our natural sense, like it's just  

what happens when we step outside our comfort  zones and when we're super uncomfortable.  

It's not something that our brains love, it's  trying to move us away from that feeling and so  

it's this internal struggle, right? There's a  whole phase that you go through with language  

learning everyone's is different but everyone  has it where you're like you know, you have  

to be so intentional about it. And I think that  intentionality especially for this group of women  

wasn't present for so long because that they  thought that it was them and they were dumb,  

and it was this and it was that, and it was all  these different things. And I'm saying no this is  

actually just what language learning is like it's  really uncomfortable, it's you know... I like to  

talk about the magic of language learning and how  much it changed my own life and how important I  

think it is, and how I just think it's the best  thing I've ever done in my life. At the same time  

not romanticize it too much and say, oh and also  it's like it's gonna be pretty hard and you're  

going to be really uncomfortable because if you  don't then students feel uncomfortable and they're  

like, I'm doing something wrong or someone doesn't  understand them and they're like it's all me.

I'm like that's just no, no that's just  part of it that's just a big part of it you know.  

That's terrific, I could not agree more.  It's one of the things I've always tried to  

communicate to my students as well is you know,  it's a difficult process and you know everything  

that you want really is on the other side of  your comfort zone. So, I mean that's true really with  

anything that you want to learn is you have  to push through that awkwardness that discomfort  

like you were saying. - Totally. So, I learned a lot. And I think the thing that I learned most  

in terms of like teaching english was it further  reinforced what I already knew about the humanity  

of it all, the humanity of learning languages and  by that I mean I'm very convinced by this point  

that learning a new language, but  specifically when it comes to english  

given all of its you know, heavy background  and history and colonizing ways...  

When it comes to learning english for sure for  specific populations it sort of has nothing to  

do with the language, the nuts and bolts of the  words and the structures and the vocabulary, and  

everything to do or maybe like 80/20 I don't know  with the psychological and emotional barriers  

that come along with that. I was working with a  small group of women who had been discriminated  

against basically their you know, lives in the  language that they were now being told that they  

had to learn. So, it was a lot you know, at that  point I was very fluent in spanish too. So, I  

you know, really started to realize the privilege  and the power in teaching english via the  

first language in that you know, we would  obviously do a lot of activities in english,  

and we would we were learning english. But  I wasn't implementing at all, and I never  

did before but I really didn't with this group a  sort of like english only were only going to speak  

english in this environment. It was more like, oh  someone started crying, switch into spanish, sid  

circle, what's that all about? Because without  that you can't learn. Your brain fogs up there's  

no point, there's no point in trying to force  you know, activity continuous or something if  

your brain's not even working, if you can't think  because you're so upset, so... I think that was  

that's sort of like, the main thing that I really  took away from that experience. 

What were some of those kind of techniques that you came up with at that point to deal with people who had somewhat  

of a traumatic relationship? Maybe traumatic is  not the right word, but a difficult relationship  

with the language. - That's a good way of putting  it. I mean more general things are just trying to  

break down some of these like, common myths that  we know and these common misunderstandings around  

learning a language like, making mistakes is  a bad thing when in fact it's like one of the  

best things you can do as long as you learn from  them. Sharing a lot of my own journey with spanish  

while recognizing how different it is, right?  While recognizing I started learning spain at  

a spanish university, I started learning  spanish at a spanish university in Spain  

like, that didn't really matter but the fact that  I also really had some struggles with it which  

is what I do to this day with my students, they  always get really surprised when I'm like, yeah  

I was depressed when I couldn't speak and they  were like, really? I'm like, yeah it's really hard  

and you know like you're not the only one  who feels this so a little bit of normalizing  

what they were feeling, I think the simple fact  of stuff talking about it makes a huge impact.  

You don't have to love english. I get that you  don't, and there's a lot of people who have to  

learn english all over the world that don't aren't  like, the portuguese word was just gonna come into  

my mind but like, in love with it you know,  and that impassioned is what I was gonna say,  

but what I want you to do is, I want  you to think of english as a stepmother,  

okay? So, you don't really have a choice in the  matter this thing, in this case this person,  

this thing is going to live with you perhaps  for the rest of your life, and being able to  

civilly and productively interact with it is going  to be really really important for you. And all  

these different spheres of your life so what if  english was like the stepmother in the situation,  

you know? So like a lot of that kind of stuff  you know reframing metaphors storytelling,  

all these things that we know that work in  general like when communicating something. But  

again I think with her just saying that  like I could see something click in her mind  

and she was like, oh, and I was like, yeah  she's here to stay whether you like it or not,  

you know. This is just what's gonna happen  and you're gonna have to live with her like,  

how can we make this a livable relationship, you know? - Yeah, that makes total sense  

one of the other things that struck me there  too is that it seems like, you were helping your  

students to realize that the experience they were  having wasn't unique to them. I think even people  

who don't have a traumatic experience you know,  with the language they tend to think if they're  

struggling with any part of it that it's their  problem they're the only one experiencing it. So,  

it sounds like that's something that you  helped them to break through a little bit,  

right? Is realizing that they weren't alone  and kind of giving them that empathy.

When  you find people that you identify with  that will come, right? If you're a self  

learner and you really want to go at it on your  own too just always remember like, the basic  

tenets of what's most important which is that  the english needs to be relevant to your life,  

it needs to be useful, you need to have some  need for it, and it like has to be interesting.  

Because if it's not you're like, you're not  going to keep studying. You need to like it,  

which is why some people are like, well  this person said on instagram that it's  

terrible to study english with music. I'm  like, but are you in love with that song?  

Will you listen to it 500 times? Because  I have songs that I listen to 500 times  

and that helped me learn spanish and  helped me learn portuguese. And if you  

are in love with that if you're in love with How  I Met your Mother, or Breaking Bad or you know,  

Rupaul's Drag Race, whatever it is like, then  sure like learn english with that series you  

know just make sure you're intentional about  it. And do these different things but like,  

I just don't... I'm not a big fan of limiting  students. I mean, obviously if they're terrible  

materials and they like don't make  any sense and they're wrong but like,  

has to be relevant, has to be useful and has to  be interesting. You won't go wrong if you set  

aside some time and hang out with those english  materials and follow the people that you like.  

Eventually you'll get there. It might just  take a little bit longer but you'll get there.  

Now, I hope that you've gotten some  great insights with today's lesson!  

Why not put something new that you  learned to practice by speaking  

right now on the RealLife App? Remember that you  can also listen to the rest of this interview  

with Christina for free on the RealLife App,  or wherever you enjoy listening to podcasts!  

And now, it's time to go beyond the  classroom and live your english! Aww yeah!