How to communicate effectively & GET RESULTS!

Hello.

My name's Ronnie.

Are you a mother or a father, or a teacher or someone?

Are you someone?

Are you a human?

Me too.

I want to tell you something that's really, really cool and amazing.

The way that we speak to students or the way that you speak to children or even other people,

if you're a boss or you are a manager of someone or of a company - it's very, very important

the way that you speak to people because if you are very direct with people, they will

not respond to you, and they will close down, they will lose their confidence, and they

will not do what you need them to do.

I'm a teacher.

Surprise.

And in a classroom, there is certain language that you can use to help students motivate them...

To help motivate students, and there's also certain language that you can use with children

or with employees to help motivate them or encourage them.

So, what I'm going to teach you today is English phrases that you probably use, and maybe they're

not getting the results that you need in your place of work, at home with children, or in

a classroom.

And the reason why is it's because how people react to what you say.

If someone throws you negative energy, you're not going to respond very well to them.

For example, if you're upset and someone says: -"Just relax.

Don't worry."

-"Don't tell me to relax.

I'm angry."

The worst thing you can do is tell someone to relax, because it makes it worse.

So, I'm going to go through some harsh phrases and how to make them softer to encourage people

to get them to do what you want.

"Manipulation" is another word.

So, as a teacher, I know that sometimes students do not understand something.

Now, I know because of their faces; they have a blank stare, or they look around, or they

look at the ground.

So, as a teacher, you say: "Okay.

Do you have any questions?"

And, of course, you are shy.

You don't want to ask the teacher a question.

Maybe you will look stupid if you ask the teacher a question.

So, teachers, instead of saying: "Do you have any questions?" and waiting in silence, it

would be better to say: "I'm here to help.

Please ask me."

It's the same thing if you are in a job, or you are the manager of someone, or you are

the boss of someone.

Instead of saying: "Do you have any questions?" you can be nice and say: "I'm here to help

you, so please ask me questions.

Feel free to ask me questions."

This makes you more approachable.

"Approachable" means easier to talk to, because you need to make sure that the people respect

you, and then you can have a good relationship, whether it be in the classroom, at a job,

or with your children, or anyone really.

"Why don't you understand?

Oh my god, you're so stupid."

So, obviously there is a problem; maybe with instructions, or language, or communication.

Instead of asking the person: "Why don't you understand?" because they don't know why they

understand, you could say something like: "Oh, hey.

Let me show you again."

Or: "Let me tell you again how to do it."

Again, you're taking the person and making them help you.

You want to help the person.

You don't want the person to feel stupid or feel not good about themselves; you want to

encourage people in a classroom, you want to encourage your children to learn.

As soon as you stop doing that, people shut off; they don't want to learn from you, they

don't want to take guidance from you, especially in a job.

You're supposed to be a leader if you're a manager.

You're supposed to give people guidance.

And if you don't do that properly, no one's going to follow you.

Your team, it's not going to work too well.

So: "Shut up!

Oh my god!"

I understand, as a parent, children are loud, or in a classroom the classroom gets crazy;

students are loud.

You want to just scream: "Shut up!" or "Be quiet!"

Okay, do it.

But if that doesn't work, another method you could say is, especially to children: "Please

speak in a quieter voice."

So, maybe your kids are running around the house, screaming and yelling, or they're just

so excited: "Wah!

Oh my god!"

That's good.

It's good to show excitement, but it's better to say to them: "Please talk in a quieter

voice.

Please be more quiet.

You don't have to stop talking, but just keep the level down."

There's something I think from The Simpsons, and they had a thing: "Inside voice and outside voice."

So, when you go outside, you have to speak louder because there's more interference;

when you're inside, your voice should be quieter.

So, some people say: "Use your inside voice", which means be a little quieter.

Do you know people that use their outside voice all the time?

Like on the phone: "Hey, Mom!

How's it go-..."

Hey.

Don't yell at the phone; your Mom can hear you.

This is a problem with children, with other people who aren't children (adults) - a lot

of kids like to say bad words.

I say bad words.

But you don't want your child to go to school and tell someone off or use bad words to children

because it's not cool.

So, you can say to your child: "Hey, hey, hey.

Do you know what?

Let's... let's please speak with respect to other people.

You might be angry right now or you might have a problem, but bad words do not solve anything.

Let's talk with respect and try and work out the problem."

It's the same in an office.

If two office...

If co-workers are going crazy, and they're...

They're: "Ah!"

They hate each other, they want to kill each other or there's a problem - don't use bad

words because, again, that escalates into violence.

Oh, that's chaos.

Not that bad, but it just has bad energy.

So, try and get the person to use a calmer voice and talk about things.

This is really good for children because kids love to do this.

I guess I'm a kid; I like to make a mess, too.

So, kids like to make a mess.

"Make a mess" means put things everywhere, get things dirty, colour on things, leave

toys everywhere.

Kids do this; it's natural.

And you get angry because you have to clean it.

But, hey, how about you get your kid to clean it?

How about you teach them how to be responsible with their things?

So, instead of saying: "Ah, you made a mess!" you can say: "Woo!

It looks like you had fun today.

Let's clean it up now.

I'll help you."

Or: "You'll clean this up and it'll be better."

You want to encourage the child to clean up his or her own mess.

Not you; you're not the maid of your child.

You want to teach the kid responsibility and how to do things for themselves; very important.

Next one.

Now, this is something that is very frustrating.

You give people instructions at a job, in a classroom, or for anyone, and they do it

wrong or they just don't do it, and you say: "Oh my god.

I already told you how to do this.

Why didn't you do it the correct way?

What's wrong with you?"

So this shuts the person down; they will not want to do anything for you again.

So, instead of saying this, you can say: "Oh, do you know what?

Let me give you another example of how I want you to do this or how this could be done."

Maybe the person didn't really understand you, and that's why they didn't do it the

way you wanted them to, or they're just being disrespectful.

You always have to find out the proper situation first.

Is the person doing this because they just want to, or do they clearly not understand

what's happened?

If that's the case, give them another example, tell them again, help them.

If you help them, they help you; it's a two-way street.

This is a big one, too.

Now, people overreact all the time.

And as I told you at the beginning: "Relax.

Oh my god.

You're taking life too seriously."

Well, everyone is entitled to their own emotions.

If something makes you angry or something makes you sad, that's fine; those are your

emotions, and you have the right to express them any way you want.

But if you tell someone: "You're overreacting!

Relax!

Calm down!" this makes the person sadder, makes them cry more, or it makes them more angry.

You don't want to do that.

You want the person to relax, but without telling them.

So, you can say: "Hey, hey, hey.

Don't worry."

Maybe you give your child a task to do and they can't do it, say: "Don't worry.

Try it again.

You can do it."

You need to encourage children, you need to encourage people if they fail to do it again,

and again, and again.

By this time, just give up.

I mean, come on.

They're never going to do it.

But you need to tell them to at least try to do it.

It's kind of like me and math.

I'm terrible in math, and I just gave up.

Now I have a calculator.

Yes.

Thank you, cell phones.

Math teachers, I don't need your help.

Another thing that we do because we understand more than a student, or more than a child,

or maybe more than a worker is we tell people: "What?

It's not hard; it's easy.

Come on.

Why can't you do this?"

So, this makes the person feel stupid.

"Oh my god.

I can't do this."

Especially children, if you say: "Come on, you can...

Why can't you do this?" the child feels like they don't want to try even.

So, again, you're going to encourage them.

Say: "Do you know what?

Oh, this is hard for you; that's okay.

Let me help you.

You can do it."

Again, when you encourage people, it makes them want to try the thing again.

So, if you are a teacher in a classroom and you're having control issues with your class,

or if you are a mother or a father or a babysitter or you have kids around you and you need them

to follow your instructions and respect you, if you're a boss at a job or a manager and

the employees aren't working well together - I want you to examine yourself.

I want you to look to see if you are a good leader; if you are using language that actually

encourages people or most of the time-and I do this, too-we use language that makes

people close up and not want to help.

So, take a look at yourself, and then you can help the people that need your guidance.

This is all the tips I have for today.

Go out, have fun at work, and encourage people to be good.

Don't be evil.