LEARN REAL ENGLISH: Get DRUNK with James

Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

I need a drink to take the edge off.

Hey, E, how you doing?

Seems E is ready to start drinking and wants me to join him.

Today's lesson is on drinking.

Not...

I mean, I did a video on drinking before.

Take a sip.

This is what happens when people drink too much, past the social stage.

Okay?

So let's go to the board and take a look.

And before I get started, this video is for Elle Williams (Chicklet).

She'll know why when I get to "paralytic", and the rest of you will learn a brand new

word you'll like a lot.

Anyway, so E's saying: "Cheers, mate", so he wants to invite me to a drink.

Before I get started on the lesson, I want to kind of do a public service announcement

(PSA): "Drinking can be a social activity, but too much is irresponsible.

Please drink responsibly."

Now I've done my PSA.

Okay?

So, I'm not advocating drinking too much, but this video is about drinking too much.

Let's just face it, what it is.

I mean, we're not going to be drinking Perrier, here.

Okay?

So, you like to drink, you like to party.

In some countries I know it's not legal, but if you're coming to a lot of Western countries,

you can drink and some people take that to the extreme.

And I'm going to go and go through the stages, actually, of drinking and where we start off

with.

Now, if you have a drink, it probably won't affect you.

In fact, for the average person, male or female, one drink every two hours will not really

affect your system; it will be in your system, but won't affect you - how you think, cognitively

how you think or you physically, your reflexes, depending on weight and everything else before

people say: "But James, if it's a small woman..."

Just generally speaking, okay?

Now, if you are going to go out drinking, I may suggest that you get a "designated driver".

In North America, that is a person who is not supposed to drink, so if five people are

going out, one of those people will not drink; they will have Coke or water all night and

drive the other ones home.

Okay?

So get one of those.

Because if you get stopped by the police or any law enforcement agent, if you have...

I believe it's 0.06 or 0.08 - I can't recall what it is...

It doesn't matter, but it's about a certain blood level, you will be considered under

the influence and you could be in trouble, serious trouble for drinking and driving.

Okay?

This also goes for marijuana, but in this case, drinking and driving, being under the

influence is illegal in most Western countries.

Okay?

So, now that we've got the business out of the way, let's partay, okay?

So, the first stage of drinking, you can see my cup is up.

I'm with E.

We're having a drink.

"Cheers, mate", smashing glasses - a great time.

And I want to have a drink.

I'm after work; I've had a very busy day, and I'm like: "Oh, man, I had a lot of reports

to do.

I just need a drink to take the edge off."

That means I want a drink, maybe two, but I'm not trying to get drunk.

I'm stressed out; I want to relax.

The edge - it's when you're...

Here's the edge: You're here, and you're about to fall off.

You're just there, you go: "I need to take off the edge.

I want to relax, so I can take some steps back and relax."

Okay?

So, hey, the first stage of drinking, you want to take the edge off - you need to relax

from a stressful day.

Now, "tipsy" is a little different.

Once you get a little tipsy, we like to say you're slightly drunk, a little bit.

Maybe you've had three drinks, and now you're kind of happy.

You know?

You just got that kind of walk on, like: "Hey, how ya doin'?

I'm pretty good myself."

You've got rid of the stress, and now you're happy-guy; like: "Yeah, I'm pretty good.

How you doin'?"

Next one is "buzzed".

You know "bee"?

"Buzzzz".

When you're buzzed, man, you're just kind of: "Yeah, I'm feeling good now."

You've gone past the one, two social to: "I'm just going to let my brain go off for a little

while", but you're not falling down drunk.

You're either...

You're more...

A little bit more than happy, you're kind of a little bit out of it, but not too much.

Once again, at any of these stages you shouldn't be driving.

Have a designated driver because you're now under the influence of alcohol, and that's

what that means: Under the influence of alcohol - you cannot think as clearly as you should.

Now let's go from the happy stage and kind of relaxed, and kind of move into stage B.

You will notice our glass is not quite level; we're kind of: "Uhh", because now you're drunk.

You're drunk.

If somebody says: "Hey, look at James.

He's wasted", it means he's pretty drunk.

We use the term "wasted" because it probably means not just today...

When you waste something, you don't use it properly.

Okay?

You misuse it or you use it too much.

Or think of garbage - it's waste; it's no longer any good.

When we say: "You're wasted", we're looking at you, and you're kind of like: "Uh, uh".

I go: "Tomorrow morning, he's no good to anybody.

That guy will not be able to get out of bed.

He's wasted."

We can see it now that tomorrow is going to be done.

Okay?

So that's when we say that's: "You're wasted."

Now: "You're hammered" - oo, boy.

"Wasted" I could see it, but "hammered" is another stage.

If you know what a hammer is, and that's what my little drawing is here, we use it to hit

nails.

When you're hammered, it's like when someone takes a hammer and hits you upside the head,

and you're like: "Oh, yeah."

And you see those guys walking like: "Hey, you're my buddy, you're my buddy."

You're like: "Get off of me, please.

Stop touching me, you cretin."

And they think they're being...

They're like: "Ah, I love you.

I love you, I love you."

They love everybody.

You're like: "That guy's hammered."

It's because we say this is because you are really drunk, you might even be unconscious.

When some people are hammered, you're like: "Ahhh", and they're unconscious.

They just...

It's just like: "One, two, three - you're out!"

That guy's hammered.

Next, similar to "hammered": "pissed".

Okay, I got to stop and give you a couple of things on the word "pissed" here, okay?

Number one, "piss", the "p-i-s-s" is for pee-pee; it's going number one; urinating; peeing.

You're peeing, you know?

"Oh, got to get this out, I'm so...

Ooh."

So, when we say: "You're pissed", you go: "Well, James, why would they say 'pissed'?"

It means you drank...

You've had so much to drink that you're probably going to pee your own pants; you'll have a

stain on your pants.

It's like: "Ew, he pissed himself.

He's pissed."

That's how drunk you are; you may wet your pants.

"Pissed" also means...

Another...

Another thing is very angry, so you have to look up context.

If I say: "I'm pissed at you" it means: "I'm very angry at you."

If you say somebody pissed their pants, they've got a wet spot at the front of their pants

and it's highly embarrassing if you're over the age of 3.

Okay?

And then if they're pissed, you're watching them drink, like: "That guy's pissed.

He's going to...

You know, he'll probably piss himself anytime now."

Okay?

My final one here is: "Drunk as a skunk".

You mean: "What's a 'skunk'?"

If you have watched the cartoons, there's Pep� Le Pew - it's an animal that has a

tail that has a bad smell.

If you come too close, the animal lets the smell go; it's horrible.

In North America, you can always tell when a skunk has been hit because the area for

like a mile smells bad, you're like: "Oh, it's sick."

When you're drunk as a skunk it's like you've drunken so much alcohol that you can smell

the alcohol off the person.

You're like: "Oo, that guy's drunk.

He's drunk as a skunk.

So drunk you can smell it coming off of them."

Okay?

You're going to yourself probably, like: "James, these seem horrible", but the glass is still

not over.

No, we're not finished because there's another stage you can go to.

Exhibit C: When the glass is completely fallen and everything is empty.

When you are "dead to the world".

Usually at this point of drinking, you're no longer standing; you're on the floor - dead.

You're not dead.

It looks like you're dead.

They can kick you: "Hey, hey.

Get up."

You're not moving.

Go: "Ugh.

Ugh."

That's how drunk you are.

Okay?

"Pass out" is another one, you can...

You see someone: "Blah."

You go: -"What happened to James?"

-"He passed out."

I drank so much I just fall asleep on the...

Right there.

He crawls out; I'll be on the floor.

You'll be like: -"What happened to him?"

-"He passed out."

So much alcohol is in his system, he fell asleep while standing up, and - boom.

Okay?

"Black out".

It's not dark.

You go: "It's 'black out'.

I got it."

No, no.

When you black out, you're actually walking around talking to people, but you have no

idea you're doing this.

In the morning people will say: -"You told me you were going to give me a ride to Jamaica

on your airplane."

-"What?

I don't remember that."

-"Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Then you were dancing the Flamingo and the Ferengi, and you were doing all sorts of things."

It's like: "Must have blacked out.

I don't recall."

Literally your memory is gone.

You were there, but you're not.

Please do not...

Once again, drink responsibly.

Okay?

This is irresponsible to your body.

And final, this is my favourite one, this is for Elle Williams: "You're paralytic.

You're paralytic" Now, even Americans are now going or anyone who's English, goes: "He

just made that word up."

I didn't.

You're not from England.

This is a special one.

When you're paralytic, it's like you're paralyzed.

You are so drunk: "I can't move.

I drank too much.

I'm stuck like this forever."

Okay?

That's if you're paralytic.

You don't want to get that stage, but some people do.

Scottish people.

I mean some people do - they get paralytic.

They drink so much they cannot move.

Similar to being "dead to the world", okay?

And that's why that face is there.

So, we've gone through stages A, B, and C, and then I put a sun here for the next day.

What is this for?

This is the result of drinking too much.

If you drink too much, the next day you will be "hung over".

Remember I talked about "wasted"?

Where's my "wasted" one?

Usually no good.

You will have a headache, probably stomach problems, maybe even diarrhea, and you will

wish you were dead.

You will wish you were dead to the world.

You're like: "Oh, what did I do?

Why do I do that every weekend?

Oh!"

Hung over.

You would wish somebody: "Just kill me, please.

Kill me."

Now, I've mentioned all these stages and the stage D, and I've got a red box here.

This is when I'm a bit serious.

If people say: "You drink like a fish", they are probably saying not for that evening,

because all of this can happen in one evening, and maybe you do it once every three years.

I did it in Cuba once.

Oh, did I do it in Cuba once.

I wasn't paralytic, but I wished I was dead.

I tell you.

But I wasn't an "alcoholic".

In fact, I stopped drinking for ten years after that.

I was just like: Oh... she'll attest to that.

Now, when you drink like a fish it means you drink all the time.

Fish are in water; that's all they do.

They drink.

Always surrounded.

It means you're always drinking.

If someone starts saying you drink like a fish or you're an alcoholic, you might want

to seek some help.

I mean, I made fun here and it is funny, and you want to learn these things because in

your...

If you're in a social setting, people will say these things and you should know when

a guy goes: "Hey, that dude's wasted."

Instead of going: "What do you mean, 'waste'?

Is he not spending his money correctly?"

That's incorrect.

He's saying he's drunk, right?

And if you say: "Hey, I'm going to pass out if I have another drink."

It's like: "Hey, okay, don't have one.

I'll take you home.

We've got a designated driver."

It's good to be able to use all of this vocabulary and have fun in a new culture, new environment.

But do be careful.

If people start mentioning: "I think you're an alcoholic" or "You drink like a fish",

they're making a statement that your drinking is taking on a...

Is becoming a problem.

Anyway.

I don't want to waste any more of your time.

See?

I didn't say "wasted", because it's not wasted time.

We have to go into...

Do our quiz, and I got a little bonus section for you, you might find interesting.

You ready?

Let's go.

[Snaps].

Okay, we're back.

Listen, I mentioned: "Hung over", all right?

You are hung over, but when you want to say the noun, when you have something, we have

to say: "A hangover".

Right?

This is the noun.

So, you can be "hung over" - descriptive, but a "hangover" is what you have personally,

like you have a headache.

Right?

So, we're going to go to the board and take a look at this story, and you're going to

help me figure out how we can make this true story a better story.

So:

"Mr. E and I went to a party last week.

Mr. E didn't want to drink and drive, so I was the person who didn't drink, and drove

instead.

Mr. E is a worm who loves to drink.

He love..."

Sorry.

"He says it relaxes his after stressful work.

Last week he got so drunk he couldn't move.

He fell asleep on the toilet.

He had a headache and felt bad for three days!"

That's actually not bad, but it's a little boring, and we can put a little umph in there,

and use some of the new vocabulary and phrases that we've learned to punch it up; make it

interesting.

But first we have to identify what we have to change.

Okay?

So, let's go to the board and take a look.

The first thing is: "Mr. E and I went to a party last week."

Nothing to change.

"Mr. E didn't want to drink and drive" - I'm going to say we should look here.

Okay?

So we'll just...

Yeah, we'll go here.

"...so I was the person who didn't drink, and drove instead."

Okay?

So, I'm going to say we're going to look at that again, and we're going to look...

If you want to take that whole sentence here, like that, and we're just going to take this

whole sentence I think.

Okay?

I think that might be something we can change.

"Mr. E is a worm who loves to drink."

That's funny; he's a worm, he has no hands, but he loves to drink.

What can we change?

I think we'll be looking at this section, here.

"He says it relaxes him after a stressful work" or "a stressful day at work".

Go here, I think.

"Last week he got so drunk he couldn't move."

I'm going to go here.

"He fell asleep on the toilet."

A worm on the toilet; he doesn't even have ass cheeks.

Doesn't have a bum.

Okay?

And: "He had a headache and felt bad for three days!"

Now, I've gone ahead and outlined which ones I think should change.

I'm going to wait a second or two, because what I want from you is to do...

I want you to sit there and I want you to figure out why I outlined those particular

things, and I'm going to give you a second to go through it, if you made notes, or to

go back over the video to think about the things I've talked about and why I picked

those ones.

Okay?

I'll give you a second or two.

Some of you already know, so you don't need a second - you can just go ahead in the video;

and others, just wait a second, take a look.

Okay, so let's go up here.

"He didn't want to drink and drive because he didn't want to be doing something illegal"

- that should give you a hint.

"I was the person who didn't drink, and I drove instead.

I became a certain person", you should remember that one.

When somebody loves to drink and we say "a lot" or "too much", there are two phrases,

or there's a word and a phrase you could probably use instead.

Okay?

"Something relaxes him after stressful work."

There was one phrase I used for that one.

"He couldn't move".

My sweater should help you with that one.

And: "I just recently helped"...

Oh, sorry.

"He fell asleep on the toilet."

Okay?

Remember we talked about falling asleep?

That it just suddenly happens?

Okay.

On the toilet.

So, we've got "fall asleep on the toilet", just like that one.

And finally: "He had a headache and felt bad".

I told you there was a noun, as well as we talked about...

I won't say what.

If I tell you, you will know.

Okay?

I taught you the noun for that.

So, are you ready to help me?

Let's go to the board and fix it.

First things first: "Mr. E didn't want to drink and drive."

Okay?

What didn't he want to be?

He didn't want to be "under the influence".

Remember that?

When we said "influence", we said he didn't want to be drinking and driving because that's

illegal; didn't want to be under the influence of alcohol.

So, I was the person who drove instead - what was I?

"I was the designated driver".

Right?

And look how many words I got rid of.

That's why we use it; it saves on speech.

We don't have to say all of these words; you can just cut it out because it's understood:

"Designated driver" is the person who drove instead, and they didn't drink and drive.

Or: "designated driver".

"Mr. E is a worm who loves to drink."

Okay?

"He drinks like a fish".

Okay?

I didn't say "alcoholic", here.

You could possibly put: "Mr. E is an alcoholic", but I said: "He loves to drink", so "drinks

like a fish" is better.

I think that's a better fit for this, this statement.

Next: "He says it relaxes him after a stressful day"...

Sorry.

"...stressful work".

You could say: "a stressful day at work".

Once again, look at all the words that are going away.

Okay?

So I'm going to put this here, and I'm going to put: "it takes the edge off".

Remember we talked about stress?

When you're stressed out, you have a drink to take the edge off to relax you.

Okay?

So it takes the edge off.

"Last week he got so drunk he couldn't move."

Remember I told you the British word?

I know it's going to be a new favourite among Canadians and Americans pretty soon; they're

going to be like: "I'm going to get paralytic tonight."

He got paralytic.

Okay?

Now, he fell asleep...

He fell asleep on the toilet.

What did we say when somebody falls asleep on the toilet?

We're not going to say "dead to the world", but I probably would say...

I probably would say: "He...

He passed out".

Oh, sorry.

"Last week he got so drunk"...

Sorry, guys.

I made a mistake, here.

Just take a look.

"...he was"...

I might teach you a new word, but I still got to do it in a proper English way.

So: "He got so drunk he was paralytic.

He passed out on the toilet.

And he had a headache and felt bad for three days!"

Yeah, but I'm going to be honest, I would not say that.

I would say...

I would even get rid of "had" and say: "He was"...

Give me a second; I'm going to be in your way for a second.

"...hung over for three days".

So let's read this story now; the new story.

"Mr. E and I went to a party last week.

Mr. E didn't want to be under the influence, so I was the designated driver."

All right?

Okay?

So: "I was the designated driver.

Mr. E drinks like a fish.

He says it takes the edge off."

Right?

The alcohol.

"Last week he got so drunk he was paralytic.

He passed out on the toilet.

He was hung over for three days!"

Doesn't that sound a lot better than: "drink", "drink", "drive", "drove", "drink", "drink",

"drink", "drink", "drink", "drink", "drink"?

This is when you start to master the language and you get to be like a native - you'll notice

that we take out words that are very clear, and we put in idioms, or phrases, or phrasal

verbs to shorten what we have to say, give it more of an interesting flavour.

And it makes us much of a social group because we know the special words and you don't.

So, today, I'm giving you a hand up and teaching you the special words.

Even some of my American brothers and sisters: "paralytic".

Okay?

So, I've not...

I've done my job for the day.

I hope you do go out and have a social drink, and don't go too far when you...

Oh, but before I go...

I almost forgot.

I almost forgot.

How can I forget?

The bonus!

Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh.

Dunh-dunh-dunh-dunh.

So, with the bonus what we want to talk about are some words to invite people to drink with

you.

Remember I talked about drinking being a social thing?

Well, because it's a social thing, you want to do it with...

I hope you don't drink by yourself at home, buy yourself a case or two of beer - it's

not good; you'll be drinking like a fish.

I'm going to teach you some drinking words.

Some of you might know; you might know one of them, but one...

One thing we say is: "Bottoms up".

"Bottoms up" - it means take the bottle you have and you got to finish it.

When they say: "Bottoms up"...

We're at a bar, I say: "Hey, we got to go to dinner at someplace.

We got to go right now.

Bottoms up."

You go like this: "Got it."

[Gulps].

Go, go, go, go.

"All right, let's go, let's go, let's go".

"Bottoms up" - the bottom must go in the air; you finish your drink.

No time for sippy, sippy; you got to bottoms up - it means finish that drink.

Next: "Cheers" - an invitation to drink.

If someone goes: "Hey, cheers, mate", it means: "Pick up your glass; we're going to drink."

It's not an obligation, but it's an invitation.

"Come join us.

Drink with us.

Share."

"A toast".

Now, this is when we get formal.

I wish I was wearing a tie.

"A toast to Mr. E and Mrs. E on this fantastic day of their marriage."

It's a celebration, and you're saying: "We want to celebrate something."

Or: "Here, here, Mr. E has graduated from Worm School.

He's a great little digger."

Okay?

So we celebrate; we raise our glasses up, and sometimes people: "Ching, ching, ching"

- they touch glasses.

So, a toast to.

Usually it's followed by a speech or someone will say: "He was always a little worm that

we knew would go many places."

All right?

So, different than "Cheers" where you just clink your glasses and drink.

Cool?

So I've given you a little bit of a bonus.

Not to forget about homework: Tell me a funny story about your drinking.

I'm sure there's a first time, and the first time you ever were drinking - what it was

like, maybe.

Or tell me about a time at a party with some friends when you guys were drinking a lot

and what happened.

I want you to do that.

I want you to share it on engVid, or you can share it with YouTube.

Just tell a story.

I'm sure other students will go: "Oh my gosh, when I was 16, I did this.

It was so much fun."

Share.

We've got a community, and I like to see it grow.

In saying that, I want to say thank you, once again, for watching this video and watching

all the videos you've watched thus far.

Okay?

Anyway, I got to get going.

I want you to subscribe.

So, there's a bell somewhere there - ding the bell.

And if you ding the bell, you'll get my latest videos.

Okay?

The latest thing I've done will come to you.

Right to you on your cellphone, or laptop, whatever you're using.

Okay?

Or you can go to www.engvid.com, and then you can do the quiz or test.

Cool.

Well, I've enjoyed my time with you, and I'll see you later; maybe at a party.

I could be your designated driver.

Yeah?

Have a good one.