Small Talk Success: A Simple Trick to Go From Awkward ๐Ÿ˜ฌ To Brilliant ๐Ÿ˜Ž

43,361 views

2020-06-16 ใƒป Accent's Way English with Hadar


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Small Talk Success: A Simple Trick to Go From Awkward ๐Ÿ˜ฌ To Brilliant ๐Ÿ˜Ž

43,361 views ใƒป 2020-06-16

Accent's Way English with Hadar


์•„๋ž˜ ์˜๋ฌธ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ”ํด๋ฆญํ•˜์‹œ๋ฉด ์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋ฒˆ์—ญ๋œ ์ž๋ง‰์€ ๊ธฐ๊ณ„ ๋ฒˆ์—ญ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

00:00
Let's talk about small talk.
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์Šค๋ชฐ ํ† ํฌ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•ฉ์‹œ๋‹ค.
00:05
If you're the kind of person who starts sweating, as soon as the Zoom call starts
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๋•€์„ ํ˜๋ฆฌ๊ธฐ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด๋ผ๋ฉด Zoom ํ†ตํ™”๊ฐ€ ์‹œ์ž‘๋˜์ž๋งˆ์ž
00:09
and not everyone has joined just yet, and you need to make a little bit of a
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๋ชจ๋“  ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ์•„์ง ์ฐธ์—ฌํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ์•ฝ๊ฐ„์˜ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ํ•ด์•ผ
00:14
conversation and that stresses you out.
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ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ŠคํŠธ๋ ˆ์Šค๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:17
"So, Jane, my manager, will join us in a sec.
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"๊ทธ๋Ÿผ ์ œ ๋งค๋‹ˆ์ €์ธ ์ œ์ธ์ด ๊ณง ํ•ฉ๋ฅ˜ํ•  ๊ฒ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
00:22
Okay?"
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์•Œ์•˜์ฃ ?"
00:30
Or if you are at an event, and the moment they give you a break, you run outside to
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๋˜๋Š” ํ–‰์‚ฌ์žฅ์—์„œ ํœด์‹ ์‹œ๊ฐ„์ด ์ฃผ์–ด์ง€๋ฉด ๋ง์„ ๊ฑธ์ง€ ์•Š์œผ๋ ค๊ณ 
00:35
buy coffee, trying not to bump into anyone so you wouldn't have to talk to them.
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๋ˆ„๊ตฌ์™€๋„ ๋ถ€๋”ชํžˆ์ง€ ์•Š์œผ๋ ค๊ณ  ์ปคํ”ผ๋ฅผ ์‚ฌ๋Ÿฌ ๋ฐ–์œผ๋กœ ๋›ฐ์–ด ๋‚˜๊ฐ‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค .
00:43
Then this, my friend, is for you.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿผ ์ด๊ฑด ์นœ๊ตฌ์•ผ.
00:45
Before you even begin let me know in the comments below, how
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์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๊ธฐ ์ „์— ์•„๋ž˜ ๋Œ“๊ธ€๋กœ ์•Œ๋ ค์ฃผ์„ธ์š”.
00:48
do you feel about small talk?
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์Šค๋ชฐ ํ† ํฌ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜์„ธ์š”?
00:50
So, let's use a scale.
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์ž, ์ €์šธ์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•ฉ์‹œ๋‹ค.
00:52
Put a number between 1 to 10 in the comments, where 1 is 'I hate small talk.
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๋Œ“๊ธ€์— 1~10 ์‚ฌ์ด์˜ ์ˆซ์ž๋ฅผ ์ ์–ด์ฃผ์„ธ์š” . ์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ 1์€ '์žก๋‹ด ์‹ซ์–ด์š”.
00:58
It's horrible.
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๋”์ฐํ•˜๋‹ค.
01:00
It's a horrible experience for me'.
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์ €์—๊ฒŒ๋Š” ๋”์ฐํ•œ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.'
01:01
And 10 is 'I'm a small talk master.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  10์€ '๋‚˜๋Š” ์Šค๋ชฐํ† ํฌ ๋งˆ์Šคํ„ฐ๋‹ค.
01:04
Yeah, baby!' So, let me know, put your number down, and let's
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๊ทธ๋ž˜, ๋ฒ ์ด๋น„!' ๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆ ์ €์—๊ฒŒ ์•Œ๋ ค์ฃผ์‹œ๊ณ  ์ „ํ™” ๋ฒˆํ˜ธ๋ฅผ ์ ์–ด๋‘๊ณ 
01:09
get started with the video.
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๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:10
If you are new to my channel, welcome!
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๋‚ด ์ฑ„๋„์ด ์ฒ˜์Œ์ด๋ผ๋ฉด ํ™˜์˜ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค!
01:13
And this is a place for you if you want to speak English with
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01:15
confidence, fluency, and freedom.
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์ž์‹ ๊ฐ ์žˆ๊ณ , ์œ ์ฐฝํ•˜๊ณ , ์ž์œ ๋กญ๊ฒŒ ์˜์–ด๋กœ ๋งํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ๋‹ค๋ฉด ์ด๊ณณ์ด ๋‹น์‹ ์„ ์œ„ํ•œ ๊ณณ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:18
And if you like this video, consider subscribing.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด ์˜์ƒ์ด ๋งˆ์Œ์— ๋“œ์…จ๋‹ค๋ฉด ๊ตฌ๋…์„ ๊ณ ๋ คํ•ด ๋ณด์„ธ์š”.
01:21
Back to small talk.
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์žก๋‹ด์œผ๋กœ ๋Œ์•„๊ฐ‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:23
Now, why is small talk so freaking scary?
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์ž, ์žก๋‹ด์ด ์™œ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋ฌด์„ญ์Šต๋‹ˆ๊นŒ? ์ œ
01:27
As a speaker of English as a second language, you probably experience
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2์™ธ๊ตญ์–ด๋กœ ์˜์–ด๋ฅผ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์œผ๋กœ์„œ ์˜์–ด๋กœ ๋งํ• 
01:30
some sort of self judgment anyway when speaking English, and that has to do
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๋•Œ ์ผ์ข…์˜ ์ž๊ธฐ ํŒ๋‹จ์„ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:34
with the fact that you simply don't feel like you can express yourself in
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01:39
English the same way you can express yourself in your native language.
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๋ชจ๊ตญ์–ด๋กœ ์ž์‹ ์„ ํ‘œํ˜„ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
01:42
And you feel that gap when communicating with people, especially with new people.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค, ํŠนํžˆ ์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค๊ณผ ์†Œํ†ตํ•  ๋•Œ ๊ทธ ๊ฒฉ์ฐจ๋ฅผ ๋Š๋‚๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ธ๊ฐ„๊ณผ์˜
01:47
When there is this new interaction with another human being, we are afraid of
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์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ์ƒํ˜ธ ์ž‘์šฉ์ด ์žˆ์„ ๋•Œ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š”
01:53
being judged and we want to be okay.
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ํŒ๋‹จ๋ฐ›๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋‘๋ ต๊ณ  ๊ดœ์ฐฎ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ์›ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
01:56
And sometimes you don't know exactly what to say and how to interact, and
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋•Œ๋•Œ๋กœ ๋‹น์‹ ์€ ์ •ํ™•ํžˆ ๋ฌด์—‡์„ ๋งํ•˜๊ณ  ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ์ƒํ˜ธ์ž‘์šฉํ•ด์•ผ ํ• ์ง€ ๋ชจ๋ฆ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:00
we're afraid of those silent moments.
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๊ทธ ์กฐ์šฉํ•œ ์ˆœ๊ฐ„์„ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:02
And we're afraid of making mistakes, and that people are not going to get who we
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์‹ค์ˆ˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•˜๊ณ ,
02:07
are because we wouldn't be able to express ourselves fully because of English.
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์˜์–ด ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ์ž์‹ ์„ ์™„์ „ํžˆ ํ‘œํ˜„ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์—†๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ๋ˆ„๊ตฌ์ธ์ง€ ์•Œ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•  ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋‘๋ ค์›Œํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:12
Now, even native speakers, or even small talk in your native
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์ด์ œ๋Š” ์›์–ด๋ฏผ๋„, ๋ชจ๊ตญ์–ด๋กœ ํ•˜๋Š” ์žก๋‹ด๋„
02:16
language might be intimidating.
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๊ฒ์ด ๋‚  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:18
So, I believe that it's that initial interaction that we know is
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ €๋Š” ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์•Œ๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ์ดˆ๊ธฐ ์ƒํ˜ธ์ž‘์šฉ์ด
02:22
important and we have to do it, but we don't know exactly how to do it
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์ค‘์š”ํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ•ด์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋ฏฟ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ ์„ฑ๊ณต์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ˆ˜ํ–‰ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ์ •ํ™•ํžˆ ์•Œ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
02:26
successfully, especially if you're an introvert and all you want to
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. ํŠนํžˆ ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋‚ดํ–ฅ์ ์ด๊ณ  ๋‹จ์ง€
02:30
do is just speak to your computer.
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๋งํ•˜๊ธฐ๋งŒ ํ•˜๋ฉด ์ปดํ“จํ„ฐ์—.
02:33
"I just felt so incredibly alone.
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"๋‚˜๋Š” ์ •๋ง ๋ฏฟ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†์„ ์ •๋„๋กœ ์™ธ๋กœ์› ๋‹ค.
02:35
You were right there next to me.
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๋‹น์‹ ์€ ๋ฐ”๋กœ ๋‚ด ์˜†์— ์žˆ์—ˆ๋‹ค.
02:37
And you didn't say a word.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ์€ ์•„๋ฌด ๋ง๋„ ํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๋‹ค.
02:39
Nothing!"
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์•„๋ฌด๊ฒƒ๋„!"
02:41
Also, in American English and American culture, small talk is really valued.
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๋˜ํ•œ ๋ฏธ๊ตญ ์˜์–ด์™€ ๋ฏธ๊ตญ ๋ฌธํ™”์—์„œ๋Š” ์Šค๋ชฐ ํ† ํฌ๊ฐ€ ์ •๋ง ์ค‘์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:45
And for people who don't share the same cultural values, it might seem
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ™์€ ๋ฌธํ™”์  ๊ฐ€์น˜๋ฅผ ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ๋Š”
02:50
a little weird to talk about the weather or the commute when we're
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์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€
02:54
here to talk about something else.
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๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด ์—ฌ๊ธฐ์— ์žˆ์„ ๋•Œ ๋‚ ์”จ๋‚˜ ์ถœํ‡ด๊ทผ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์กฐ๊ธˆ ์ด์ƒํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋ณด์ผ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
02:56
And if you don't share the same culture, small talk might come across as a burden.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ฐ™์€ ๋ฌธํ™”๋ฅผ ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๋Š”๋‹ค๋ฉด ์žก๋‹ด์ด ๋ถ€๋‹ด์Šค๋Ÿฌ์šธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:01
Not necessarily because of English, but because you don't see the point in it.
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๋ฐ˜๋“œ์‹œ ์˜์–ด ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ ์˜์–ด์˜ ์š”์ ์„ ๋ณด์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:06
So when we want to talk about small talk and how to become better at
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์žก๋‹ด๊ณผ ์žก๋‹ด์„ ๋” ์ž˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์„ ๋•Œ
03:10
small talk, it's important to discuss it within the cultural context.
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๋ฌธํ™”์  ๋งฅ๋ฝ์—์„œ ๋…ผ์˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ค‘์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:15
In American culture, small talk, which is this informal back and forth conversation
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๋ฏธ๊ตญ ๋ฌธํ™”์—์„œ ์Šค๋ชฐํ† ํฌ๋Š” ํŠน์ •ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ๊ณผ
03:20
about something that is not related to anything specific, especially if you're
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๊ด€๋ จ์ด ์—†๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ฃผ๊ณ  ๋ฐ›๋Š” ๋น„๊ณต์‹์ ์ธ ๋Œ€ํ™”์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ํŠนํžˆ
03:24
about to start a meeting, so it's not related to the content of the meeting,
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ํšŒ์˜๋ฅผ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๋ ค๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ํšŒ์˜ ๋‚ด์šฉ๊ณผ ๊ด€๋ จ์ด ์—†์œผ๋ฏ€๋กœ
03:29
is really important to establish trust and to start building a relationship.
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๋งค์šฐ ์ค‘์š”ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์‹ ๋ขฐ๋ฅผ ๊ตฌ์ถ• ํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ด€๊ณ„ ๊ตฌ์ถ•์„ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:35
And this is why it is important to understand how to manage it and
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์ด๊ฒƒ์ด ์—ฐ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ ์†Œํ†ต์— ์ค‘์š”ํ•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์—ด์ •์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋Š๋ผ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•˜๋”๋ผ๋„ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ๊ด€๋ฆฌํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•๊ณผ
03:39
how to master it even if you don't passionately feel that it's important
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์ˆ™๋‹ฌํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ ์ด์œ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
03:44
for connection and communication.
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.
03:47
Now, if you are afraid speaking English, then let me tell you this.
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์ž, ์˜์–ด ๋งํ•˜๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ๋‘๋ ต๋‹ค๋ฉด ์ œ๊ฐ€ ์•Œ๋ ค๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
03:51
When you interact with someone, be it a native speaker or a non
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์›์–ด๋ฏผ์ด๋“  ๋น„
03:54
native speaker, people are usually not obsessed or they usually don't
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์›์–ด๋ฏผ์ด๋“  ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€์™€ ์ƒํ˜ธ ์ž‘์šฉํ•  ๋•Œ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ์ผ๋ฐ˜์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ง‘์ฐฉํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๊ฑฐ๋‚˜ ์ผ๋ฐ˜์ ์œผ๋กœ
04:00
pay attention with what you say.
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๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์— ์ฃผ์˜๋ฅผ ๊ธฐ์šธ์ด์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:02
Especially when you're first meeting with them and you're
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ํŠนํžˆ ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๊ทธ๋“ค๊ณผ ์ฒ˜์Œ ๋งŒ๋‚ฌ์„ ๋•Œ ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ์ด
04:06
having this initial interaction.
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์ดˆ๊ธฐ ์ƒํ˜ธ์ž‘์šฉ์„ ํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ์„ ๋•Œ.
04:07
Because people want to have a healthy conversation and usually, what
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์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ๊ฑด์ „ํ•œ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ์›ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ผ๋ฐ˜์ ์œผ๋กœ
04:11
they're concerned about is themselves.
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๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ๊ฑฑ์ •ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ์ž๊ธฐ ์ž์‹ ์ด๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:13
So, usually, what goes inside a person's head is not.
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๋”ฐ๋ผ์„œ ์ผ๋ฐ˜์ ์œผ๋กœ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ๋จธ๋ฆฌ ์†์œผ๋กœ ๋“ค์–ด๊ฐ€๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ๊ทธ๋ ‡์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:16
"Ooh, they used 'have worked' instead of 'worked', but "Okay.
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"์˜ค, ๊ทธ๋“ค์€ '์ผํ–ˆ๋‹ค' ๋Œ€์‹ ์— '์ผํ–ˆ๋‹ค'๋ฅผ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ–ˆ์ง€๋งŒ, "์•Œ์•˜์–ด. ๋Œ€ํ™”๊ฐ€ ๊ณ„์† ํ๋ฅด๋„๋ก
04:21
So what can I answer her or him so the conversation will
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๊ทธ๋…€ ๋˜๋Š” ๊ทธ์—๊ฒŒ ๋ฌด์—‡์— ๋Œ€๋‹ตํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์„๊นŒ์š”
04:26
keep on flowing and rolling?"
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?"
04:28
Now, if you want to become more successful at small talk, then here are
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์ž, ์žก๋‹ด์—์„œ ๋” ์„ฑ๊ณตํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ๋‹ค๋ฉด ์ง€๊ธˆ
04:32
a few tips that are definitely going to help you do that as of this moment.
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๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐ ํ™•์‹คํžˆ ๋„์›€์ด ๋  ๋ช‡ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ํŒ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ˆœ๊ฐ„.
04:37
The one thing that has incredibly helped me overcome my fear of small talk was
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์ž‘์€ ๋Œ€ํ™”์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋‘๋ ค์›€์„ ๊ทน๋ณตํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐ ๋ฏฟ์„ ์ˆ˜ ์—†์„ ์ •๋„๋กœ ๋„์›€์ด ๋œ ํ•œ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋Š”
04:43
to make it about the other person.
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์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:46
This is the best advice that I can give you.
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์ด๊ฒƒ์ด ์ œ๊ฐ€ ๋“œ๋ฆด ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์กฐ์–ธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:49
It is not about you.
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ๋‹น์‹ ์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
04:51
Again, it is not about your mistakes, it is not about your English, it
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๋‹ค์‹œ ๋งํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ, ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์‹ค์ˆ˜์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. , ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์˜์–ด ์‹ค๋ ฅ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ
04:54
is not about how smart you are.
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๋‹น์‹ ์ด ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ๋˜‘๋˜‘ํ•œ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์— ๊ด€ํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
04:56
It is about the other person.
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04:58
And the one value that will keep you in the right direction is curiosity.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ์„ ์˜ฌ๋ฐ”๋ฅธ ๋ฐฉํ–ฅ์œผ๋กœ ์ด๋Œ์–ด ์ค„ ์œ ์ผํ•œ ๊ฐ€์น˜๋Š” ํ˜ธ๊ธฐ์‹ฌ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด
05:03
Be genuinely curious about the other person.
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์ง„์ •์œผ๋กœ ํ˜ธ๊ธฐ์‹ฌ์„ ๊ฐ€์ง€์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค
05:07
A lot of times people think that 'Ooh, smalltalk is so
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๋งŽ์€ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด '์˜ค, ์Šค๋ชฐํ† ํฌ๋Š” ๋„ˆ๋ฌด
05:10
superficial and artificial'.
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ํ”ผ์ƒ์ ์ด๊ณ  ์ธ์œ„์ ์ด์•ผ.'
05:12
Not, if you make it about them, and not if you're genuinely
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05:16
curious about the other person.
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05:18
And in a second, I'm going to give you a few tips on how exactly to do
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์ •ํ™•ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ˆ˜ํ–‰ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋ช‡ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ํŒ
05:22
that, and a few very technical, simple tips that you are going to love.
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๊ณผ ๋งค์šฐ ๊ธฐ์ˆ ์ ์ด๊ณ  ๊ฐ„๋‹จํ•œ ๋ช‡ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ํŒ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์žฅ๋‹ด
05:26
I guarantee.
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์ปจ๋Œ€
05:27
So first of all, when you make it about the other person, you have less
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S o ์šฐ์„ , ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•  ๋•Œ
05:30
self judgment, which is very freeing.
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์ž๊ธฐ ํŒ๋‹จ๋ ฅ์ด ๋‚ฎ์•„์ ธ ๋งค์šฐ ์ž์œ ๋กœ์›Œ์ง‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:33
And when you have less self judgment than your more fluent.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋” ์œ ์ฐฝํ•œ ๊ฒƒ๋ณด๋‹ค ์ž๊ธฐ ํŒ๋‹จ๋ ฅ์ด ๋œํ•  ๋•Œ.
05:37
Because judgment takes up a lot of space in our head.
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ํŒ๋‹จ์€ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ ๋จธ๋ฆฟ์†์—์„œ ๋งŽ์€ ๊ณต๊ฐ„์„ ์ฐจ์ง€ํ•˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:41
And that prevents the words from becoming available and clear.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋‹จ์–ด๊ฐ€ ์‚ฌ์šฉ ๊ฐ€๋Šฅํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ช…ํ™•ํ•ด์ง€๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ฐฉ์ง€ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:46
And everything is less smooth and more stuck, which we don't want.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋ชจ๋“  ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋œ ๋งค๋„๋Ÿฝ๊ณ  ๋” ๋‹ฌ๋ผ๋ถ™์–ด์„œ ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์›ํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
05:51
So let go of self judgment, make it about them.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‹ˆ ์ž๊ธฐ ํŒ๋‹จ์„ ๋ฒ„๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๊ทธ๋“ค์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๊ฒฐ์ •ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
05:54
Also, approach the other person with respect, respect for their privacy.
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๋˜ํ•œ ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์˜ ์‚ฌ์ƒํ™œ์„ ์กด์ค‘ํ•˜๋Š” ๋งˆ์Œ์œผ๋กœ ์ ‘๊ทผํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
05:59
So no weird questions like "How much do you make?"
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๋”ฐ๋ผ์„œ "์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ๋ฒ„์„ธ์š”?"์™€ ๊ฐ™์€ ์ด์ƒํ•œ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์€ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:03
or "How much rent do you pay here?"
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๋˜๋Š” "์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ ์ง‘์„ธ๋ฅผ ์–ผ๋งˆ ๋‚ด์‹ญ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ?"
06:05
Or "Do you have any kids?"
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๋˜๋Š” "์•„์ด๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๊นŒ?"
06:07
And yes, when people come from a culture where family is one of the
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์˜ˆ, ์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€์กฑ์ด ๋ฌธํ™”์  ๊ฐ€์น˜ ์ค‘ ํ•˜๋‚˜์ธ ๋ฌธํ™”์—์„œ ์™”์„ ๋•Œ
06:12
cultural values, it sounds strange not to talk about family or, or children.
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๊ฐ€์กฑ์ด๋‚˜ ์ž๋…€์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ด์ƒํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋“ค๋ฆฝ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:18
But in some cultures it is less appropriate.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ์ผ๋ถ€ ๋ฌธํ™”๊ถŒ์—์„œ๋Š” ์ ํ•ฉํ•˜์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:21
People are more personal, individual, and they don't want to talk about
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์‚ฌ๋žŒ๋“ค์€ ๋” ๊ฐœ์ธ์ ์ด๊ณ  ๊ฐœ๋ณ„์ ์ด๋ฉฐ ์ž๋…€๊ฐ€ ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€ ์—ฌ๋ถ€์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์ง€ ์•Š์œผ๋ฉฐ
06:25
whether or not they have kids, and maybe justify their choice
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06:31
whether or not to have kids at all.
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์ž๋…€๋ฅผ ๊ฐ€์งˆ ๊ฒƒ์ธ์ง€ ์—ฌ๋ถ€์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ์„ ํƒ์„ ์ •๋‹นํ™”ํ•  ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:33
Right?
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์˜ค๋ฅธ์ชฝ?
06:34
This is not a good topic or a great situation to be in when you
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์ด๊ฒƒ์€ ๋‹น์‹ ์ด
06:39
are just introduced to someone.
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๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋ฐฉ๊ธˆ ์†Œ๊ฐœ ๋ฐ›์•˜์„ ๋•Œ ์ข‹์€ ์ฃผ์ œ๋‚˜ ์ข‹์€ ์ƒํ™ฉ์ด ์•„๋‹™๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:42
And also, I would avoid controversial topics: religion, politics, sex.
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๋˜ํ•œ ์ข…๊ต, ์ •์น˜, ์„น์Šค์™€ ๊ฐ™์€ ๋…ผ๋ž€์ด ๋˜๋Š” ์ฃผ์ œ๋ฅผ ํ”ผํ•˜๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
06:52
Like, keep it for later, okay?
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๋‚˜์ค‘์„ ์œ„ํ•ด ๋ณด๊ด€ํ•ด, ์•Œ์•˜์ง€?
06:55
I'm all about talking about controversial topics, especially
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๋‚˜๋Š” ๋…ผ์Ÿ์ ์ธ ์ฃผ์ œ, ํŠนํžˆ
06:59
politics, but not at the beginning.
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์ •์น˜์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ „๋ถ€์ด์ง€๋งŒ ์ฒ˜์Œ์—๋Š” ๊ทธ๋ ‡์ง€ ์•Š์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:02
Because you don't know who the other person is, you don't know they might get
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์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์ด ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ์ง€ ๋ชจ๋ฅด๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์—
07:05
offended by something that you may say.
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๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์— ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์ด ๊ธฐ๋ถ„์ด ์ƒํ•  ์ˆ˜๋„ ์žˆ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ์ง€ ๋ชปํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:07
So you want to be respectful of their privacy and have their
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๋”ฐ๋ผ์„œ ๊ท€ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ทธ๋“ค์˜ ์‚ฌ์ƒํ™œ์„ ์กด์ค‘ํ•˜๊ณ 
07:11
freedom to lead the conversation.
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๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ์ฃผ๋„ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์ž์œ ๋ฅผ ์›ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:13
Now, let's get practical with a few tips on what you can do to make your
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์ด์ œ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ์•„์ฃผ ์•„์ฃผ ์„ฑ๊ณต์ ์œผ๋กœ ๋งŒ๋“ค๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•ด ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์ผ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋ช‡ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ํŒ์„ ํ†ตํ•ด ์‹ค์šฉ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์‚ดํŽด๋ณด๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
07:18
conversation very, very successful.
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.
07:21
First, be the leader of the conversation rather than the follower.
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์ฒซ์งธ, ์ถ”์ข…์ž๊ฐ€ ์•„๋‹Œ ๋Œ€ํ™”์˜ ๋ฆฌ๋”๊ฐ€ ๋˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
07:25
When you lead the conversation, you have more confidence and your entire
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๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ์ฃผ๋„ํ•  ๋•Œ, ๋‹น์‹ ์€ ๋” ๋งŽ์€ ์ž์‹ ๊ฐ์„ ๊ฐ–๊ฒŒ ๋˜๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ์˜ ์ „์ฒด
07:30
goal is to get the other person to talk.
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๋ชฉํ‘œ๋Š” ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์ด ๋งํ•˜๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
07:33
Again, making it about them.
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๋‹ค์‹œ ๋งํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ, ๊ทธ๋“ค์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
07:35
And how do you do that?
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ?
07:36
By asking simple questions that have an open answer.
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๋‹ต์ด ์—ด๋ ค ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ„๋‹จํ•œ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ํ•จ์œผ๋กœ์จ.
07:41
So try to avoid yes/no questions.
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๋”ฐ๋ผ์„œ ์˜ˆ/์•„๋‹ˆ์˜ค ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ํ”ผํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
07:43
"Was your flight here okay?
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"์—ฌ๊ธฐ ๋น„ํ–‰ ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•˜์–ด?
07:45
Aha.
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์•„ํ•˜.
07:48
Great".
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์ข‹์•„."
07:49
But instead, ask open questions that are simple.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฌ๋‚˜ ๊ทธ ๋Œ€์‹  ๋‹จ์ˆœํ•˜๊ณ  ๊ฐœ๋ฐฉ์ ์ธ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
07:53
"So is this your first time here?
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"๊ทธ๋Ÿผ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ์ฒ˜์Œ์ด์‹ ๊ฐ€์š”?
07:55
No, actually I've been here before."
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์•„๋‹ˆ, ์‹ค์€ ์ „์— ์™€๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์žˆ์–ด์š”."
07:56
And then you have an opportunity to ask a follow-up question.
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๋‹ค์Œ ํ›„์† ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ํ•  ๊ธฐํšŒ๊ฐ€ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:01
You get an answer that is more than just yes or no.
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์˜ˆ ๋˜๋Š” ์•„๋‹ˆ์˜ค ์ด์ƒ์˜ ๋‹ต์„ ์–ป์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:04
And then you ask something, you take one word or an idea that was presented in the
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๊ทธ๋Ÿฐ ๋‹ค์Œ ๋ฌด์–ธ๊ฐ€๋ฅผ ๋ฌป๊ณ  ๋‹ต์— ์ œ์‹œ๋œ ํ•œ ๋‹จ์–ด๋‚˜ ์•„์ด๋””์–ด๋ฅผ ์ทจํ•˜์—ฌ
08:11
answer, and you ask a question about that.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์งˆ๋ฌธํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:16
"Oh, cool!
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08:16
And how do you like it?
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"์˜ค, ๋ฉ‹์ง€๋‹ค!
์–ด๋•Œ? ๋งˆ์Œ์— ๋“ค์–ด
08:18
I love it.
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.
08:19
I mean, the beaches here are beautiful".
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๋‚ด ๋ง์€, ์—ฌ๊ธฐ ํ•ด๋ณ€์ด ์•„๋ฆ„๋‹ต๋‹ค."
08:21
Again, an opportunity to take the answer and turn it into a question.
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๋‹ค์‹œ ๋งํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ, ๋‹ต๋ณ€์„ ๊ฐ€์ ธ์™€ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์œผ๋กœ ์ „ํ™˜ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ธฐํšŒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:26
"Oh, really?
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"์•„, ๊ทธ๋ž˜์š”?
08:27
See I haven't been to the beaches here just yet.
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์ €๋Š” ์•„์ง ์—ฌ๊ธฐ ํ•ด๋ณ€์— ๊ฐ€๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์—†์–ด์š”.
08:29
Which one's your favorite?"
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์–ด๋Š ๊ณณ์ด ๊ฐ€์žฅ ๋งˆ์Œ์— ๋“œ๋‚˜์š”?"
08:30
So I'm responding and coming up with a follow-up question.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๋‹ต๋ณ€์„ ๋“œ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹ค์Œ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ์˜ฌ๋ฆฝ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:34
Now, if you get asked a question, even if you get asked a yes/no question,
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์ด์ œ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ๋ฐ›๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์˜ˆ/์•„๋‹ˆ์˜ค ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ๋ฐ›๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ์—๋„
08:40
and that is because they haven't watched my video, then you might
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๋‚ด ๋น„๋””์˜ค๋ฅผ ๋ณด์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์—
08:44
want to elaborate a little more.
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์กฐ๊ธˆ ๋” ์ž์„ธํžˆ ์„ค๋ช…ํ•ด์•ผ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:46
For example: "Was your flight here okay?
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์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค๋ฉด: "์—ฌ๊ธฐ ๋น„ํ–‰๊ธฐ๋Š” ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•˜์–ด?
08:48
Yeah, actually it was pretty good.
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๋„ค, ์‚ฌ์‹ค ๊ฝค ์ข‹์•˜์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
08:50
I mean, they haven't lost my luggage, which is what they did last time.
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๋‚ด ๋ง์€, ๊ทธ๋“ค์ด ์ง€๋‚œ๋ฒˆ์— ๊ทธ๋žฌ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ฒ˜๋Ÿผ ๋‚ด ์ง์„ ์žƒ์–ด๋ฒ„๋ฆฌ์ง€ ์•Š์•˜๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค .
08:54
So, I think it was okay."
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๊ดœ์ฐฎ์•˜๋˜ ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค."
08:56
Right?
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08:56
So, even if you get asked a question that you can answer with a simple yes
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์˜ค๋ฅธ์ชฝ?
๋”ฐ๋ผ์„œ ๊ฐ„๋‹จํ•œ ์˜ˆ ๋˜๋Š” ์•„๋‹ˆ์˜ค๋กœ ๋Œ€๋‹ตํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ๋ฐ›๋”๋ผ๋„
09:01
or no, try to make it interesting and turn it into another conversation topic.
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ํฅ๋ฏธ๋กญ๊ฒŒ ๋งŒ๋“ค๊ณ  ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ๋Œ€ํ™” ์ฃผ์ œ๋กœ ์ „ํ™˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.
09:06
If the person in front of you is sensitive, they will take what you
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๋‹น์‹  ์•ž์— ์žˆ๋Š” ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ด ์˜ˆ๋ฏผํ•˜๋ฉด ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋งํ•œ ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋ฐ›์•„๋“ค์ด๊ณ 
09:09
said and continue the conversation, asking a question about that.
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๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์งˆ๋ฌธํ•˜๋ฉด์„œ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ๊ณ„์†ํ•  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๊ณผ
09:14
One more trick that I'm going to share with you is something that I've learned
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๊ณต์œ ํ•  ๋˜ ํ•˜๋‚˜์˜ ์š”๋ น์€
09:16
from Chris Voss, from his masterclass 'Teaching the art of negotiation'.
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Chris Voss์˜ ๋งˆ์Šคํ„ฐ ํด๋ž˜์Šค์ธ 'Teaching the art of negotiation'์—์„œ ๋ฐฐ์šด ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:22
Now, he talks about it in the context of negotiation, but I find it exceptionally
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์ด์ œ ๊ทธ๋Š” ํ˜‘์ƒ์˜ ๋งฅ๋ฝ์—์„œ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐ ํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ
09:26
useful when used in small talk.
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์žก๋‹ด์—์„œ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•  ๋•Œ ๋งค์šฐ ์œ ์šฉํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:29
The first thing is mirroring.
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์ฒซ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š” ๋ฏธ๋Ÿฌ๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:32
Mirroring is basically the act of you taking the last part of what
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๋ฏธ๋Ÿฌ๋ง์€ ๊ธฐ๋ณธ์ ์œผ๋กœ ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์ด ๋ฐฉ๊ธˆ ๋งํ•œ ๋‚ด์šฉ์˜ ๋งˆ์ง€๋ง‰ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์„ ์ทจํ•˜์—ฌ
09:38
the other person has just said and repeating it in a form of a question.
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์งˆ๋ฌธ ํ˜•์‹์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ˜๋ณตํ•˜๋Š” ํ–‰์œ„์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:43
For example.
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์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค์–ด.
09:44
"So is this your first time here?
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"๊ทธ๋Ÿผ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ์ฒ˜์Œ์ด์‹ ๊ฐ€์š”?
09:46
No, actually I've been here before.
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์•„๋‹ˆ, ์‚ฌ์‹ค์€ ์ „์— ์™€๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์žˆ์–ด์š”.
09:48
You've been here before?"
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๋‹น์‹ ์€ ์ „์— ์™€๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์žˆ๋‚˜์š”?"
09:49
See what I did?
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09:49
I took the last part and turned it into a question.
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๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋ญ˜ํ–ˆ๋Š”์ง€ ์•Œ์•„?
๋งˆ์ง€๋ง‰ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์„ ๊ฐ€์ ธ์™€ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ”๊ฟจ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
09:53
"Yeah, I was at another conference about three years ago.
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"๋„ค, 3๋…„ ์ „์— ๋˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ปจํผ๋Ÿฐ์Šค์— ์žˆ์—ˆ์–ด์š”.
09:57
Another conference?
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๋˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์ปจํผ๋Ÿฐ์Šค?
09:58
Yeah.
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09:58
It was a conference for female football fans.
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๋„ค.
์—ฌ์„ฑ ์ถ•๊ตฌ ํŒฌ์„ ์œ„ํ•œ ์ปจํผ๋Ÿฐ์Šค์˜€์–ด์š”.
10:00
And we discussed the misogyny that women experience in the industry.
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ์—…๊ณ„์—์„œ ์—ฌ์„ฑ๋“ค์ด ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๋Š” ์—ฌ์„ฑํ˜์˜ค์— ๋Œ€ํ•ด ๋…ผ์˜ํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:04
In the industry?"
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์—…๊ณ„์—์„œ?"
10:05
Well, you see where this is going.
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๊ธ€์Ž„, ๋‹น์‹ ์€ ์ด๊ฒƒ์ด ์–ด๋””๋กœ ๊ฐ€๋Š”์ง€ ์•Œ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:08
So the cool thing about it is that the other person usually doesn't notice it
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋ฉ‹์ง„ ์ ์€ ๋Œ€ํ™”์˜ ์ผ๋ถ€์ด๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์— ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์ด ๋ณดํ†ต ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ์•Œ์•„์ฑ„์ง€ ๋ชปํ•œ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:11
because it's part of the conversation.
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.
10:13
So you didn't have to come up with anything here.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ๋‹น์‹ ์€ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ์„œ ์•„๋ฌด๊ฒƒ๋„ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ด ๋‚ผ ํ•„์š”๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:15
You didn't have to think of new words or what questions to ask.
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์ƒˆ๋กœ์šด ๋‹จ์–ด๋‚˜ ๋ฌผ์–ด๋ณผ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์„ ์ƒ๊ฐํ•  ํ•„์š”๊ฐ€ ์—†์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:19
You simply take the last part and turn them into a question.
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๋งˆ์ง€๋ง‰ ๋ถ€๋ถ„์„ ์ทจํ•˜์—ฌ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์œผ๋กœ ๋ฐ”๊พธ๋ฉด ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:24
The other person is going to think that you're super interesting,
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์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์€ ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋งค์šฐ ํฅ๋ฏธ๋กญ๊ณ 
10:26
compassionate, and they're going to want to keep on talking to you.
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๋™์ •์‹ฌ์ด ๋งŽ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•˜๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ๊ณผ ๊ณ„์† ๋Œ€ํ™”ํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์–ดํ•  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:30
Another thing that Chris Voss discusses is labeling.
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Chris Voss๊ฐ€ ๋…ผ์˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๋˜ ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌํ•ญ์€ ๋ผ๋ฒจ๋ง์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:34
Labeling is naming an emotion that someone in front of you is experiencing.
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๋ผ๋ฒจ๋ง์€ ๋‹น์‹  ์•ž์— ์žˆ๋Š” ๋ˆ„๊ตฐ๊ฐ€๊ฐ€ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ์ •์— ์ด๋ฆ„์„ ๋ถ™์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
10:39
And the reason why he says it's important to do that is because when
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๊ทธ๊ฐ€ ๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์ค‘์š”ํ•˜๋‹ค๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ์ด์œ ๋Š”
10:43
you label a negative emotion, it automatically reduces the levels of
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๋ถ€์ •์ ์ธ ๊ฐ์ •์— ์ด๋ฆ„์„ ๋ถ™์ด๋ฉด ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ์ด ๊ฒช๊ณ  ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฐ์ •์— ์ด๋ฆ„์„ ๋ถ™์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋งŒ์œผ๋กœ๋„ ์ž๋™์œผ๋กœ ์ŠคํŠธ๋ ˆ์Šค ์ˆ˜์ค€์ด ์ค„์–ด๋“ค๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค
10:49
stress simply by naming the emotion that the other person is experiencing.
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.
10:54
Now, to label an emotion is basically to say "It seems to
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์ด์ œ ๊ฐ์ •์— ์ด๋ฆ„์„ ๋ถ™์ด๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์€ ๊ธฐ๋ณธ์ ์œผ๋กœ "
10:58
me that you're very upset."
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๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๋งค์šฐ ํ™”๋‚œ ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค."๋ผ๊ณ  ๋งํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:00
"It feels like you're really frustrated".
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"์ •๋ง ์†์ƒํ•˜์‹  ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™๊ตฐ์š”."
11:03
He is not suggesting that you should say something like "You are frustrated"
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๊ทธ๋Š” ๋‹น์‹ ์ด "๋‹น์‹ ์€ ์ขŒ์ ˆํ–ˆ๋‹ค",
11:08
or "You are upset" or "You are angry", but the way you experience it: "it
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"๋‹น์‹ ์€ ํ™”๊ฐ€ ๋‚ฌ์–ด์š”", "๋‹น์‹ ์€ ํ™”๊ฐ€ ๋‚ฌ์–ด์š”"์™€ ๊ฐ™์€ ๋ง์„ ํ•ด์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ œ์•ˆํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ์•„๋‹ˆ๋ผ ๋‹น์‹ ์ด ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ๊ฒฝํ—˜ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ์‹์œผ๋กœ "๊ทธ๊ฑด
11:13
seems to me...", "it feels that..."
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๋‚ด๊ฐ€ ๋ณด๊ธฐ์—...", "๊ทธ๋ ‡๊ฒŒ ๋Š๊ปด์ง‘๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. .."
11:16
Okay.
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์ข‹์•„์š”.
11:17
Now, instead of labeling an emotion, cause this was probably something that
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์ด์ œ ๊ฐ์ •์— ์ด๋ฆ„์„ ๋ถ™์ด๋Š” ๋Œ€์‹ 
11:21
you wouldn't want to do in a conversation.
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๋Œ€ํ™”์—์„œ ํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ์ง€ ์•Š์€ ์ผ์ด์—ˆ์„ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:25
Oh my God.
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11:25
I love how sunny it is.
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๋ง™์†Œ์‚ฌ.
๋‚˜๋Š” ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์ด ์–ผ๋งˆ๋‚˜ ํ™”์ฐฝํ•œ ์ง€ ์‚ฌ๋ž‘ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ œ ์ƒ๊ฐ์—๋Š”
11:28
It seems to me that the sun triggers some negative emotions, maybe something
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ํƒœ์–‘์ด ๋ถ€์ •์ ์ธ ๊ฐ์ •์„ ๋ถˆ๋Ÿฌ์ผ์œผํ‚ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์•„๋งˆ๋„
11:33
that had to do with your childhood..."
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์–ด๋ฆฐ ์‹œ์ ˆ๊ณผ
11:38
Unless it's a positive emotion: "you seem very happy to be here".
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11:41
Right?
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11:42
But you could say something about the other person.
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๊ด€๋ จ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ ๊ฐ™์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค." ๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ.
11:45
For example, going back to the original conversation.
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์˜ˆ๋ฅผ ๋“ค์–ด ์›๋ž˜ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋กœ ๋Œ์•„๊ฐ€์„œ
11:48
"So is this your first time here?
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"์—ฌ๊ธฐ๊ฐ€ ์ฒ˜์Œ์ด์‹ ๊ฐ€์š”?
11:50
No, actually, I've been here before.
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์•„๋‹ˆ, ์‚ฌ์‹ค์€ ์ „์— ์—ฌ๊ธฐ ์™€๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์žˆ์–ด.
11:51
Oh, cool.
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์˜ค, ๋ฉ‹์ง€๋‹ค.
11:52
And how do you like it?
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‹น์‹ ์€ ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ์ข‹์•„ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ?
11:54
I love it.
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๋‚˜๋Š” ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์„ ์ข‹์•„ํ•œ๋‹ค.
11:55
I mean, the beaches here are beautiful.
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์—ฌ๊ธฐ ํ•ด๋ณ€์ด ์•„๋ฆ„๋‹ต์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
11:57
Oh, really?
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์˜ค, ์ง„์งœ?
11:58
See I haven't been to the beaches here just yet.
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๋‚˜๋Š” ์•„์ง ์—ฌ๊ธฐ ํ•ด๋ณ€์— ๊ฐ€๋ณธ ์ ์ด ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:00
Which one's your favorite?
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์–ด๋Š ๊ฒƒ์ด ๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ข‹์•„ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๊นŒ? ๋‚จ์ชฝ ํ•ด์•ˆ์„
12:01
You got to go check out the Southern shore.
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ํ™•์ธํ•˜๋Ÿฌ ๊ฐ€์•ผ ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค .
12:03
I mean, it is so beautiful, and usually there is no one there.
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๋‚ด ๋ง์€, ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ๋„ˆ๋ฌด ์•„๋ฆ„๋‹ต๊ณ  ๋ณดํ†ต ๊ฑฐ๊ธฐ์—๋Š” ์•„๋ฌด๋„ ์—†์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:07
Okay, maybe I'll check it out.
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์•Œ๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ํ™•์ธํ•˜๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:09
It seems to me like you're a summer person".
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์—ฌ๋ฆ„ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ ๊ฐ™์•„์š”."
12:11
So I put a label on this person's experience.
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๊ทธ๋ž˜์„œ ์ด ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์˜ ๊ฒฝํ—˜์— ๊ผฌ๋ฆฌํ‘œ๋ฅผ ๋ถ™์˜€์–ด์š”.
12:14
Now, whether I'm right or not, it doesn't really matter.
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์ด์ œ ๋‚ด ๋ง์ด ๋งž๋“  ํ‹€๋ฆฌ๋“  ์ƒ๊ด€์—†์–ด์š”
12:17
As long as they keep it positive and fun, it will encourage the other
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. ๊ทธ๊ฒƒ์€ ์ƒ๋Œ€๋ฐฉ
12:23
person to speak a little bit more and to get into the conversation.
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์ด ์กฐ๊ธˆ ๋” ๋งํ•˜๊ณ  ๋Œ€ํ™”์— ์ฐธ์—ฌํ•˜๋„๋ก ๊ฒฉ๋ คํ•  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:27
Whether it would be, "I'm a totally summer person.
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"๋‚˜๋Š” ์™„์ „ํžˆ ์—ฌ๋ฆ„ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:31
I mean, for me, vacation is lying on the beach, drinking margaritas".
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์ œ ๋ง์€, ํœด๊ฐ€๋Š” ํ•ด๋ณ€์— ๋ˆ„์›Œ ๋งˆ๊ฐ€๋ฆฌํƒ€๋ฅผ ๋งˆ์‹œ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค."
12:36
Or "No, no, no, no, no.
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๋˜๋Š” "์•„๋‹ˆ, ์•„๋‹ˆ, ์•„๋‹ˆ, ์•„๋‹ˆ, ์•„๋‹ˆ.
12:38
I'm a winter person.
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๋‚˜๋Š” ๊ฒจ์šธ ์‚ฌ๋žŒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:39
I mean, I was born in Alaska, right.
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๋‚ด ๋ง์€, ๋‚˜๋Š” ์•Œ๋ž˜์Šค์นด์—์„œ ํƒœ์–ด๋‚ฌ๋‹ค๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:41
For me, snow is life."
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์ €์—๊ฒŒ ๋ˆˆ์€ ์ƒ๋ช…์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค."
12:43
Again, a trigger to continue the conversation.
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๋‹ค์‹œ ๋งํ•˜์ง€๋งŒ, ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ๊ณ„์†ํ•˜๊ธฐ ์œ„ํ•œ ๋ฐฉ์•„์‡ ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:46
Okay.
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์ข‹์•„์š”.
12:47
That's it for today.
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์˜ค๋Š˜์€ ์—ฌ๊ธฐ๊นŒ์ง€์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:48
I mean, there's plenty more we can talk about, but for now I think
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์ œ ๋ง์€, ์šฐ๋ฆฌ๊ฐ€ ์ด์•ผ๊ธฐํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์ด ๋” ๋งŽ์ง€๋งŒ ์ง€๊ธˆ์€ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๊ธฐ์— ์ถฉ๋ถ„ํ•˜๋‹ค๊ณ  ์ƒ๊ฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
12:51
that is more than enough for you to get started and start having these
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12:54
awesome conversations out there.
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๋ฉ‹์ง„ ๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜์„ธ์š”.
12:56
Now, I have two questions for you and I'd love for you to answer them in the
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์ด์ œ ๋‘ ๊ฐ€์ง€ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:00
comments so we can start a conversation.
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๋Œ€ํ™”๋ฅผ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋„๋ก ๋Œ“๊ธ€๋กœ ์งˆ๋ฌธ์— ๋‹ตํ•ด ์ฃผ์‹œ๋ฉด ์ข‹๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:02
The first is, what has helped you so far in small talk and informal conversations?
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์ฒซ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š” ์žก๋‹ด์—์„œ ์ง€๊ธˆ๊นŒ์ง€ ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜์—ˆ๋˜ ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:08
If you had to overcome a challenge, share it with us, and share
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์–ด๋ ค์›€์„ ๊ทน๋ณตํ•ด์•ผ ํ•œ๋‹ค๋ฉด ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜๊ณ 
13:12
with us what has helped you.
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๋ฌด์—‡์ด ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜์—ˆ๋Š”์ง€ ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜์„ธ์š”.
13:14
And the second one, what is one thing that you're going
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๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ  ๋‘ ๋ฒˆ์งธ๋Š”
13:17
to take from this conversation and put it to use as of today?
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์ด ๋Œ€ํ™”์—์„œ ๊ฐ€์ ธ์™€์„œ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•  ํ•œ ๊ฐ€์ง€๋Š” ๋ฌด์—‡์ธ๊ฐ€์š”? ์˜ค๋Š˜
13:21
If you liked this video, and you'd like to learn more and understand how
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์ด ์˜์ƒ์ด ๋งˆ์Œ์— ๋“œ์…จ๋‹ค๋ฉด, ์˜์–ด๋กœ ๋งํ•  ๋•Œ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ
13:25
you too can become confident and clear when speaking English, I invite you
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์ž์‹  ์žˆ๊ณ  ๋ช…๋ฃŒํ•˜๊ฒŒ ๋งํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š”์ง€ ๋” ๋ฐฐ์šฐ๊ณ  ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๊ณ  ์‹ถ๋‹ค๋ฉด
13:30
to come on over to my website because it has a lot of great resources for
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์ œ ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋กœ ์˜ค์„ธ์š”. ํ›Œ๋ฅญํ•œ ๋ฆฌ์†Œ์Šค๊ฐ€ ๋งŽ์ด ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:33
you for free that you can put to use.
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๋ฌด๋ฃŒ๋กœ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:36
It's very practical and it will help you get results immediately.
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๋งค์šฐ ์‹ค์šฉ์ ์ด๋ฉฐ ์ฆ‰์‹œ ๊ฒฐ๊ณผ๋ฅผ ์–ป๋Š” ๋ฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ํ…”๋ฆฌ.
13:39
Also, come on over to Instagram because that's where I get more personal and share
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๋˜ํ•œ ์ธ์Šคํƒ€๊ทธ๋žจ์œผ๋กœ ์˜ค์„ธ์š”. ์ธ์Šคํƒ€๊ทธ๋žจ์—์„œ ๋” ๊ฐœ์ธ์ ์ธ ์ •๋ณด๋ฅผ ์–ป์„ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ณ 
13:43
with you stuff that I only share there.
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๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ๋งŒ ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ๋“ค์„ ์—ฌ๋Ÿฌ๋ถ„๊ณผ ๊ณต์œ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๊ธฐ ๋•Œ๋ฌธ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:46
Have a beautiful, beautiful week, and I will see you next week in the next video.
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์•„๋ฆ„๋‹ต๊ณ , ์•„๋ฆ„๋‹ค์šด ํ•œ์ฃผ ๋ณด๋‚ด์‹œ๊ณ , ์ €๋Š” ๋‹ค์Œ์ฃผ์— ๋‹ค์Œ ์˜์ƒ์œผ๋กœ ๋ต™๊ฒ ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.
13:50
Bye.
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์•ˆ๋…•.
์ด ์›น์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ ์ •๋ณด

์ด ์‚ฌ์ดํŠธ๋Š” ์˜์–ด ํ•™์Šต์— ์œ ์šฉํ•œ YouTube ๋™์˜์ƒ์„ ์†Œ๊ฐœํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ „ ์„ธ๊ณ„ ์ตœ๊ณ ์˜ ์„ ์ƒ๋‹˜๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ€๋ฅด์น˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ˆ˜์—…์„ ๋ณด๊ฒŒ ๋  ๊ฒƒ์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ๋™์˜์ƒ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ํ‘œ์‹œ๋˜๋Š” ์˜์–ด ์ž๋ง‰์„ ๋”๋ธ” ํด๋ฆญํ•˜๋ฉด ๊ทธ๊ณณ์—์„œ ๋™์˜์ƒ์ด ์žฌ์ƒ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๋น„๋””์˜ค ์žฌ์ƒ์— ๋งž์ถฐ ์ž๋ง‰์ด ์Šคํฌ๋กค๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜๊ฒฌ์ด๋‚˜ ์š”์ฒญ์ด ์žˆ๋Š” ๊ฒฝ์šฐ ์ด ๋ฌธ์˜ ์–‘์‹์„ ์‚ฌ์šฉํ•˜์—ฌ ๋ฌธ์˜ํ•˜์‹ญ์‹œ์˜ค.

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