SMALL TALK | How to keep a conversation going in English

Well hey there! I'm Emma from mmmEnglish.

Today I'm sharing my top seven tips

for keeping a conversation going in English

and so yes, I am talking about small talk.

It's a super important part of daily life

in an English-speaking country

if you communicate with other English speakers.

But it can be a little bit intimidating,

even native English speakers find themselves feeling

awkward or uncomfortable and wondering

where the conversation is going to go next.

So today we're gonna learn some practical tips

that will help you to survive and to thrive

in any English conversation so

let's get stuck in!

Do you feel like your English speaking skills

are holding you back?

Others aren't really seeing you for who you really are?

Anytime I had to talk with natives I was just so unconfident

because I was afraid of making mistakes

all the time.

Most of the time I read in English and I understand,

I watch the videos with the subtitles

but in that moment to speak,

I felt afraid, I felt shame.

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From when I joined to today is that chance

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down in the description below.

So like I said I'm gonna share seven great ways

to boost your English conversation skills

and the first one is to start by making a list

of your favourite things to talk about,

things that you're passionate about or knowledgeable about:

activities, hobbies, projects, ideas,

things that you love and things that excite you.

I'm passionate about drawing and hiking

so I find them really easy to talk about.

I could talk about the beautiful hikes that I've been on

for hours, beautiful parts of the country.

Now if you have a weird or an obscure interest,

maybe you might think that no one else will care about it

but actually the opposite is true.

People will either find it really interesting because it's different

and they didn't know anything about it

or they might even share that they also

have that same interest

and then you'll find yourself engaging really easily

in a meaningful conversation with someone

because you have that same weird interest

so make a list.

It doesn't have to be long,

make sure you read it a few times and that you're

familiar with it so you can

instantly think of that list when you need it,

when you're stuck in a conversation.

So yeah it was a really nice weekend.

That's cool.

Yeah, awesome.

Do you like to go hiking?

Do you know if there's any good hiking trails in the area?

And next time you find yourself stalling in a conversation

instead of freaking out just try to remember that list

and steer the conversation towards one of those topics,

your never-fail topics.

So when the time comes

to start asking questions in a conversation,

ask open questions.

An open question is one that starts with

a WH word like

who,

what,

where, when,

why,

how,

annoyingly it's not a W,

and which.

So open questions are great because they give the other

person a chance to

answer more broadly or more openly,

give more of an answer.

Whereas with closed questions,

the answer is usually just yes or no,

it's difficult to keep going from there.

Is this the line?

Yep.

Is this the queue?

How long have you been waiting?

It's taking a little while but it's moving quicker now.

Can you see how open questions give you more chance

to speak freely?

So instead of saying:

Are you from here?

Say:

Where are you from?

Instead of saying:

Do you like your new job?

Try:

What do you like about your new job?

Now it's not always possible to reframe

a closed question into an open one

but it's one thing to keep in mind when you're practising

English conversation skills.

Open questions tend to lead to more interesting discussion.

Another great way to keep the conversation going is to use

question tags.

This is a really simple technique that you can use to turn

just about any statement into a question.

A question tag is just a two or three word tag that you add

to the end of a statement and it's a great tool

for getting confirmation

or inviting the other person to contribute their thoughts

to a conversation.

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

You're new here, aren't you?

Question tags follow a pretty simple pattern.

You use the verb from the main statement

so here it's be or is

and we take that verb and we add it to the end of the sentence

together with the same pronoun from the statement.

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

If the statement is positive then the tag is negative

and vice versa.

We haven't stopped working all week, have we?

I have a whole lesson about question tags, don't I?

You can check it out up here.

In a conversation, you need to show that you're interested

in what the other person is saying.

You have to show that you're listening.

Listening actively shows the other person that you're not just

waiting for your turn to talk

you're actually invested and that you want to hear what they

have to say. That makes them feel good.

So the first thing that you can do is show them

that you're listening with gestures.

Nod your head when you agree with something,

raise your eyebrows when they say something surprising,

react when they say something shocking

and shake your head when you disagree with something.

When your conversation partner sees that you're engaged

and listening they'll want to keep talking.

You can use short affirmations like:

I see.

I know.

Sure.

I understand.

Really?

So I ordered the parts that the customer wanted.

Sure.

But the shipping is going to be really expensive.

Really?

Yeah, I don't know what to do. I think I'm gonna have to

call them back and see if they're okay with that.

Let's see.

Another trick to show that you're actively listening

is to throw out some little echo questions.

So the whole company is going on a team building retreat next

month and I'm really not looking forward to it.

Aren't you?

For starters, my boss is a bit of a creep.

Is he?

Yeah, and some of my colleagues are a little bit weird.

Are they?

So these little phrases are almost like

you're asking for confirmation.

They can also show that what the other person is saying

is surprising or really interesting

so they're kind of similar to question tags.

All you have to do is echo the verb and the pronoun.

Are you?

Did they?

I'm gonna tell you something and then

you try interjecting with an echo question.

My niece is starting kindergarten next week.

Is she?

We went away last weekend.

Did you?

You can also paraphrase to show that you're listening

and this is also a sneaky way of checking

that you understood something correctly like

maybe you didn't quite hear or you didn't quite understand

what they said but instead of freaking out

and saying

"I don't understand"

you can try echoing like this.

So I just got off the phone with Mary. She quit her job.

She quit her job?

Yeah, she quit her job. Apparently her boss is too controlling

so she quit. She's only got a week of work left.

Only one week?

Yeah only one week and then she goes on annual leave.

That's crazy!

I know right?

You can literally just repeat what the other person said.

It's very common.

Or you can repeat what you think they said

and they will probably say the same thing back to you

and then maybe add a little bit more detail.

So it's a useful tool, it makes for fun, engaging

conversations.

Practising these active listening skills

will help you to get that

natural back and forth rhythm of a conversation going.

It's a really great essential skill to practise.

My next tip for advanced speaking practice is actually

to not speak at all.

Let them do the talking.

Don't be afraid of that silence. Awkward silence.

Too often we just blurt out whatever thing we can

think of because we're afraid of that silence

but the chances are

the other person is also worried about that silence

and you can take advantage of that. You can sit back,

you can let them fill in the silence.

Let them come to the conversation.

How's this weather, hey?

Yeah, it's been raining all day.

Now I feel like this one is kind of obvious

but I'm gonna say it anyway.

Practise, practise, practise!

Get out into the world and start having conversations

with real people.

Chat to the checkout person at your supermarket.

Talk to your neighbour

or the person sitting next to you on the tram.

The more practice that you get,

the easier it will become.

And of course, you can join an online speaking community,

a community just like Hey Lady!

where you can show up regularly,

get as much speaking practice as you need,

immerse yourself amongst other English speakers

and really develop those conversation skills in a natural,

organic way.

And last of all,

memorise some expressions that are

useful in English conversations.

I have a few videos that introduce a whole bunch

of really useful common expressions

that come up all the time in English conversations.

One's linked up here

but learning, studying, remembering, using

these expressions regularly help them to sink into your mind

so that you can always draw on them when you need them.

Phrases for starting a conversation like:

What have you been up to lately?

Or:

How was your weekend?

Or any comment to do with the weather

and then learn some simple expressions for

ending a conversation like:

I better keep moving.

Or:

It was nice chatting.

At a bare minimum,

having these phrases ready to go should help you out

anytime you need them.

So there you have it!

You've got some great new tools for helping you to talk

in English, to keep a conversation going

and if you want to learn some of the exact expressions

and phrases to use in different situations

make sure you check out one of these lessons next.

Thanks for joining me today.

I'll see you in the next lesson!