How to OVERCOME SHYNESS & speak confidently in English

All right let's talk about shyness in English.

If you're a regular viewer of mmmEnglish,

you'll know that every video I create here is to help you

speak confidently in English.

But how can you speak confidently if you're too shy

or too nervous to even start?

Today I want to share three strategies with you

to help you overcome shyness

and to start speaking in English.

So if you want to stop feeling shy or nervous

when you speak in English,

make sure you stick around.

If you're a shy person, like me,

we think shyness is an inherent part of who we are

like we're born that way

but shyness is based on our perception

and our ideas of the world around us

and that can be changed.

Did you hear that?

It can change.

You can overcome shyness.

So speaking as a shy person who's been working on

overcoming shyness my entire life,

still working on it,

I know how shyness, how nervousness

and self-doubt stops me or even blocks me

from doing the things that I really want to do,

that I dream of doing.

I also know

that I have confidence within me.

We all have confidence within us.

And we can find more confidence within ourselves

but we need to look for it.

We need to coax it out.

We need to create the right environment to nurture

that confidence and allow it to grow.

It's ironic really that the confidence within us

is actually quite timid and shy.

Our confidence is the first thing that runs and hides.

The moment that we make a mistake,

the moment that we feel foolish,

the moment that we feel like we're being judged,

it's our confidence that bolts out the door.

So I've got three strategies to help you overcome shyness

and to speak English confidently.

The first and most important strategy to overcome shyness

and to speak more confidently in English

is to practise.

You might think I'm absolutely crazy but bear with me.

The thought of speaking to someone in English

can be scary, right?

Maybe for some of you it's paralysing.

Your instinct is telling you to avoid it.

Don't take the risk!

It's just your brain and your body trying to protect you.

But in order to overcome that shyness

and your fear of speaking in English,

you've got to prove to yourself

that it's not as scary as you think it is.

You need to start collecting evidence that helps you

to demonstrate

that you can speak to someone in English and that

it's quite simply

not as scary as you thought.

This is what you need to prove to yourself.

But in order to start collecting that evidence

you need to create the environment where you feel safe

and supported enough to speak.

If the only place that you speak English is at work

with your colleagues or your boss

then this could be terrifying for you,

it's not a safe or a supportive space

unless your boss is super patient and

willing to help you overcome your fear.

You need to create a different space,

a safe space where you can start to speak

and that could just be

a space with a friend

or with your English tutor

or an online speaking community

where you feel supported enough

to step out of your comfort zone.

Many of you have heard me talk about Hey Lady!

which is a speaking practice community for women only

especially women who are looking for a safe

and supportive space to practise their speaking skills.

But Hey Lady! also has a specific program for this,

the English Confidence Makeover.

It's a 45-day transformational speaking program

for women who need to overcome shyness

and start to speak English more confidently.

This is where we help women

to say goodbye to shy.

Enrolments are open right now

and classes start in two weeks.

Start in November and be speaking in December.

Ladies, this might be the moment that you change

your spoken English forever.

The link to find out more about the program is down

in the description. I recommend you check it out.

If you're a shy English speaker

then finding and creating

an environment in which you do feel safe

and you can practise speaking,

that is the most important step.

If you've got questions about how you can do that

ask me down in the comments below.

So the next strategy that I want to share with you

is a little more practical.

It's for that moment when you're preparing to speak.

So perhaps you're just about to join your class

or you need to call someone on the phone.

If you're shy and you're worried about speaking

you might be experiencing

a racing heart or shallow breathing

or a tight chest or sweaty hands

or all of those things!

I really hate those feelings

like you're already feeling anxious.

And all of those things are just

physical evidence of the fact

that you are anxious and that you're worried.

So in those moments, you've got to try and regain control

over your body.

To create more confidence

within you, you need to reduce some of those

physical symptoms.

So give yourself three to five minutes

before you need to speak to focus on your breath.

So find somewhere where you can sit still,

close your eyes

and focus on drawing your breath

deeper down inside you.

When we're nervous we're usually breathing up here.

So we're taking short shallow breaths.

If you can start to regulate your breathing and your heart rate

by taking your breath from here

down to here,

this is going to help you to feel calmer

and to take control over your breathing.

If you put your thumb

here just below your rib cage

and you practise breathing in deeply,

you should get to the point where you can feel

your diaphragm, that's this area here

pushing out against your thumb.

So allow it to expand as much as possible,

as much as you can.

Imagine that each deep breath

is creating more space for confidence

and it's inviting that confidence in

and while you're doing this

I want you to think of some positive affirmations,

some positive thoughts.

I'm looking forward to this conversation.

I'm creating new opportunities to learn and grow.

I will contribute to this conversation

and enjoy meeting someone new.

All of this is going to be helping you

to stay calm, to reduce those bodily symptoms

of fear and anxiety

and to bring more calm and more confidence into you.

Okay so this last strategy is going to help you to overcome

shyness while you're speaking.

During your conversation

I want you to try and shift the focus away from yourself

and focus on the people or the person

that you're speaking with.

Us shy folk are usually

focusing inward.

We're focusing on our racing heart

and the things that we said wrong or

that we can't seem to say right

we're too focused on ourselves.

So a strategy that always works well

is to focus your energy away from yourself and onto them.

Be as curious as you can be.

Ask questions,

show interest,

find out more about this person.

This encourages them to keep talking

which means you do less talking.

And it helps them to feel interesting and special

so their ego is going to be flattered.

We're going to be stroking their ego.

Plus it gives you the chance to capitalise on one of

your best assets,

your listening skills.

As shy people we tend to spend a lot of time listening

and thinking. This is one of our strengths.

So as that other person is talking,

focus on the words they're saying,

don't be worried about what you're going to say next,

focus on their words.

Listen for interesting ideas

that you can ask for more information about.

Listen for similarities

or things that you might have in common.

If you spend your time focused on them,

not on yourself,

you will feel less anxious and less stressed.

So if you are a shy or nervous English speaker

I hope you feel inspired to start speaking now.

More than anything, creating the space where you feel safe

and supported enough to start speaking,

that is the most important thing.

In order to overcome your fears and shyness,

you must start to speak.

Don't forget to check out the Hey Lady!

English Confidence Makeover,

a 45-day speaking program for women

who want to overcome shyness and speak English confidently.

The link is down in the description.

Ladies, this could be this space

where you start to speak.

And what happens after you start?

That will astound you.

Sending love and lots of confidence to all of you my friends,

you can be sure

that I will always be here at cheering you on.