The Secret Behind Becoming a *Confident English Speaker* (Not what You Think)

- [Jack] Hello, this is Jack from tofluency.com.

And this is episode 27 of the To Fluency Podcast.

It is great to have you here today.

Now, in the last episode,

and this is true on YouTube as well.

The last video I made,

we talked about if you have to move

to an English speaking country

in order to become fluent in English.

And the good news was that no, you don't.

I know many people who have reached a high level

without moving to the UK or Australia or the United States.

But what they do is they create their own environment

and they get enough practice when it comes to speaking,

in order to progress.

And today, we're going to talk about speak in English again.

And I'm gonna answer the question of what you should do

if you don't have the confidence to speak English?

Because this is a big issue for many learners.

A lot of people have a fear of speaking in English

and they avoid this.

So, they avoid conversations.

They avoid speaking in class.

And the issue is that if you don't practice,

then it will be difficult to improve.

But also, one of the biggest reasons

why people want to start learning English

is to be able to connect with English speakers

and to have conversations with them.

So, if you don't feel like you have the confidence

to speak English,

then you're not going to have these conversations.

So, hopefully after listening today,

I'm going to go through five things, five points.

Hopefully after listening to these five points

and by the end of this episode, or this video,

you'll have a good idea or a good plan

in order to move forward with this.

And so that you can speak in English more

and to gain that confidence,

maybe initially all in one go or step by step,

little by little.

Now, before we get into those five things,

I just wanna talk about how when I lived in Spain,

I was also scared of speaking Spanish.

For me I think it was my ego,

because I wanted people to think I had a higher level

than I had.

So, I avoided conversations.

There were some situations where I felt confident.

For example, speaking

to my ten-year-old students in Spanish.

I felt confident because they made me feel good

about my Spanish.

But a lot of the time when we went out in crowds,

when we met people, I felt shy.

I didn't have confidence speaking,

because I don't think I also had the required level

especially early on,

to be able to express myself freely.

But let's start with the first point,

which is confidence in beginners

when they're speaking English.

I think this is really going to help you understand

the key point to the message.

So, when somebody knows a few basic phrases in English,

or let's just say,

when somebody from America

learns a few basic phrases in Italian.

Because this is what happened to me.

And I'll tell you this story in a second.

I've seen people in this situation being very shy.

Very shy, they don't feel they know enough English

or Italian or whatever language to be confident.

So, they avoid conversation because they say,

"I can't speak.

I only know a few phrases."

On the other hand,

I've also seen a lot of people who are beginners

and they have a lot of confidence.

I'm sure you've seen this before

when somebody just starts learning the guitar for example,

and they just wanna play in front of people,

even though they only know one song.

Or people who learn a different type of skill as well,

let's say a sport and they just play.

They just wanna play

even though they're not as good

as other people that are beginner.

And this is the same with English too.

I've seen people who are very outgoing.

They have some phrases.

They don't care.

It doesn't matter to them that they're speaking slowly

and that they have a limited knowledge.

So, their conversations are limited,

but they just wanna practice.

They just wanna speak the language.

That's what happened

when I learned some basic phrases in Italian

and we went to Italy and I just wanted to practice.

I wanted to order something in Italian.

I wanted to ask if there was Seton inside in Italian,

because I had just learned that phrase.

So, I felt confident about speaking Italian.

And I think, again, this goes back to the ego thing.

Because if you think,

"okay, I want people to know I have a high level,

or I want people to think that I have a high level."

Then you might not practice as much.

You might not speak as much

because you don't want people to see that you make mistakes.

So, with me with Italian,

I knew I had a very basic level.

So I didn't care.

I just wanted to practice.

I just wanted to use the language,

the very very limited language that I knew.

So, sometimes confidence is not about how much you know,

it's just about your desire to speak

and how you approach it.

What mind frame you have.

If you have the ego to say, "oh, I know English really well.

I don't want people to hear me make mistakes."

Then that's not going to allow you to express yourself

and to speak with confidence.

On the other hand, if you just think,

"okay, this is my level,

I'm going to enjoy it.

I don't care what people think.

And in fact, most people are going to be impressed

that I'm practicing."

So, I've seen people's fear of speaking go away

as their level improves,

because this could be the case with again, ego.

And when I started to improve my Spanish,

when I lived in Spain,

but also moved to the US I started to speak more.

Because again, my level matched

what I wanted people to think.

But with Italian,

I was there in cafes and restaurants speaking freely,

trying to just speak to people in the restaurant

in a very basic way to say a few phrases,

because my ego wasn't involved.

So, think about this part.

The whole idea of your level

dictating your confidence level, isn't always true.

But just ask yourself this question.

Do I want people to think that I have a higher level

than I have?

And does this stop me from speaking English?

So, a good question to ask yourself.

Now, the second point,

and this is another question, is this, are you afraid?

Are you confident when speaking in your native language too?

So, are you confident

when speaking in your native language too?

This is something that people don't think too much about,

because if you sometimes feel shy

or you have a fear of speaking in your native language,

then you will probably feel this way in English too.

So, think about a time

when you were around a group of people

or even in a class,

and this class is in your native language.

Were you fearful of speaking then as well?

Because if that is the case,

then well, we'll talk more about how to overcome this later.

But I think it's a good question to ask yourself,

because that'll give you a good indication

of whether your issue of confidence

is related to English or just situations,

conversations being social in general

in your native language.

Now, number three,

the third point I wanted to talk about

is probably one of the biggest points

that you're thinking about as well.

And that I think is just vital

when it comes to increasing your confidence.

And it's making mistakes.

A lot of people have a fear of speaking English,

because they don't want to make mistakes.

They don't want to look silly.

They don't want people to laugh.

Or sometimes even just to smile if you make a mistake.

And I think this goes back to point one,

because again, if you have this mind frame

of "I don't want people to think I'm not perfect English."

Then you will be fearful of making mistakes.

But this is what is important to know.

And this is what I learned as well,

in terms of speaking Spanish and Italian.

The vast majority of English speakers

do not care if you make mistakes,

not even a little bit.

And we can talk about this in terms of grammar mistakes,

sentence structure, but also accent too.

Because a lot of people think,

"oh, I need to speak

with that perfect American or British or Australian accent,

so that people will think, 'oh, I'm like a native.' "

But the vast majority of English speakers

love hearing foreign accents too.

Because it just sounds good, basically.

It sounds good.

But think about making mistakes this way.

English is the international language of most things.

It's the international language of travel, business,

the internet, culture, music.

And English speakers, so native English speakers

hear non-native speakers talk all the time.

We are constantly hearing non-native speakers talk.

And therefore we hear mistakes all the time too.

So, we hear people make mistakes.

I have friends who are from foreign countries

and they make mistakes.

And here's an interesting point.

I am British.

I use British English and I live in America.

Now, some people will see this as me making a mistake

when I asked for water instead of warer.

Because people don't understand when I say water.

So in a way, this is like a mistake.

But people don't care.

People love the differences.

People just want to be able to connect with people

and don't care if people make those mistakes when speaking.

Now, sometimes someone might laugh at something you say.

And it's no big deal.

It's no big deal.

People laugh at me all the time

when I'm speaking around others,

because I say things that are different.

But know that mistakes you make can be funny.

Sometimes it is funny.

For example, Kate, my wife

always talks about how she went to the eye center in Spain

to try and get some contact lenses.

And instead of saying contact lenses in Spanish,

she said, lentils, lentils.

Which is a type of food that you can cook.

So, she was like, "lentils for my eyes, lentils."

It's funny, those kinds of mistakes are funny.

It's part of learning a language.

And if you take it too seriously, make a mistake,

then you miss out on all the fun things

that happen along the way.

If your ego is too strong,

then you miss out on the funny things that you say,

the mistakes you make.

And sometimes people may be laughing at you in a mean way,

in a way that's not very nice.

And that's obviously not a good thing.

And maybe you just don't have a conversation

with this person anymore.

But in the majority of cases,

people are laughing because of the situation,

because language can be funny.

It's funny, so just laugh along with them,

ask, "oh, what's funny?"

And then laugh.

And then you learn something as well at the same time.

But just know that most people don't care.

And the main thing is that you make a connection

and express yourself in the best way

so people understand what you're trying to say.

Now point four, is to overcome your fear step by step.

So, if you do have a strong fear of speaking in English,

overcome this step-by-step.

Or another way to say this is little by little.

You can also say, take baby steps.

So, it's fine saying that you shouldn't be worried

about making mistakes

and that being confident results in the practice,

which results in improvement.

It's easy to say that,

but sometimes you need to build that confidence slowly.

So, start off with trying to just move away from perfection,

because perfection kills practice.

You just won't practice and speak

if you're looking to be perfect all the time.

So, take your ego away,

but find somebody who can help you

build up your confidence slowly,

to help you just relax when you're speaking.

For example, a teacher who you pay to listen to you,

will be patient with you and give you feedback.

So if you can find a teacher,

I'll leave a link

to my favorite resource for that for online.

Then you can gain that confidence

by finding somebody who understands your situation,

is going to listen to you speak.

Who's going to give you feedback

and who can give you confidence as well.

So, basically start small,

get speaking with somebody in a non-pressure environment

and build your confidence over time.

And then from there,

think about situations

where you can say little things here and there.

So for example,

situations where you don't have to commit

to a big group conversation,

because a lot of people are most fearful

in those big groups.

Now, if you're in an English speaking country,

there are many opportunities

and you can do this various times throughout the day.

If you're in a non English speaking country,

it'd be more difficult.

But go back to that podcast episode,

if you're on a podcast app it's episode 26, I think.

And I'll leave a link to this in the description

if you're watching this on YouTube.

And a lot of people also,

get speaking practice at language schools too.

So, if you're in a language school,

think about how you can practice little by little.

And a good idea is just to say in your head

3, 2, 1 speak, and then speak.

Countdown to doing it so you just do it.

And a lot of people realize after speaking in class

for the first time, it gets much easier.

You just need that first moment in every class

to start speaking and then you're good.

And then point five is to use any lack of confidence

as motivation to improve.

So, I've done this before,

where I've been in a situation

where I didn't have the confidence in Spain to speak.

It was a specific situation.

So, what I did is I used this as motivation

to go and learn the phrases I needed to know

in order to be more confident

and have the right skills as well for that situation.

But again, note on this,

I've seen advanced learners with low confidence.

I've seen people who have advanced levels of English.

They just don't wanna speak again,

probably because they want to be perfect

and they want other people to see them as being perfect.

So, having a higher level

won't necessarily give you confidence.

But still use it as motivation to improve anyway,

because it's great.

The more you know in English the better.

So, work on things that work.

Things like pronunciation practice,

the LRC method,

lots of listening,

and the repetition of audio sentences.

I'll leave a link to all these methods

in the description for you too.

So you can go through these step by step.

But in summary,

I think one of the biggest issues is ego.

And that it doesn't really matter what level you have.

It just depends on your mind frame

when it comes to speaking.

Because again, I've been in the situation

where I have a very low level,

but I just wanna speak with everyone.

And I've been in the situation

where I have a really high level,

but I'm scared of speaking

because I'm worried about what other people will think.

And the key is to know that in the vast majority of cases,

people will warm to you,

which means they'll want to be friendly with you

if you have that confidence

and if you don't take it too seriously

and if you try.

So just having that ability to try

and to not take it so seriously,

will make such a big difference

when it comes to interacting with people.

But for many,

you might want to build up this confidence step-by-step.

So, find somebody who can help you with that,

a teacher or a language exchange partner or a friend.

And then also use the motivation,

or use the lack of confidence as motivation

to improve your general English.

But again, know that it's not about the level you have,

it's about your mind frame

when it comes to speaking English.

So, please share this with a friend,

somebody who you think will benefit from this lesson.

Somebody who you might think,

okay, this person should have more confidence when speaking

and that something that I've talked about

is holding them back,

which means stopping them from speaking in English more.

And then leave a comment

if you're on a platform that has a comment.

Please leave a comment,

tell me what you're going to do moving forward.

Well, thank you so much for listening to this episode.

While you're on the platform,

you're listening to me on.

If this is on YouTube,

check out the other videos in the description.

And if you're listening on a podcast app,

then do the same as well.

And if you don't have my book yet,

the "Five-Step Plan for English Fluency"

download that now.

There's a link in the description to do that.

Thanks for listening, bye-bye.