How to Turn Setbacks into Success | Amy Shoenthal | TED

翻译人员: Evelyn LIAO 校对人员: Bruce Wang

Think back to your biggest setback.

回想一下你最大的挫折。

Not an obstacle, not a mistake.

不是障碍，不是错误。

A setback is defined as a reversal or check in progress.

挫折是被定义为逆转或进程中止。

It's when you're on a path, you're moving forward,

它是当你在路上，正在前进时，

and you are unexpectedly bumped backwards.

然后你意外地向后撞。

Through all my years as a journalist,

在我作为记者的这些年中，

I have interviewed hundreds of founders,

我采访了数百位创始人、

business leaders, senators, celebrities, cultural icons.

商界领袖、参议员、名人和文化偶像。

And in every interview, I saw a common theme.

在每一次采访中， 我都看到了一个共同的主题。

What they learned during their biggest setback

他们在最大的挫折中学到的知识

led them to their most successful venture.

使他们走上了最成功的冒险之路。

I wanted to know why.

我想知道为什么。

Perhaps if I could learn from it, I could understand it,

也许如果我能从中学习，我就能理解，

and I could help others work through their next inevitable setback

我就可以帮助其他人 克服下一个不可避免的挫折，

and come out the other side with a sense of resilience, creativity,

站在另一个角度，

and hopefully success.

带着韧性、创造力和成功的感觉。

So I spent three years doing a deep dive into research,

因此，我花了三年时间深入研究，

interviewing psychologists, executive coaches, a neuroscientist,

采访心理学家、高管教练、神经科学家，

reading academic papers,

阅读学术论文，

every business book I could get my hands on,

阅读每本我能拿到的商业书籍，

all to come up with the framework now known as the Setback Cycle.

所有这些都是为了想出一个 现在被称为“挫折周期” 的框架。

I did all of this while holding down a full time job at a marketing agency.

所有这些都是我 在一家营销机构做全职工作时做的。

Who does that?

谁做出了那个？

A lot of people, actually.

其实很多人。

Turns out you don't make a lot of money writing books,

事实证明写书赚的钱不多，

so most of the authors you know and love

所以你认识和喜爱的大多数作家

are finding ways to earn an income elsewhere as well.

在寻找在其他地方赚取收入的方法。

So at the end of that journey,

因此，在那段旅程的尽头，

I handed in my manuscript,

我交出了手稿，

I took a deep sigh of relief ...

我深深地松了一口气...

and I was laid off from that full time job

我被从那份全职工作中解雇了

48 hours later.

在48小时后。

(Laughter)

（笑声）

The setback expert finishes her work

这位挫折专家完成了她的工作，

and is hit with one of the most common career setbacks.

并遇到了职业生涯中最常见的挫折之一。

Oh, I loved that job.

哦，我喜欢那份工作。

I loved the camaraderie, the stability,

我喜欢这种友情、稳定以及

the fact that I was able to look toward my family's future.

我能够展望家庭未来的事实。

We had just bought a house.

我们刚买了房子。

We were finally feeling comfortable,

我们终于感觉舒服了，

and then bam!

然后是 bam！

The reversal in progress.

进程被逆转了。

But through my disappointment,

但是，在我的失望中，

I began to see,

我开始看到，

like many of the people I had interviewed,

就像我采访过的许多人一样，

my setback was a green light.

我的挫折是是一个绿灯。

You see, this wasn't my first professional setback.

你看，这不是 我的第一个职业挫折。

Five years earlier, I gave birth to my daughter,

五年前， 我生下了女儿，

and when I returned from my very brief 12-week maternity leave,

当我结束短暂的 12周产假回来时，

I expected everything to be just as I'd left it.

我预计一切都会像我离开时一样。

To go right back into the role I had always taken so much pride in,

马上回到这个 我一直引以为豪的角色，

with nothing disrupted at all.

丝毫没有受到任何干扰。

Every working parent will tell you that's a very unrealistic expectation.

每个有工作的家长都会告诉你， 这是一个非常不切实际的期望。

When I returned, I was told

当我回来时，我被告知

the people who replaced me had done such a good job.

接替我的人做得非常出色。

Didn't they deserve these opportunities now?

他们现在不应该得到 这些机会吗？

Shouldn't they continue doing that work?

他们不应该继续做这项工作吗？

Not temporarily, but indefinitely?

不是暂时的，而是无限期的？

I agreed, they had done a great job,

我同意，他们做得很好，

and I had all the respect in the world for them,

我把全世界的尊重给他们，

and I wanted them to have every opportunity to succeed.

我希望他们有一切机会取得成功。

But where did that leave me?

但是那把我留在了哪里？

Wasn't I still deserving of opportunities in the workplace?

难道我不值得工作场所的机会吗？

There was no discussion of what else I might work on

既然我还有一些空闲时间，

now that I had some availability.

就不需要讨论我还能做什么。

Setbacks set the stage for reinvention.

挫折为重塑奠定了基础。

Your setback might look different than mine,

你的挫折可能看起来和我的不同，

but the cycle is the same.

但周期是一样的。

Because what happens when you sideline an ambitious person,

因为当你把一个雄心勃勃的人，

an ambitious woman,

一个雄心勃勃的女人，

a mother?

一个母亲， 排除在外时会发生什么？

She turns her energy and ambition elsewhere.

她将精力和野心转移到其他地方。

It is not a coincidence that my journalism career skyrocketed

并非巧合， 在我有了女儿的同一年，

the same year I had my daughter.

我的新闻事业飞速发展，

More writing led to more visibility,

更多的写作提高了知名度，

more opportunities to speak on stages

更多机会在舞台上发表演讲，

and being invited into more rooms

并被邀请进入更多的屋子里，

where people started asking me,

在那里人们开始问我：

"Hey, would you ever consider doing marketing consulting on the side?"

“嘿，你会考虑做兼职营销咨询吗？”

By the time I was laid off, I had already formed my LLC.

当我被解雇时， 我已经成立了我的有限责任公司。

I had a whole invoicing system,

我有一个完整的发票系统，

I had at least one client on retainer,

我至少有一位长期委托的客户，

and I was getting ready for the biggest professional milestone of my career,

我正在为职业生涯中最大的里程碑做好准备，

the launch of my book

那就是我的书的问世，

about how leaders successfully work through their biggest setbacks.

讲述领导者如何 成功地克服最大的挫折。

Setbacks set the stage for reinvention. But why?

挫折为重塑奠定了基础。 但是为什么？

Why does this happen?

为什么会发生这种情况？

Neuroscientist Chantel Prat

神经科学家尚特尔·普拉特

told me that people who have gone through more setbacks

告诉我，经历过更多挫折的人

are better at problem-solving, reasoning, logic.

更擅长解决问题、推理和逻辑。

They're able to recognize the signs more quickly,

他们能够更快地识别征兆，

and they can course correct more easily.

并且可以更轻松地纠正路线。

When we experience a setback, our brains undergo a dopamine dip.

当我们遇到挫折时， 我们的大脑会经历多巴胺的下降。

We think of a dopamine dip as a negative thing.

我们认为多巴胺下降是负面的事。

But dopamine is a plasticity inducer,

但是多巴胺是一种可塑性诱导剂，

which means it contributes

这意味着它有助于增强

to our mental flexibility and our resilience.

我们的心理灵活性和适应力。

It's kind of like exercising a muscle.

这有点像锻炼肌肉。

You have to break down the muscle mass before it rebuilds its strength.

在肌肉恢复力量之前， 你必须分解肌肉。

You're sore, and then you're strong.

你疼了，然后又强壮了。

It makes sense.

这是有道理的。

When things are going well,

当事情进展顺利时，

we're not necessarily considering how we might improve,

我们不一定考虑如何改进，

how we could do things better.

我们怎样才能把事情做得更好。

But the aftermath of a setback is when we come up with our best ideas.

但是，挫折的后果是 我们能想出最好的主意。

There are four phases of the Setback Cycle.

挫折周期有四个阶段。

The first phase is establish.

第一阶段是确定。

Establishing you're in a setback,

确定你正处于挫折之中，

not as intuitive as one may think.

这没有人们想象的那么直观。

Sure, some setbacks bonk you over the head.

当然，有些挫折会让你 大吃一惊。

You fail a class, you're kicked out of school,

你的课不及格， 你被学校开除，

a business investor pulls out, a relationship ends,

商业投资者退出， 一段感情结束，

you're fired from a job.

你被解雇。

Those are clear.

这些都是显而易见的。

But some of us float unconsciously

但是我们当中有些人不知不觉地

into our own setbacks

陷入了自己的挫折，

without even realizing it or because we choose to ignore it.

甚至没有意识到这一点， 或者因为我们选择忽略它。

How many people do you know who stayed in a relationship for too long

你知道有多少人在一段感情中待了太久

or stayed in a job too long?

或在工作中待了太长时间？

Was that you?

是你吗？

Is that maybe you right now?

你现在可能是吗？

I have something called the Alarm Clock Checklist,

我有个叫做 “闹钟响清单” 的东西，

intended to wake you up

试图把你唤醒，

if you think you might be floating, drifting into your own setback.

如果你认为自己可能会飘起来，落入自己的挫折。

In this exercise, I encourage you to ask yourself two questions.

在本练习中， 我鼓励你问自己两个问题。

Number one, what are you energized by?

第一，你被什么激发了活力？

Number two, what are you disengaged with?

第二，你没有参与什么？

Write down your answers every day,

每天都写下你的答案，

every few days, over the course of a month.

或每月每隔几天写下你的答案。

And at the end of that month, look back at your answers.

在那个月底， 回头看看你的答案。

See what patterns you can come up with.

看看你能想出什么模式。

See what activities you had on certain days

看看在某些日子里，

when you felt more energized or more disengaged.

当你感到更有活力 或更疏离时，你进行了哪些活动。

Some people do this exercise

有些人做这个练习后发现，

and find, yeah, I'm going to step back.

是的，我要退后一步。

But others do it and realize it's just the thing they needed

但是其他人这样做了后却发现这只是他们需要的

to remind themselves of how engaged they still are in their work.

提醒自己仍然参与工作的方式。

It shows them they're exactly where they're meant to be.

它向他们表明这正是他们注定要去的地方。

Phase two of the Setback Cycle

挫折周期的第二阶段

is embrace.

是拥抱。

This is the hardest phase

这是最艰难的阶段，

because this piece requires us to get uncomfortable.

因为这部分要求我们接受不舒服。

And as a society, we have been conditioned to avoid discomfort.

作为一个社会，我们已经习惯 于避免不适。

But remember, it's in those dopamine dips where the transformation happens.

但是请记住，转变发生在多巴胺下降的过程中。

So we have to reframe our relationship with discomfort.

因此，我们必须重新构想我们和不适的关系。

I have a self-consciousness around intelligence.

我对智力有自我意识。

My intelligence has been questioned at times throughout my life.

在我的一生中，我的智力 有时会受到质疑。

Let me assure you, though, I am very smart.

不过，让我向你保证， 我很聪明。

I can say that confidently now.

我现在可以自信地说这句话了。

Critics have responded favorably to work I've put out into the world.

批评者对我在世界中发表的作品 反应良好。

I've won several industry awards.

我赢得了几个行业奖项。

My book stayed on the "USA Today" bestseller list

我的书登上“今日美国” 畅销书排行榜

for several weeks in a row.

并持续在榜好几周。

But none of those accolades matter

但是，当我感到 自己的智力或信誉受到质疑时，

when I feel my intelligence or my credibility comes into question.

这些荣誉都不重要。

This happens because I’m a woman,

发生这种情况是因为我是一个女人，

and I'm bubbly, and I smile a lot, and I chat a lot, and I'm talkative.

我很活泼，我笑得很开心， 经常聊天，而且我很健谈。

And some people equate those characteristics

有些人将这些特征

with a lack of intelligence.

等同于缺乏智力。

Anyone else feel that?

还有人有这种感觉吗？

So when I was sidelined in my leadership role

因此，当我在休产假后，

after maternity leave,

我的领导角色被边缘化，

that moment brought up all that self-consciousness

那一刻唤起了

that I always carry.

我一直以来的自我意识。

I felt I had to prove my value again.

我觉得我必须再次证明自己的价值。

That I needed to show everyone

我需要向所有人表明

that I was still worthy of existing in the workforce.

我仍然值得作为劳动力。

That any respect I had earned leading up to this moment was diminished,

在这一刻， 之前我赢得的任何尊重都减少了，

and I had to totally climb the mountain again.

我不得不完全再次爬上这座山。

So many people leave the workforce for caregiving reasons.

很多人出于看护原因离开工作岗位。

To care for a new child, to care for an elderly relative,

照顾新生儿， 照顾年迈的亲属，

to care for themselves.

照顾自己。

And my experience validated all the fear that caregivers have,

我的经历证实了 护理人员的所有恐惧，

thinking that the job won't be there when they get back,

认为工作回来后就没有了，

or it'll change, or they'll be penalized for prioritizing that care.

或者工作会改变， 或者他们会因为优先考虑护理而受到惩罚。

Not only that, this moment wasn't just a hit to my career.

不仅如此，这一刻 不仅对我的职业生涯造成了打击。

It was a deep cut to my self-worth.

这严重削弱了我的自我价值。

See, the embrace phase is tough.

看，拥抱阶段很艰难。

If you create a narrative

如果你

based on your biggest moments of self-doubt,

根据自己最大的自我怀疑时刻 来创作叙事，

you will find the proof to support it.

你会找到支持它的证据。

But if you try, you can create a counterargument.

但是，如果你尝试一下，你可以 提出反驳。

How do you find the facts to support that counterargument, though?

但是，你如何找到支持这种反驳论点的事实呢？

You turn to your community.

你转向你的社区。

Phase three of the Setback Cycle

挫折周期的第三阶段

is explore.

是探索。

The best thing you can do in the explore phase

is cultivate your community.

就是耕耘你的社区。

And if you think your community isn't that big, think again.

而且，如果你认为自己的社区没有 那么大，那就再想一想。

Author and activist Susan McPherson

作家兼活动家苏珊·麦克弗森

wrote a book called "The Lost Art of Connecting."

写了一本名为 《遗失的连接艺术》的书。

In it, she says, we are much more interconnected than we realize,

在书中，她说，我们的 联系比我们意识到的要紧密得多，

and she equates our communities

她将我们的社区

to constellations.

比作星座。

And she says all it takes is one link to another star

她说，只需要 一个链接到另一颗星星，

to unlock so many possibilities you may never have realized.

就可以解锁许多 你可能从未意识到的可能性。

You can start making those links by making connecting a habit.

你可以通过养成连接的习惯 来开始建立这些链接。

Every evening,

每天晚上，

when you sit down on your couch,

当你坐在沙发上时，

take out your phone.

拿出手机。

Before you start scrolling, send a text message.

在开始滚动之前， 请发送一条短信。

Send a DM to someone you otherwise may not have reached out to.

向你可能无法联系到的人发送一条直接消息。

If you're feeling really ambitious,

如果你真的有雄心壮志，

after this talk, go outside and make a phone call.

这次谈话结束后， 到外面打个电话。

I know, you're not a phone person,

我知道，你不是习惯打电话的人，

but I promise you this is going to be

但我向你保证，

so much less awkward than you think it will be,

这不会像你想象的那么尴尬，

and the benefits are immeasurable.

而且好处是无法估量的。

How do you think I spent those first few weeks

你觉得我被解雇后的那几周

after getting laid off?

是怎么度过的？

I'm not a phone person either,

我也不是习惯打电话的人，

but I was on the phone with everyone I knew:

但我和我认识的所有人都打了电话：

friends, old clients, former colleagues,

朋友、老客户、以前的同事，

every boss I ever had,

以及我过去的每一位老板，

saying, "Hey, I'm a little more available than I thought I'd be

我说：“嗨，我比想象的更空闲一点，

to do some marketing consulting."

我可以做一些营销咨询。”

They were more than happy

他们非常乐意

to make connections to everyone in their constellation.

与他们星座中的每个人建立联系。

One person even congratulated me for being laid off.

甚至有人祝贺我被解雇。

Sometimes it is your community

有时候，是你的社区

who sees how amazing you are

在你做事之前

before even you do.

就看到了你有多厉害。

Who see and know

他们看到并且知道

that your next chapter will be glorious.

你的下一章将是光荣的。

If you look over here,

如果你仔细审查，

you will find the proof to support your self-doubt narrative.

你会发现支持你自我怀疑论述的证据。

There will always be people

总会有人

who see you as the talkative, bubbly, smiley person

把你看作是一个健谈、活泼、 面带笑容的人，

and make assumptions about your intelligence because of that.

并因此对你的智力做出假设。

But if you look over here, you see an entire universe,

但是，如果你仔细审查， 你会看到一个完整的宇宙，

galaxies upon galaxies of people

一个又一个的星系，

who have all the confidence in your capabilities.

由对你的能力充满信心的人组成。

They see how bright you shine.

他们看到你的光芒有多亮。

My community and the connections they made for me

我的社区以及 他们在我裁员后

in the aftermath of my layoff

为我建立的人际关系

is how I won my first few big contracts.

是我赢得前几份大合同的原因。

It's how I was able to take that little side hustle

正是这样，我才得以把这种小小的副业，

and turn it into a thriving business,

变成一份蓬勃发展的事业，

one that enabled me

这使我能够

to start contributing to my family's expenses once again.

再次开始为家庭开支做出贡献。

Better yet,

更好的是，

I was starting to reframe the narrative

我开始重新构建

that I had any sort of lack of credibility or intelligence.

关于我缺乏信誉或智力的说法。

There will always be people who make you feel

总会有人让你感觉

like you need to prove your value.

好像你需要证明自己的价值。

But if you listen to your community,

但是，如果你倾听你的社区的意见，

if you listen to the good things people say about you,

如果你听到人们说你的好话，

you will gain the confidence you need

你就会获得

to move to the final phase of the Setback Cycle.

进入挫折周期最后阶段 所需的信心。

Phase four: emerge.

第四阶段：显现。

Emerging from your setback is exhilarating.

从挫折中脱颖而出令人振奋。

You have the tools.

你有工具。

Now you need to decide what to build.

现在你需要决定要建造什么。

But going from knowing to doing can be surprisingly complicated.

但是从知道到做 可能出人意料地复杂。

Sometimes after all the introspection and the dopamine dips,

有时候，经过反省、多巴胺下降、

and the strategizing, and the exploration, and the phone calls,

制定策略、探索和打电话，

you're a little exhausted.

你有点精疲力尽。

Sometimes you just need to rest.

有时候你只需要休息。

So take the rest.

所以，休息吧。

Give yourself the space you need before you propel yourself forward.

在推动自己向前迈进之前， 给自己留出所需的空间。

Recognize any barriers you might still be facing

认清你可能仍然面临的任何障碍，

and give yourself the grace to step around them.

并给自己绕过这些障碍一些宽容的余地。

And when you're ready,

当你准备好时，

move forward.

向前进。

Shed your cocoon.

解开你的束缚。

Spread your beautiful new wings.

展现你美丽的新翅膀。

Your metamorphosis is complete.

你的蜕变已经完成。

I am rebelliously optimistic that after today,

我非常乐观地认为， 今天之后，

you will see setbacks so much more clearly,

你会更清楚地看到挫折，

and you will emerge from them with a sense of all you can achieve.

你将带着你所能实现的一切的意识 从这些挫折中脱颖而出。

Remember that setback I asked you to think of

还记得 我在本次演讲开始时

at the beginning of this talk?

让你想到的挫折吗？

Visualize it again.

再次将其可视化。

Now ask yourself,

现在问问自己，

how did that setback set the stage for your reinvention?

那次挫折是如何为你的重塑 奠定基础的？

Thank you.

谢谢。

(Applause)

（掌声）