Speak With Me: English Speaking Practice

Vanessa: "Oh, that must  

have been hard. Do you want to talk about  it?" If I said this to you, would you go,  

"Yes. Maybe. I don't know"? Well, don't worry.  Today, I'm going to help you talk about your  

feelings in English. This is not the easiest  thing to do in your native language either,  

but I want to help you level up your  English-speaking skills and not just talk  

about the same basic boring topics, but about  complex and important topics as well. Hi, I'm  

Vanessa from SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com. And like  always, I have created a free PDF worksheet where  

you can learn all of today's important vocabulary  questions, definitions, sample sentences,  

and you can see the sample conversation so that  you can practice using what you've learned today.  

You can click on the link in the description  to download this free PDF worksheet today.

All right, before we get started, I have to say  something. If you want to get closer with your  

friends and family, you need to be vulnerable with  them. This is something that I struggle with. So  

this lesson is for me and it's for you. This means  that you need to talk about difficult things,  

about your feelings, try to get deeper in your  relationship with them. So in today's lesson,  

we're going to start by talking about how  you can express your feelings, especially  

negative feelings. Because I feel like in some  cultures, we often try to glaze over difficult  

feelings. Maybe you had a really hard time and  you say, "Well, but I'm doing better now." Well,  

sometimes it's important to talk about those  difficult feelings. I want to give you the words  

to say that in English. And then in the second  part of this vocabulary lesson, you are going to  

learn how to respond when one of your friends  or family members talks about their feelings.

Because the reciprocal part is that you need to  be able to be open to hearing when your friends  

and family are vulnerable with you. What should  you say to them? How can you encourage them to  

continue sharing their feelings with you?  And you can seem empathetic and kind. Well,  

in this lesson, I will also help give  you the words so that you can respond  

kindly to your friends and family. And  finally, at the end of this lesson,  

you're going to have a chance to practice  speaking with me about your feelings. So  

pay attention. It's going to be your turn soon.  Let's get started by talking about some important  

vocabulary where you are going to talk about your  feelings. Let's imagine that you've been going  

through a hard time. You've been working really  hard at your job and you thought that you would  

get the promotion that you really wanted, and  then it turns out someone else got the promotion.

This is really disappointing and you feel like  it's not a good idea to keep it inside. You want  

to talk to someone about it. So you call your best  friend and you say this, "Hey, can we talk? Hey,  

can we talk about something?" This is a good way  to introduce talking about a difficult feeling  

that you have, especially if you don't really  feel comfortable talking about difficult feelings,  

you're kind of getting their permission. Is this  something that's okay to ask you about? "Hey,  

can we talk about something?" And if they're  a good friend, of course they'll say, "Yeah,  

what's going on?" So let me give you some  next expressions you can say. You might say,  

"I just need to vent." Do you know what  a vent is? This is a vent in your car.  

That's where all the air comes out and it  blows out without much filter or blockages.

So when you need to vent, that means that you are  just going to share everything that comes out. I  

just need to tell you all the difficult  things that have been happening at work,  

and you vent to them. I often say to my friends  after I vent, "Hey, thanks for letting me vent."  

It feels good sometimes. If you didn't get the  promotion that you thought you were going to get,  

you might say something like this,  "I'm feeling really frustrated," or,  

"I'm feeling a bit down lately." Down means sad.  Or, "I've been feeling a bit lost." Usually we  

use this term lost to describe a career goal that  you thought you had and it's not exactly what you  

thought it would be. You thought you could work  hard, maybe get the attention of your manager and  

boss and get a promotion, but when it didn't  line up like that, you might feel a bit lost.

What do I do now? I thought if I worked hard,  I would get the promotion and now I'm lost. I  

don't know what to do. When you're having a  hard time, the next expression's a good one.  

I'm in a funk or I'm in a rut. A rut is  like a little dip in the road. It's not a  

great place. If you are in a funk or in a rut,  it means you're having a hard time progressing  

and moving past the difficult time that  you're in. So when you tell your friend this,  

"I've really just been in a rut lately and I don't  know how to get out of it," your friend might give  

you some suggestions like, "Hey, why don't we  just go for a hike and get out in nature and you  

can vent and maybe you'll have some clarity after  that." That would be what a good friend would do.

Or you might say, "I feel really frustrated when  I work hard and I don't get the promotion that  

I thought I would." Or you could use this in  a positive way and tell your friend, "I feel  

relieved when I can talk to you about difficult  things. I feel happy. I feel relieved. I feel  

frustrated when I don't get the promotion. I feel  relieved when I can talk to you." This is a great  

way to express your feelings. Or you might say,  "It's hard when other people get a promotion and I  

don't. It's hard when I thought I was going to get  the visa to go to the US and I just got denied.  

What am I supposed to do now? I feel so lost." Or  you could say, "It's like I do all the work and  

other people get promoted." Or, "I just feel like  I do all the work and other people get promoted."

This is a great phrase to use when you're venting,  

when you're going through a hard time and  you just need to get it all out. I just  

feel like I do all the work and no one else  is doing stuff and I don't get the promotion.  

I'm so frustrated. After you have shared  everything, after you have vented, you might say,  

"Thank you. I feel like I can be myself when  I'm with you." This is a beautiful compliment.  

If someone says this to you, cherish that person.  I feel like I can be myself with you. You don't  

need to put up any walls or barriers or pretend. I  feel like I can be myself with you. And after you  

have vented, you might even say this, "Thanks  so much for letting me get that off my chest."

When you're going through a hard time,  it feels like a weight is on your body.  

A weight's on your shoulders, a weight  is on your chest. And when you speak,  

"I feel like a weight was lifted." And you  could tell your friend, "Thanks for letting  

me get that off my chest. Thanks for letting  me vent. I feel so much better now." All right,  

so now we have just talked about when you are  going through a hard time, but what happens if  

your friend is going through a hard time and your  friend is telling you... Your friend's venting to  

you about what's going on. How can you reply?  What kind of little phrases can you use so that  

your friend feels supported and your friend  knows that you truly care? Let's talk about  

those. If you notice that your friend isn't  doing that well, you might say something kind  

like this. "Are you feeling all right? You don't  seem like yourself. Are you feeling all right?"

Notice my tone of voice. I'm not accusing  them, "Are you feeling all right?" No. Instead,  

I'm really soft and empathetic. "Are  you feeling all right? You don't seem  

like yourself lately." And when they say,  "Oh, I just didn't get the promotion that  

I wanted," you might say to them a very kind  question, "Do you want to talk about it?" You  

are opening the door and letting them know,  "I'm willing to hear what's going on and to  

listen to you. You don't need to feel worried  about venting to me. Do you want to talk about  

it?" And when they tell you they did not get the  promotion that they wanted, you can use one of  

my favorite empathetic phrases that I use in  conversations all the time. It's this, "That  

must have been really frustrating." That must  have been really annoying, really aggravating,  

really surprising. This wonderful advanced  verb tense you can use, that must have been.

You're kind of assuming what  kind of emotion they might have,  

and you're empathizing with that emotion. "Oh,  that must have been really frustrating. Oh,  

that must have been really surprising. You worked  so hard and you didn't get the promotion. That  

must have been..." You can use this too.  A question that you can ask your friend  

who's going through a hard time is this, "What  can I do to support you?" Maybe they'll say,  

"Oh, nothing, but thanks for letting me vent."  Okay. Sometimes just letting someone vent is  

a great way to support them. But I recommend  asking this because you never know what they  

might say. Maybe they have another stressor  on their mind and they'd like to tell you  

about it. In my experience, when I'm talking to  someone about a hard time, the other person or  

sometimes me feels uncomfortable talking about  negative feelings and negative experiences.

So you can use this expression to encourage  your friend. If your friend says, "Oh, we  

don't need to talk about this," or, "Oh, this is  too depressing, we don't need to talk about it."  

Well, it is important to talk about. So you could  say this. "No, don't bottle it up. Don't keep it  

inside. Let's talk about it." This idea of a  bottle and closing the lid and keeping those  

negative feelings inside. Don't bottle it.  It here is negative feelings. Don't bottle  

it up. Don't keep it inside. It's not a good  idea because you'll probably explode at some  

point. It's important to vent to get it  out. So you're encouraging your friend,  

"Hey, it's okay. Don't bottle it up. This  is healthy and important." And finally,  

when you're done having that feeling  of rich conversation with your friend,  

you could say, "Thanks for sharing that with  me." This is a good conclusion that lets them  

know you really care and you're glad that  they shared something difficult with you.

It deepens your friendship, and here, you're  acknowledging that. "Thanks for sharing that  

with me. That means a lot." All right, now that  you just learned a lot of feeling expressions for  

you to talk about your difficult feelings and  for you to hear and respond to your friend's  

difficult feelings, now it's time to take a look  at a sample conversation between my husband,  

Dan and I, as we talk about our feelings. I  want you to pay attention. Listen for some  

of the key phrases that you just learned,  because after that sample conversation,  

it will be your turn to speak with me  about your feelings. Dun, dun, dun. Are  

you ready? All right, let's watch  that sample conversation first.

Hey, Dan, are you doing all right?  You don't seem quite yourself today.

Dan: Not  

really. Can I talk to you  about something actually?

Vanessa: Of course. What's up?

Dan: Well,  

there's this thing at work and I worked really  hard at it and my coworkers got all the credit  

for it. They didn't do anything. I feel like  the more work I do, the less recognition I get.

Vanessa: That must be so  

frustrating. It's hard when you work hard  on something and no one seems to notice.

Dan: Yeah,  

I just feel like if I say anything,  they're going to think I'm complaining.

Vanessa: Yeah, I get that. But don't  

bottle it up. You might stay mad at your boss and  coworkers and you might be distracted at work.

Dan: That's  

a good point. Well, thanks for  letting me get that off my chest.

Vanessa: No problem.  

Thanks for telling me. I really appreciate  it. I had no idea work was so stressful.

Dan: Thanks. Well, I got to go. I'll see you later.

Vanessa: See you later. All right,  

now it's your turn to speak with me about your  feelings. Don't bottle it up, get it out and vent.  

I am going to be your friend today and you are  going to be sharing with me something difficult  

that is happening now or that has happened in  the past in your life. So I want you to take  

a deep breath and during this conversation,  I will ask a question and then pause. And my  

magic teacher ears will hear you around the  world no matter where you are. So make sure  

that you speak out loud. If you need to pause  so that you can speak longer, that's totally  

fine. If you need to review and go back to this  section again and again to practice, go ahead  

and do it. That's the great thing about learning  English online. All right, are you ready? Let's  

talk about your feelings. Hey, are you feeling  all right? You don't seem like yourself lately.

That must've been really hard. So here you  can continue to tell me about the difficult  

time that you're having. What can I do to  support you? Well, thanks so much for sharing  

that with me. I'm glad you didn't bottle  it up. I really appreciate it. All right,  

great work talking about a negative feeling  in English. This is not an easy thing to do  

in any language, but hear you're leveling  up your speaking skills. Great work. Well,  

don't forget to download the free PDF worksheet  so that you can remember all of these important  

and difficult feeling expressions in English,  definitions, sample sentences. And on this  

worksheet, you can see the transcript of the  conversation that I had with my husband, Dan,  

and the sample conversation that you and I  had so that you can write out your answers,  

read them out loud, practice them so that  you can really deepen your English skills.

Don't forget to download this. You can  click on the link in the description to  

download this free PDF worksheet today. It  is my gift to you. And now I have a question  

for you. Tell me in the comments how are  you feeling today? And don't worry about  

sharing a negative feeling. It's totally  fine. I want to support you and thank you  

for sharing it. Let me know in the comments  and I'll read what you have to say. Well,  

thanks so much for learning English with me and  I'll see you again next Friday for a new lesson  

here on my YouTube channel. Bye. But wait, do  you want more? I recommend watching this video  

next where you will learn to speak in English  about sleep, including is sleeping like a baby  

a good thing or a bad thing in English. You'll  find out there and I'll see you in that lesson.