How to Say No in English Politely (without Feeling Guilty)

Hey,

it's Annemarie with Speak Confident English and this week we're going to talk

about how to say no in English and do it politely. Whether you're too busy,

too tired or you just don't want to do something.

It can be challenging to say no to a family member,

friend or coworker who needs your help.

It might be difficult because you're not sure of the right words in English.

You don't want to hurt or disappoint anyone and you might even feel guilty if

you say no.

So today we're going to learn how you can say no politely so that you don't have

to worry about the guilt.

You don't hurt anyone's feelings and you can still have a positive relationship.

Plus I'm going to share with you how to say no in the most difficult situation

when you've already said yes to someone,

but now you need to say no.

So be sure to watch to the end to get that final tip.

To get started on this topic of saying no. I have a question for you.

Have you ever heard of this expression? Busy bragging,

busy bragging is when someone loves to talk about how busy they are and how many

commitments they've made,

but you and I both know that being too busy can actually be miserable.

It means that you might not be getting enough sleep,

you might not be doing well in your job and do you feel stressed and overwhelmed?

Learning how to politely say no in English will help you avoid over committing

so that you don't feel stressed and you don't feel guilty about saying no either.

When it comes to saying no,

I could give you a list of fake phony excuses like, oh,

I'm really sorry I can't come to your party because my bird is really sick and I

need to stay home to give it some medicine.

But here in the Speak Confident English community,

we believe honesty is the best policy and we love combining that honesty with

the language that allows you to stay polite and friendly and that is the first

strategy for saying no.

Whether you need to decline an invitation or a request.

It's important to be honest,

but you don't need to include a lot of details when you say no.

For example,

if a colleague invites you out during the work week and honestly you're just

tired, you want to go home and watch your favorite Netflix show,

or maybe there's an event at your child's school, you could simply say,

I'm sorry I can't make it. I've got something else planned,

but let's try another time. Now,

if it's a colleague requesting you to stay late and help them out with a project,

you can make a small change to this example by saying,

I'm sorry I can't help you out. I've got something else planned,

but I hope everything works out okay. Again,

you're being clear about saying no without giving too many details,

but what do you do if someone insists that you say yes and there's a lot of

pressure in that situation?

You want to make sure that you don't leave any room for,

maybe if someone asks you to do something and you are honestly too busy,

too tired or you just don't want to, but you say something like,

Oh, I'm not sure if I can let me check my calendar or I don't know,

I'll get back to you in those examples. You didn't say no.

You said maybe,

and that means there's room for them to continue putting pressure on you and you

might eventually say yes. So you want to avoid those kinds of phrases.

Other phrases that you might want to avoid are, can I tell you later,

let me check my schedule and get back to you instead of leaving room for,

maybe it's important that you are clear about saying no,

but you can still be polite by using something like, I'm afraid that I can't,

I have another commitment, I'm really sorry, or I would help you if I could,

but I'm not able to. I've got something else I have to do.

And those two examples I was clear about saying no,

but I did it politely and without including too many details.

But then there's those situations when you know that saying no is really going

to disappoint someone and we never like that. We feel guilty.

We feel regret,

we feel terrible when we know that we're disappointing someone else,

but sometimes even then we still need to say no because you might truly be

committed to something else.

You might need to take care of your kids or simply avoid feeling stressed and

overwhelmed. So in those situations,

a great way to say no is to be clear about saying no,

but also include how you feel. Let me give you an example.

I'm really sorry, but I have to say no.

I'm over committed right now and I know that if I say yes to you,

I won't be able to do my best work. In that example,

not only did I say no,

but I talked about feeling over committed and the fact that if I said yes,

I wouldn't be able to do my best work.

I wouldn't be able to give my full attention or all the energy I need.

And when you share those kinds of details,

it's really difficult for someone else to continue putting pressure on you to

say yes. Similar to saying that you're over committed,

you could also use language like you're overwhelmed or you're stretched thin.

And now let's talk about the hardest situation when you might need to say no.

And that's when you've already said yes to someone in English.

We have a great phrasal verb to talk about this situation.

To back out of something,

to back out of something means that you will not do something that you already

said you would do. So you might need to back out of a commitment.

You might need to back out of an invitation.

You might need to back out of lunch with friends and doing that definitely comes

with a lot of feelings of guilt, regret,

or even being embarrassed that you have to say no,

but these situations happen in real life and I want you to be prepared to deal

with it. In English, it might be because of an emergency.

Maybe there's a crisis at work or you just get sick and you have to say no to

something. Here's how you can do it in a polite and caring way. First,

apologize and explain why you have to say no.

If you can offer an alternative and finally finished with what you hope will

happen in the end. Let's look at examples of putting all of those together.

I'm so sorry,

but I won't be able to stay late tonight to help you finish that project.

My daughter's sick and I need to be home with her,

but I'll send out an email to others on the team to see if anyone else is

available and I really hope we can find someone. In that example,

I apologized and explained why I needed to back out.

I offered an alternative by saying I would help them find someone else and I

ended with what I hoped would happen in the end. Let's look at one more example.

Let's imagine that you've been trying to get together with some of your best

friends for lunch for weeks and all of you have finally decided on a date,

but you've just had a crisis come up at work,

so here's how you could manage that situation. I'm really sorry,

but I have to tell you, I can't come to lunch tomorrow.

We've had a crisis come up at work and there's no way that I can leave my team

right now. I know it was really hard for all of us to find a date,

so please go ahead and have lunch without me or hopefully we can all find

another time in the next week or two. Again,

I've apologized and explained the situation.

I've offered a couple of alternatives saying they can either continue without me

or we could try to find another time and I hoped that it would work out in the

end. Now that you know how to say no politely in English,

I want you to practice and you can share your answer with me in the comments

below. Think about a time when you said yes to something,

but you immediately regretted it. Either you had too much going on,

you were exhausted and stressed and you really wish you had said no.

What could you have said?

Try using the strategies that you've learned and share those with me now.

As always, if you want more examples of how to politely say no in English,

I've got those for you in the online lesson. Plus, if you love this topic,

be sure to check out my playlist on dealing with difficult situations.

For example,

how to deal with rude questions and don't forget that you can subscribe to this

channel so you never miss a future Confident English lesson.

Thank you so much for joining me and I'll see you next time.