How to Say No in English Politely (without Feeling Guilty)

79,996 views ・ 2019-06-26

Speak Confident English


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:00
Hey,
0
630
271
00:00
it's Annemarie with Speak Confident English and this week we're going to talk
1
901
3509
00:04
about how to say no in English and do it politely. Whether you're too busy,
2
4411
4439
00:08
too tired or you just don't want to do something.
3
8880
2970
00:12
It can be challenging to say no to a family member,
4
12150
3090
00:15
friend or coworker who needs your help.
5
15241
2039
00:17
It might be difficult because you're not sure of the right words in English.
6
17520
3720
00:21
You don't want to hurt or disappoint anyone and you might even feel guilty if
7
21390
4830
00:26
you say no.
8
26221
833
00:27
So today we're going to learn how you can say no politely so that you don't have
9
27240
4020
00:31
to worry about the guilt.
10
31261
1169
00:32
You don't hurt anyone's feelings and you can still have a positive relationship.
11
32670
3990
00:36
Plus I'm going to share with you how to say no in the most difficult situation
12
36870
4290
00:41
when you've already said yes to someone,
13
41670
2400
00:44
but now you need to say no.
14
44280
2490
00:47
So be sure to watch to the end to get that final tip.
15
47100
2640
01:01
To get started on this topic of saying no. I have a question for you.
16
61220
3630
01:05
Have you ever heard of this expression? Busy bragging,
17
65270
3000
01:08
busy bragging is when someone loves to talk about how busy they are and how many
18
68720
4650
01:13
commitments they've made,
19
73371
1349
01:15
but you and I both know that being too busy can actually be miserable.
20
75110
3960
01:19
It means that you might not be getting enough sleep,
21
79430
2310
01:21
you might not be doing well in your job and do you feel stressed and overwhelmed?
22
81770
4290
01:26
Learning how to politely say no in English will help you avoid over committing
23
86390
4860
01:31
so that you don't feel stressed and you don't feel guilty about saying no either.
24
91251
4439
01:36
When it comes to saying no,
25
96260
1650
01:37
I could give you a list of fake phony excuses like, oh,
26
97970
4620
01:42
I'm really sorry I can't come to your party because my bird is really sick and I
27
102591
4529
01:47
need to stay home to give it some medicine.
28
107330
1560
01:50
But here in the Speak Confident English community,
29
110420
2970
01:53
we believe honesty is the best policy and we love combining that honesty with
30
113420
5000
01:58
the language that allows you to stay polite and friendly and that is the first
31
118581
4349
02:02
strategy for saying no.
32
122931
1319
02:04
Whether you need to decline an invitation or a request.
33
124610
3480
02:08
It's important to be honest,
34
128390
1650
02:10
but you don't need to include a lot of details when you say no.
35
130070
4560
02:14
For example,
36
134840
721
02:15
if a colleague invites you out during the work week and honestly you're just
37
135561
3989
02:19
tired, you want to go home and watch your favorite Netflix show,
38
139551
3059
02:22
or maybe there's an event at your child's school, you could simply say,
39
142700
3930
02:26
I'm sorry I can't make it. I've got something else planned,
40
146631
2909
02:29
but let's try another time. Now,
41
149600
1830
02:31
if it's a colleague requesting you to stay late and help them out with a project,
42
151460
4410
02:36
you can make a small change to this example by saying,
43
156230
3270
02:39
I'm sorry I can't help you out. I've got something else planned,
44
159920
2970
02:42
but I hope everything works out okay. Again,
45
162920
2700
02:45
you're being clear about saying no without giving too many details,
46
165621
3779
02:49
but what do you do if someone insists that you say yes and there's a lot of
47
169850
5000
02:55
pressure in that situation?
48
175401
2309
02:57
You want to make sure that you don't leave any room for,
49
177740
3620
03:01
maybe if someone asks you to do something and you are honestly too busy,
50
181361
5000
03:06
too tired or you just don't want to, but you say something like,
51
186580
4620
03:11
Oh, I'm not sure if I can let me check my calendar or I don't know,
52
191620
4740
03:16
I'll get back to you in those examples. You didn't say no.
53
196361
4409
03:20
You said maybe,
54
200890
1440
03:22
and that means there's room for them to continue putting pressure on you and you
55
202600
5000
03:27
might eventually say yes. So you want to avoid those kinds of phrases.
56
207611
4379
03:32
Other phrases that you might want to avoid are, can I tell you later,
57
212500
3750
03:37
let me check my schedule and get back to you instead of leaving room for,
58
217180
3960
03:41
maybe it's important that you are clear about saying no,
59
221141
3659
03:45
but you can still be polite by using something like, I'm afraid that I can't,
60
225160
4410
03:49
I have another commitment, I'm really sorry, or I would help you if I could,
61
229571
4559
03:54
but I'm not able to. I've got something else I have to do.
62
234340
2670
03:57
And those two examples I was clear about saying no,
63
237400
2970
04:00
but I did it politely and without including too many details.
64
240430
3600
04:04
But then there's those situations when you know that saying no is really going
65
244510
5000
04:10
to disappoint someone and we never like that. We feel guilty.
66
250151
3959
04:14
We feel regret,
67
254111
1049
04:15
we feel terrible when we know that we're disappointing someone else,
68
255490
4200
04:20
but sometimes even then we still need to say no because you might truly be
69
260140
5000
04:25
committed to something else.
70
265661
1379
04:27
You might need to take care of your kids or simply avoid feeling stressed and
71
267400
4680
04:32
overwhelmed. So in those situations,
72
272081
2999
04:35
a great way to say no is to be clear about saying no,
73
275081
4079
04:39
but also include how you feel. Let me give you an example.
74
279370
3960
04:43
I'm really sorry, but I have to say no.
75
283780
2400
04:46
I'm over committed right now and I know that if I say yes to you,
76
286570
3840
04:50
I won't be able to do my best work. In that example,
77
290411
3449
04:53
not only did I say no,
78
293861
1589
04:55
but I talked about feeling over committed and the fact that if I said yes,
79
295480
5000
05:00
I wouldn't be able to do my best work.
80
300731
2009
05:02
I wouldn't be able to give my full attention or all the energy I need.
81
302770
4380
05:07
And when you share those kinds of details,
82
307510
2130
05:09
it's really difficult for someone else to continue putting pressure on you to
83
309910
4500
05:14
say yes. Similar to saying that you're over committed,
84
314411
3089
05:17
you could also use language like you're overwhelmed or you're stretched thin.
85
317650
4770
05:23
And now let's talk about the hardest situation when you might need to say no.
86
323530
4980
05:28
And that's when you've already said yes to someone in English.
87
328780
4380
05:33
We have a great phrasal verb to talk about this situation.
88
333161
3149
05:36
To back out of something,
89
336790
1620
05:38
to back out of something means that you will not do something that you already
90
338860
5000
05:44
said you would do. So you might need to back out of a commitment.
91
344650
4410
05:49
You might need to back out of an invitation.
92
349090
2370
05:51
You might need to back out of lunch with friends and doing that definitely comes
93
351670
5000
05:57
with a lot of feelings of guilt, regret,
94
357080
2610
05:59
or even being embarrassed that you have to say no,
95
359960
2730
06:03
but these situations happen in real life and I want you to be prepared to deal
96
363020
4800
06:07
with it. In English, it might be because of an emergency.
97
367821
3539
06:11
Maybe there's a crisis at work or you just get sick and you have to say no to
98
371510
4710
06:16
something. Here's how you can do it in a polite and caring way. First,
99
376221
4349
06:20
apologize and explain why you have to say no.
100
380571
3149
06:23
If you can offer an alternative and finally finished with what you hope will
101
383900
5000
06:29
happen in the end. Let's look at examples of putting all of those together.
102
389091
4109
06:33
I'm so sorry,
103
393350
1050
06:34
but I won't be able to stay late tonight to help you finish that project.
104
394401
3209
06:37
My daughter's sick and I need to be home with her,
105
397910
2280
06:40
but I'll send out an email to others on the team to see if anyone else is
106
400220
3630
06:43
available and I really hope we can find someone. In that example,
107
403851
3629
06:47
I apologized and explained why I needed to back out.
108
407510
3180
06:51
I offered an alternative by saying I would help them find someone else and I
109
411170
4710
06:55
ended with what I hoped would happen in the end. Let's look at one more example.
110
415881
4769
07:00
Let's imagine that you've been trying to get together with some of your best
111
420890
3330
07:04
friends for lunch for weeks and all of you have finally decided on a date,
112
424221
4739
07:09
but you've just had a crisis come up at work,
113
429530
2700
07:12
so here's how you could manage that situation. I'm really sorry,
114
432410
3540
07:15
but I have to tell you, I can't come to lunch tomorrow.
115
435951
2249
07:18
We've had a crisis come up at work and there's no way that I can leave my team
116
438350
3660
07:22
right now. I know it was really hard for all of us to find a date,
117
442011
3419
07:25
so please go ahead and have lunch without me or hopefully we can all find
118
445730
4020
07:29
another time in the next week or two. Again,
119
449751
2519
07:32
I've apologized and explained the situation.
120
452300
2610
07:35
I've offered a couple of alternatives saying they can either continue without me
121
455270
3780
07:39
or we could try to find another time and I hoped that it would work out in the
122
459380
3780
07:43
end. Now that you know how to say no politely in English,
123
463161
2999
07:46
I want you to practice and you can share your answer with me in the comments
124
466161
3239
07:49
below. Think about a time when you said yes to something,
125
469401
4169
07:53
but you immediately regretted it. Either you had too much going on,
126
473690
4440
07:58
you were exhausted and stressed and you really wish you had said no.
127
478131
5000
08:04
What could you have said?
128
484550
1410
08:06
Try using the strategies that you've learned and share those with me now.
129
486350
3510
08:09
As always, if you want more examples of how to politely say no in English,
130
489861
4049
08:13
I've got those for you in the online lesson. Plus, if you love this topic,
131
493940
3810
08:17
be sure to check out my playlist on dealing with difficult situations.
132
497780
3900
08:21
For example,
133
501710
601
08:22
how to deal with rude questions and don't forget that you can subscribe to this
134
502311
3809
08:26
channel so you never miss a future Confident English lesson.
135
506121
3539
08:30
Thank you so much for joining me and I'll see you next time.
136
510200
2640
About this website

This site will introduce you to YouTube videos that are useful for learning English. You will see English lessons taught by top-notch teachers from around the world. Double-click on the English subtitles displayed on each video page to play the video from there. The subtitles scroll in sync with the video playback. If you have any comments or requests, please contact us using this contact form.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7