13 Ways to Clarify When You Don’t Understand Someone | Advanced English Conversation

Recently I was in a conversation with one of my students and I had to take a

moment to tell her I needed to clear all the cobwebs in my head and really

put on my critical-thinking, analytical skills,

because we were talking about something that was absolutely beyond me.

It was a topic that was unfamiliar to me.

We were discussing genomes and DNA...

Things that are not my area of expertise.

And I have to admit in that conversation.

There was a moment where I thought maybe I should just

stay silent, pretend I understand,

and hope that she doesn't ask me any questions,

but that is not the path to confidence in any

conversation or in any language.

So instead I took a moment to be honest,

and I asked her a series of clarifying questions so that I could fully.

Understand what she was talking about.

And it was able to learn so much along the way.

I was also able to stay active in that conversation.

If you don't already know, I'm Annemarie with Speak Confident English,

everything I do here is designed to help you get the confidence you want for

your life and work in English. And today, we're.

Going to get deep into all of the different

conversations.

You might have where you'll need to ask clarifying questions.

There are a variety of reasons that we feel lost in a conversation.

There are reasons why we get confused and some of those are beyond our

control, but we always have that choice.

We have the choice to remain silent and say nothing and hope that.

No one knows we feel lost, or we can ask appropriate.

Questions and stay fully engaged in the conversation successfully.

That's what we're going to do today. In this lesson,

you're going to learn 13 ways to clarify when you're feeling

lost or when you don't understand someone in the conversation.

By the end, you'll be fully confident.

Asking those clarifying questions without any fear or embarrassment.

And you'll know that you successfully navigated the conversation.

To help us started.

Let's look quickly at the four different scenarios we're going to review

and why you may need clarification.

Scenario number one,

what kinds of questions should you ask when someone's opinion isn't

clear? Scenario number two. What to say.

When someone's thoughts aren't clearly connected.

Maybe they are sharing a lot of details,

but there's no clear connection among them.

Scenario number three, what to say when you need more details. And finally,

scenario number four, what to say when you're feeling lost in the conversation,

either because a new word or phrase was used,

or the topic is just unfamiliar to you. In each scenario,

we're going to talk about effective strategies and the right questions to use.

So let's get into scenario number one.

What to say when someone's opinion, isn't clear.

We've all been in conversations when someone begins to respond to a

question and they share a variety of details,

but in the end you still don't know what they think.

You still don't know which side of the issue they're on or what their

opinion really is.

When you don't know where someone stands on an issue.

The best way to clarify is to highlight what you heard and

confirm your understanding.

Here are a few example questions that will help you do that.

If I understood you correctly, you're saying that...,

And then you'll paraphrase or state.

What you think.

Their opinion is in your own words. And then you can finish with, am I correct?

Another question: you made an interesting point about...,

And then insert the detail and continue with.

So do you believe that...,

And then insert the opinion that you understand them to have.

And I'll give you a clear example of this in a moment.

A third clarifying question that you can use is to summarize what you're

saying is, and then again,

insert what you understand or what you think their opinion is. And finally,

a last question you can use is it sounds like you disagree with this

statement, or it sounds like you agree with this statement, is that right?

Now that we have those examples of clarifying questions,

let's look at it in context, let's look at a real situation.

Imagine you're having a conversation with team members about a recent company

update.

And one of them isn't very clear about her opinion

on the update. Here's what you could say.

You made an interesting point about the disadvantages of changing this company

policy.

So do you think the policy should remain the same and they shouldn't make any

changes? In that example,

I'm restating what I heard that individual say,

and I'm asking them about the opinion I think they have.

In doing that. I'm also asking them to clarify their position.

And now let's move on to scenario number two,

what to say when someone else's thoughts or details,

aren't clearly connected and you really don't understand what they're trying to

say. When that happens and you feel lost,

the reality is others in the room probably feel the same way.

And it is the speaker who is responsible for making their points

clear.

So some great clarifying questions you could ask to help them do that.

Are.

Could you explain how.

A and B are related to each other? Or.

Could you explain how.

Insert a specific detail and insert another detail

are related to each other question? Number two,

I didn't really catch the main point. Can you.

Tell me how A is related to B? Or can you tell.

Me how these two things are connected?

Or a third option is can I ask for some clarification? Would you.

Mind explaining how A.

Is connected to B? When we ask those kinds of questions,

we're actually doing the speaker a favor. Again,

if you're feeling lost others in the room are probably feeling that way as well.

And when we communicate, of course, we want to express ourselves clearly.

We want others to be on the same page.

When we ask these clarifying questions,

we're giving the speaker the opportunity to be clear.

Let me show you how this works in an example.

Suppose you're in a book club and someone isn't clearly.

Explaining how a character relates to the theme of the book.

In that situation, you could say, I didn't quite catch the main point.

How does the theme of darkness connect back to this character? Now,

before we move on to scenario three.

I know that you might be thinking, but Annemarie,

isn't that a little rude or.

Will I be telling them that they're wrong? And again, absolutely not.

You're using perfectly polite, appropriate language,

and you're giving that speaker the opportunity to be understood.

That is a great thing to do.

Now let's move on to scenario number three.

What to ask when you just need more details.

I'm sure that you've been in conversations when a speaker's.

Opinion or their idea is really.

Vague. There's a lack of clarity,

a lack of detail there.

And when someone's idea or opinion is vague,

it can lead to confusion or even frustration.

So when we need more details, we need something more concrete,

here are some great clarifying questions to use.

I'd like to understand your thoughts further. Could you tell me more about...?

Number two.

I like your ideas on that. Could you give me more.

Details on...? And number three, those are some interesting points.

Could you expand on the details? Again,

let's look at how this might work in a real life situation.

Imagine you're talking to a doctor who recommends a particular medication,

but kind of glosses over or is very vague about the potential side

effects.

If you're going to take some medication or someone love is going to do

that, you want to know all the details.

So a great way to do that is ask for the details. And here's how you can,

I'd like to understand your thoughts further.

Could you tell me a bit more about the possible side effects and how those might

be managed?

And now let's finish up with scenario four on what to say when you're

feeling lost, because the topic is unfamiliar.

Or maybe a word.

Or phrase that someone used is new to you.

And these are very similar to the questions I asked my student in our

conversation about genomes and DNA. In any conversation,

a speaker might be very clear about their opinion

and the details,

but it's just a topic that you're unfamiliar with,

or you've not learned that particular vocabulary. When that's the case,

i's always best to ask.

I know there's the temptation to stay silent, but in doing that,

you lose an opportunity,

an opportunity to learn and stay engaged in the conversation.

So here are a few great questions to ask, to get the clarification you need.

I apologize. I haven't heard that word before.

I haven't heard that phrase before.

Could you tell me what you mean by....

And that is very similar to what I used in my conversation with a student.

She was talking about a very specific term that I had never seen or heard

before; I was totally unfamiliar with it.

So I needed to ask her what she meant by it. A second question you can ask is,

uh, just to clarify what does ____ mean,

and you would simply repeat the word or phrase, what does _____ mean?

And finally, a third option is to simply state, sorry,

I'm not so familiar with this topic. Could you tell me more about it?

And if you've been in one of my classes with me, you know,

that there's another phrase I love to use in those situations.

I also like to say, explain it to me like I'm five.

Explain it to me like I'm a five-year-old child.

Sometimes we just need it to be extremely simple.

And when it is.

Everything's clear and we can totally be involved in the conversation. Now.

That you have a variety of strategies and clarifying questions.

To use when you don't understand someone or things just

aren't clear, let's do a bit of practice. I have two questions for you,

and I want you to use what you've learned today to think about how you would

respond and request clarification. So question number one,

imagine you're in a book club or a podcast club,

and someone is sharing their thoughts about the book or podcast.

And you just don't see.

The connections. You're not really sure what she's trying say.

How could you request clarification and question number

two,

what would you ask if your coworker gives very little

explanation about why there need to be some changes to a project that you're

working on? You get that there's a request for changes,

but you're not really sure why you're unclear on the details.

How could you ask for clarification?

You can share your answers with me in the comments below.

If you found today's lesson useful to you. I would love to know.

And you can tell me in one very simple way,

give this lesson a thumbs up here on YouTube. And while you're at it,

subscribe to the Speak Confident English channel.

So you never miss one of my Confident English lessons.

Thank you so much for joining me. And I look forward to seeing you next time.