How to Respond to Bad News in English with Empathy | Conversation Skills

I've got a question for you.

How do you typically respond to others when they share bad news with you?

Like a friend sharing a difficult personal situation or a coworker

delivering difficult or disappointing news?

You and I both know that your response can truly make a difference,

and yet even in your native language, responding to bad news can be challenging.

You might worry about finding the right words or saying the wrong thing,

and this makes responding to bad news in English.

Even trickier if you're in an English conversation where someone shares bad news

and you're unsure of what to say, you might default to a simple, I'm sorry,

or even feel at a complete loss for words choosing to not say anything

at all. And that's why in this Confident English lesson today,

I want to build up your vocabulary and your know-how with the right tool so

that you can respond to bad news in English with empathy and understanding.

By sticking with me to the end of this lesson,

you'll be prepared and confident for handling delicate situations

and responding to bad news in English appropriately.

But quickly, if this is your first time here, welcome. I'm Annemarie,

an English confidence and fluency coach.

Everything I do here is designed to help you get the confidence you want for

your life and work in English.

If you'd love to get years of my Confident English lessons and free resources

for me,

you can find all of that plus a free in-depth fluency training over at my

Speak Confident English website. And with that,

let's dive right into the topic of this lesson.

Before we take a look at how to respond to bad news,

let's talk about what not to do.

Have you ever heard any of these phrases in English? I know how you feel.

Look on the bright side,

everything happens for a reason or better luck next time.

While the intentions behind these words may be in the right place,

these phrases don't make someone feel that they've truly been

heard. Instead,

they take attention away from how someone else is feeling, and instead,

bring the focus on to your response and your discomfort

with handling someone's bad news.

So to better respond with empathy, we can follow a two step approach.

First,

it's important to acknowledge the bad news and or the feelings that someone is

expressing. And then in step two, when it's appropriate,

you can invite action.

Let's talk a little bit more about this and go over some common phrases.

We're going to start with common phrases we can use when responding to bad news

in informal conversations.

This includes situations in which someone might be canceling dinner plans,

working overtime on the weekend, stressing out over a lost phone,

spilling ketchup on a new shirt, getting a cold,

experiencing a bad breakup, or taking care of a sick loved one.

When friends, family members,

or coworkers share these types of bad news with you,

here are some informal phrases you can use in response.

And I'm going to start with phrases that are the weakest or that

may be used in situations that are disappointing but not extremely

terrible. And then as we go through the list,

the feeling or the power of these phrases will get stronger. So first,

oh, that's such a bummer. Next, I hope you feel better soon.

This is most often used when someone is feeling ill. Then,

sorry, that's rough or that's awful. That's disappointing.

Oh, I'm so sorry. What can I do to help you feel better? That's awful.

Do you wanna talk about it? Oh, no. That's terrible. I'm so sorry.

That's horrible. I'm sorry this is happening to you. That's so unfair.

You deserve better. And finally, I can't believe it. What do you need right now?

How can I help?

Each of those phrases acknowledges the negative feeling or emotions someone has,

and in some cases they go a step further by offering some sort of

action step, for example, an offer to help or to listen. Now,

before we go on to look at more formal phrases we can use,

I want to pause for just a moment and highlight two scenarios that walk through

how we might use these phrases. In scenario number one.

Let's imagine a friend of yours cancels dinner plans 30 minutes before your

reservation, just before you leave your house,

she calls to tell you that she has to cancel because she has to attend to a

family matter. Maybe someone at home is sick and that situation,

here's how you could respond. Oh no, that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that.

I hope everything will be okay and we can catch up another time soon.

In this response,

we've acknowledged the bad news with empathy and left the door open to another

opportunity in the future. And now scenario number two. In this instance,

let's imagine a sibling of yours has recently broken up with a boyfriend

or girlfriend, so when responding to that news, you might say,

that's awful. I'm so sorry to hear this happened. What do you need right now?

Once again, this response is simple, empathetic,

and it includes an opportunity to take action by offering help.

Now that you have great examples of how to respond to bad news for more informal

situations or perhaps a better word to use would be casual or with people that

you know very well, let's switch to more formal language.

This would be appropriate for work-related circumstances when talking with

coworkers you don't know very well or any conversations with an acquaintance.

Example,

situations that might be appropriate here include someone losing a job,

losing a beloved pet, losing a big client,

getting in a car accident or getting a car stolen,

getting severely injured,

missing a major deadline or resigning from a job.

Some common phrases you could use to respond in these circumstances include,

I'm sorry to hear that. Please let me know what I can do to help.

I'm very sorry. That must be awful, difficult, scary, or frustrating.

That's unfortunate news and I hope we can find a way to move forward soon.

I'm so sorry to hear that. What awful news, I'm so sorry.

What can I do to help? I'm sorry to hear such terrible news.

I'm very sorry. I truly don't know what to say. And finally,

I'm disappointed to hear that,

but I know we can find a way to work through this together. Once again,

let's take a look at two example scenarios where we might use these more formal

responses in workplace situations where someone has shared some bad news with

you, and we'll start with our first scenario.

Someone that you work with has lost their job.

Imagine a coworker sharing with you that they've just been laid off.

This news is unexpected to you and you might respond with,

I'm very sorry to hear that. I truly don't know what to say.

What can I do to help? Right now?

This particular response is appropriate because you acknowledge the terrible

news that you've just heard without making any assumptions about your employer.

The truth is you don't know exactly what all the reasons are for this person

losing their job. And in this same breath,

you offer support to your coworker who might need it.

In our second more formal scenario,

let's say that you're a manager of a team and one of your team members has

recently missed a significant deadline. This news, of course,

is disappointing. So when they bring this to your attention,

here's how you might respond.

I'm disappointed to hear that we didn't make this deadline and we'll need to

think about how to make up for lost time. What solutions do you have in mind?

This response does acknowledge the unfortunate turn of events, however,

it shifts its focus to being

oriented with the intent of finding a solution together.

It's a more empathetic and efficient approach for the workplace.

To finish out this lesson today,

I want to talk through how to respond to particularly sad or

shocking news. For example, if a friend,

family member or coworker is grieving due to the loss of a loved one

or going through a divorce in these situations,

here are some responses that are particularly empathetic and appropriate.

I wish I had the right words to say right now.

Just know that I care deeply and I'm ready to listen. If you want to talk,

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

This is particularly used when someone is grieving due to the loss of a loved

one.

Please accept my sincerest condolences or my sincerest sympathies.

This one is also most often used when responding to the news of someone passing

away. If you need anything at all, I'm here for you. And lastly,

my heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry. With those few examples in place,

let's talk briefly through how to best respond.

If someone you know shares news of someone they love passing away,

the next time you're in one of those conversations, you can simply say,

I am so sorry for your loss. If there's anything I can do to help,

please let me know. In this lesson today,

I've shared multiple examples of how to best respond to bad news in English,

but this list is not exhaustive.

There may be phrases that you've learned and used before that are meaningful,

empathetic, and effective when responding to bad news.

So if there's a phrase that I didn't mention here,

I would love for you to share it in the comments below,

you might have a phrase that is exactly what someone else in the Speak Confident

English community needs. With that, thank you so much for joining me today.

I hope that you found this lesson helpful. If you did,

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Thanks again, and I'll see you next time.