How to Disagree in English Politely—Speak Confident English

Hey,

it's Annemarie with Speak Confident English.

And I'm curious,

have you ever been listening to someone else talk...

Maybe it's a discussion your friends are having or you're in a business meeting

and the whole time that you're listening you're just thinking,

um,

no,

absolutely not because you totally disagree with the other person.

So when you disagree with someone,

what do you do?

What should you say in English to express your disagreement,

share your opinion,

but still be polite.

Of course you want to keep your friendships and business relationships intact.

But there are times in life where we totally disagree with someone and we

probably need to say something.

So in this lesson today,

I want to focus on three really simple strategies that you can use to disagree

with someone and share you own opinion,

but still be really polite about it.

All right.

So for today's lesson,

we're going to imagine that you're in a business meeting and you and your

colleagues are brainstorming,

having a discussion,

making some future plans,

and someone shares an opinion that you just totally disagree with.

Here is the first step to doing it.

Politely show that you understand the other person's opinion.

Let's be honest.

We all want people to listen to us and hear us when we feel like someone isn't

hearing what we're saying.

We get frustrated,

we get defensive and we try to explain it again and again.

So instead of having a really aggressive situation,

the best thing that you can do is show them that you heard them.

Show them that you understand and some great ways that we do that in English or

with phrases like,

I see what you're saying or I understand your perspective.

I can understand why you think that.

True,

that's a fair point.

There's some truth to what you're saying,

but now with all of those,

you've taken that first step to show that you understand.

Then in step number two,

we apologize before we disagree.

It's simply a polite way to introduce that disagreement.

Let me give you an example.

I see what you're saying,

but I'm sorry I have to disagree with you or I understand your point of view,

but I'm sorry to say I have a different opinion.

I understand why you think that,

but respectfully I have to disagree.

In all of those examples I start with step one showing that I understand their

opinion.

Then I use an apology to politely and smoothly transition into my disagreement.

Doing that can help keep the situation really calm and it can push away or avoid

some of those tense,

negative emotions that sometimes happen during disagreements.

Now in this lesson,

I've shared just a few examples with you,

but I have so many more and I've shared those with you in the online lesson.

So after you finish watching this video,

be sure to check those out.

Now,

before I move on to step three,

sometimes the situation is really delicate and we want to be very careful about

our disagreement.

So if you want to be extra,

extra,

extra polite,

you could also use this strategy of pretending that you're not really sure if

you disagree.

Here's what I mean.

Instead of saying something direct like,

I'm sorry,

I disagree with you,

or I'm sorry,

but I don't share that opinion.

We can use something that's a little bit more in the middle like I see what

you're saying,

but I'm not sure if I agree in that example.

Instead of being really direct with,

I don't agree with you,

it's more like,

uh,

I'm not sure.

It's a little less aggressive.

And then finally,

step three of how to disagree with someone politely is to always offer an

alternative solution.

If you truly want to be effective in arguing for your opinion or position,

the best way that you can do that is to offer support and a solution.

Doing this also helps to soften the disagreement after you've used the first two

steps with something like,

I see what you're saying,

but I'm not sure that I agree with you.

You can follow that with a sentence that will help you introduce your position

or opinion.

For example,

instead I think we should or my suggestion would be,

and finally from my point of view,

I'd recommend,

so here's how it might look put together.

I see what you're saying,

but I'm sorry.

I disagree.

I think that the outcome of this decision is going to affect everyone on the

team.

So I think it's best that we include everyone as we prepare to make this

decision.

In that example,

I included language to show that I understood the other person's position.

I apologized before introducing my disagreement and I offered a solution or

recommendation.

So now it's your turn to put this all together.

Before I share this week's challenge question with you,

if you like this lesson,

please be sure to let me know and there are three great ways for you to do that.

Number one,

give this video a thumbs up on YouTube and subscribe to this channel so you

don't miss any future lessons.

Number two,

share it with friends and colleagues on Facebook.

And finally,

if you know someone who could use some help knowing how to disagree with someone

in English,

share this by email.

So now I'm very curious.

My questions for you this week are one,

have you ever had a disagreement in English?

If you have,

how did you resolve it?

I'd love to know what steps you took and maybe you've got some great advice or

an expression that you used that could be helpful to someone else in the

confident English community.

And I'd love to have you share that and you can do that in the comments just

below and in situation number two,

you and your colleague are responsible for planning a team building event at

work.

But here's the problem.

There's one weekend that works best for your boss or it's the weekend that your

boss prefers.

But unfortunately that weekend,

several of your team members won't be there.

They have a conference to go to.

So what do you do?

Your coworker thinks you should stay with the weekend that your boss prefers,

but you think this is a team building activity.

We should have everyone there.

So you need to disagree with your colleague.

How could you do that?

Share your example with me in the comments below.

It's the best place to get feedback and learn from others in our community.

With that,

have a fantastic week.

Thank you so much for joining me and I look forward to seeing you next time for

your Confident English lesson.