How to Give Bad News—Speak Confident English

Hey, it's Annemarie with Speak Confident

English, and in this week's Confident English

lesson, we're dealing with a topic that's really

pretty difficult. For example,

have you ever had to tell one of your best friends that you can't go to her

wedding? I had to do that once and honestly it

was one of the worst days of my life. Or maybe at work,

you need to tell your boss that your project is going to be over budget and

you're going to miss the deadline. Definitely an awkward and uncomfortable

situation. Or perhaps it's your responsibility to

tell a colleague, someone you really like,

that they didn't get the promotion that they wanted.

In all of those situations, you're probably dealing with that really

uncomfortable feeling in your stomach thinking,

I really wish I didn't have to do this, but the reality is there are times in

life when we have to give someone bad news,

but we can do it in a really professional and caring way and that's

what I want to help you do in this Confident English lesson.

Now anytime we give bad news, it's normal that we feel some

nervousness and anxiety because we know we're going to hurt someone else or make

them upset and nobody really likes to do that,

but today I want to give you seven steps you can use in English to help you be

prepared so that you can think clearly about what you're going to say and you

can do it with care and professionalism. And I'll give you specific examples of

phrases and expressions you can use in English,

both for professional and personal situations.

By the end of this lesson, if you use these seven steps,

you will be able to give bad news in a calm,

friendly, and peaceful way for both you and the

person receiving the bad news. Step number one,

be prepared. If there's ever a situation in life

where preparation is important, this is it.

In that preparation, you want to think about the words you're

going to use in advance and the reasons that you'll give for this particular

situation or the bad news that you have to give.

Not only should you think about what you're going to say,

but I also recommend practicing it, saying the words out loud so that you

can control your voice, control your intonation,

and get comfortable with the words you're going to use,

and then you'll use steps two through seven to help you.

Step two is be direct and assertive. When you have to give someone bad news,

it's definitely not a good time for polite conversation or small talk.

The other person probably knows that there's some bad news and this is the

time to just go straight to the point or cut to the chase.

A great idiom in English for that. Some common ways that we introduce bad

news and get straight to the point are, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,

but... I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,

but we're going to be over budget or I'm afraid we won't be able to...

I'm afraid we won't be able to finish the project on time.

And finally, there's no easy way to say this...

There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to say it.

You didn't get the promotion. Now,

before we go on to step three, if you found these sentence starters

helpful to you, I've provided several additional

examples in the online lesson and you can find a link to that just below this

video and in this step I said it was important to be direct and assertive.

Assertive means communicating in a clear,

confident way, and if you missed it just a few weeks

ago, I did a full lesson on how to be more

assertive in English and I'll include that information below as well.

Now let's go on to step three. After you deliver the bad news,

give someone time. The truth is,

after we receive bad news, it can be really hard to process and

understand what's going on and dealing with all those emotions,

so the best thing that you can do after giving someone some bad news is then

give them some time, a minute or two to process what you've

just told them.

For example, you could say something like,

I know this was a real shock. I'll give you a moment to think about it

or I'll give you a moment to clear your head.

Step number four is to give the background details.

People always want to know why, so you need to be prepared to explain

why with just a few simple, clear details and what I mean by that is

you want to stay focused on the facts. You don't want to give unnecessary

details or excuses, so the best thing is to think of one,

two, or maybe three simple,

clear reasons that you can give for the bad news and a couple of ways that you

can start to explain that are with phrases like,

unfortunately there were some problems with...

For example, unfortunately there were some problems

with the supplier or for example, after consulting with the accounting

department, we realized that we underestimated the

cost of this project.

Step five of delivering bad news is to be caring.

It's likely that the news will be really upsetting or even unexpected,

and the best way to do that is to offer sympathy and help stay calm in the

situation. Some common ways that we do that in

English or with sentences like this. I can appreciate your feelings.

I know that this isn't what you hoped for or I'm sorry,

I know this isn't what you wanted. Step number six is be supportive,

but we have to be careful with this one. In some situations after delivering the

bad news, offering alternative solutions or trying

to focus on the positive can be helpful, but if the news is particularly bad,

sometimes trying to focus on the positive can actually be even more

hurtful or offensive, so we really need to be careful and

aware of how the other person is feeling,

but in those situations where it is helpful to offer solutions or focus on

the positive, you can use some sentences like:

it's not what you wanted but... It's not what you wanted,

but what if we delayed the launch of the new product?

Would you like to talk about some alternative solutions?

That's a great question to ask to see if someone is open to brainstorming and

thinking about something that wasn't what they really wanted,

but now there might not be another alternative.

And finally, step seven,

when giving bad news is to not take it personally.

I'm sure that you know that when receiving bad news,

emotions go all over the place. Someone might feel angry and sad and

everything in the middle, and it can change very quickly,

and even if you've delivered the bad news in the kindest,

friendliest, most peaceful way,

it's possible that they will still feel some anger towards you or some

frustration because you were the one that gave them the bad news.

So the key is to not take it personally, but instead be sympathetic of what that

other person is going through. In English,

we have the expression, don't shoot the messenger and this is

exactly why. The best thing that you can do is stay

calm and remember to focus on how they're feeling.

Some great ways that you can do that are to say something like,

I can see that you're really angry or I can see that you're really upset and I'm

so sorry. In an informal situation,

if you're talking to a family member, a friend,

or a coworker that you're very close to, you could even say something like,

this totally sucks. I'm so sorry.

So what does it sound like when we put all of these strategies together?

Let's look at a couple of examples. Hi,

Stephen. I'm afraid I've got some bad news.

The company has offered the promotion to someone else.

I'd really hope to offer you the position,

but the management team chose another applicant because they have more

experience. I know this isn't what you wanted to

hear, but I hope you'll continue to seek

opportunities like this with the company as you have a lot to offer.

In that example, we can hopefully see that there is some

preparation beforehand and we got straight to the point in a direct,

assertive way. We explained clearly what happened and

gave reasons why. Also there was language that was

sympathetic and supportive. Let's look at one more example that's

more informal. Hey Emily,

I've got some bad news. I know we planned to go on vacation

together next month and you've already paid the deposit,

but unfortunately I have to attend a conference for work and there's no way I

can get out of it so I won't be able to go.

It really sucks and I'm so sorry to let you down.

It's not the same, but what if we look at a long weekend

trip together, the month afterwards,

and I'll repay you for the deposit. Once again,

we've put together all the steps so that while we are giving bad news,

we're also working to be kind, friendly,

and peaceful in the process.

So now it's your turn to give it a try. But before I share this week's

challenge, question with you,

if you found this lesson useful to you, I would love to know,

and there are three ways that you can tell me.

Number one, give this video a thumbs up on YouTube

and subscribe to this channel so you never miss a future lesson.

Number two, share it with friends and colleagues on

Facebook. And number three,

if you know someone who really needs this advice,

be sure to send it to them by email. And now here's your opportunity to

practice in situation. Number one,

I want you to imagine that you need to tell your closest friend that you won't

be able to come to her birthday party next month and you've been planning it

together for weeks. So how could you use these steps to give

that bad news in a really kind and friendly way?

Then in example, number two,

it's your job to tell your colleagues that there is no money in the budget for

an end of year party or any bonuses at work.

That's really hard news to deliver. How could you put these strategies

together to deliver that news? And finally,

if you've ever had to give bad news in English,

I'd love to hear about it. Maybe you even have some additional

advice that might be helpful for others in the Confident English community.

Be sure to share that in the comment section below.

And with that, thank you so much for joining me this

week and I look forward to seeing you next time for your Confident English.