How to Lead at Work in English | Emotional Intelligence Skills

Are you doing any of these things in English? Preparing for a job interview,

leading a team, managing conflict,

leveling up your leadership and management skills,

working to improve personal or professional relationships,

seeking overall personal development. If you said yes,

then boosting your emotional intelligence skills and having the vocabulary you

need for discussions on emotional intelligence are critical.

Not only is emotional intelligence a common topic of conversation in the

workplace,

it's also a common focus of job training programs and a highly

sought-after skillset by job interviewers. Now,

recently I did a lesson on how you can highlight your particular emotional

intelligence skills in a job interview,

and I'll share a link to that in the notes below the video.

But this Confident English lesson is a bit different. Today,

I want to help you expand your vocabulary for key words we use

when talking about emotional intelligence and give you tips on how to

enhance your emotional intelligence skills. Doing this,

developing the language you need to have discussions on emotional intelligence

in English will help you better understand,

express and apply these concepts.

But first, if this is your first time here, welcome. I'm Annemarie,

an English confidence and fluency coach.

Everything I do is designed to help you get the confidence you want for your

life and work in English.

If you'd love to get more free resources and lessons from me,

make sure you visit my Speak Confident English website. While you're there,

you can also download my free in-depth,

How to Say What You Want in English training.

It's a training that will give you a simple strategy so that you can stop

feeling stuck in conversations and develop your overall

English confidence and fluency. Now in this lesson,

we're going to focus on the five core elements of emotional intelligence

and the vocabulary you need to talk about it. Before we get there,

I want to do two things.

I want to take a step back and talk about what exactly is emotional intelligence

and why is it so important. So first, what is it?

Emotional intelligence, also known as EQ,

is your ability to recognize, understand,

manage,

and effectively use your emotions as well as the emotions of

others.

And the five core concepts that we're going to discuss today are considered a

critical skillset in the workplace. Here's why.

A high level of emotional intelligence demonstrates the ability

to foster positive relationships,

teamwork and effective communication in the workplace.

When you're able to develop positive relationships with coworkers and clients,

when you're able to lead others and when you're able to communicate in a

meaningful way,

it leads to overall improvements in your work performance

and in your wellbeing. Earlier I asked you if you're leading others,

managing conflict,

leveling up your leadership and management skills or working to improve

relationships.

Emotional intelligence has a role in all of those things.

When we talk about emotional intelligence,

there are five core elements that are involved. One, self-awareness,

two, self-regulation, three, social skills,

four, empathy, and five, motivation.

As we continue in this lesson,

we're going to explore each of those elements in depth,

focusing on the key vocabulary you need and strategies you can use to

enhance your overall eq. So first, self-awareness.

Self-awareness means knowing and understanding

your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and values.

If you've ever done a job interview in English,

you know that you're often asked about strengths, weaknesses,

and values. Having a high level of self-awareness is helpful in two ways.

Number one, it can lead to better decision-making.

If you know that in particular situations there are some emotions that are

stronger than others,

you can learn how to be in control of those emotions so that you

make rational or logical decisions based on what is true,

not on how you feel in the moment. Similarly,

if you have certain strengths or areas of weakness,

it allows you to compensate for those when you need to make decisions.

The second way that self-awareness is helpful is it also leads to a

greater understanding of self-perception.

Self-perception is the way that you view yourself,

and if you have an overall positive self-perception,

that's going to lead to an improved relationship with yourself and with

others. To understand both of these self-awareness and self-perception,

I want to walk through a scenario with you and then we'll also talk about a

practice you can follow to improve your overall self-awareness skills.

In this scenario,

I want you to imagine that one of your coworkers says something critical or

negative about a project you feel passionate about. In that moment,

there's the potential to feel upset or get defensive.

If you get defensive,

it means that you're protective or ready to protect against an attack.

And when we get defensive,

we typically respond in an equally negative way,

which isn't productive.

Someone with a high level of self-awareness won't immediately

act in a defensive way. Instead,

they might step back and take a moment to name the emotion that they're feeling

in the moment and the root cause,

helping them to address the situation in a better way,

and as a result, reduce the potential for conflict.

So if you're in a situation like this,

if someone says something critical about something you feel passionate or

excited about, rather than respond immediately out of anger,

you might stop step back and ask yourself a few questions.

What am I feeling right now? Why am I feeling this way right now?

Is this emotion a reaction to something that was said or done?

In other words, what is causing me to feel this way?

By going through these questions,

you can better navigate the immediate negative reaction or negative emotions

and determine a better way to move forward. As a result,

you're likely to protect the integrity of your relationship with this coworker.

Now, having a high level of self-awareness isn't always easy,

and it is not easy to step back in those moments of anger.

So here's a practical way that you can apply this and enhance your

overall self-awareness skills when you can engage in

activities that promote self-reflection and self-assessment.

This can happen through journaling.

It can happen through getting feedback from people you trust and value a

coworker or family member.

It can also happen through mindfulness and meditation.

All three of those will allow you to hone in on your emotions.

To hone in on something or to hone in on your emotions means to

find or identify something in a sharp or clear way.

So if you journal consistently,

that practice might allow you to hone in on your emotions or identify them in a

way that is very clear.

And now the second component to emotional intelligence,

self-regulation or self-management.

Self-regulation is your ability to control or manage

your emotions, your impulses,

and your behaviors, particularly in challenging situations.

In fact,

if we go back to that last scenario where you made the decision to

not respond in anger, but instead stop and ask some questions,

the very act of controlling your emotion in the moment so that you can

stop and ask some questions is a demonstration of

self-regulation.

It's your ability to control what's happening in the moment rather than allow

your emotions to control you.

Let's go through another scenario to see self-regulation in action.

Imagine it's a super busy time at work.

You are overwhelmed with tasks and you have multiple deadlines approaching.

Of course, in a situation like that, we have choices to make.

We can explode in anger or just give up on everything,

or we can self-regulate.

We can think about the emotions we're having in the moment, the stress,

the overwhelm, the exhaustion,

and use that information to help us manage the situation in a

better way. For example,

you might take a few moments to just stop and breathe deeply so that you

control the heart rate, control your stress,

and as you get some mental clarity,

you can start to divide your tasks into different levels of priority

and into a checklist that is more manageable.

This course of action is a much healthier way to respond to that

overwhelm, and it helps you avoid potential setbacks.

This ability of self-regulation also helps you maintain

positive performance, particularly when working with others on a team.

So how can you enhance your self-regulation skills?

Here's a practical way to do this along with deep breathing or

mindfulness activities. Maintaining healthy exercise,

diet and sleep can make maintaining self-regulation much easier.

On top of that,

having the self-awareness to know what your triggers are can also help you

manage difficult moments.

Triggers are situations or events that typically lead

to strong, immediate, negative emotional reactions.

If you know what those typical events or situations are,

your more prepared to handle them when they come up. And now,

element number three, social skills.

This is without a doubt one of the most important core elements of emotional

intelligence in the workplace.

Social skills indicate your capacity to communicate,

collaborate, and build positive relationships with others.

Whether you're working to do all of that with a coworker, a team,

or a client,

social skills are what allow you to create positive team environments.

They also allow you to manage conflict.

Let's take a look at a third scenario so we can see how social skills apply in

the workplace. And again,

I've got a practical tip to help you enhance your social skills.

Imagine you're collaborating with someone on a project at work and there's a

disagreement about how to allocate or use funds.

You could of course respond to your coworker in a disagreement and say,

this is reckless outsourcing some of our services is a waste of money.

Imagine someone said that to you.

How would you feel about having shared your idea in the discussion?

Probably not very good.

So instead of responding with words such as reckless and waste of time,

which can lead to a very negative discussion,

social skills allow you to adjust your speech and your word

choice in a way that promotes discussion and collaboration.

A better response would be this, I understand your point of view.

In my opinion,

I think it's better if we limit our expenses and use the money we have to

enhance or improve our customer experience with us rather than with

some other third party. This second response does a few things.

Number one, it shows that you respect the other person's point of view.

It also leads to a more productive discussion and shows that you're open to

having the discussion. And number three,

it guides everyone toward a consensus without increasing the

tension. So how can you improve your social skills?

I have two recommendations. Number one,

focus on improving your active listening skills. Now,

if you want to know more about active listening and how to demonstrate active

listening in English, I've got a lesson on that topic.

I'll share a link in the notes below the video.

My second recommendation is learn to use conflict resolution

techniques to navigate disagreements. With this,

I do have a lesson on how to use neutral language in disagreements

with others, and I'll share a link to that lesson in the notes below as well.

And now let's move on to the fourth core element of emotional intelligence.

Empathy.

Empathy is your ability to understand or

identify with someone else's situation or feelings. In other words,

it's your ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

This idiomatic expression means that you're able to imagine

that specific situation and you can imagine how you might feel if you

were in that situation. When you demonstrate empathy,

it's also a sign of compassion.

Both empathy and compassion are necessary for positive relationships

personally and professionally for managing conflict.

Imagine for example,

a junior colleague at work is visibly upset after making a

mistake. Now, perhaps you think that mistake was no big deal,

they don't really need to be upset, and you could say, why are you so upset?

It's not a big deal. Or you could demonstrate empathy,

and you can start by asking them specifically how they feel and why

they feel that way. As they share, you can focus on active listening skills.

Not only does this mean listening carefully,

but it also means demonstrating to the person speaking that you're listening.

As you demonstrate your active listening skills,

you can also acknowledge that you understand what they are feeling and why.

And finally, to help them overcome this setback,

you might offer some support or advice.

Perhaps you have a similar situation you experienced in the past,

a situation that you've learned from,

and by sharing that you're able to help your junior coworker overcome and move

forward.

It's a far more empathetic approach that leads to better relationships at

work. So how can you enhance your empathy skills?

There are a couple of things. Number one,

work to enhance your overall social skills. Number two,

practice active listening. And number three, ask open-ended questions.

An open-ended question means a question that requires an answer

beyond a simple yes or no or a simple one word answer.

These questions start with question words such as who, what, when, where,

and why. By asking open-ended questions,

you will get a much more detailed response,

which will help you understand what someone is feeling and why.

For example, if you see an upset coworker, rather than ask,

are you okay? You could ask, how are you feeling?

Or How did the situation make you feel?

What are you thinking or feeling right now?

Those final three questions all start with how or what,

leading to a more descriptive, more detailed response.

And finally, element number five, motivation.

Motivation is your drive to achieve your personal and

professional goals, despite obstacles, despite feeling overwhelmed,

tired, and so on.

It's motivation that pushes you or propels you to succeed,

to persevere and to continuously improve.

So how does this play out in terms of emotional intelligence?

How is it connected? Let's look at another scenario.

Let's say you have a weakness or substantial fear of public

speaking in English. That might be speaking in front of an audience of 500,

or maybe it's speaking in front of your three coworkers in a business meeting.

Those are both public speaking situations. If you have a lack of motivation,

you might not try to improve those public speaking skills.

You might think that it's impossible for you to do so,

and that will limit your personal and professional growth.

It might also limit your opportunities to grow in your career field and get

a new job. But instead, if you have motivation,

the motivation to succeed, it'll help you set realistic goals,

get feedback from others. You trust research,

and find opportunities that will help you improve your public speaking skills.

And finally,

commit to consistently practicing to make those improvements.

Even though you might have setbacks,

moments when things don't go the way you planned or when you feel too

busy, too tired, too overwhelmed, too nervous to try,

motivation is what will allow you to be persistent.

Persistence is your ability to do something

repetitively in a determined way. In other words, you're unwilling to give up.

You will continue until you succeed.

Motivation is what helps get you there. Now,

if you've ever tried to learn a new skill, it might be playing the piano,

learning to draw, learning to paint, doing ceramics, learning another language.

You know that it can be challenging to keep your motivation.

So how can you stay motivated? I have two recommendations.

Number one,

divide your big goal into much smaller goals.

For example,

your big goal might be being fluent in English or feeling confident in

English. That is a fantastic goal to have,

but it's very hard to define how do you know when you reach that

point? So I recommend that you break it up into smaller goals.

Think about what it means to you to be confident in English.

What does that look like?

What are some real daily situations where you want

to feel confident? Start to write those down, make them smaller goals,

and then begin planning out small steps to reach each of those goals.

The second thing I recommend is a lesson I have titled,

how to Keep Your Motivation even If You Don't See Progress.

Because the truth is sometimes we go through these periods of time

where we just feel a little stuck. We're trying,

we're doing all the right things, but we don't see progress in the moment.

Sometimes we see it much later, and when we're in those moments,

it's hard to keep that motivation. So I have a whole lesson on that topic,

and I'll share a link to it in the notes below this video. With that,

you have a wealth of new vocabulary on the topic of

emotional intelligence,

and you have multiple ways to enhance your emotional intelligence skills.

A few of the words that we've talked about today include self-awareness,

self-perception,

self-regulation to hone in on something triggers

social skills, empathy, persistence, and more.

So now I want you to practice some of what you've learned,

and here's a quick activity to help you do that.

I want you to think back to when you first started in your current

role, in your current position, or if you've just started a new job,

think back to a previous job at the very beginning when you just got

started, how did you feel in those first days,

those first weeks in that new position? With that in mind,

I want you to imagine that you have the opportunity to give

advice to your younger self,

and some of your advice is to develop your emotional intelligence

skills so that you're better able to handle difficulties at work,

you can manage conflict and have positive relationships with others.

How would you explain emotional intelligence to your younger self?

Try choosing two or three words from the lesson today to do that. If you want,

you can also share those comments with me in the comments below.

I'd be happy to read them to make sure that you're using that vocabulary

accurately. With that, if you found today's lesson helpful to you,

I would love to know. As always, you can tell me in one very simple way,

give this lesson a thumbs up here on YouTube, and while you're at it,

subscribe to my Speak Confident English Channel so you never miss one of my

Confident English lessons. Thank you so much for joining me,

and I look forward to seeing you next time.