How to Express Empathy in English | For Client Care and Personal Relationships

How can you express sincere empathy in English,

whether you're dealing with an upset customer or talking with a friend who

just lost her job in this Confident English lesson today,

I'm going to share with you four immediately effective strategies and over

25 common phrases,

you can use genuinely demonstrate empathy in English.

If you don't already know, I'm Annemarie with Speak Confident English.

Everything I do is designed to help you get the confidence you want for your

life and work in English, no matter how shy, stuck,

or nervous you might feel right now.

One way I do that is through my weekly Confident English lessons,

where I share with you English confidence and fluency building strategies,

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and targeted lessons on communication skills.

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Now let's get back to empathy a few weeks ago,

a member in my Confident Women Community shared that she had just started a new

job as a customer service representative in an American company.

Within the first few weeks of her position,

she discovered that her language for demonstrating empathy and English was

limited.

And she wanted to know if I could help by offering new ways and new phrases

for her to sincerely express empathy customers.

The moment I read that question,

I started thinking about this lesson and here's why empathy is an

integral part of emotional intelligence.

And it's a highly sought after skill in client relations.

Moreover,

empathy is essential for positive communication on teams and

for strong personal relationships with loved ones.

So whether you're looking to sharpen your professional and English speaking

skills and customer service,

or you want to ensure effective communication with everyone around you,

this lesson is going to help you do just that. Plus at the end,

I'm going to share with you an email I recently received that perfectly

demonstrates empathy,

using all the strategies you're going to learn here today to get started.

Let's do a quick review of what empathy is and how

it's different from sympathy,

because I often hear mistakes or confusion between the two

empathy means to experience or feel with others.

It means taking the time to understand someone else's perspective,

two words that we tend to associate with empathy are I understand

sympathy on the other hand is expressing sorrow,

pity or concern for someone else rather than understanding how

someone else feels.

It's more focused on how you feel about that person

and his, or her situation.

Two words that we tend to associate with sympathy are, I'm sorry,

let's take a look at how both might be used in a response to a friend who just

lost her job. You might start with sympathy by saying,

I'm so sorry you've lost your job.

And then to add on an empathetic response, you might add,

I understand how important that job was to you.

If there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

By adding that empathetic response,

you're demonstrating emotional intelligence and establishing a deeper

connection,

which ultimately leads to more compassionate responses and

a stronger level of trust in the relationship to help you do this.

Let's take a look at the first strategy for demonstrating empathy.

First acknowledge their concerns or feelings.

By acknowledging someone's concern, anger, disappointment,

frustration, or even a positive emotion, such as excitement.

You are creating that deeper connection rather than a feeling

of you versus me.

You creating a sense in which it is us,

something that we are in together, and if a solution is needed,

we're going to find it together to create this feeling it's important

to name or acknowledge the specific feeling or concern.

Let's take a look at two different scenarios to how you might do this.

One is professional and the other more personal first let's imagine

that a customer is extremely frustrated with your product.

The customer expected a specific feature or function only to find

that your product doesn't do what they want.

An empathetic response would sound like.

I understand how important this feature is to your business and that you're

frustrated that our product doesn't have that feature.

Did you notice the two keywords? I understand,

and we named the specific feeling frustration.

Let's take a look at another situation that is more or personal.

Imagine that one of your coworkers recently lost a loved one,

an empathetic response and acknowledgement of the feelings might sound like

I know how heartbreaking and painful this loss must be by

taking the time to understand and acknowledge how someone else feels.

You're also communicating openness acceptance.

You're creating a window of opportunity in which you can form that deeper

connection. Now, before we move on to strategy, number two,

let's take a look at three more phrases you can use to help you do this.

Number one, I understand this was very difficult to do,

or I understand this was very frustrating. Number two,

you took a leap of faith to share this with me. Thank you for trusting me,

or I know it to took a lot for you to share this with me.

Thank you for trusting me. And number three,

that must have been a pretty awful experience.

That must have been a terrifying experience.

That must have been an annoying experience.

As you can see in all of those phrases,

we could use any emotion that is appropriate.

We just have to change that keyword.

Once you've acknowledged someone's concern or feelings,

it's time to move on to strategy. Number two,

reflect back what you hear when others express

frustration, sorrow, or anger.

We have this tendency to immediately provide reassurance,

but in doing so,

it might make the speaker feel that what they've said has gone in one ear

and out the other. In other words,

you didn't really hear them at all before we immediately provide a

solution or some kind of reassurance.

It's important to demonstrate empathy by showing that we are fully

present in the conversation and actively listening.

We do that by reflecting back what we hear now,

if you're interested in active listening skills in English,

I have a full lesson on that topic.

I'll share a link to that lesson in the video notes below,

but now let's talk about how you can reflect back what you hear.

I have three example phrases for you. And as you listen,

I want you to see if you notice a pattern or formula of some kind phrase,

number one, from what I'm hearing, it sounds like you're feeling annoyed.

Is that right? Or from what I'm hearing,

it sounds like you're feeling frustrated. Is that right? Number two,

if I understand correctly,

you're feeling frustrated because our product doesn't have that feature.

Is that correct? And number three,

it sounds like what you're telling me is that you're frustrated our product

doesn't have that feature. Is that true?

Did you notice the pattern or formula I used in each one of those

statements?

I start by establishing that I'm going to share what I

understand. Then I name specifically the feeling or concern,

and I paraphrase what I understand the problem to be.

And then lastly, I ask to confirm that assumption,

this is particularly effective when someone is sharing

multiple details with you and you want to get right to the

heart of the issue or the heart of the problem. For example,

let's say that you're responding to a customer who's very upset and

bombarding you with details. When it's time for you to respond,

you might say, if I understand correctly,

you're feeling frustrated because the order was canceled and we didn't provide

advanced notice. Is that right?

These simple phrases that allow you to acknowledge someone's concern or feeling

and reflect back what you hear,

take a huge step forward in offering an empathetic response.

And now it's time for strategy. Number three,

identify their needs and show support with positive language,

whether it's a close friend expressing deep grief over a

loss or a customer who's upset and frustrated

expressing those emotions requires some vulnerability and vulnerability

is daunting in a moment of vulnerability.

What most people want initially is to be heard and understood

doing that requires a quick evaluation of whether or

not someone is looking for a solution or whether they simply want

your support. And there's a difference.

Think for a moment about the last time you were exhausted at

the end of a long, terrible day at work,

maybe a customer was extremely upset with you. There were some missed deadlines,

something was over budget and all of your meetings went long.

So you're totally worn out. You get home,

you start talking about your day and in the process,

what is it that you want the most? Do you want someone to interrupt and say, oh,

you know what, tomorrow you should and then give a solution.

Or do you want someone to just listen and say, oh, that sounds awful.

I'm so sorry. I understand that must feel terrible. And you must be exhausted.

Chances are you're looking for number two.

You want someone to show support.

An empathetic listener will be careful to respond in a way that shows.

They understand what you need in the moment without giving

any unsolicited advice. Similarly, in customer service,

an initial empathetic response will identify the customer's need before offering

a solution. And along the way,

it'll include showing support through positive language to do this.

Here are several phrases you can use. I am here for you.

What can I do to help? I understand this is a very difficult time for you.

What can I do right now? That would be most helpful.

How can I help you get through this?

I understand why you're angry and I want to thank you for bringing this to our

attention. I'm ready to help. And lastly, I hear you.

This is certainly a frustrating situation and I'm ready to help everyone.

A of those phrases shows empathy by letting the speaker know

that they have been heard and understood, and you are there to support them.

Now in situations when a solution is expected. For example,

if a customer is upset, of course they want some kind of a resolution.

Here's what you might add on. You can start with,

I understand how frustrating this is and I'm ready to help then provide

the solution. For example,

we'd like to offer you and then describe the offer.

We can have our maintenance team there by,

and then name the date and time we would it help if we,

and then insert your offer or solution, we will,

and then state exactly what you're going to do or what your team is going to do.

How would you feel about,

and then offer your solution or idea once you've gone through those

three strategies?

The last step in demonstrating empathy with sincerity is to follow

up and express appreciation while it's important to express

empathy in response to an immediate situation,

asking follow up questions, a skill.

My Fluency School students practice in depth is an increased

level of skill when demonstrating empathy in a sincere way.

So whether you're talking with a loved one who just had a terrible day or

working with an upset customer,

here's how you can effectively follow up and express appreciation.

How are you feeling today? How are you feeling?

Or how have you been since we last spoke?

How have things progressed since we last spoke? How's the process going?

We value your feedback and I'd like to know how things are going since we

implemented that solution. Not only do these open questions,

invite more details and converse,

but they also help you gauge whether or not more support is needed.

Now, how does all of this look,

how do these four strategies go together in a spoken response or

an email?

I recently wrote an email to a company expressing my frustration with their

product, a product I've actually used for years. And to be quite honest,

I wasn't just frustrated. I was angry. I was annoyed in my email.

I was sure to be professional, but I made it very clear how upset I was.

And I have to be honest with you.

I was stunned in a very positive way with the email

response I received. In fact,

it followed every single one of the strategies I've just shared with you today.

If you'd like to see a full image of this email, I've shared it with this lesson

at my Speak Confident English website,

and I'll leave a link directly to this lesson in the video notes below.

But here are a few key phrases from the email that I'd like to share with you.

And as I do,

I think you'll immediately notice which strategies are being used.

The email started with, I completely understand how important it is.

I sincerely apologize.

And I do appreciate your 2 cents about the matter.

It totally makes sense. And I'm on your side here.

I made sure to talk to my team about it.

Should we hear any word or update on this matter rest assure I

will personally make sure this information is relayed to you.

How do you think I felt after reading that email, I felt heard,

understood, and appreciated.

Although I did not get the solution I wanted in the end,

I trusted the company more.

If you are ready to demonstrate genuine empathy in English,

my recommendation is that you choose two or three phrases from the lesson that

you like, or that you feel comfortable with. Write them down,

practice saying them regularly. Use them as often as you can,

just like adding new words, English vocabulary,

repeating phrases consistently is an important step in helping

you remember these phrases, the instant that you need them.

You can also download my free, how to say what you want in English training,

which outlines how to build confidence and be able to express yourself

easily in English with that.

Thank you so much for joining me in today's Confident English lesson on empathy.

Make sure that you subscribe and I look forward to seeing you next time.