What to Say When You Don't Understand (and Avoid Embarrassment)

Hey, I'm Annemarie was Speak Confident English.

This is exactly where you want to be every week to get the confidence you want

for your life and your work in English.

This week's Confident English lesson is all about what to do and say when you

don't understand someone so that you can avoid embarrassment and instead

continue the conversation successfully.

This is perfect for those situations.

When someone starts talking to you or asks you a question English and this

happens, you freeze, your mind goes blank,

your eyes get big and all you can think is,

huh? I have no idea what they're saying.

It just sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me. In English,

we have a great idiom to describe that moment to be a deer in headlights.

We use this idiom to talk about those feelings of anxiety and frustration that

we get when we don't know or understand what's going on.

Now, over the years as you've learned English,

you've probably learned things like, I'm sorry I didn't understand that.

Could you say that again? And that works perfectly well.

But I remember when I was learning French and living in France,

I felt embarrassed telling someone that I didn't understand.

I thought it was my problem. And if I said that,

then it made me look stupid or silly or childish.

I was also afraid that I might hurt someone else's feelings and tell them that

they're a bad communicator, so I didn't like using that phrase.

So instead,

today I want to focus on what you can say to avoid feeling that embarrassment.

We're going to avoid focusing on what you don't understand and find different

phrases that you can use so you still feel confident in your English abilities

and you can keep that conversation going.

Here's exactly what we're going to talk about in this lesson today.

What can you say when you don't understand without feeling embarrassed?

The examples I'm going to share with you are perfect for every situation,

whether it's a professional situation where you want to impress someone or if

you're just talking to your neighbor outside your house.

In addition to the examples that you'll get in this video,

I have many more available to you in the online lesson,

so definitely check those out. After you finish watching this,

I'll also share with you some pronunciation tips so that you sound more natural

when you use these phrases in English.

And finally at the end I'm going to share some really fun idioms that we have in

English for these exact situations and these are perfect to use when you're

communicating with someone that you know well and you feel comfortable with.

Here are three examples,

sentences you can use when you don't understand someone,

and these are the same examples I love to use as well. Number one,

I didn't catch everything you said. Could you repeat that last part again?

Number two, I want to make sure I understood you perfectly.

So could you say that one more time and number three,

I'm not 100% sure I understood everything you said.

Would you mind saying it once more?

In all three of those examples I avoided saying I don't understand and instead I

focused on the fact that I almost understood everything.

In fact,

maybe I did but I want to be 100% sure when I use that kind of language.

It demonstrates that I have a strong level of English and I understand almost

everything. I just want to make sure it's clear for me.

In English we call this saving face to save face means we do or say something in

order to keep or retain respect and avoid embarrassment.

Let's talk about a few more examples of what you can say in those moments when

you don't understand and I'm going to focus on some pronunciation tips as well.

In casual or more informal conversations, you'll often hear native speakers say,

sorry, did you notice my intonation at the end of that word?

My intonation went up. Sorry. When I do that,

when I say the word sorry and my intonation goes up,

it indicates that I didn't hear or understand something clearly and I need it

repeated.

The key to doing that correctly is using that rising intonation.

The opposite is to say, I'm sorry,

and do you notice there my intonation went down. When I do that,

I'm apologizing. For example, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.

That one little change of intonation with that word completely changes how we

use it and what it means. When you're chatting with close friends or colleagues,

you'll often hear native speakers say things like,

wha-dju you say scuse me? Huh? Hmm.

Let's go back to those first two for a moment.

The first one was what did you say? Can you tell me which words I'm using?

If you're not sure, I'm saying, what did you say?

But native speakers often blend the sounds between words as a result.

You don't hear, what did you say? You hear what wha-dja say.

In the second example I said scuse me and do you know which word I'm really

using? I'm definitely using, excuse me,

but I'm dropping that first vowel sound and it sounds like skews.

Excuse me. Before we move on to the idioms.

I'd love for you to try saying those out loud and using the same pronunciation

you hear me using. What'd you say? What'd you say?

And skews me. Excuse me.

All right. Now that you've got that, let's get onto some idioms.

When you're talking to someone that you feel comfortable with and you know well,

for example, a colleague you see every day, a friend, neighbor,

or family member,

these idioms are perfect when you want to make a little joke or have a more

creative, fun way to highlight that you don't understand something.

The first one is, I can't make heads or tails of what you're saying.

This idiom refers to someone or something that's confusing.

Number two, I think our wires are crossed. I have no idea what you're saying.

When two people have their wires crossed,

it means that what they're saying isn't connecting correctly.

They're not on the same page.

Number three is one that I often use with my husband.

I am someone who likes to think before I speak and I want all my words to come

out clearly. My husband is the opposite.

He thinks as he speaks and as a result sometimes everything he says is just a

big word salad.

And I tell him that everything you just said is a big word salad.

What that means is it's just a jumbled mix,

a chaotic mess of words and I have no idea what it means.

And finally, idiom number four,

another favorite of mine from today's list is that was as clear as mud or what

you said was as clear as mud. Now with these examples,

I'm definitely telling the other person that they are communicating in a

confusing way,

which is why it's best that we use these with people that we're really

comfortable with, that we're friends with.

And it's okay to make a little joke about the situation. Now,

I would love to hear from you what idiom or question did you learn today that

can be useful to you the next time you're in a situation where you don't

understand someone clearly and do you want them to repeat it or explain it?

Tell me your favorite in the comments just below.

Or if you have another example that I didn't mention here,

please be sure to add it because it might be the perfect sentence for someone

else in our community to use. Now, if you found this lesson useful today,

be sure to let me know, and you can do that in three simple ways. Number one,

give this video a thumbs up on YouTube and subscribe to this so you never miss

one of my Confident English lessons. Number two,

you can share it with friends and colleagues on Facebook or LinkedIn.

And finally,

if you know someone who's really struggling with conversations in English,

email them this lesson directly. Thank you so much for joining me.

Have a fantastic week and I'll see you next time for your Confident English

lesson.