Toxic, Bullying Behavior at Work? | How to Respond in English

Have you ever experienced rude,

offensive or bullying behavior when you're trying to communicate in English?

If so,

how exactly should you respond appropriately without fearing negative

consequences? Particularly when the bully is your boss or a coworker?

A few weeks ago,

I received a request from a student who's experiencing this exact situation

in her request. She said, "Sometimes my boss explains something to me,

then throws a word at me and asks, do you know what this word means?

She does it in front of other coworkers. I usually respond and say yes.

And then she says, what is it?

I find it embarrassing and rude because she knows I'm not a native speaker.

How can I handle this situation without getting myself fired?" It goes

without saying that there's no place for rude,

offensive or bowling behavior in our personal lives and in our professional

lives. However, we know that in fortunately it does happen.

And I want you to have all the tools you need to know how to best

respond in the moment without any fear of negative consequences.

In this particular circumstance,

it's clear that the boss is throwing my student under the bus.

To throw someone under the bus is an idiomatic expression that means to cause

someone else to suffer in order to save oneself or to gain

some kind of advantage. If you've experienced bullying,

unfair treatment, damaging rumors or gossip,

low morale or discrimination,

these are all red flags of a tough, toxic work environment.

A red flag is a warning sign. And when a workplace becomes toxic,

it has the quality of being harmful. And of course, very unpleasant.

If you don't already know, I'm Annemarie with Speak Confident English,

everything I do here is designed to help you get the confidence you want for

your life and work in English. Whether it's your boss, coworker,

a client or someone else who is bullying you in some way,

I want you to know exactly how to respond without any distress.

That's exactly what you're going to discover in this lesson today.

I'm going to share with you a variety of strategies you can use to appropriately

respond and the language you need in English,

so that you're able to address a toxic work environment

With these five strategies I'll share with you today on how to handle a negative

work environment.

I'll also include real life scenarios so that you have absolute

clarity on how you can best respond using your English skills.

And by the end, you'll have multiple tools or phrases you can use,

whether you want to respond immediately in the moment when bullying or some

offensive behavior happens, or if you decide to take some time to reflect,

think about how you want to respond and do so at a later time strategy.

Number one,

take the high road while it's easy to become engulfed or surrounded by

the toxic culture at work. Remember you control the outcome,

strive to take the high road when there is a negative comment or action directed

toward you to take the high road is an idiomatic expression.

That means to take the more noble or diplomatic path forward.

It is not an easy choice to be sure,

but it does help you to set firm boundaries in the workplace as opposed

to mirroring or becoming part of that toxic behavior.

Here are two common scenarios that demonstrate how you can take the high road

and what language you can use to do. So scenario number one,

if a coworker decides to share a gossip about another input,

you can respond in an assertive way with, I understand your interest,

but I'm not comfortable talking about someone else's personal life scenario.

Number two,

if your coworkers isolate you because you refuse to participate in gossip

rather than mirror that behavior by isolating them as well.

You can choose to take a kinder approach and remain inclusive,

continue to show that you value their opinion by inviting them into

conversations and modeling positive behaviors.

And now strategy number two for how to handle toxic bullying behavior in the

workplace is dig a little deeper.

Sometimes when toxic behavior is deemed acceptable at work,

people use that behavior as a way to vent their frustrations or stress

to vent means to give expression to particularly strong emotions.

And unfortunately,

a long term pattern of allowing others to vent in a negative way,

leads to a toxic work environment. The next time you encounter some rude,

offensive or bowling behavior,

ask a few questions to help you determine the best way forward.

A few great questions to ask include what triggered this negative action

or response. Am I seeing a toxic pattern? In other words,

is this something that I see again and again and again,

or is it a one time event?

What factors are contributing to this behavior and what actions

will help you and others arrive at a more positive outcome.

Taking a moment to reflect on these questions will help you step back for in the

situation and understand the bigger picture so that again,

you are able to make the best decision going forward.

Let me give you an example with how that might be useful in scenario number

three, imagine one of your coworkers pinpoints,

an error that you made and then continues to imply that

there's some kind of lack of knowledge on your part. Of course,

identifying an error is okay,

but implying or assuming that it's due to someone's lack of knowledge is

not appropriate. So in that situation,

you might step back for a moment and ask the following questions.

Do I see the same pattern of behavior with all coworkers in the office,

or is this individual only targeting me in this way?

How can I best confront this situation and have a positive outcome

once you're ready to confront your coworker's behavior?

Here's a way that you might respond.

When you comment on an error implying, lack of knowledge,

I find your response hurtful and inappropriate.

It would help me grow as a team member

if you could give me some constructive feedback so that I can learn from the

error instead.

Taking that step back and giving yourself the time to reflect

on those questions helps to neutralize a negative situation

and helps you identify the best language you can use to assert yourself

in your response.

If you want to learn more on how to communi assertively,

I've got a lesson on that topic and I'll share a link to it just below in the

notes. And now strategy number three,

adopt a zero tolerance attitude.

As you carefully review your company's handbook or guidelines,

you're likely to find multiple pages that address how to handle

moral and ethical situations in the workplace.

And all employees are expected to adhere to those policies.

Bullying and derogatory comments are certainly a NoGo in any work environment.

So if you do encounter those behaviors adopting and implementing a zero

tolerance policy is critical.

Zero tolerance policy means that the most severe punishment

possible is given to any person and every person who

commits a crime or breaks a rule.

And here are two specific real life scenarios that outline how you might

implement this type of zero tolerance policy.

Scenario number four, getting bullied by your boss,

just like my student who requested this specific lesson,

bullying behavior may include being singled out or having verbally abusive

language directed toward you. In those circumstances,

you will likely feel very cornered.

And it's important for you to know exactly how and respond in the best way

possible. If like my student, your boss, or a coworker asks,

if your mind can comprehend something in English,

a great way to respond might be. I understand everything. However,

I don't appreciate being stereotyped or being spoken to in an

inconsiderate manner, by using a phrase like that.

You're setting firm boundaries and communicating that a particular behavior

is inappropriate and unprofessional. If you notice an ongoing pattern,

it may be time schedule a one-on-one with your boss,

so that you're able to express your concerns fully and scenario number five.

Sometimes you might not be the one on the receiving end of toxic behavior,

but you see it happening.

When you witness a coworker getting bullied or being

verbally humiliated by their coworker.

Here's how you could step into that situation.

Your behavior is not tolerated, it's unprofessional and it needs to stop.

And you may speak to me once you're able to do so respectfully once again,

with this language,

you're setting clear boundaries for yourself and the coworker who is being

bully after commenting on that inappropriate behavior,

the coworker who was the bully may have a few choice words.

What that means is they may express themselves in a particularly angry and

inappropriate way,

but ultimately you've confronted the toxic behavior.

Alternatively, f you think a mediator needs to be involved or you've exhausted

all other alternatives, you could also report the incident to HR.

This solution allows you to continue maintaining a calm work environment

while also expressing the concerns you have about your boss or worker.

And now strategy number four,

for how to handle a toxic work environment is prioritize your

mental health whenever possible to help you avoid feeling overwhelmed,

burn out or to have low morale, leave work at work.

Perhaps it may even be possible for you to, to take a few personal days.

So you can fully separate yourself from that negative work environment.

Sometimes long term exposure to those toxic behaviors will not only

lead to a sense of feeling overwhelmed or burn out,

but also a feeling of anxiety or even panic.

So whenever possible,

reserve your evenings and your weekend time for yourself,

do everything you can to fully separate from work during your free time,

you might indulge in activities that help you to let go of stress

and enjoy the people who are around you.

You might also consider practicing mindfulness gratitude so that in

those times, when you're separated from work,

you're able to reset your mindset into a more

positive outlook. And now it's time for strategy number five,

our final strategy on how to respond to bullying and

toxic behavior at work. Realign with your core,

if you've done everything you can,

and you find that those toxic behaviors,

that toxic environment at work is starting to seep into other areas of your

life. It's time to reevaluate. In other words,

it's time to realign your goals, priorities and your values.

If you discover that you can no longer tolerate your work environment,

it's time to begin considering an exit strategy.

And that can be a scary situation to be in by there

are greener pastures,

there are other opportunities available and you deserve to work

in a positive supportive environment.

I know there is a lot to consider here and not all of these strategies are easy

to implement when we are on the receiving end of rude,

offensive bowling behavior.

There is a lot of pain and hurt that takes time to overcome.

My goal in this lesson is to give you all the tools and language you need so

that you can best respond to inappropriate behavior no matter who is doing

it. And you can respond without fear of negative repercussions,

such as getting fired. Instead,

you can feel certain and confident in the fact that you took the high road

and you addressed the situation appropriately,

truthfully in the moment when we're feeling attacked,

there is that sense of frustration and fear, even panic.

And that can make a it difficult to remember exactly what we want to say or

what we could say.

The best way to help be prepared is to practice this language

before you're in that situation.

So I want you to take time to get familiar with the phrases that were used here.

Maybe even use them.

When you talk about being in a toxic work environment with

friends and family members.

I also want to share with you a couple of practice questions so that you can use

some of this language and consider how you might respond in a few scenarios

based on what you've learned today, in your opinion,

what would be the best way to respond to these three situations?

Number one,

a few coworkers often badmouth another employee.

They ridicule the way she looks and they seem envious of her progress.

How would you respond situation? Number two,

a male coworker makes sexist comments during a meeting. And as a result,

it often makes you uncomfortable. How might you respond? And finally,

situation number three, ever since you move to a virtual working environment,

your boss expects you to be available at any time of the day.

You're starting to feel overwhelmed and burnt out. How might you respond?

You can share your thoughts,

your answers and questions with me in the comments section below.

If you found today's lesson useful to you, I would love to know.

And you tell me in one very simple way,

simply give this lesson a thumbs up here on YouTube. And while you're at it,

subscribe to the Speak Confident English channel.

So you never miss one of my Confident English lessons.

I hope that you never find yourself in a situation where you're being bullied

or treated inappropriately, but if you are, or someone you know,

is in that situation,

I hope that these strategies and the example phrases you learn today will help

you move forward in the most positive way possible.