English Jokes and a Premiere Announcement

We have jokes!

Great jokes!

Yes, but first we have something to tell you.

Hello everyone.

I’m Vicki.

And I’m Jay and this is just a quick video this week because we’re getting ready for

Christmas and we know many of you are too.

But we also have something important to tell you.

An important announcement.

Next week on December 28th we’re going to publish our 2018 review video.

It’s always a long video with lots of jokes and we hope that you will come and join us

in real time.

YouTube has a new feature called a premiere.

Some of you might know it, but it’s new for us.

We’re going to try it at 3 p.m.

New York time on December 28th . What happens is when we publish the video,

the chat will be live.

So we’ll see messages in real time.

Jay and I will be online watching it as it plays and answering any questions and comments

you leave in the chat.

In our review videos, we look back on the year that’s gone and play our favourite

comedy skits.

I can put a link here to review videos we’ve made in the past.

I love making them.

It’s going to be a fun video and a long video.

How long is it?

I haven’t finished editing it yet, but it looks like it could be an hour or more.

Oh wow!

So get yourself a cup of tea and make yourself comfortable.

And the time again is 3 p.m.

New York time.

Fifteen hundred hours.

Put it in your calendars.

Or as we say in British English, put it in your diaries.

What happens if they miss it?

Well, the video will be published as normal, so you can watch it later.

The difference is we won’t be there in the chat.

So if you’re in Asia and you’re fast asleep at 3 p.m.

New York time, you can watch it later Yes, but we have another announcement.

We’re going to try the same thing on Facebook the next day at 10 o’clock in the morning,

New York time.

December 29th.

10 a.m. Facebook has a premiere feature as well, so

again, while we watch the video, we can talk in the chat.

I haven’t worked out which buttons to press on Facebook yet.

There are a lot of options.

You’ll have to do some studying and then you'll have to teach me.

But we’ll both be there and we hope you can join us.

As well as YouTube, we also post videos on Facebook.

So why not check out the Simple English Videos page and give us a like.

OK, it's joke time.

We asked our viewers to share jokes with us last week – we’re talking about the sort

of jokes you find in a Christmas cracker.

So corny jokes – old jokes that make you go 'argh'.

And our viewers didn’t disappoint us!

They sent us some great ones.

Sometimes when you hear a joke it’s so bad, you can’t laugh.

You groan.

So we've created a tool to test them.

A groan-ometer.

OK. the first joke comes from green orange.

What does Santa Claus say when he walks backwards?

Tell me.

OH, OH, OH!

Good one green orange.

Ok I’ve got one from Steffi.

She says did you hear about the guy who got hit by a can of soda?

No?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

Argh!

OK, I’ve got another soft drink joke from Emelia.

What does the bottle of soda say to the wine?.

The bottle of soda to the wine.

Tell me.

Shhhhhhhh.

Argh!

And she sent another one too.

What does the apple say to the apple?

I don’t know.

What does the apple say to the apple?

Nothing.

Apples don’t talk.

Good one Emelia.

OK my turn.

This comes from Nerd Incorporated.

Why did the doctor get bored?

Because he wanted to inject some humour?

Mmm, Mmm.

Err.

Tell me!

Because he ran out of patients.

Argh!

Good one Nerd incorporated.

We've had a corny joke alert from Salad A$$.

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Errr.

I have no idea.

Don’t look because I’m about to change!

Ah!

All right.

My turn.

This is from Serena.

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

Oh I don't know.

An in-vest-igator.

Argh!!!!!

Nice one Serena.

OK, Here’s a good one from Steffi.

I’m reading a book about anti gravity at the moment.

It’s impossible to put down.

That's really funny.

OK, Ultra NGV says why does a student go to school with a ladder?

School with a ladder.

Perhaps he wants to get top marks?

Good try, but no.

It’s because he’s going to HIGH school.

Last one for you from Brian.

What did the zero say to the eight?

Zero to the eight.

I give up.

Great belt.

I don’t get it.

Zero – belt.

ARGH!

I think that one broke the groan-o-meter.

It’s definitely time to stop!

So don’t forget the times for next week’s video premieres.

And get ready for a long video.

See you next week, maybe in the chat.

And Merry Christmas everyone.

Bye Bye Bye now.