Friendships in America┃Learn American English Pronunciation On the Go

Rachel: You're listening to the Rachel's English podcast. 

I'm so glad to have you here. In this podcast, we discuss topics  

in American conversation, pronunciation, and culture. And today’s episode focuses on culture.  

If you would like a free transcript for this  podcast, just visit rachelsenglish.com/podcast  

and look for this episode. Today, I'm  here with my husband, David. Hey, David.

David: Hey, everybody.

Rachel: And we're going to talk about friendships in America.  

David, you have lots of friends.

David: I do.

Rachel: So, I think you're probably going to have  a lot to add to this one. 

David: All right.

Rachel: So, I want to—the thing that made me think about this podcast 

is two different emails that I got. Actually, one was a  

comment on YouTube, and this person whose username is management courses said, you're so lucky to  

have friends who are supportive, both males and females. David, this was on a video that I made  

with Dave at, uh, the 4th of July when we were in Clark Park talking about 4th of July traditions.

David: Right, okay.

Rachel: Do you remember that video?

David: Yeah, I do.

Rachel: I'll link to that video in the show notes,  

everybody. But it was me with a friend who’s a man,

discussing what we like to do on the 4th of July. 

So, this person says, can you make a video 

on how to build more supportive friendships?

What do you do to be a better friend? In my culture, after marriage, the wife’s friendships suffer,  

and you can't keep close friendships with  the opposite sex. I had the misconception  

that Americans don’t value friendship, or their friendships are not long-lasting or shallow. Your  

videos showed me the opposite. So, that's great. I'm so glad that my videos showed that Americans  

do value friendship, and that friendships  are not just shallow, um, or short-lived.

David: Absolutely.

Rachel: But, so, let's try to talk a little bit about friendships.  

 Let's focus in on some of the specific questions.  

How to build more supportive friendships. Now, part of what's so great about having David on  

this podcast is, not only does he have a ton of friends, but he's also a therapist. And so,  

he talks to a lot of other people about their  friendships and their relationships in general,  

and, you know, has a lot of things to say  about this kind of thing, I think. David,  

what would you say makes a better  friend? Makes someone a good friend?

David: Sure. Well, I, I, first of all, I guess, while I'm  

thinking of it, I think part of what's interesting is that, from a non-native speaker’s perspective,  

or someone who’s new to American culture, I think it, it, because of advertising and sort of just  

the way things look from the outside, I think it's easy to assume that for all of us, really,  

that for other people making friends is really easy. I think it's, um, something that we feel  

like we should be able to do, you know, that, um, everybody else is out there having a good  

time. Look at everybody on TV. What in reality, I think the opposite it true. I think the majority  

of people, uh, you know, are either wishing  they had more friendships or, uh, wishing that,  

you know, things about the friendships that they do have, um, might be a little bit different.  

Like, they, they often wish that they were more close with more people. So, I think that's the  

first thing that popped to mind, is that, you  know, a lot of people, um, non-native speakers  

and native speakers alike, struggle with this. Even though, I, I don’t think, I mean, I, I really  

appreciate the courage in the question, because I don’t think a lot of people bring this up.

Rachel: Yeah. No, it's a good point. 

I mean, as I'm sitting here listening to you talk about this, I'm thinking,  

you know, I could definitely say that this is true of me living in Philadelphia.

I've been here for three years now,   

and I'm definitely starting to make some friends that feel like really,  

really quality friendships. But I can't say  that I've made any of those by myself. They're  

all friends that I made through David, that  David already had established some sort of  

a relationship with. Like, I haven’t met somebody that I've turned into a friend, really, on my own.

David: You've been connected to some friends of friends.

Rachel: Yeah.

David: Also.

Rachel: I mean, that's, that's always the in, right? When you move somewhere new, 

you look for connections you have to people that are there already.

David: Yeah.

Rachel: But, as far as, you know, if you were moving to America to go to school or for a job or  

something where you didn't already have anyone  established in that town or in that city, that  

would make it really hard to know where to start. And I think, you know, for me, I could definitely  

say as an adult, three years, three years into that experience, I don’t really have people that I  

have met because I have been introduced to them in a way other than through someone I already knew.

David: Yeah, I follow. Right? It's not easy.

Rachel: No, it's really not. But having said that,  

we do have good friends here, and it is true that Americans do value friendship, even though  

probably a lot of people might like to have more friends or more closer friendships than they have.

David: Yeah. I think to answer that part of her question,  

absolutely. I think Americans very much value friendships. Uh, of course, it looks different in,  

in all cultures, but I, I think also, something,  uh, in the, in the comment is also true that  

it can, um, it can be difficult when it is, um,  across gender. I mean, that, yes, your video with  

Dave at the park, it's a great video and you guys are good friends, and it is not a big deal at all.

Rachel: Yeah.

David: But I also think, it's not uncommon for that to be, 

you know, something that causes tension in relationships—

Rachel: Yeah. Complications.

David: In this country, too. Yeah.

Rachel: Yeah. I thought it—

David: Well, not even complication, but tension. You  

know, or like, sort of, there's a, there's a, um, a temptation to be distrustful of your partner.  

Rachel: Yes, but I'm talking for single,  

for single people. There's complication there. I mean, you're talking if you're married.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: Then,  

like, this person said, after marriage,  then friendship suffers and you can't  

keep close friends. Keep a close  friendship with the opposite sex.

David: Yeah. Well, I was commenting on that part.

Rachel: Okay.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: So, yes. You're  

right. It can be complicated if David had—although you do have really close friends that are women,  

and it's not weird for me yet, but I  suppose it could be, depending on if,  

if one friendship just really set out  from the rest, stood out from the rest  

as being just extra super important to  you. That, that could be hard for me.

David: Well, I'm not  

saying it should cause tension. I think it  should be the opposite. I think it should be,  

the assumption should be that it's healthy  and good and fine. Um, but I'm, I'm just,  

you know, to her point, it's not just  in the culture that she's coming from,  

but I think you're also, um, people make undue tension out of that situation here as well.

Rachel: Yes, in America, it's definitely allowed. 

It's definitely not strange to have friends of the opposite sex after you've  

become married, and it sounds like she might be saying it's really frowned upon in her culture.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: Um, but I do, I do value, you know,  

like, we have a friend who was one of my friends. Now, you've become really close with her, Renee.  

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: And I love that you're so close with her,   

because you know, I love her, too.

David: Yeah.

Rachel: But yeah,  

I think, um, I think that can be really special. I do think when you're single and you're friends  

with someone of the opposite sex who’s also single, if that friendship gets really close,  

it can start to be complicated. People might be asking you a lot if there's something going on,  

and I just know from personal experience  that, at one point, at some point,  

you, you may need to have a conversation, like, are we just friends or are we more than friends?

David: Yeah. I see where you're going  

with this. Yeah. That's over more into—right. What's, what's romantic and what's not.

Rachel: Actually, there was a Seinfeld  

episode. Do you remember, David, where they were talking about, can men and women be friends?

David: Mm-mmm.

Rachel: And I think  

it was Seinfeld was saying, no, they can't  be. They can't be real friends. They can't  

be friends where there's not any thought of  romantic or physical attraction happening.

David: Okay.

Rachel: That was Seinfeld’s take. I would disagree.  

I think you can have a friendship that exists totally outside of the romantic and the physical.

David: I agree.

Rachel: Okay, but, let's, let's go back to the question. 

How to build more supportive friendships. I mean, I guess I would say, 

if it's an issue of finding the people who you want to be friends with in  

the first place, I mean, I know that this has  been an issue for me. How do I meet people?

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: When I think  

back on times when it was easy to meet  people, it's like, college where there  

was this set place and time where you  were seeing people on a regular basis.  

How do you recreate that as an adult, no  longer in school, outside of work? I mean,  

you could take a class. That's always a, a  popular thing. Take a class, something where  

you're going to be seeing the same people over and over that you have a common interest with.

David: Mm-hmm. Right,  

I think one of the things that I suggest to  people is, you know, spend some time thinking  

about what are you most interested in? What are you most passionate about? What are you,  

you know, what brings out the best side of  you? Your curious, engaged self? And then,  

go find that out in the world somewhere,  where there are going to be other people  

who are also interested in that. So, in other  words, sometimes people think they should, um,  

take up a whole interest in, um, a class. Like, I've never drawn before. So, there's this part  

of my brain that goes, I should go take a drawing  class. Well, actually, you know, maybe that's not  

the best idea. Go find something that you know is going to have you really, really energized and,  

and curious, because I think then, you're going to be, um, meeting other people who are passionate  

about what you are. And it can, it can make an easy bridge into some opening conversations.

Rachel: That's a good idea, a good point. Go  

with something you know you love already. Another thing is, I have a friend, Cara, who just has the  

personality for meeting people. She’ll be on the subway and strike up a conversation. She’ll be  

checking out at a grocery store and she’ll, like, make friends with people in line waiting to check  

out as well. And that's not my personality, but, I mean, there's definitely something to be said  

for being outgoing and just saying, oh, hey. Isn't this funny how, whatever? Starting a conversation.

David: Right. Mm-hmm.  

Right. The temptation is to think, well, I need to make some friends. I have to go find some big,  

deep, meaningful friendships. When in reality, the only way to do that is to be always aware  

that you're sort of currently looking for  friends, and to strike up conversations,  

because you know, we don’t know who’s going to be actually be someone that we have a good  

connection with unless we actually are out  there talking to lots of different people.

Rachel: Yeah. Start small.  

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: And I think in the U.S.,  

it is very appropriate to strike up  conversations. Strike up means to start.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: And they can be sort of out  

of the blue. Now, we recently recorded a podcast where I was talking about how that's my pet peeve.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: As an introvert, I just don’t like having these kinds of conversations, 

but, you know, don’t let that stop you. If you're  

an extrovert or you're trying to make friends, just go ahead and start up conversations with  

people. You know, you can comment on anything. Something that's happening around you or, man,  

it's so hot today, isn't it? Or something like  that. You know, or you could say to someone, oh,  

I love your jacket. You know, compliment in some way, engage them in conversation. Um, yeah, and,  

and just, you know, for me, that would be  really pushing myself, but for some people,  

it's not. But, okay, so, we've talked about  ways where you can try to start friendships,  

and we've established that we think Americans are open to people striking up conversation with them.

David: Yeah, for the most part. I mean,  

I think also, for better or for worse, you know, for people like yourself who are an introvert,  

it's also very appropriate in this country  to—the phrase is to blow people off or to  

be just pretty disinterested if someone tries to strike up a conversation with you. So, you know,  

you have to kind of know that half or maybe even more than that of the conversations that  

you try to strike up with people, people are  going to be kind of disinterested, maybe not  

make eye contact with you, and quickly wrap up the conversation. And that's totally appropriate  

socially as well. That's called, you know, giving a subtle social cue that, you know, actually,  

I don’t really want to talk right now. Thanks, but no thanks on your offer of a conversation. Um,  

you know, people aren't going to come out  and say, please stop talking to me, but—

Rachel: Right. They'll just drop hints.  

David: Drop hints. Yeah.

Rachel: And don’t let that discourage you. 

That just means that person wasn't in the mood that day,  

but you can definitely keep trying and you  may find that you find someone who’s also in  

the mood to strike up a conversation or make a friend. Another thing is, where you're living,  

try to explore the places around there. You know, if you find a local restaurant or coffee shop or  

park, go there to try to strike up these  conversations, because then, you're very  

likely going to be talking to people who live  around you or have the same interests as you.

David: Mm-hmm, and that's happened to you  

and I a couple times, um, during the last year and a half since Stoney’s been born. You know,  

going to the play space and other areas around our house. When you see the same person three or  

four times in a row, even without having said anything, you then kind of have an idea that,  

oh, this person is going to be here on a  regular basis, and it makes it easy, then,  

to go up and say hello, uh, because it gives you a way to say, hey, you know, I noticed you guys have  

been here a couple, the same times I have. It's sort of a bridge into starting a conversation.

Rachel: Now, let's talk about going up and saying hello.  

If, you know, English isn't your native language and you sometimes have a hard time understanding  

Americans, that could really stop somebody from doing that. That could really be a mental block.

David: Yeah. I think that that's right.

Rachel: And I guess what I would say there is, don’t  

assume that the person isn't willing to try to help you figure out conversation. Some people may  

not be interested in trying to help you understand them, trying to say things a couple different  

ways. But other people may be very interested. Oh, who is this person who’s from somewhere else,  

who’s chosen to come here? So, yeah. Just  keep trying, and not, not every person you  

talk to is going to be open to who you are, but you'll probably find somebody eventually who is.

David: And I think another tip, too, is, when you initiate the conversation, 

it gives you the opportunity to go first. And  

what I mean by that is, you can say something along the lines of, hi, my name is David. I've  

noticed that you guys, um, hang out here as well. And so, I thought I would come over and  

introduce myself. I live in the neighborhood. In other words, you can be prepared to talk  

for 30 seconds or a minute about yourself in a  way that you kind of have a chance to rehearse  

versus going up to someone and saying, you know, like, as a native speaker, I can go  

up to someone and just say, hi, I'm  David. So, what are you guys, you know,  

what are you guys up to today? Without worrying at all about comprehending the long answer that might  

come back. But I think if you're a non-native speaker and you want to sort of avoid that,  

you can kind of talk for a little bit  versus opening with a quick question.

Rachel: Yeah, you  

can sort of prepare your little introduction.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: So, once you’ve  

started making, like, let’s  call them light friendships.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: People that you know,  

you’re friendly with you know their name, how do you build them into more supportive friendships?

David: That’s the big question, right? [Laughs] Um--

Rachel: Actually, that brings me to another question  

that came in, that I’d love to read now, because I think that will become part of this conversation.

David: Okay.

Rachel: So, this is a question that came from one of my students in Rachel’s English Academy 

and she’s from Germany and now she lives in the U.S. And,  

she has said to me, you know, I find that  American’s are really open to talking with  

me if I’m in a really mood and all I’m just--all I’m saying are positive things, you know, like is  

good, life is great. Everything’s good. Let’s have fun and talk about funny things. Then people are  

really willing to engage with her. But, she said, but if I bring up something difficult in my life,  

something that I’m having a problem with, maybe financial difficulties, or looking for a job,  

having a hard time finding a job, or just a  struggle in general. When I bring that up,  

she said that she finds that people don’t  really seem to want to talk about it. She said,  

of course there are a few times where she’s found people who are willing to discuss this with her,  

but in general, people seem to kind of  turn away from that kind of conversation  

about the harder things in life. But, the  things that are present for everybody. 

Um, what, were you going to say something?

David: Well yeah. Right. I think that when we

take a risk or we’re vulnerable and share a little  

bit of something that’s real or something  that’s deep. You know, that she gives great  

examples there about things that are hard. When we are with someone who has been a casual friend  

and we take a risk and share something  that is really, you know, deep for us,  

that’s a real struggle, I think that’s sort  of how you figure out which of your casual  

friends are the relationships to really invest in and go for more depth with. I mean, you know,  

just to put some numbers on it, I think if  you have ten casual friends, and with each  

of those ten people at some point you take a risk and really share something about yourself,  

I would expect that probably two out of those ten conversations would then go into a deeper,  

uh, fuller conversation. You know, it’s sort of like with the initial conversation with someone  

at line at the grocery store. You strike up  ten of those conversations, probably only  

two of those conversations are going to be more than just a quick, casual, hey how’s it going.

So, it’s, I think it’s difficult because  when we’re being vulnerable and sharing  

things that are difficult, we’re really, you  know, we’re putting ourselves out there. So,  

it’s hard to be rejected or--well maybe that’s too strong of a word, but maybe not. You know,  

it’s a feeling of rejection that comes up when the other person doesn’t want to engage. Well,  

that’s tough when eight out of ten times  people aren’t really interested in the fact  

that you just shared something that you’re  really struggling with. The other side is,  

if you can think about it as from the positive side, you’ve found two people with whom you can  

now really invest deeply with. And, I think that’s a pretty compelling reason to say that the eight  

shut downs--shoot--what’s it called? Being shot down, are worth it.

Rachel: Yeah, so, okay,  

a couple of things there. One, one thing is how to build more supportive, deeper friendships. One way  

is to simply open up more and tell more things about yourself, including things that are hard.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: More vulnerable. Um,  

then David’s talking about, you know, when  you try to deepen a friendship by doing that,  

there’s a maybe very good chance that that person is not ready to have that kind of friendship with  

you and is just going to kind of find a way  to change the subject of the conversation.

David: Right.

Rachel: But a couple will likely be willing to  be more receptive to that. 

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: Um, so, maybe what this woman who submitted this comment, 

maybe the culture where she is in, it’s more  

normal to talk about struggles with friendships  that are a little bit less deep. I mean, for me,  

if I have a casual acquaintance with someone and they start talking about something that they’re  

struggling with, this is awful, but part of me starts to wonder, what do they, what are they  

trying to get out of me? What do they want me to do for them? Isn’t that horrible? Whereas, if it’s  

a good friend, then I’m all ears. I’m listening, I’m engaged, I want to help that person. You know,  

I want to be there for that person, I want to  help him or her fix whatever is wrong. But if it’s  

someone that I don’t really know, and they start talking about what’s difficult in their life,  

I find that I really don’t know what  to do with that and I start to think,  

why are they telling me this? Do you ever feel that? I mean, how do you--I guess it depends on  

how you’re defining an acquaintance. But David’s looking at me like he maybe doesn’t agree.

David: I think--no,  

no, not that I don’t agree. I think that  what’s coming up for you in those moments  

is your discomfort and your disinterest in  taking that relationship to a deeper place.  

I mean, again, I would focus on the two out of ten times when it does feel right. You know?

Rachel: Yeah.

David: I don’t think--we  

can spend a ton of time examining the eight out of ten, but I think your energy is much  

better spent on those two out of ten times  when somebody that is a casual friend to you,  

opens up and starts sharing with you. And,  you’re kind of like, oh, wow, we’re going  

there? Okay. That kind of--I wasn’t expecting this, but all right, this--okay, I’m listening.

Rachel: So, one of the things that she  

had said was, she feels like Americans only want to talk about positive things. And, I guess what  

we are saying here, is that that is probably true of acquaintances and people of a certain level of  

friendship. But, once you are, you know, spending more time with somebody and sharing more personal  

things with somebody, and it’s reciprocated, then that person will, I think, definitely be willing  

to talk about your struggles. I mean, Americans don’t shy away from that, they just, I think,  

save that kind of conversation for someone that they have a very particular kind of relationship  

with. And, so that conversation happening outside of a friendship that they feel is very deep,  

probably feels awkward and that, I think might be where that person is feeling shutdown.  

David: Yeah and I think that you’re right, that  

that is--I’m sure it’s lodged in cultural norms and is different from place to place from culture  

to culture. But, I--yeah, I think that that’s  exactly right. And, probably what’s hard is that  

there’s no way to know where you are, sort of, with another person without testing it out. Like--

Rachel: Right. And then  

you either get shut down or the person’s interested.

David: Yeah, you can try to, um, 

assess and assess and assess in your mind. Like, well,  

you know they said this last time and I  almost said something, but then I didn’t,  

and I wonder if--you can go around and around for circles for hours and hours about whether  

or not this person is someone who you should take a risk with. Or, you can just go for it and, and,  

sort of, that takes major courage. But, if you can get yourself to know, hey you know what,  

eight out of ten times it may not go well, but it’s worth it because those two out of ten times  

where it does go well, are really, really worth it to me, so I’m going to, I’m going to go for it.

Rachel: Yeah. That’s where you start building the  

real friendships. And, actually, one way that you can test the waters, that is try, try something  

out with, with somebody. Let’s say you’ve met them a couple of times, they’re an acquaintance, you  

maybe consider them a friend. Rather than opening up about yourself and saying something that you’re  

struggling with or something that’s hard for you to deal with, you can ask that person a question.

David: Mm.

Rachel: And then see how they  

respond. Do they go deep with their answer or do they just sort of just give a light,  

surface-y answer? Then that’s a clue,  okay, this person isn’t ready to talk  

about these more important things  with me. Or, this person is ready.

David: Yeah, that’s a really good  

point. That thought had crossed my mind earlier and I’m glad you brought it up. Yeah, absolutely.

Rachel: So, what would be  

an example of a kind of question that someone could ask an acquaintance/light new friend,  

in order to see, oh, like how can I  try to take this friendship deeper?  

David: Yeah, I think a couple things. I mean, 

one of the things is to say something that you noticed and ask about it.

Rachel: Like?

David: Um, I noticed last time we were hanging  

out that you didn’t mention how your husband’s doing, is everything going okay with you guys?

Rachel: Mm-hmm. Or,  

even just how is (blank) going? Even if you have no idea if it is going to involve a good answer or  

a bad answer. Just asking, oh how are things going with the kids? Or, how are things going at work?

David: Yeah. Anything  

that anybody says you can follow up with, and how is that for you? How’s that going for you?

Rachel: Mm-hmm. And then from there, depending  

on their answer you might be able to draw them out more, see if they’re interested in being drawn  

out more. And if they are, then that conversation will grow and probably that friendship with grow.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: I read an article, several months ago now about  

a bunch of high schools that were accepting one year--or, one to two-year International students,  

like from China. The article was focusing on Chinese students studying in American high  

schools. And the article was talking about how hard it is for these Chinese students to make  

friends in American. And I was like, gosh, of course. And part of it is, in a high school  

situation, kids are using so much slang that these students are coming, who studied English formally,  

and they don’t understand the, the general idea of conversation. Like, they just can’t keep up.

David: Yeah.

Rachel: And I think that would be incredibly hard. And I  

think if you’re in that situation, your only hope is to ask what people mean and probably be doing  

that a lot. And, for a lot of people that might be annoying and that might turn them off. But,  

for a few people, they’ll be willing to answer you and then those are the people with whom,  

I think, you’re going to start to develop a  more real friendship. What do you think David?

David: Right. Exactly. Yup. I think that’s exactly right.

Rachel: So really, making friends and turning acquaintances into deeper 

friends is hugely an issue of  

putting yourself out there.  That means taking a risk.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: Being vulnerable.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: David, talk to me  

about some of your best friends, about how you met those people, where that friendship was nurtured.

David: Sure. So,  

one of my closest friends I met in  high school, so in 9th grade. And,  

we had class together and we just--I think  the first time that we spoke was during an  

assignment in the Spanish class and we  hit it off. We ended up, you know, both  

playing basketball and that was the start of a friendship that’s still really close to this day.

Rachel: So, a friendship that carried through from childhood? 

David: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Rachel: Mm-hmm.

David: Yeah, we would have been--what’s--  

how old are you in 9th grade? Fifteen, I guess.

Rachel: Yeah.

David: Yeah.

Rachel: Fourteen, maybe. Okay.

David: So, that’s one extreme.  

That’s an example of a childhood friend. And then, I guess sort of on the other end would be someone  

that I met about seven years ago at work. Who, you know, just from being at work together and  

having conversations there, realizing that, oh, you know what, we really get along well. And so,  

them he and I started to hang out outside of work sometimes and, you know, that ended up  

becoming a very close friendship. Um, I was the officiant at their wedding and we are, you know,  

extremely close now and see each other a lot even though we no longer work together. So,  

that’s someone who I met later in life, who,  who has become a very close friend as well.

Rachel: And then what  

about Adrian? You have a really interesting  story about how you met him, don’t you?

David: Yeah. So, we were, we had a mutual friend.  

And when Adrian and I met, we started to do some of the typical questions back and forth about,  

so what do you do? And we realized that we had both done restorative justice work, which is a  

particular type of intervention with people in conflict. Then we realized that we had both done  

work around domestic violence and we were both, um, politically engaged in sort of really similar  

ways and, um, just sort of had this story that kept mirroring each other at every turn. And, um,  

it’s another example of how you can really quickly become close with someone when you realize you  

have a bunch of overlapping life experiences and just can hit it off right away because of that.

Rachel: I had, I had heard the story that you guys were at  

a bar and you just randomly met. But you actually were there because you had a friend in common?

David: Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Rachel: Oh, okay, okay. But still,  

you strike up this conversation and you find you have all these things in common and then--

David: Right.  

Right. Mm-hmm.

Rachel: He’s moved away now, but he just visited us last week. It was great to see him.

David: It was great.

Rachel: Let me see if I can talk about  

some of my friendships that I have. Um, one of them--well I definitely have friends from college,  

that’s just where I met--You know, actually my mom has made this comment - throughout my life,  

I tend to have entered into or built around me these groups of like six to eight woman that have  

become really close and supportive communities. I had that in high school and growing up. I had  

the same thing in college and then living in  New York. I had developed this awesome group  

of women too. Um, and so that’s been lucky. And, you know, the growing up and the college,  

that’s obvious because you’re together  all the time in school. In New York,  

we all met because we were connected through various people and, you know, I think New York  

is the kind of place where there are so many people, that it’s actually easy to feel lost.

And so, I think when you’re going there, you often reach out. Who do you know? Who do you know? Who  

knows people in New York? And, very often there are people who know people in New York and so  

that can kind of build a web for you when you go somewhere and that definitely happened for  

me. And one of my other really close friends, who has been in a bunch of Rachel’s English videos,  

her name is Lynn, but we all call her  Beads. I met her from a singing gig and  

I think when you’re in the Arts and Theatre  at the Performing Arts, you can make really,  

really amazing friends because obviously  you have the same passion. And then,  

when you’re in a production, you are  just hanging out together all the time.

David: I would also  

say that when you’re performing, you’re constantly in a state of vulnerability alongside people too.

Rachel: Mm, that’s interesting. Yeah,  

and people know what you’re going through. Like if you get sick, you know, as a singer,  

if you get a cold, you know, your other  friends are like, oh it’s fine, it’s a cold,  

you’ll be okay. Whereas, another singer knows, oh my gosh, that’s going to have to--yeah,  

going to have to figure out how to work  through that, that’s going to be tough.

David: Mm-hmm.

Rachel: Yeah. Well,  

David it’s been really interesting  discussing friendships with you. And,  

just thinking about how many times you might kind of reach out to somebody and have them not be  

interested before you find someone where you can develop something more. And, I, I’m really  

curious, is this very different from what people  out there experience in their own home culture,  

or is it, is it pretty similar? Um, I, I wish that  I had the chance to talk with other people from  

other cultures about this. But thank you guys so much for listening, and thank you David for  

being here and sharing some about your life, your background and your perspective on friendships.

David: Yeah, you’re welcome. That was really fun.

Rachel: And, thanks for  

the questions that got written in. Guys, if  you would like to subscribe to this podcast,  

I hope you do, you can visit the iTunes Store or Stitcher to subscribe. I would also love it if you  

would take the time to leave a review there. You know what? Go do it right now. I read all  

of the reviews and I really love to hear what you think about the podcast. That’s it for this week,  

we’ll be back again next week. Can’t  wait to talk to you guys. See you soon.

David: Bye guys.