Improve ENGLISH Speaking Skills with Listening and Shadowing English Conversation Practice

sometimes I feel that you are not  interested in what I want you are a

complete good afternoon Jake and Emily  welcome to your first coup's therapy

session I want to start by saying that this  is a safe place you can express your feelings  

freely here my job is not to judge you  but to help you understand each other

better and find solutions to  your problems so tell me why  

are you here today to be honest I don't  really know why we're here we are not  

not that bad I think so Jake we've talked  about this before we need this therapy do your

part Jake tell me why do you  think you don't need to go to

therapy we've had some fights  and I know we have problems  

at the moment but they are not serious okay  we need to talk about that it's not right to  

minimize your partner's feelings and she  feels like things aren't right right now  

that's why you're here today if you truly love  her you will do everything possible to solve  

your problems so do you want to continue with  this therapy because both of you should want

this yes of course I love her and I  want things to get better let's do  

this sorry I'm just a little exhausted  with everything going on but I want us  

to feel better thank you Jake thank  you Dr Harris well Jake and I are

engaged and we are planning to get married  next year but lately we've been arguing  

a lot we're worried that if we don't fix  these problems now they'll get words after

marriage yeah we love each other but it  feels like we're always fighting other  

little things I don't want our marriage  to start with so many disagreements

that's a good reason to be here it's  great that you both recognize the  

importance of the importance of working  on your relationship before marriage

because many couples waigh too long to  address their problems I see that a lot

now let's start by identifying some of the main  

issues you have first Emily can you give  me an example of something that recently  

caused a fight between you two sure  um last week Jake forgot our dinner

date I was waiting at the restaurant  for almost an hour he didn't even call  

me when I finally called him he said  he was playing video games with his

friends he said that he had lost  track of time I felt so unimportant to

him well I understand why she was upset but  I didn't do it on purpose I was just focused  

on the game and I honestly didn't realize how  late it was I apologized but she was still angry  

I mean I understand but I couldn't help it I see  Emily you felt ignored and unimportant because  

Jake forgot something something that was important  to you Jake you didn't mean to hurt Emily but  

you were distracted this kind of situation  is is common in relationships Let's uh try

something Jake answer this question if  you were in Emily's position how good  

you feel I guess I could feel disappointed and  prated if she forgot something important to me  

that that's good self-awareness  now Emily if you were in Jake's

position what do you think you would  want from him it's important to know your

answer I good want him to understand that it was  just a mistake and he didn't do it on purpose  

but I could still want him to show that he  cares about me and our plans excellent now  

let's talk about communication it is very  important many couples argue not because  

of the problem itself but because  of how they talk about the problem

when you argue do you both listen to each  other or do you focus more on proving your

point well to be honest I  think we both try to prove our

points yeah we don't really  listen we just wait for the  

other person to stop talking talking so we can

respond that's very common one  technique I recommend is active

listening when one person is speaking  the other should listen without

interrupting after they finish the listener  should summarize what they her to make sure they

understood let's practice Emily  tell Jake how you felt about the  

missed dinner and Jake summarize what  you hear before responding let's do

that okay I will try Jake when you forgot  our dinner I felt really hard it made me  

feel like I wasn't a priority to you  I understand that you didn't do it on

purpose but I needed you to show that  you cared about how I felt that's the

thing so what I hear is that you felt heart  because I forgot something important to you  

and you wanted me to show that  I careed is that right I think

so very good Jake she said yes now you can respond

I'm really sorry Emily I never meant  to heart you I do care about you a lot  

and I understand now that I should have  been more considerate I'll do something  

next time I'll set a reminder so I don't  forget important things like our dates

thank you Jake that means a lot seriously  it's the first time you say something like

that that was a great example of  healthy communication very good  

you too now let's move on to another  topic are there any other recurring

issues yes Emily gets really upset when  I don't do things her way like when we  

clean the apartment she wants me to do things  exactly like she does and if I don't she gets

frustrated ah you had to say it that's  because your ways Messing you don't

understand sometimes I feel that you are not  interested in what I want you are a complete  

all right let's pause this is a classic  case of different expectations Emily do  

you think Jake is intentionally trying  to be messy or do you think he just has  

a different way of doing things I guess  he just does things um differently but I  

like things a certain way and it bothers me  when they're not done like that that's the

truth well that makes sense but remember  a relationship is about compromise Jake  

tell me something can you try to  follow some of Emily's leaning

habits and Emily can you be more flexible  and accept that Jake has his own way of  

doing things yeah I can try to be Neer  it's not easy for me but I think I can try

yeah and I'll try not to be so controlling  I suppose that is something I'm doing

bad that's a great start now before we  finish I want you both to do something  

think about why you fell in love with  each other in the first place what made  

you choose each other Emily is kind smart and  always makes me laugh she makes my life better  

in every way Jake is caring funny and always  supports me he makes me feel safe and loved  

those are beautiful reasons every couple has  conflicts but what matters is how you handle them  

from what I see your problems are not as serious  as you thought you just needed to communicate

better I think you're right I feel much  better now I'm sorry about everything

Emily me too thank you Dr Harris  and Jake I am sorry to for

everything excellent keep practicing  what we talked about and you'll see great

Improvement sometimes our problems  aren't as big as we think we just need  

to look at it from a different perspective  I hope you liked this conversation if you  

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