Bad Manners: What NOT to say or do (Polite English)

536,001 views ・ 2013-10-24

Learn English with Rebecca


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Hi, my name is Rebecca from www.engvid.com. In today's lesson, you'll learn how to function
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effectively in a cross-cultural environment - in North America, in Britain, and so on
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-, and what you should not do. This is actually one of two videos that I've recorded. The
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other one is on good manners, and this one is about bad manners. This one is about what
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you should not do when you're in North America or in England. Okay? So I've divided it between
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what you should not say and what you should not do. Let's have a look.
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So, in terms of speaking: when you're speaking in a group or in a public place, try not to
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speak in a very loud voice. Don't speak too loudly; keep your volume relative to other
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people's volume. All right? Listen. Now, again, everything that I'm going to say to you here
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remember always take it with a pinch of salt. What does this expression mean? Understand
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that it's not 100% like that, but generally speaking it's like that. Okay?
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Next one: in a public situation such as a party, try to avoid controversial subjects.
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What does that mean? A controversial subject is something where people have strong views
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such as religion or politics. We try to avoid these subjects, for example: at a social occasion,
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at a wedding, or a party because if you get into a discussion with someone on these subjects
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it can become a little bit aggressive, it can become a little bit angry, and perhaps
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that's not very kind to your host or hostess that are planning a pleasant kind of event.
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So remember to keep that in mind. Of course, with your own friends or people you know well
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or people you see often, you do share your views on these subjects and that may be perfectly
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okay. All right? Next: we also avoid speaking about money.
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I know that money is, of course, of great interest to everyone, but we usually do not
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ask people that we don't know well or acquaintances or people we've just met, we don't ask them
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questions like: "How much do you make?", "How much do you earn?", "How much did you pay
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for your house or your car?" or something else. We don't ask that because it's not polite.
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Okay? Of course, again, with people you know well, you may share that information. And
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if somebody decides to share that with you, that's fine, but you try to avoid asking it.
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Next is not to ask personal questions. What do I mean by personal questions? You don't
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usually ask people how old they are or how much they weigh or something like that, or
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how many... If they're married or if they have kids. Now, again, if you're a married
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person and you have children and you meet another married person and it's clear that
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he or she has children, it's perfectly fine to talk about how old your children are because
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it's obvious that you all have children. So I don't mean to never ask them, but if you
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meet just one person you don't want to start asking them: "Oh, why don't you have children?"
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or something like that because that's giving advice very early when you barely know somebody
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and people don't like that kind of advice usually.
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Next is avoid talking about yourself because that can sometimes seem like you're boasting.
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Now, of course, that doesn't mean not to give information about yourself, but not to talk
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too much about yourself. When you talk too much about yourself then people feel that
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you're... you just care about yourself. Instead of that, show, tell a little bit about yourself,
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and then turn the conversation and turn the focus and the attention onto the other person;
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ask them about themselves. Okay, the next point is not to interrupt people.
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In many different cultures there're many different rules about this, but in North America generally
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when one person is speaking we try to wait until they finish speaking and then we say
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what we want to say. Try not to interrupt while other people are speaking.
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Last point here is about speaking when your mouth is full. Don't do it. In other words:
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don't eat and talk at the same time. Eat - if you're at a dinner -, eat, finish eating,
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and then speak. Nobody likes to see all that food inside your mouth and neither can we
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understand you very clearly when you have something in your mouth, so avoid that.
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Next: let's look at some things which you should not do. Don't stare at people. Don't
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stare at women, also. I know that when I had some students from other countries, they said
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to me that when they came to Canada, they didn't understand when men were interested
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in them because in their country, men normally looked at them when they walked down the street,
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and here men don't usually do that. They look, but they don't look... show that they're looking.
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So the women, the woman said to me: "I don't know when anybody likes me because nobody's
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looking at me." So I explained to her that - because she was a very attractive girl -, that
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I'm sure a lot of people like you and like the way you look, but they're not going to
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show it. So in a North American environment, usually we don't try to stare at strangers.
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Okay? So keep that in mind. Next point is when you meet someone for the
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first time, it is not the custom to kiss. All right? Even the polite kiss on the cheek,
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we don't do that. In some countries, it is perfectly acceptable and in fact that's part
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of the custom, but in North American... in North America - no. Just shake hands and that's
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enough. Later, when the relationship becomes friendlier, warmer then sometimes we do give
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each other a little kiss on the cheek but be a little... Better to be careful about
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that rather than to do it too soon. Okay? Next is to avoid touching people too much
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when you're talking to them or don't touch them at all; if it's a stranger, try to avoid
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touching them. Again, it's a general rule. Sometimes men when they meet, they will slap
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each other on the back or something like that. But on the whole, if you're not certain, it's
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better not to do that and just a shaking of hands or something like that is enough. Also,
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if you bump into someone, try... When you're walking down the street, try to avoid bumping
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into people, it's not expected and if it happens, apologize.
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Next: avoid any kind of what could be considered sort of uncultured behaviour -- which would
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mean things like spitting in a public place, or scratching your head, or scratching yourself
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in some private place, or burping, or farting, or anything like that. Avoid all of those
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things. That is not considered polite at all. Next is when you're walking -- even when you're
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walking down a street -- if you see two people coming and it's clear they're talking to each
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other, try to avoid walking right between them; walk around them. If you have to walk
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through two people who are speaking to each other or who are clearly together then make
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sure you say: "excuse me", "I'm sorry", something like that as you pass. But otherwise, avoid
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that; find a way around them. Next: don't be impatient in your speech or
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in your body language. When someone is talking to you, don't go: "Yes, uh huh, uh huh, right,
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yes, yes. And then?" So when you do things like that, people understand that you're trying
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to rush them, you're trying to hurry them like you're boring them, like you already
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can read their mind and you know what they want to say, so don't do that. Wait patiently,
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listen. Sometimes we do these things with people we live with and it's probably not
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very nice there either, but it may be okay at home to do that. It's not really okay to
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do that with others. The next thing is going to be tricky and you're
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going to ask me: "Like what are you talking about? There are so many cologne and perfume
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companies." But I have written here in an office situation, in a business environment,
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don't wear cologne or perfume. Yes, I am saying that. Why? Because in many office environments
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in North America today, they are considered sort of fragrance-free zones. Because of the
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fact that many people have allergies, it is recommended that people don't use cologne.
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If you have to use cologne, use very, very little or just have... just be clean, but
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don't use cologne or perfume. Certainly don't drench yourself in that; don't use too much.
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Now, if you go to a party, again, yes you can use cologne or perfume, but don't use
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too much; don't overpower people because somebody who might be sensitive to smell will actually
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not like that at all -- which is not your intention. Okay?
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And the last one which is part of that is about body odor. Don't smell bad. Now, you
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might wonder: "Well, that's why I use the cologne." No, you don't want to use the cologne
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to hide your body odor, no. What you want to do is you want to be clean. That means
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your mouth should be fresh: brush your teeth, use breath freshener if you need to, especially
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if you've just eaten food with a lot of spices in it. Also make sure you use deodorant. We
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are not accustomed to the smell of sweat here, so use deodorant or antiperspirant so that
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you don't smell. Also make sure you take a shower regularly. And make sure your clothes
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don't smell of wherever you've been -- because clothes can hold on to the smell of food,
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or tobacco, or marijuana, or alcohol, and all kinds of things. So make sure that your
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clothes are clean and that they don't smell of something, particularly if you're going
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to an interview or something like that or if you're going to a party as well. Okay?
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So I believe that if you do these 15 things, or rather if you don't do these 15 things,
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you will be very effective in a North American culture. Thank you very much for watching.
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If you'd like to subscribe to my channel on YouTube, please do that. And if you'd like
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to do a quiz on this subject, please go to our website: www.engvid.com. Thank you very much.
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