Polite English: Ask Better Questions (and get better results)

In this lesson, you will learn how to communicate more politely and effectively in English,

whether you're speaking or whether you're writing.

So, what we're going to learn in this lesson is how to do three separate things, okay?

One is how to take an order or a command and express it more effectively, how to take a

question and ask it more effectively, and the third is how to take your opinion and

frame it as a question.

Why would we do all that?

For many reasons.

First, you're going to be using better language, and second, you're going to be using better

psychology.

So, by framing these situations as polite questions, you will actually get more cooperation,

respect, and so on going between yourself and whoever you're talking to.

And this could be at home, it could be with your friends, and it could definitely be at

work.

Okay?

So, instead of speaking theoretically, let's get down to it and understand exactly what

we're going to do.

All right, so, the first situation is where someone is without realizing it, okay?

Nobody's trying to not be polite.

Most people are trying to be polite, but because of their language choices, they might not

realize that it's not coming out that way.

So, we're going to listen to it one way, and then I'm going to show you a really easy way

to make it very polite.

Okay?

So, this is what somebody might say at work.

"Send me the report", or "Give me your email", or "Switch off your phone."

Now, how did that sound?

To North American ears or to English speakers, that doesn't sound too good because it sounds

like you're giving them an order.

It's a little too strong.

It's a little too harsh.

And even if you're the boss, or the manager, or the director, you still want to be respectful

when you're speaking to someone.

So, what we're going to do is we're going to take these sentences, which are like orders

or commands, and we're going to turn them very easily into a question.

So, all you need to do is to add this phrase before those words.

So, now listen to what I'm saying, and then you're going to repeat after me, okay?

Let's repeat the good one.

"Could you please send me the report?"

You say it.

Good.

I'll say the second one, and then you can repeat it.

"Could you please give me your email?"

Good.

The third one, "Could you please switch off your phone?"

Okay?

So, now how was that?

How do you think the relationship will be between you and whoever is listening to you

if you speak to them this way instead of the other way?

Obviously, much better, okay?

And you're likely to get the result that you want more easily.

And these were sort of simple requests.

Sometimes you have to make more complicated requests, but if you make them using this,

this phrase, "could you please", you can use it anywhere, in a formal situation, in an

informal situation, it'll just make things go so much more smoothly.

Okay?

All right.

Now, that was the first one where we took a command or an order and we turned it into

a polite question.

Now, let's take a question and turn it into an even better question.

Okay?

Let's do that.

So, this is the question that some people ask.

For example, "Do you want a taxi?", "Do you want to meet at 3?", "Do you want some dessert?"

Now, is there anything wrong with these questions?

Grammatically, no, the grammar is correct.

Okay?

But can we improve on them?

Definitely.

Okay?

Why?

Because "do you want" is not the best way to express something.

A much better way is to say "would you like".

So, instead of saying "do you want", okay, replace it with "would you like", and then

you're fine.

Suddenly, the level of what you're saying, the politeness, the language, everything is

so much higher.

So, now, let's reframe these questions with this expression, "Would you like".

"Would you like a taxi?"

You say it.

Good.

Instead of this, "Would you like to meet at 3?"

Good.

Now, let's do the last one.

"Would you like some dessert?"

Okay, now, how did that feel?

Didn't it feel so much softer, kinder, more polite?

Okay?

So, basically, "would you like" just means exactly the same thing as "do you want", except

that it's so much more polite.

Okay?

You can use it in any situation, and you will always be considered a very polite person

who speaks really well.

Okay?

And I think that's your...

That's one of your goals.

Right?

Okay.

So, now, that was...

We took the question and made it into a better question.

Now, this one is really interesting.

This is not just polite, but it's actually more diplomatic.

It will help you to achieve the result you're looking for in a very smart way.

Okay?

Get more cooperation, get more people on your side.

Let's see what happens.

Let me show you what this technique is.

So, here, let's say this is your opinion first.

Your opinion is... your opinion means what you think.

What you think about the subject is, "The price is too high."

Or your opinion is, "The hotel is too far away."

Or your opinion is, "He should accept the job."

Now, that's your opinion.

Wonderful.

You can say that grammatically, all these sentences are correct.

However, if you're talking to someone else and you care about their opinion also, or

a number of people, okay, then you could take this same opinion and frame it as a question.

Okay?

So, let's see what happens when we add this phrase to the beginning of these sentences.

Do you think the price is too high?

You say it.

Do you think the price is too high?

Okay.

The next one.

Do you think the hotel is too far away?

You say it.

Good.

Do you think he should accept the job?

Now, what happened here?

Okay?

So, what happened was that you kind of embedded your question, your opinion in the middle

of the question.

So, when you frame it like that, the other person gets to express their opinion, and

they will feel not just that you're telling them something, but that you're asking them

something, and then they can decide on their own, but you put the idea in their head that

yeah, perhaps the price is too high.

Yes, maybe that hotel is too far away, or yes, I think he should accept the job, but

the other person feels, and you give them that opportunity to feel that they made the

decision and not that you forced the decision on them.

So, it's a very nice strategy and technique to help someone else to hear your views and

yet feel that they are part of that discussion.

Okay?

So, let's review what these very simple phrases are again.

Could you please, say it.

Could you please.

Would you like.

Do you think.

Okay?

Good.

Now we're going to practice some more so that you become really, really good at this, and

so it will flow out of your mouth very naturally anytime you are engaged in any kind of conversation

or discussion with anyone else.

Okay.

So, let's master this now, okay?

The way we could do it is like this.

I will say this by itself first, and then we'll say it the more polite way, and you

repeat the more polite way with me.

But why am I saying it the ordinary way?

Because I want you to hear the difference, okay?

So, let's start with the first one.

Speak louder.

Now let's say it politely.

Could you please speak louder?

Okay?

See how much better that was?

Let's say it again, and you repeat after me.

Could you please speak louder?

Good.

Help me.

Could you please help me?

You say it.

Good.

Close the door.

That person sounds annoyed.

Close the door.

But we can say, could you please close the door?

You say it.

Good.

Okay?

Now we're going to try with "Would you like", so here what we did?

We took the commands and we turned them into polite questions using "could you please".

Here we're going to take the questions and turn them into even more polite questions

with "would you like", but let's listen to the first one.

Do you want to order...

Or would you like to order...

You say it.

Good.

Do you want to meet for lunch?

Or would you like to meet for lunch?

Okay?

Good.

Only repeat the second one, okay?

Only repeat the "Would you like".

Do you want to make a reservation?

That becomes "Would you like to make a reservation?", okay?

Really, if you're in customer service, there's no question, right?

You shouldn't be using, really, any of the "do you wants".

You should always be using "would you like".

But are we not all kind of in customer service?

Are we not always communicating with others?

Are we not always trying to create more cooperation and move forward and success, right?

So this is just more diplomatic.

Okay.

Oh, one thing I want to mention here.

Just like here, we have the question, right?

Would you like.

The same way, if you're saying a sentence, any time you might want to say "I want to

order", what could you say instead of "I want"?

You can say "I would like", "I'd like to order".

Instead of saying "I want to meet for lunch", you could say "I would like to meet for lunch",

or instead of saying "I would like", you can contract it and say "I'd like", okay?

So let's try that.

"I'd like to meet for lunch.

Are you free?

Are you available?"

Okay?

Or here, instead of saying "I want to make a reservation", you could say "I'd like to

make a reservation".

It sounds completely different, okay?

So please try to make that small change.

What a big difference.

Okay?

Let's try the last one.

"They need more time."

You're giving your opinion.

Now frame it as a question.

"Do you think they need more time?"

Okay?

You say it.

"Do you think they need more time?"

Good.

"You should see a doctor."

Sorry.

"You should see a doctor."

What does that become?

"Do you think you should see a doctor?"

Isn't it better to be asking that question?

You ask it.

"Do you think you should see a doctor?"

And the last one, "We should take the earlier flight."

But what could we say?

"Do you think we should take the earlier flight?"

Okay?

All right, so now, here, we focused on three different ways, three different question introductions

that you could use to sound more polite and more diplomatic.

And these were just three small changes.

I've actually created an online course which allows you to make more than 150 small changes.

This one is in there, the "Would you like" part, and by making these small changes, you

would make a tremendous difference to the level of your English and the quality of your

English.

Okay?

Another thing you can do, go to our website at www.engvid.com, do a quiz on this, and

don't forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

And there will be a link to the online course in the lesson description, and if you'd like

to check that out, I'd be very happy.

Okay?

Thanks very much for your English.

All the best.

Bye.

And thanks very much for watching.

Bye for now.