Good Manners: What to Say and Do (Polite English)

Hi, my name is Rebecca from www.engvid.com. In today's lesson, we will be talking about

good manners or what can also be referred to sometimes as cross-cultural skills. What

does that mean? It's the skills that you need to function effectively in a different culture

than your own. So for example: if I were to come to your country and learn your language,

do you think that would be enough? Not really, because along with the language, I also need

to learn what's acceptable, what's not okay in that particular culture. So today, we'll

be talking about 12 things that you need to say and do when you're living or working in

an English speaking environment. Okay? Let's get started.

So first we'll talk about what you should say. The first one is using the word: "please".

Now, everybody knows that you should say "please", but not everybody remembers to actually say

it. So for example: if you go into a coffee shop, don't just say: "Coffee." Say: "Coffee,

please." Or if you're asking someone else to do something, also remember: "Could you

please turn off your cellphone?", for example. All right?

Next: remember to say "thank you" whenever somebody does something. "Thank you", "You're

welcome": these are phrases that we do use very often in English. And it could be for

anything simple like somebody holding the door for you or it could be for something

more elaborate like somebody giving you a birthday present. Okay? The way you say it,

say it from your heart. Okay? "Thank you.", "Thank you very much." And so on.

The next one is to say "sorry", or even better to say "I'm sorry", because "I'm sorry" is

more personal. But otherwise, at least say "sorry". And again, you can say "sorry" for

little things like perhaps stepping on someone's foot or if you bang into someone by mistake,

you bump into someone by mistake somewhere in a crowded place, still apologize, say:

"I'm sorry.", "I'm sorry.", "I'm sorry." Okay? We do use that quite often.

Next one: "Excuse me." Now, "excuse me" you can say when you sneeze. Right? [Achoo!].

"Excuse me." Or if you need to ask somebody for some information, you can say: "Excuse

me, would you know where the nearest subway is?" Right? So this is a very useful expression

and it's also a polite expression. The next one is to remember to greet people

and also to wish people. By greeting people, even at work if you're working in an English

speaking environment, remember we do say "good morning", "good night", "happy birthday",

"happy New Year", "congratulations". So greet people, and also wish them on the appropriate

days. The next one might seem obvious also, but

again, it's the way that you do it. Even if you work in an office, in the morning, we

can say: "Hey, good morning. How are you?" And when you ask: "How are you?" even though

you're not expected to give a full answer, but whatever answer someone gives you, remember

to listen. Don't start talking right away. Wait to hear if the other person is saying:

"Oh, pretty good. I'm fine. How are you?" Hear all of that before you start speaking

about your own disposition, your own state of mind. Okay? Listen to the answer. All right?

So these are six things that you must remember to do; they are taken for granted and they

are expected of you. Next: let's look at what you should do. This

seventh one here says: "Smile." Smiling creates a more friendly environment and it's certainly

expected. So try to do that, again, it doesn't mean you have to keep smiling, but when you

meet someone, give them a smile. If you don't smile, they might think that you're nervous,

they might think you're angry or unhappy about something. Okay? Or they might take it a little

bit aggressively. So try to smile, it makes the... It also gives people the message that

everything is okay, not just that you're happy to meet them, but that everything is fine

with you. So it says two things: something about you and something about the other person.

Next: shake hands. Now, that's usually in a more business-like situation; in an office

or somewhere, and certainly when you meet somebody for the first time. In an English

speaking environment, you are expected to shake hands and shake hands rather firmly.

Don't shake hands very weakly or just hold a part of the hand. Hold the entire hand and

shake it firmly. All right? That's, again, part of the office expectation and the business

norm. The next one is to remember to cover your

mouth. What do I mean? Not all the time, but if you need to yawn. What does it mean to

yawn? It's what you do when you're sleepy and... [yawn], right? We yawn. So when you

do that, if it happens and you're in a group or in a office or something like that, remember

to cover your mouth. You can cover it this way like this or some people cover it this

way. Okay? So cover your mouth. Also, if you're coughing, remember to cough aside. Okay? You

can do that. Actually, today, they teach us something quite different; they actually teach

us to cough here into the inside of your elbow like this. Why is that? Because if you cough

into your hand and then you go and shake hands with someone, you're passing your germs on

to that person. And people are very aware of that these days, so it's better not to

cough into your hand actually, but to cough here. Like that. Okay?

Next: remember to stand in line. In many parts of the world, there are different rules regarding

lines and in English speaking countries, generally people expect you to stand in line, not to

crowd around, not to get in front of somebody, not to look for a place and sneak in, but

in fact to check who's the last person in line and make sure that you stand behind them.

If you're not sure who's the last person in line because it's a bit of a confusing situation,

you can ask: "Who's last?" Okay? And stand behind that person. That is part of the etiquette

that is expected of you. Next one: this is "hold the door". What do

I mean by that? If you're going through a doorway, remember to hold the door behind

you. Don't just go through yourself and then let the door fall back against whoever is

behind you. No, hold the door, look back and check if there's someone there, hang on for

a second if they're still coming. And whether they say: "Thank you" or not, doesn't matter;

it's your job to hold the door. Try to do that, it makes for a much friendlier society,

a much more caring society. The last one is something that a lot of people

are not aware of because in different parts of the world space has different meanings.

In some cultures, it's perfectly acceptable to stand quite close to someone and that's,

you know, absolutely fine. In an English speaking environment, that's not really expected. Personal

space is respected more and expected. So when you meet someone, when you're standing for

example or when you're talking to someone, try to keep about an arm's length distance.

Okay? Not exactly, and of course, if it's very crowded you might stand a little closer.

But let's say it's an empty room, about an arm's length. Okay? This way or this way is

where you should stand when you're talking to someone. If you stand closer to them than

that. Okay? They're going to feel uncomfortable and you're probably going to find that they're

standing back, they're moving away and that's because you've come into their, you've crossed

their comfort zone. Their comfort zone is about this much. And if you get closer than

that, they might think you're trying to, - I don't know -, if you're... If it's a man and

a woman, they might think... They might think you're trying to get extra friendly or in

one way or the other they're going to feel uncomfortable. So remember to respect that

space if you're standing. The next thing is if you're sitting. What

do I mean by if you're sitting? Well, let's look at this. This is, what I've drawn on

the board, is like a sample of let's say a bus or a subway. So when you come, walk into

the subway, let's say you walk in from here. Now, if there's nobody there; of course if

it's empty you can sit wherever you want. So, but let's say you walk in, there's already

somebody sitting here. Where would you sit? Well, it's not okay, - if we follow the same

rule that people like to have their space -, it's not okay to go and sit here when there's

all this other extra space here. So probably the first person... If the first person was

sitting here, for example, next person might come and sit here. Again, it's not a rule

but it's kind of an informal rule that everybody understands. So the next person might sit

here because this is quite far away and, you know, no, no questions; not making anybody

feel uncomfortable. The next person might sit here. And then here. Okay? So, you see

that these spots will probably be occupied first. And then, what happens? Well, after

that, some people might just stand or then you start occupying the other spots next to

the people who were there. But you don't occupy a spot next to someone until there are no

other options left. Okay? This is not something that we talk about or that you might necessarily

see written in a book, but it is something that is done in effect. And if you don't do

that, people are going to wonder: "Who are you? What do you want? Are you being aggressive

or is there something bad going to happen here? Or are you trying to be too friendly?"

So remember to respect space. And now, as I promised you: one last critical

point. If you don't do this last thing, everything else you do here will probably not matter.

So this is very important and it has to do with...

body odor. Okay? What do I mean by that? I

mean that you need to make sure that you don't smell bad. All right? That means everything

from your mouth, so make sure you brush your teeth. If you've had something to eat which

is... which has some spices in it, make sure you use breath freshener. Otherwise, people

are going to feel uncomfortable around you. Moving from your mouth, down to your underarms:

make sure that you use deodorant or an antiperspirant. People are not accustomed to the smell of

sweat in North American societies or in English speaking societies. And if you sweat and it

smells, then people are going to avoid you. And they will not tell you because it's considered

rather rude to speak about those kind of things, however, they will talk about it probably

behind your back - which you really don't want - or you're just not going to have as

successful an experience in a social context or a business context. But that's the reason

why. So make sure you use deodorant or antiperspirant. Okay?

Next, considering your entire body: make sure you shower regularly. And the last thing is

also the clothes that you wear: make sure you wash them regularly and make sure if you

have been somewhere, for example: a club or a restaurant with a lot of smells, make sure

that your clothes don't keep that smell because clothes tend to hang on to certain smells.

For example: before you go for a job interview if someone in your house is cooking whether

it's your mom or a roommate or your girlfriend or your wife or someone or your boyfriend,

make sure you don't enter the kitchen, especially if they're cooking onions or something like

that because all that smell will stay on your clothes and then people are going to smell

that once you're outside of that environment. Right? So make sure that any kind of food,

smoke, tobacco, marijuana, alcohol; all these substances do cling or stick to our clothing,

so make sure that your clothing doesn't smell of any of that and make sure that you don't

smell anything but good. All right? Now, that doesn't mean to drench yourself in cologne

- no, don't do that. But make sure that you have a neutral smell, especially in an office

environment. And if you do that plus all of these things, you are going a very long way

to being successful in an English speaking environment.

Thanks very much for watching. If you enjoyed this video, please subscribe to my channel

on YouTube. And also, if you'd like to do a quiz to review some of these points, go

to our website: www.engvid.com. Thanks very much. Bye for now.