Good Manners: What to Say and Do (Polite English)

1,165,035 views ・ 2013-10-10

Learn English with Rebecca


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

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Hi, my name is Rebecca from www.engvid.com. In today's lesson, we will be talking about
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good manners or what can also be referred to sometimes as cross-cultural skills. What
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does that mean? It's the skills that you need to function effectively in a different culture
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than your own. So for example: if I were to come to your country and learn your language,
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do you think that would be enough? Not really, because along with the language, I also need
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to learn what's acceptable, what's not okay in that particular culture. So today, we'll
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be talking about 12 things that you need to say and do when you're living or working in
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an English speaking environment. Okay? Let's get started.
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So first we'll talk about what you should say. The first one is using the word: "please".
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Now, everybody knows that you should say "please", but not everybody remembers to actually say
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it. So for example: if you go into a coffee shop, don't just say: "Coffee." Say: "Coffee,
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please." Or if you're asking someone else to do something, also remember: "Could you
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please turn off your cellphone?", for example. All right?
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Next: remember to say "thank you" whenever somebody does something. "Thank you", "You're
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welcome": these are phrases that we do use very often in English. And it could be for
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anything simple like somebody holding the door for you or it could be for something
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more elaborate like somebody giving you a birthday present. Okay? The way you say it,
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say it from your heart. Okay? "Thank you.", "Thank you very much." And so on.
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The next one is to say "sorry", or even better to say "I'm sorry", because "I'm sorry" is
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more personal. But otherwise, at least say "sorry". And again, you can say "sorry" for
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little things like perhaps stepping on someone's foot or if you bang into someone by mistake,
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you bump into someone by mistake somewhere in a crowded place, still apologize, say:
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"I'm sorry.", "I'm sorry.", "I'm sorry." Okay? We do use that quite often.
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Next one: "Excuse me." Now, "excuse me" you can say when you sneeze. Right? [Achoo!].
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"Excuse me." Or if you need to ask somebody for some information, you can say: "Excuse
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me, would you know where the nearest subway is?" Right? So this is a very useful expression
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and it's also a polite expression. The next one is to remember to greet people
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and also to wish people. By greeting people, even at work if you're working in an English
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speaking environment, remember we do say "good morning", "good night", "happy birthday",
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"happy New Year", "congratulations". So greet people, and also wish them on the appropriate
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days. The next one might seem obvious also, but
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again, it's the way that you do it. Even if you work in an office, in the morning, we
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can say: "Hey, good morning. How are you?" And when you ask: "How are you?" even though
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you're not expected to give a full answer, but whatever answer someone gives you, remember
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to listen. Don't start talking right away. Wait to hear if the other person is saying:
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"Oh, pretty good. I'm fine. How are you?" Hear all of that before you start speaking
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about your own disposition, your own state of mind. Okay? Listen to the answer. All right?
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So these are six things that you must remember to do; they are taken for granted and they
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are expected of you. Next: let's look at what you should do. This
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seventh one here says: "Smile." Smiling creates a more friendly environment and it's certainly
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expected. So try to do that, again, it doesn't mean you have to keep smiling, but when you
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meet someone, give them a smile. If you don't smile, they might think that you're nervous,
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they might think you're angry or unhappy about something. Okay? Or they might take it a little
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bit aggressively. So try to smile, it makes the... It also gives people the message that
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everything is okay, not just that you're happy to meet them, but that everything is fine
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with you. So it says two things: something about you and something about the other person.
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Next: shake hands. Now, that's usually in a more business-like situation; in an office
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or somewhere, and certainly when you meet somebody for the first time. In an English
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speaking environment, you are expected to shake hands and shake hands rather firmly.
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Don't shake hands very weakly or just hold a part of the hand. Hold the entire hand and
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shake it firmly. All right? That's, again, part of the office expectation and the business
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norm. The next one is to remember to cover your
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mouth. What do I mean? Not all the time, but if you need to yawn. What does it mean to
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yawn? It's what you do when you're sleepy and... [yawn], right? We yawn. So when you
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do that, if it happens and you're in a group or in a office or something like that, remember
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to cover your mouth. You can cover it this way like this or some people cover it this
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way. Okay? So cover your mouth. Also, if you're coughing, remember to cough aside. Okay? You
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can do that. Actually, today, they teach us something quite different; they actually teach
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us to cough here into the inside of your elbow like this. Why is that? Because if you cough
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into your hand and then you go and shake hands with someone, you're passing your germs on
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to that person. And people are very aware of that these days, so it's better not to
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cough into your hand actually, but to cough here. Like that. Okay?
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Next: remember to stand in line. In many parts of the world, there are different rules regarding
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lines and in English speaking countries, generally people expect you to stand in line, not to
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crowd around, not to get in front of somebody, not to look for a place and sneak in, but
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in fact to check who's the last person in line and make sure that you stand behind them.
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If you're not sure who's the last person in line because it's a bit of a confusing situation,
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you can ask: "Who's last?" Okay? And stand behind that person. That is part of the etiquette
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that is expected of you. Next one: this is "hold the door". What do
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I mean by that? If you're going through a doorway, remember to hold the door behind
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you. Don't just go through yourself and then let the door fall back against whoever is
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behind you. No, hold the door, look back and check if there's someone there, hang on for
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a second if they're still coming. And whether they say: "Thank you" or not, doesn't matter;
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it's your job to hold the door. Try to do that, it makes for a much friendlier society,
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a much more caring society. The last one is something that a lot of people
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are not aware of because in different parts of the world space has different meanings.
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In some cultures, it's perfectly acceptable to stand quite close to someone and that's,
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you know, absolutely fine. In an English speaking environment, that's not really expected. Personal
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space is respected more and expected. So when you meet someone, when you're standing for
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example or when you're talking to someone, try to keep about an arm's length distance.
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Okay? Not exactly, and of course, if it's very crowded you might stand a little closer.
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But let's say it's an empty room, about an arm's length. Okay? This way or this way is
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where you should stand when you're talking to someone. If you stand closer to them than
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that. Okay? They're going to feel uncomfortable and you're probably going to find that they're
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standing back, they're moving away and that's because you've come into their, you've crossed
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their comfort zone. Their comfort zone is about this much. And if you get closer than
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that, they might think you're trying to, - I don't know -, if you're... If it's a man and
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a woman, they might think... They might think you're trying to get extra friendly or in
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one way or the other they're going to feel uncomfortable. So remember to respect that
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space if you're standing. The next thing is if you're sitting. What
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do I mean by if you're sitting? Well, let's look at this. This is, what I've drawn on
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the board, is like a sample of let's say a bus or a subway. So when you come, walk into
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the subway, let's say you walk in from here. Now, if there's nobody there; of course if
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it's empty you can sit wherever you want. So, but let's say you walk in, there's already
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somebody sitting here. Where would you sit? Well, it's not okay, - if we follow the same
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rule that people like to have their space -, it's not okay to go and sit here when there's
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all this other extra space here. So probably the first person... If the first person was
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sitting here, for example, next person might come and sit here. Again, it's not a rule
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but it's kind of an informal rule that everybody understands. So the next person might sit
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here because this is quite far away and, you know, no, no questions; not making anybody
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feel uncomfortable. The next person might sit here. And then here. Okay? So, you see
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that these spots will probably be occupied first. And then, what happens? Well, after
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that, some people might just stand or then you start occupying the other spots next to
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the people who were there. But you don't occupy a spot next to someone until there are no
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other options left. Okay? This is not something that we talk about or that you might necessarily
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see written in a book, but it is something that is done in effect. And if you don't do
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that, people are going to wonder: "Who are you? What do you want? Are you being aggressive
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or is there something bad going to happen here? Or are you trying to be too friendly?"
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So remember to respect space. And now, as I promised you: one last critical
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point. If you don't do this last thing, everything else you do here will probably not matter.
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So this is very important and it has to do with...
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body odor. Okay? What do I mean by that? I
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mean that you need to make sure that you don't smell bad. All right? That means everything
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from your mouth, so make sure you brush your teeth. If you've had something to eat which
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is... which has some spices in it, make sure you use breath freshener. Otherwise, people
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are going to feel uncomfortable around you. Moving from your mouth, down to your underarms:
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make sure that you use deodorant or an antiperspirant. People are not accustomed to the smell of
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sweat in North American societies or in English speaking societies. And if you sweat and it
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smells, then people are going to avoid you. And they will not tell you because it's considered
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rather rude to speak about those kind of things, however, they will talk about it probably
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behind your back - which you really don't want - or you're just not going to have as
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successful an experience in a social context or a business context. But that's the reason
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why. So make sure you use deodorant or antiperspirant. Okay?
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Next, considering your entire body: make sure you shower regularly. And the last thing is
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also the clothes that you wear: make sure you wash them regularly and make sure if you
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have been somewhere, for example: a club or a restaurant with a lot of smells, make sure
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that your clothes don't keep that smell because clothes tend to hang on to certain smells.
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For example: before you go for a job interview if someone in your house is cooking whether
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it's your mom or a roommate or your girlfriend or your wife or someone or your boyfriend,
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make sure you don't enter the kitchen, especially if they're cooking onions or something like
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that because all that smell will stay on your clothes and then people are going to smell
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that once you're outside of that environment. Right? So make sure that any kind of food,
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smoke, tobacco, marijuana, alcohol; all these substances do cling or stick to our clothing,
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so make sure that your clothing doesn't smell of any of that and make sure that you don't
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smell anything but good. All right? Now, that doesn't mean to drench yourself in cologne
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- no, don't do that. But make sure that you have a neutral smell, especially in an office
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environment. And if you do that plus all of these things, you are going a very long way
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to being successful in an English speaking environment.
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Thanks very much for watching. If you enjoyed this video, please subscribe to my channel
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on YouTube. And also, if you'd like to do a quiz to review some of these points, go
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to our website: www.engvid.com. Thanks very much. Bye for now.
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