USEFUL English phrases for daily conversation | Criticise POLITELY without being RUDE

Hi there, this is Harry and welcome back  to advanced English lessons with Harry,  

where I try to help you to get a better  understanding of the English language  

helping you to improve your vocabulary, how  to use expressions, how to pick expressions,  

phrasal verbs, idiomatic phrases, whatever it  might be, I'm here to help you. And of course,  

if you need extra help, you need some sentences,  some examples, whatever you need, I'll give you  

my address at the end of this particular  lesson. And of course, you can write to me,  

I'll reply to you. And if you got some suggestions  of things that you might like to be included  

in future videos, and lessons well, of course,  let me know. And we'll take note of that, okay.

Well, this is an advanced English lesson. And  in this particular lesson, we're specifically  

looking at formal and business English relating  to being polite when you have to or need to  

criticise somebody. So we'll look at that, in  particular. And the second part of this lesson,  

it won't only just be about business English,  we'll also look at some phrases and expressions  

that you can use when you might have  to criticise somebody that you know,  

or you that you know, well. Okay, so primarily,  we're looking at business English. So this,  

these are really good for you there... out there  who have difficulties understanding what you  

should do when you're put in a situation where  you're managing people or in charge of a team,  

or you're not quite sure how you should approach  somebody when you have to criticise them.

Anytime that we have to criticise, it's  always nice to criticise, in a polite way,  

there's absolutely no point shouting and  screaming at somebody because, first of all,  

they'll probably stop listening after a few  seconds. Secondly, they're going to get upset,  

and therefore they probably won't listen anyway.  And thirdly, all they'll hear is blah blah blah  

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So  the criticism will be worthless. So hopefully,  

with some of these expressions, you will be able  to criticise somebody not only in a polite way,  

but also in a calm way. That will  mean you'll get through to them,  

the message will get through to them, and  perhaps there's a better chance that they'll  

understand why you're criticising  and how they can improve themselves.

Okay, so this is an advanced English lesson  that said, there's going to be two parts. The  

first part is primarily looking at business  English, and it's more formal. And the second  

part will be really relating to criticism  that you have to give when you're talking  

to people who you know, particularly  well. Okay, so let's get started. Okay,  

so I'm going to give you the expressions, and  then explain them and then give you an example.

Okay, so the first one is, I have to say, or  I am bound to say, b-o-u-n-d. I have to say,  

or I'm bound to say, and you can see why these  are a little bit more formal than that informal  

at all. So very much business-style English. So we  use this expression, when we want to say something  

that may annoy the person that we're talking  to. So they're going to get a little bit upset  

or annoyed because we are criticising them. And  they particularly don't like to be criticised. So  

let me give you an example. I'm bound to say, I've  found your written responds to our client's query  

a little short of the mark. So you're criticising  them because the letter that they replied when the  

client was complaining was didn't really answer  the client's or the customer's problem. So I am  

bound to say that your response to our customer or  our client's complaint was a little short of the  

mark. So basically, saying the letter wasn't  good enough, okay, so you really have to try  

better than next time, make sure that you read or  listen to the customer, the client's complaints,  

and then make sure you answer those properly  and thoroughly when you're replying to them.

The next expression is with respect to or with  all due respect. So with respect to or with all  

due respect, and again, as you can see, it sounds  very, very formal and very businesslike. And this  

is used when we're going to disagree with somebody  in particular, and we're going to criticise them.  

And we also want to be sounding a little bit  more polite. So we could say something like this.  

With all due respect, Mr. Smith, I do think that  you're being very unreasonable. Yeah. With all due  

respect, Mr. Smith, I do think you're being very  unreasonable. Now, you might hear this on a TV  

programme, particularly where an interviewer the  presenter is perhaps interviewing a politician,  

and they don't ever want to be rude, but they  certainly want to get across the point that  

either the viewers wouldn't like what has been  said in say, with all due respect, Mr. Smith,  

I don't think our viewers will really understand  your point of view. With all due respect, Mr.  

Smith, I don't think your point is been reasonable  at all, I think you need to consider it again.  

Okay. So it's just different ways in which you can  criticise somebody about something they have said,  

but you want to be quite polite. And as I say,  it's a very good way, particularly for journalists  

or TV presenters to talk in particular to  politicians or leading business people who  

they have on their programme. But equally, you  can use it in your office situation. So you,  

you might be saying something like, with all  due respect, Michael, I do think you need to  

take a little bit more care and attention with  your appearance. So perhaps you're criticising  

one of your workers over the way they dress,  you might have a dress down policy, but they  

have taken it a little bit too far. So with all  due respect, Michael, I do think you could take  

a little bit more care or pay a little bit more  care and attention to your personal appearance.

Next one, to say the least, or to put it mildly.  Now, these expressions often come at the end of  

the sentence. So we put in our criticism, and  then we use these expressions, usually at the  

end of the sentence, okay. So they're usually  used when we want to suggest that something is  

actually worse than what how we are saying it.  Okay, so the situation could be a lot worse,  

or a lot more extreme than what we are actually  saying. So we use these expressions, when we're  

trying to express that view and opinion, so to  say the least, or to put it mildly. So let me give  

you an example of that. I think his behaviour at  the party was completely out of order, to put it  

mildly. Yeah. So obviously, somebody went a little  bit crazy at the office party, perhaps he got very  

drunk, perhaps he insulted a few people. And this  is your reaction to it. So I think his behaviour  

at the office party was completely out of order  to put it mildly. So really, it was really  

OTT, over the top. Or you could say, I found  the meal at that restaurant last week absolutely  

disgusting, to say the least. So it wasn't even  disgusting, it was worse than disgusting. It was  

terrible. So perhaps you had organised a meal  for the top management, or perhaps it was in  

some way to celebrate some event in the company,  and the meal you found, not to your liking. So you  

could say I found the meal in that restaurant last  week really disgusting, to say the least. So you,  

you might want to use worse language, but you're  very careful not to be overly overly critical. And  

when you use that expression, to say the least,  or to put it mildly, it's really telling everybody  

that yeah, it was really worse than you're,  you're making it out to be. Okay. All right.

Now, the next expression, shall we say. Now, this  on its own sounds a little bit strange. But again,  

we put it in the middle of the sentence, okay?  And we're using it when we really want to be  

criticising somebody, but we want to be not  so offensive. And we don't want to sound too  

severe. So we're, we're trying to water down  or make it sound a little softer when we are  

giving criticism. So the expressions, shall we  say. So let me give you an example of of that.  

Your timekeeping, shall we say, leaves a lot to  be desired. Or your timekeeping, shall we say,  

is not up to the level of other people. So  here, you're criticising a member of your staff,  

because they're constantly late, they're either  coming in late, or they're leaving early,  

they don't apologise, they don't give any excuses.  They always seem to be under pressure. So you're  

saying, Yeah, your time keeping the hours you  attend the office, shall we say, leave a lot  

to be desired, or shall we say, are not up to the  level of other people. So you're trying to be as  

polite as you can. You're not trying to offend  too much, but you do want to get the message  

across that really, they have to get the finger  out, and they have to improve that time keeping.

Next expression, don't get  me wrong.Don't get me wrong.  

Now, we use this when we want to make sure  that someone understands exactly what we're  

trying to say. That they they want to understand  your comments as correctly as possible. And you  

particularly when you're criticising them, so you  want to give them some hope. You know, that not  

everything is being criticised and it's not as bad  as they might think it is, but at the same time,  

you want to get get the message across. Now, it  could be something simple, like, let's say, your  

presentations or the way they handle clients. So  let's talk about staff member called Mary. Well,  

let's take Mary's presentation. Now, don't get  me wrong, she was actually quite good. But she  

needs to do a little bit of work about closing the  presentation when she's coming to the end. Okay,  

so a little bit of criticism, but it's not  undue criticism, but it's in a way to try and  

improve her presentation skill. So let's take  Mary, as an example. Now, don't get me wrong,  

her, her presentations are really good. She  speaks well, but the end of the presentation,  

she just goes on a little bit too long. And she  needs a nice, crisp ending to it. Yeah. So this  

is a way in which you can criticise somebody in  a polite way. Or it could be something to do with  

the way they talk to the clients. Now, let's talk  about David. Now, David, when he's dealing with  

clients, don't get me wrong. He's really, really  polite. There's absolutely nothing wrong with  

his manners. They are impeccable. But he tends  to talk a little bit too much. And he doesn't  

listen to the client as much as he should.  So here again, we're putting some criticism  

in the way of David and the way he deals with the  clients. But we don't want to be overly critical.  

So we say yeah, now let's take David and how  he deals with clients. Don't get me wrong,  

he's absolutely polite, he really... his manners  are really impeccable. But he just tends to talk  

a little bit too much and not let the customer  talk. Or he doesn't listen to the customer or the  

client in the way he should. Okay, so again,  trying to criticise somebody there. Okay.

Well, the next expression, how shall I put it?  Or let me put it this way...So they're more or  

less the same. So how shall I put it? Or let  me put it this way. These are used when you're  

going to say something where you really  want to be honest, okay, you want people  

to understand that you're being honest. But  for some, it may sound a little rude or even,  

it may even sound a little bit unkind. Okay,  so perhaps you're talking about your daughter's  

new boyfriend or your son's new girlfriend. His  girlfriend, how would I say, how shall I put it,  

she's a little bit rude. Yeah, so he had... you're  trying to be as honest as possible, but the only  

word you can use is she has a little bit rude.  Or his or her new boyfriend. So our daughter,  

her her new boyfriend, how will I put it or  let me put it this way, her new boyfriend,  

it doesn't seem suitable for her at all. So you're  really as a parent or as a father, or as a mother,  

extremely critical of your daughter or son's  choice of partner and you, you want to be honest,  

but you'd want to try and avoid being too  rude or to unkind. Of course, as we know,  

with our sons and daughters, if we make any  criticism of their chosen girlfriend or boyfriend,  

they're usually going to support them. So  you have to be really, really careful. Okay.

And the last one I have is an  expression without wishing to,  

without wishing to. So it means...and we  use this when we are going to say something  

that the other person may not like. So we've  sort of given them a little bit of advance  

warning. Without wishing to hurt your feelings.  For example, without wishing to sound too harsh.  

Without wishing to burst your bubble is another  way we can say it. So let me try and give you a  

couple of examples when we might use it. Without  wishing to hurt your feelings, I really think you  

need to put a little bit more effort into this  presentation. The first document that I saw,  

it really isn't up to the level that we need.  Okay, so without wishing to hurt your feelings.  

Without wishing to burst your bubble, that that  client really really isn't going to stay with us  

too long. I know you're excited that you got them.  But I think you will realise in a couple of months  

that we're not going to keep them long term.  Okay, so without wishing to burst your bubble,  

without wishing to hurt your feelings. So  you're saying something that is definitely  

going to be critical? They're not going to  like it, but there is no other way to say it.

Okay, so they're all different expressions,  particularly in specifically relating to business,  

particularly and specifically about criticism, and  also extremely formal as you can hear from them,  

okay? Now, it's important when we are, as  I said before, criticising that we do it  

in a polite as polite away as possible  so the other person doesn't get unduly  

upset. But it is also important when we  are criticising them that the criticism  

is clear. It's understandable. And of course,  the best way to do that is when you're calm,  

and you can be collected, and you can get  it across without shouting and screaming.

Okay, now, what we're going to look at next are  ways in which you can criticise people who you  

know a little bit better. So if you want to be  direct, or you want to criticise somebody that  

you know, well, then there are lots of expressions  and fixed phrases that you can use. For example,  

you should have. Now, we often use this with the  past participle. You should have called me before  

you agreed to allow her to take some holiday.  So perhaps you're being criticised in your PA  

or the your head of HR or somebody, so you know  them very well. But you're a little bit annoyed  

that they didn't consult you before they give  some permission for somebody to take some extra  

days leave, you should have called me before.  Or you might even say to your son or daughter,  

you should have asked me before you use my credit  card. Of course, I would have said yes. But it  

would have been nice if you had asked me first. So  you should have asked me before you use my credit  

card. I like to know how you're spending  my money. Yeah, you should have called me.

And in the negative, we could say, You shouldn't  have done that without my approval. First of all,  

you shouldn't have completed that side of the  agreement, or you shouldn't have completed that  

contract. Without mean, without me being  aware of it. Okay, so you can say, yeah,  

you have permission to agree certain things.  But I'd like to know what exactly were signing  

and what the contract was all about. And  again, if you take it on a personal level,  

you might say to somebody, you shouldn't have  taken my car without my permission. So son takes  

your car, and nothing happens to it. There's  no damage. He's a careful driver. But again,  

you come home and the car isn't there, you would  like to have known and liked to have been asked,  

you shouldn't have taken my car without  asking me first or without seeking or  

asking permission. Okay, so again,  you can use it in a personal capacity.

Another way of doing it is you could say,  why didn't you ask me first? So this is  

with the infinitive, and here's just the bare  infinitive. Why didn't you ask me first? Why  

didn't you go to your mother and ask her for  some money, rather than borrowing money from  

a friend? So perhaps your son comes into you or  daughter and says, Oh, have you got 100 Euro? I  

had to borrow some money last week from a friend  because I really needed it. And he said, Well,  

why didn't you ask me first without having to  borrow it from your friend? Why didn't you go to  

your mother and ask her without having to borrow  it from a friend? So here we're using the Why  

didn't you plus the infinitive either in a bare  infinitive ask or go to the with the verb go plus  

the infinitive to Okay, so they're good examples  again, of using it in a personal capacity. Why  

didn't you call me last night? Why didn't you  call me last night when you promised to? Okay,  

so there again, simple examples of how you would  use these type of strong words, being polite, but  

also criticising somebody for actions they have  done, or something that they haven't done. Okay.

Now, as I said, we always want to soften our  criticism. And when we want to criticise people,  

we can also back it up with some compliments  as well. Now, we just have to be careful here  

because sometimes they can be received  or seen as backhanded compliments. And  

a backhanded compliment is usually a  compliment that comes with a criticism.  

So we have to be a little bit careful. Yep.  Now, here are some phrases that you can use.

I appreciate your hard work, but I would think  we just need to put in a little bit more effort  

to get this account closed. So you're telling  somebody Yeah, a compliment your appreciate the  

hard work they've done, but we just need to go an  extra little mile to get this close. Yeah, so I  

appreciate your hard work. But we just need to put  in a little bit more effort now to get it closed.  

can tell that you have put a lot of effort  into this project. I really appreciate it,  

but I think it probably needs some assistance  from one of the senior managers. So here again,  

your you are thanking the person for all the work  and effort they've put into it so far button here  

is the bot, but they're going to have to  hand it over to somebody a little bit more  

senior because that's the only way this deal is  going to get close. So I can tell you put a lot  

of effort in into it, but I think you need to  hand it over to the senior manager. Or indeed,  

if you're talking to one of your kids say,  look, I can see you've put a lot of effort  

into your studies, but are you sure you're  studying in the most effective way. So here,  

you can see the hours and hours that your  son or daughter spends in their room at the  

table. But you want to make sure that whatever  studies they are doing are effective. So yeah,  

I can tell you put a lot of effort into  this, but are you sure it's been effective.

In a work point of view, I  enjoyed your presentation today,  

but it was just a little bit too long.  Okay, or I enjoyed your presentation today,  

but I thought it could have done with a little  bit more colour or a few more photographs,  

not as much as writing. But overall, it  was a really good presentation. So again,  

we are criticising but we're also giving  a compliment. And then something like,  

yeah, overall, it's a good presentation.  But I think it's a little bit too long.

Or overall, it's a good presentation,  but I think you just need to improve the  

beginning and get a really, really  good sharp ending to so again,  

compliment with the criticism, as we might  call the carrot, and the stick approach.

Okay, so different ways in which you can soften  the criticism using a compliment. So I appreciate  

your hard work, I can tell you put a lot of effort  into. I enjoyed your presentation today. Overall,  

it's good, but always the bottom. I enjoyed the  presentation, it was good, but and when we are  

criticising try to make criticism constructive.  Constructive means that somebody gets something  

out of it some benefit that will help them to go  away and improve on what they've done, not just  

criticism, for the sake of it. Ah, that's crap.  Ah, Jesus, this is rubbish. What have you done?  

I mean, that's not constructive criticism that so  constructive criticism is something that would be  

helpful. I find, for example, I find it helpful  to use this platform or I find it helpful to  

run this by Joan or Michael or Mary or Catherine.  Yeah. Okay. So giving some criticism to the other  

person as to how they might get a second set of  eyes to look at the documents. So you could say,  

I find it helpful to get somebody else to read  over my letters or presentation when I'm finished  

them because I often miss some things. You  know, when you write it, you don't always  

see the little mistakes I can, I find it helpful  to have a second set of eyes to look at it later.

So if you're unsure in the future, just give  me a call. Or if you're unsure in the future,  

just ask me and I'll gladly read it or  look over it and give you some help or  

some hints or some tips. Or we can pass  it on to one of the other people to help  

you with it as well. So if you're  unsure about anything in the future,  

don't hesitate. Okay. So these are helpful ways  to give criticism in a constructive manner.

Okay, so this is the end this  particular lesson, as I said,  

we're looking at more formal business type  of English. How you could be critical and how  

you could give criticism in a friendly  and polite way. And in the first way,  

it's usually with people that you don't know  so well. They might be just colleagues, people  

reporting to you if you're the line manager. And  the second half of the presentation was more to  

do with people that you would know a little bit  better and therefore, the criticism sometimes  

doesn't always hit the point. But you have to be  really, really careful with people that you know.

So as always, have a look at this, practise using  them. Get a chance if you have to be critical.  

Try to use some of them in your office or  ordinary relationships with with people.  

If you need any more help, then contact me on  www.englishlessonviaskype.com. Very happy to hear  

from you and very happy to give you any further  assistance that you need. Okay, well, thanks  

for listening and thanks for watching. And as  always, make sure to join me for the next lesson.