The DARK SIDE of Wanting to Sound Like a Native English Speaker

this video is brought to you by Squarespace I  used to believe that if I didn't sound native just  

like an American my English wasn't good enough I  stressed over every word every sound but today I  

want to talk about the dark side of this mindset  the first thing that I experienced in my language  

learning Journey was losing my identity because  language is more than just words or grammar it's  

deeply tied to culture personal history and  self-expression and when I was working so hard  

to completely erase my Russian accent when I  spoke English yes maybe I was feeling like I  

was improving my skills and blending in better  but over time I felt like I was suppressing a  

part of who I truly was because an accent is way  more than just your pronunciation in English if  

you mispronounce a word yes there is a chance that  the other person is not going to understand you so  

it is important to know the correct pronunciation  and if you're not sure how to pronounce a certain  

word Google it look it up as chbt but the thing  is an accent also reflects where you come from  

your upbringing and also your culture it's not  just about how words are pronounced and if you  

erase your accent completely you might feel like  you're erasing a part of yourself and some people  

realize it way too late that they have sacrificed  a part of their authenticity for a chance to fit  

in the reason I even decided to make this video  is because I watched a video by a fellow YouTube  

creator the English coach titled the Dark Side  of wanting to sound like a native speaker and  

there she said something that resonated with me  so freaking much for me it was more than that  

for me I wanted to have an identity that was not  mine right I was not a native Spanish speaker but  

I really wanted people to think that I was guys  the same thing was happening to me in English I  

was never a native English speaker but I really  wanted other people to think that I was I really  

wanted to have this other identity I wanted  to sound 100% American if anyone noticed my  

Russian accent or any accent at all I felt like  I was a failure and it's so funny because when  

you're trying to fit in so badly with a different  group of people you also stop fitting in with your  

peers because I was so obsessed with English  I didn't want to speak Russian and when I was  

speaking my native language to my family and my  friends I really wanted to include some English  

phrases because I wanted them also to know  that now my identity is 100% different I was  

a different person now I was pushing away that  identity but I also wanted to have an identity  

that was not really authentic to me I wanted to  become a person I never was and never truly would  

be if it makes sense right now in Rian we have the  super trendy expression to translate to English  

might be complicated the best translation I could  find is something like I'm losing my mind over  

this bait we use it very often right now in slang  and informal Russ and in the past I would feel  

really self-conscious saying I'm losing my mind  over this bait because obviously this expression  

doesn't make any freaking sense in English but  you know what I do now I use it anyway I like this  

expression in my native language and I want other  people to learn a little bit about my culture  

because this is the identity that I truly love I  love translating all of those funny expressions  

from my native language into English and then  explaining them to people around me another one  

that a lot of my friends English-speaking friends  are now saying is my shock is in shock it doesn't  

make any sense in English I know but in my native  language we have this expression and so now I use  

it in English as well in the past I was think that  letting my true self shine would mean that people  

would not understand me would mean that I  was moving further away from communicating  

my thoughts effectively to this other person but  now I don't think this way at all this is who I am  

and I love speaking English this way I get closer  to people because I'm not afraid to show them my  

true self and here's the ironic part no matter how  much effort you put into sounding exactly like a  

native speaker people will still hear something  in your voice that makes them ask oh where are you  

from and guys that is not a bad thing because your  accent tells a story and if you're someone who is  

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to Showcase your skills or launch your dream  project now let's talk about the second thing  

I struggle with a lot in the past which was  accent anxiety I would always set impossible  

standards for myself if I don't sound 100%  native I shouldn't speak English at all if  

I try to pronounce this word and a native speaker  could hear that I was not a native English speaker  

then I failed and eventually what happened to me  was I started preferring silence over the risk  

of making a mistake which obviously completely  blocked my language learning progress and made  

me even less confident in myself so if you guys  struggle with accent anxiety just remember that  

accents are not mistakes they are a natural part  of speaking a second language it just means that  

you can speak more than just one language more  than just your native language and the goal should  

always be clear and confident communication having  fun while talking to the other person feeling like  

you're being your true self not Perfection not  trying to sound 100% like them because they are  

a native speaker and that is your goal to sound  100% like a native speaker okay now let's get back  

into talking about feeling like an impostor as  non-native English speakers I'm sure we have all  

heard other people say to us wow your English is  so good and I knew that those comments were meant  

as as compliments but they still left me with this  uncomfortable feeling like I would never truly fit  

in and it's crazy because instead of feeling proud  of my progress I always kind of felt exposed like  

no matter how fluent I was and even I am right  now my accent will always give me away and back  

then I thought that my accent was actually  betraying me and this is what psychologists  

call the impostor phenomenon all I could think  about in those moments was I'm not from here I'm  

different no matter how well I speak I will never  be one of them and only after years of working on  

myself going to therapy journaling about all of  my fears I realized that my voice actually matters  

my story matters and the best thing you can do is  own your unique experience because the reality is  

that you don't need to change who you are to fit  in you just have to keep showing up as yourself  

that's it and when people tell you that wow your  English is so good they mean it as a compliment  

and yes it does mean that you're different that  you are a nonnative English speaker and that is  

absolutely okay there's so much strength to be  found in this realization there's actually a  

word in English that I still struggle with so  much even though I have been learning English  

for so many freaking years and this word is iron  I feel like even right now saying it I can say  

correctly no matter how many many videos I watch I  just cannot hear the difference like I don't know  

what to do with my mouth with my tongue to be able  to pronounce this word correctly in English okay  

now let's talk about something really important  I saved it for the very end of this video and  

that is negative bias because I know why you're  trying so bad to sound exactly like a native  

English speaker we like to think that language is  just about communication but in reality the way  

we speak shapes how other people perceive us how  other people view us and sometimes it happens in  

really unfair and frustrating ways in many cases  accents come with baggage stereotypes assumptions  

and unconscious biases that really shape how  other people treat us I'm a native Russian  

speaker who is obviously speaking English to you  guys right now and I know how many stereotypes  

there are about this typical Russian accent in  English I even found a video to share with you  

guys so let's watch it together I've been living  in New York about 6 years now and when I first  

moved there I had a huge fear I was going to get  mugged constantly like every time I left the house  

I was like here it comes someone's going to take  everything I got over my fear because I learned  

a trick and now I use this trick all the time  whenever I think someone might try to beat me up  

or mug me I fake a Russian accent you're welcome  it's genius I'll be walking home late at night  

two dangerous looking thugs walk up to me like yo  man you know a neighborhood you're in you think  

this bad neighborhood so I know this is a comedy  show right so the purpose of it is to make other  

people laugh but it also really highlights that we  do attach certain stereotypes or expectations to  

a particular accent I know it sounds super weird  but that is true like if I start speaking with the  

super strong Russian accent I'm going to sound  completely different and maybe your perception  

of me will change because now all of a sudden I'm  speaking this very strong Russian accent and as a  

non-native English speaker I am so familiar with  all of these biases and they are truly exhausting  

sometimes when you're just trying to speak a  language you're actually fighting other people's  

preconceived notions but guys in reality accents  are new neutral they're just sound patterns but  

people attach meaning to them based on culture  history and stereotypes it says more about other  

people than you and that is why so many of us  non-native speakers want to sound fluent in  

English because for us it's not just about being  Advanced or sounding fluent it's about wanting to  

be taken seriously to be respected and to be seen  for who we truly are not just where we're from and  

all of the stereotypes people have about that  place so if you've ever felt like your accent  

is holding you back let me tell you this your  accent is not the problem people's biases are and  

the best way to break those biases keep speaking  keep showing up as you are and you refuse to make  

anyone feel like your voice is invalid by the way  guys if you have seen my new YouTube Banner wink  

wink you might have noticed this amazing quote the  best language learner is the one having the most  

most fun there's a famous quote by the lake  climber Alex low the best climber is the one  

having the most fun you know that about a year ago  I took up a new hobby bouldering so that's where  

I took this quote from and it really inspired me  to include a similar sounding quote in my YouTube  

Banner because I think the same thing applies  to language learning the best language learner  

isn't the one who sounds the most native isn't  the one who never ever makes mistakes it's the  

one who actually enjoys the process who's Found A  system that works amazingly for them specifically  

the one who keeps going even if it's messy even  if their accent is not perfect even if they don't  

know how to pronounce the word iron correctly  in English and that is why I say that I am the  

best language learner and I hope you are too so  I think it's going to be it for today's video if  

you liked it please don't forget to give it a  thumbs up and subscribe to my YouTube channel  

if you if you want to create your own website  make sure to check out Squarespace you can use  

my code Veronica for 10% off your first purchase  of a website or domain the link to check them out  

is going to be down in the description at the  beginning of this video I said that the video  

by the English coach really inspired me to  make this current YouTube video so highly  

recommend watching her full video because there  she shares her journey with learning Spanish so  

this is something that sounds interesting to you  make sure to click right here and keep on watching