9 Ways to Feel More Comfortable in Groups

Hey there.

I have a confession.

I hate groups.

I hate being in a group, I hate having to hang out in a group.

Anything to do with groups, I'm like done, hate it, get me out of here, Ronnie, no.

Maybe I'm socially awkward, I don't know.

But this is actually a lesson for me, and you, okay?

And the back story of this is I recently joined

the gardening community, and it was the first

time the group was meeting.

So I was on my bike, I get off my bike, and

I see all these people, and I'm like, humans,

what do I say?

And the person who's the leader of the group says, "Hey, what's your name?"

I'm like, "I'm Ronnie."

"Okay, cool."

So I'm like, and, like, hello.

So I remember what my friend told me, and she's not shy like I am.

She says, "Ronnie, when you go in a group, first thing you do, introduce yourself to

everyone."

Oh man, okay, I can do that.

So, first person I see sitting down, "Hey, I'm Ronnie, nice to meet you."

Huh, no response, okay.

Next person, "Hey, I'm Ronnie, nice to meet you."

"Oh, hey, my name's..."

Oh, okay, this person talks, good, okay, good.

Next, I'm like, I'm not going to remember anyone's names, but hold on.

I went to every single person in that group,

I think there were seven people, could be

six, I don't know, don't remember.

And this works like a charm.

Why?

Because when you're in a situation where there's a whole group of people that don't

know each other, everyone feels uncomfortable,

because a simple thing like of knowing the

person's name, it makes you go, oh, okay, I know that person's name now.

If you make the effort to introduce yourself,

then the people feel more comfortable with

you.

They know your name, and this is the best technique, you can suss people out.

Now, this might be a new word for you.

To suss people out or sniff them out, you

can kind of determine if the people, you see

what people you like or dislike.

So, I give everyone I meet a chance, I'm like,

cool, everyone's weird, everyone's awesome.

But some people, when I introduce myself to

them, they're like, oh, this person's boring.

Next person.

So I can determine what people I think are cool, what people I want to hang out with

in the group.

And everyone has their own opinion, so, you

know, this person thinks this person's cool,

I don't, that's fine.

You don't have to like everyone, remember that.

And you don't have to think everyone's boring, but if they are, that's cool.

So, I do this, and I'm like, hey, this is a

group, but I notice that nobody else does this.

More people come and join the group, I rock up,

hey, I'm Ronnie, nice to meet you, blah, blah, blah.

Remember, people, I'm shy, okay?

So don't give me the excuse, like, I'm shy, it's

like, me too, but make the effort, especially

if English, if you're in a group of people

that English is not your first language, okay?

Second one, be the connector.

So, I already told you to introduce yourself.

Now, what you're going to do, and what I should

have done is I should have been like, "Hey,

Julie, have you met Trevor?"

No, you haven't.

Julie, meet Trevor.

And by introducing people, you know, okay, so Julie, here's Kevin, blah, blah, blah,

people are shy.

They need you to be the connector, because you've already come in the group and been

like, hey, I'm Ronnie, blah, blah, and people

go, oh, okay, Ronnie knows people, yeah.

So they're shy, they're like, oh, I really want to meet...

I really want to meet Kevin.

So I'm like, hey, Julie, come here, come and meet Kevin.

Oh, hey, what's up?

So you connect people together, and that helps them.

It helps the group become better.

Now, you might think, well, Ronnie, like, what...

Where would I ever use this?

I don't...

I don't go out drinking, I don't go to pubs, I'm not really a group situation.

Are you a teacher?

Hello.

Or do you want to be a teacher?

This is important classroom stuff, too.

You're in a classroom, you've got a group of

people, they're nervous, they're shy, they

don't want to be there, they're excited, they're nervous, they have to pee.

It's your job as a teacher to be the connector.

You have to get people comfortable in your classroom, and you've got to keep...

Get people talking or shutting up, depending on what you're doing over there.

Okay.

So, once you've got the other people connected,

you start maybe talking about something.

Okay?

So, let's say I break off and I'm like, "Oh, yeah, hey.

Hey, John, what's up?

Yes.

Oh, I like your t-shirt.

That's cool.

Yeah, you like Led Zeppelin?

Awesome.

Okay."

So, what I've done is I've taken one person out of the group, but I notice that there's

people outside of the group that don't have anyone to talk to, and you have to include

the other people.

Like, "Hey, Tony.

Come here, man.

Come here.

I want you to meet John.

He likes the same bands as you."

Get people to be inclusive.

Get people together.

If you're talking about movies, and you know

this guy likes movies, and this girl likes

movies, you can have a movie discussion.

Do your part to never let someone stand outside

of the group unless they've, you know, around...

I don't know, on a phone call or something, but make sure that everyone feels wanted in

the group.

Really important, I live in a huge metropolitan

city where we have millions of people.

No, that's...

Yeah, we do.

Millions.

And we all speak different languages.

But when you're in a group situation together, please speak the same language.

Make sure it's English or whatever the language is.

Again, make sure that you are inclusive.

Include the people in the group.

Don't start talking, like, another language when other people don't know that language,

because that makes people uncomfortable.

They go, "They must be talking about me."

Okay.

Talk about general topics.

This is one of my fun things.

When I meet people, I'm like, "When's your birthday?

And tell me your top 5 or 10 bands, because I like music, right?"

And ask everyone the same question.

If you're sitting at a table and it's very

uncomfortable, nobody's talking, you can say...

Start with the person, and you have to go, "Hey, what do you think about, uh, bottled

water?"

And then go around the table and ask everyone's

opinion, because, again, you want to include

everyone.

You don't want people breaking off into little

groups, because the people that don't have

someone to talk to, they feel uncomfortable.

Okay?

Don't...

Don't run away.

Make sure that you ask everyone the same thing.

Don't skip one person, like, "Yeah, okay, yeah, oh, icebreakers, I hate these, oh my

god."

Okay.

So it's the first time you meet someone in

a group, and they're like, "Okay, everybody,

please tell us your name and an interesting fact about you."

I'm like, "Fuck, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know.

Make up bullshit.

Ronnie, okay, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um.

My name's Ronnie, I know that part, and I really like to eat hamsters on Tuesday."

Oh my god, that was absolutely a lie.

What did I just say?

So, "icebreakers" are kind of weird when you

put people on the spot, like, "Tell me an

interesting fact about yourself."

"Uh, I don't know.

Those are hard."

So, instead of doing "icebreakers", you can do drinking games.

You can play board games, you can play card games.

People love Uno.

Everyone loves a game of Uno.

So again, include everyone.

Play games, play video games together.

I don't know what games you want to play, whatever you're doing, have it, do it, but

make sure everyone's involved.

And if people don't want to play it, that's okay.

Okay?

All right?

People just...

Put your fucking phone away.

Okay?

Again, put your phone away.

You're in a group, you're trying to have conversations,

you're trying to learn a new language, put

your phone away.

There's no reason to be texting your mom at this point.

Put your phone away.

Yeah, because you're never going to learn if you don't put your phone away.

Have you seen a pattern emerging?

Now, up until this list, these are things

that I'm telling you to do because it's good

advice.

I'll tell you what I do in a group because, as I told you before, I'm shy.

I hate groups.

I don't like them.

They make me nervous, I don't like meeting people, and this is the hardest thing for

me to do.

But once you do that, everything's cool.

I remember being a kid, and I had to go to,

like, I don't know, tennis camp or whatever,

and there'd be a group of people, and I'm like, "I don't want to talk to anyone."

What I do is I latch on to one person.

So "latch on to one person" means that you're like, "Hi, will you be my friend?"

Yes.

Perfect.

So you've got that one person in the group that's your friend.

All the other people, they're cool, too, but

this is where the fun begins in the group.

What you can do is you can "take the piss".

Huh?

You have to go to the bathroom?

No.

"Take the piss" means you can make fun of people.

Nuh-uh, maybe the people in the group, it doesn't matter.

Maybe the teacher, it doesn't matter.

But you've got a friend that you will feel confident with.

You can enjoy the group activities because you know your friend is there and going to

hang out with you.

You can make side comments to your friend.

Do you have staff meetings?

Are they boring?

So if you've got, like, a co-worker who's in

the group, you're like, "Hey, Jack, wasn't

that bullshit?

This guy's...

This guy's..."

You're having a good time in the group now.

You don't have to be shy.

You don't have to feel uncomfortable in your

staff meeting with all the other humans there.

You've got a friend.

And the last one...

No, the second last one, "drink".

It's the social lubricant.

Yeah.

If...

Hey, man, if you want to drink a glass of milk, go ahead.

I'm talking about booze, alcohol.

I don't know what happens, but when we start

to drink, we lose all of our inhibitions.

We lose our nervousness, we lose our stress, and we're just like...

We're like wild animals.

We're all these emos walking around.

It makes you...

I don't know.

Talk to people more.

So, probably at a staff meeting with your co-workers, you maybe can't drink, but hey,

you can sneak in that vodka.

And then this is one that...

I don't know.

Advice.

Think of a compliment for each person in the group.

So, I look up to this group, and I think, "Oh my god, what am I going to say to these

people?

Shit.

How am I ever going to relate to them?

We have nothing in common, I've never met them

before, I don't know anything about them",

and I go, "Oh, hey, do you know what?

I like that person's shoes, those are cool."

And you know, when I was introducing myself, I thought that this...

This person here had a cool t-shirt, yeah, this person, I didn't really like them, but

they didn't have bad breath, so that's a plus for them.

Oh, yeah, this guy's got cool hair.

So, when it's time for you to talk to the person one-on-one, you can compliment them.

Think of a compliment for each person, and go, "Hey, do you know what?

You have some cool shoes."

People love compliments.

"Oh, man, that's a cool t-shirt, where'd you get it?"

"Yeah, cool.

Oh, nice."

The more you compliment people, I don't know

why, humans are weird, they're like, "Oh,

yeah, cool.

Okay, yeah, I'm cool.

Oh, yeah, this is fun."

So lift people up, don't bring people down in the group.

And if you have tips, let me know.

How do you deal with groups?

Do you like groups?

Are you the leader of the group?

Are you the silent observer in the group?

I'm the silent observer, unless I have to be the leader.

What are you?

Let me know in the comments, and let me know

how you deal with these group situations.

I'm off to be alone now.

Goodbye.