Update your resume and get a job!

Hey, there. My name's Ronnie, and we've all come through the pandemic. We've made it.

Congratulations, if you're watching this in whatever year it is. But you obviously made

it because you're watching this, so congratulations. But some things have changed, and I don't

know about you, but during the pandemic, there was a lot of jobs that were just made obsolete,

which means bye-bye jobs. A lot of reshifting, restructuring businesses, like to say. That

means you get fired. A lot of people started working from home. A lot of people hated that.

And basically, a lot of people had to look for a new job. And by the time that you kind

of look for a new job, it wasn't like looking for a job before when you had your little

resume and you had your employment status and all this stuff down. Basically, times

have changed, and I'm here to update you on what you need to have a shiny, new 2000-whatever

year this is, resume. So let's go... Actually, it's 2027. No, I don't even know what year

it is. Let's not bother with that. So, how to update your resume. And it's going to be

quite easy because you just have to take a lot of stuff off. You don't have to change

it too much. And honestly, I think resumes are kind of stupid. Like, you have to put

this here, and then you have to put this here. Why can't I put it at the top, and then this

at the bottom? People are like, "Oh, no. Do you know what? This person's put their education

before their work experience, so they're just not going to get the job. We're not even going

to consider them." I don't know what happens in the minds of HR departments, but I guess

they like it formal in a very structured way. But then when I look on templates, which means

like an easy fill-in thing you can get on Google or Yahoo or whatever, they have a different

format. So I'm really confused. I'm just like, "Just make your own. But don't put these things

on it, okay?" There you go. Choose a format you like, one you're comfortable with, one

that's free, and go and get that job. A really good tip that I can tell you is during the

pandemic, a lot of us were kind of doing our old jobs, and we didn't have any skills updated

as conferences because we couldn't go to them. But all of your virtual meetings that you

sat through-oh, god, weren't they so boring?-anyways, you can put those on your resume to update

your skills section, like, "Oh, I did a webinar on customer service for, I don't know, COVID

violations and all this." Anything that you've done as a webinar or anything online, courses

that you took, maybe you upgraded some things, don't forget to put that in your resume because

it shows that you've still been active during COVID. You weren't just sitting in your pajamas

all day, drinking wine from a teacup. No, you were doing the webinar, okay? Stay with

me here.

So, update your resume. First of all, guess what? You're not allowed to put your address

because nobody's going to come to your house. Oh, and make sure you're not working. Never

put your address. You don't want your boss to come to your house and say, "Hey, I thought

you were sick today, but you're not home." So, please, please, please, remove your address.

You are allowed to put your city, apparently, and/or your country, but because a lot of

our jobs now are remote, we don't even need this. So, what you're going to put, obviously,

"Hey, we're allowed to write our names. That's fun." And you can put your email address.

Just put one, okay? And make sure it's not a silly address that has... I don't know.

I like to drive cars naked at gmail.com. Make sure your email's a little bit professional.

Go on to Gmail and get a new one that says, "I'm a professional. This is my email at gmail.com."

Name, gmail. If you have LinkedIn, put that... A link to your LinkedIn, make sure it works.

Don't put your Facebook. Don't put your Instagram unless it's part of your business because

nobody wants to see you and your 10 friends going tobogganing with lollipops. No, I want

to see that. Send them to me. I want to see your lollipop tobogganing Instagram posts.

Okay? That's just me. Don't send them to your boss. So, all you need, take out your address,

put in your name and your email address. This is an important one, too. If you've been working

at the same company for a long time, and now you decide, "Oh, guess what? I'm going to

get a new job." Anything over 15 years old, so back in, I don't know, high school or back

in university, basically after the year 2000, forget about it. 2010, you're doing well.

So anything past 2010, you can keep on your resume. It's just not relevant. What you did

15 years ago has nothing to do with what you want to do in the future. Hopefully you've

evolved.

This was fun, too. Objective statement. "Hi. My name's Ronnie, and I really love to have

a job at your company because I think you're a great company." Bullshit. We don't have

to put this bullshit anymore. The objective statement, it's out of there. What you're

going to put on the top is something wonderful about you. You know, how long you've been

doing the job for, the job you're applying for, why you'd be a great asset to their company.

But the objective, it's out of there. Oh, never do this. Your reason for leaving the

job, oh no, no, no, no. So if you got fired from your last job or they just didn't have

a position for you because you worked in a restaurant or something, don't put that on

your resume. If they need to ask you, they might do it during your job interview, but

do not put it on your resume. It's none of their business.

This is one that I see a lot, too. It's just an English thing. For some reason, we do not

use what we call the first person pronouns, so "I", "me", and "my". Right? We don't say,

"I studied at this university. My job was..." We completely take those out and we just use

bullet points. "University", "this time". "My duties", don't say "my duties", just say "duties

included". For some reason, they don't like when you use first person because they know

it's you. This is important, too.

I have a video that you have to watch about job interview questions, what they can and

cannot ask you. It's really important you look at that and not give them information.

You definitely can't put personal information on your resume. Like, for example, your marital

status, your religion, anything that has to do with your personal information, keep it

personal because that can get into some discrimination. So, be careful. Okay? What you do after work,

it's not on your resume, just like with this one, your hobbies and interests. This is funny.

I remember when I first started teaching, they always had a thing, so, like, "hobbies

and interests". It was like, okay, well, drinking and partying... Oh, no, no, that doesn't sound

like a teacher. Oh, but you know what? I love reading. No, I hate reading. I hate reading,

but I put it on my resume. I said that... Oh, yeah, I love books. I love reading and

going to the library. I hate the library. I'm allergic to the library, but I always

put this because, you know, people like that shit. They're like, "Oh, yeah, she's a teacher.

She likes reading. This is perfect." And then they meet me and they're like, "Hey, you kind

of lied because you kind of hate... I know I hate reading, so we don't need this anymore."

So, if you like birdwatching, that's cool. Your employer doesn't need to know that. Right?

If you like going and tasting new scotches, invite me, but don't put it on your resume.

Okay? Because it's apparently not important anymore. I don't know if it ever was.

And then photos. Ooh. Nowadays we can crop our photos, make us look like movie stars,

but save those for your Instagram accounts. They're not to go on resumes anymore. Growing

up in Canada, we never had this option to put photos. They've always been left off of

the resumes, but I know in a lot of other countries, they want to see a photo of you

and... On your resume. In Canada and in America, no, no, no, no, no. You can't do it. Don't

do it. So, good luck. Always remember to make you seem like the best you ever can be or

ever will be in a job interview and on a resume. Make sure you have no grammatical or spelling

errors on your... "I've done that. I've done that. I'm guilty of that. I'm a teacher. I'm

an English teacher. And I have found, after I typed out my resume... Oh, there's a spelling

mistake. I have to do it again." So, you know that app on your computer? Download that,

I have it, and you're done. Do-do-do-do. Okay, yes. Resume has no spelling mistakes, no photos.

All of these things are now gone. You're ready to go and get a new job. Good luck out there,

and yum-yum-yum-yum-yum. Yeah, let me know if you got a new job, okay? Good luck.