IELTS Speaking DIALOGUES Lesson: Politeness

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- Polite dialogue.

Dialogue number one is about requesting.

So the scenario, Emily is watching TV.

It is quite loud.

Tom, her boyfriend, is trying to study.

He wants Emily to turn the volume on the TV down.

Okay, so remember the context.

This is boyfriend and girlfriend at home relaxing.

What do you think he will say?

So,

can you just type

in the chat what you think he will say?

Let's have a look.

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Nice.

Very polite boyfriend.

I like it.

"Could you turn the volume please?"

Very, very nice.

Some lovely answers there.

So let's look at some possible answers.

I think generally all of those were good.

I think because it's boyfriend

and girlfriend at home,

it's gonna be fairly simple and direct,

but polite.

So I would say possible answers, right?

"Will you please turn down the volume?"

So notice that the verb,

that the verb is not volume,

the verb is turned down, right?

You need to turn down or turn down the volume.

"Will you please turn down the volume?"

So we've used please, maybe.

And it's a question.

Will you

or "could you."

"Could you turn the volume down

or could you turn down the volume?"

Right?

You can say turn down the volume

or turn the volume down.

Okay.

"Turn the volume down, will you, Emily?"

So you can begin with turn the volume down

and then use the will after.

So you can use will after or use will at the start.

Both of those work.

And I think those are very normal answers.

Could you turn the volume down?

Of course you can add Honey.

Honey.

Love.

My dear.

Things like that.

Please.

You can add all of those

to just make it softer and more accessible.

Slightly more polite answers.

I think a little bit more polite but not much more.

"Do you think you could just turn the volume

down for a while?"

Okay?

So do you think you could.

So instead of saying, could you?

Do you think you could?

Okay?

So if you compare to this one,

"Could you turn the volume down?"

"Do you think you could turn the volume down?"

So you're just making it more indirect

and we switch, we invert.

Could you, do you think you could?

That's nice, right?

"Do you think you could just turn the volume down

for a while?"

So what he's doing here,

he's using what we call in English hedging

and hedging is to soften, to make it softer.

Things like honey, love, my dear, please.

It's to soften, right?

Just we can use to soften.

Here for a while.

This is softening in it, right?

Because to let her know it's not the whole evening.

Just for maybe 10, 20 minutes.

Just you can use anywhere.

Will you please?

I mean I could here,

"Will you please just turn down the volume?"

Just right, just a little bit.

"Could you just turn the volume down?"

So you can use it anywhere.

Actually just is a very nice word to make things softer.

Quite a few of you had this expression.

Would you mind turning the volume down?

Perfect.

Just notice with, would you mind?

It has to be gerund.

Okay?

It's not, would you mind to turn?

No.

"Would you mind turning the volume down?"

Okay?

So I'll just kind of highlight the key things.

And this one, I think more polite but possible.

"I don't suppose you could turn that down, could you?"

I don't suppose.

So here we are using, I don't suppose, again,

it's making it softer.

"I don't suppose you could turn that down, could you?"

It's a inverted, it's a tag into a question tag.

A bit more polite, but again, still possible.

I think this is less likely.

"I was wondering if you could turn the volume down?"

So sometimes we use the past tense to be polite.

I was wondering,

and then you say what you want to say.

If you could,

I dunno why this works,

but we use the past tense.

I was wondering.

I think it's

because when we say, I'm wondering if you could,

I'm wondering if you could close the window.

It sounds like a bit strong.

If we use the past tense,

it's kind of making it more distant and softer.

I was wondering before,

but not now.

"I was wondering if you could turn the volume down."

I was wondering if you could

blah, blah, blah, blah.

I think this is more polite

and maybe like with colleagues at work you might use that.

I was wondering if you could help me.

I was wondering if you could just

do this on the computer.

So I think that's slightly more formal, more polite,

but still nice.

I was wondering, so using the past tense.

Okay?

So we've got the use of will you,

could you?

Using, do you think you could?

Do you think you could?

Would you mind?

I don't suppose.

And I was wondering.

And then you've got all these things to hedge

or to be softer.

Honey, love, my dear.

Just dah, dah, dah.

And maybe others.

Okay.

So that is a very good guide

to possible answers on being polite.

Let's have a look.

Just a few others.

I'll just comment on one or two.

Eva says, "Could you turn it down please?"

Perfect.

Jane, I'm gonna come to yours in a moment.

Ahmed says, "Please turn the volume down."

Perfect.

"Hey, turn the volume, please."

Yes, yep, could be.

Lily.

"It would be thoughtful of you to turn the volume down."

Emily, "I'm trying to focus."

That's very polite, Lily.

Or I think that's super polite.

Maybe a bit too much.

Maybe.

"Could you turn the volume down please?"

It's disturbing."

That's good, yeah.

Now Jane had this one.

"Do we have earplugs?"

"Do we have earplugs?"

Emily and I love this

because what's happening here,

I would just put it in the plural.

Jane.

Is that Emily?

Sorry, Tom is being ironic.

He's being funny, right?

And you've anticipated me here Jane,

because I've got here British people

are also looking for a chance

to use irony,

right?

Or be ironic.

Eh.

Ironic.

Ironic.

Which is basically funny, right?

Making some kind of a joke.

So Tom might say in reality,

right, Tom might say,

"Can you turn that up?

I can't hear a thing."

That's irony.

It's saying the opposite of what is true.

"Or is that loud enough?

Can you hear, okay?"

So it's indirect.

It's tactful, but it's ironic.

And so what Emily says, do we have, sorry, Jane says,

"Do we have earplugs?"

Emily.

I think that is ironic.

Okay?

If he said, "Could you use earplugs?"

That's different.

But this one I like it.

It's irony, right?

So I'm gonna add that one.

Thank you very much.

Lovely.

So this is also I think a very,

it's a very British thing, but yes.

Last question then.

How do you think Emily will reply?

Let's say any of these Tom said.

In fact, let me go back up here.

Let's go up to these.

If Tom said,

"Do you think you could just turn down the volume?"

How do you think Emily will reply?

What do you think she'll say?

Let's have a look.

Sarcasm.

Yes.

Yeah.

Brian, good one.

Is sarcasm or irony.

Is it polite?

It's ironic, it's not polite, it's ironic.

Sure, no probs.

"So sorry honey, I wasn't aware of it."

Lovely, good, good answers.

"Yes, of course."

"Sure hun."

"Sure honey, sorry for doing it."

Yes.

Of course.

Yes I will.

Excellent, excellent.

Yes, sure, no worries.

All of these are good.

Very, very good.

"For sure."

"Certainly, I will turn down the volume, sorry about that."

Brilliant, Chris.

"Sorry honey, without a doubt."

"Sorry honey, without a doubt. "

I'm not sure I would say without a doubt in this context.

That sounds a bit strange.

I think, "sorry honey," is good enough.

Yes.

Of course.

"Yeah, sure, why not?"

"Yes, I can.

"It's not a problem."

All of those are great.

Very, very good.

All of those possible answers.

I think some of the things I was thinking you could have.

"Sure, no problem."

I like, "No probs."

That's more informal.

It's great.

No worries.

Some of you had great.

Of course.

"Absolutely."

Somebody had that.

"Absolutely."

Nice.

All of those are possible.

She may be negative.

She may say, "Well I'd rather not."

"I'm sorry I can't."

So she could give a negative answer, right?

Depending on the context.

Okay, excellent.

Let's listen and see what they really said.

And is it similar to your ideas?

So let's have a listen and just see.

Is it the same as what you said?

Let's have a listen to this.

- [Tom] Hey Emily, I'm trying to study here.

Do you think you could just turn down the TV a little?

- ˆEmily] Sure, no problem.

I didn't realize you were trying to study,

- Right.

That was similar to what some of you said, right?

- [Tom] Hey Emily, I'm trying to study here.

Do you think you could just turn down the TV a little?

- [Emily] Sure, no problem.

I didn't realize you were trying to study.

- Okay, excellent, good.

Here you can follow it one more time.

- [Tom] Hey Emily, I'm trying to study here.

Do you think you could just turn down the TV a little?

- Sure, no problem.

I didn't realize you were trying to study.

- Yeah, so notice

he's giving a reason, right?

It's very clever.

Tom's a clever guy.

'Cause when you ask your girlfriend to do something,

if you give a reason, you'll be more successful.

Do you think you could just,

he uses just,

a little as, again. that's also softening.

And Emily says, "Sure, no problem."

And then explains or apologizes.

I didn't realize you were trying to study.

Okay.

Excellent, good.

Let's move on to another situation.

But first.

Badap, sheebe, dobee, dobee.

Pum, pum, pum.

Stay hydrated, Keith.

Well dialogue two.

Let's just go in dialogue two.

So here, the situation.

Tom is at work in a meeting with his boss

and other colleagues.

His boss is explaining something.

Tom realizes his boss,

the woman, has missed an important point.

He wants to interrupt her and tell his boss this.

Okay?

So the context is work,

the relationship is worker, boss.

Imagine it's England.

I understand, of course, depending on the country,

the working relationships are different

in China and Spain and England.

You would be different.

But let's imagine it's England

and in fact for your information,

the working relationship in America,

the United States and Britain is also quite different.

The culture is quite different.

So I'm looking here at Britain and that context, okay?

What do you think

he will say to interrupt?

Right, it's interrupting.

Okay, so let's see.

Give me your ideas.

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Nice Krzysztof.

Nice Cesar.

Okay, great.

Krithika, our chief.

I don't think we would use the word chief

in the business context.

I think boss.

Yes, chief, no, but nice.

Good.

So some very, very interesting

answers that you've got there.

Let me share some possible answers and then we'll discuss

and add yours as well.

Possible answers.

"Can I just say something?"

Okay?

"Can I just add something?"

So remember the situation.

The boss has forgotten something and you want to interrupt

and remind them or add.

"Can I just say something?"

"Can I just add something?"

I think even though it's the boss and the worker,

something short and simple is better.

I think sometimes.

So Ibrahim, you have one here

and I think the first bit is good.

"Sorry, I apologize for interrupting your conversation."

"Sorry, I apologize for interrupting your conversation."

I would keep it shorter.

I would say,

"Sorry, I apologize for interrupting you.

Would you mind to think that important point."

Would you mind, let's say,

would you mind covering.

I would say something like this.

"Would you mind covering an important point

that you have missed?"

Something like that.

Something shorter.

"Sorry, I apologize for interrupting you."

But it's nice and it's a balance of

hedging, softening and not offending, being polite,

but being direct as well.

Something quite quick.

Because in meetings there are so many people,

if you have a long sentence, it can be difficult.

Right?

"Can I just say something?"

I think a good idea here is, is you could start with,

Excuse me, can I just say something," right?

"Or sorry, can I just say something?"

So all of those are good.

So again, it's hedging.

Excuse me, can I just say something?

Sorry, can I just say something or can I just add something?

Another very common way is to use if.

"If I could just say something,

I think you've forgotten da, da, da, da."

"If I may add, I think you've forgotten da, da, da, da, da."

So this if I could,

or if I may, is a really nice polite way

to interrupt.

So we can say, "Can I just say something?"

"Can I just add something."

We can use to hedges

to soften, excuse me, sorry.

And some of the other things.

Let me see.

Somebody said, and I like this.

Can I just chip in,

and chip in is a really nice one.

"Can I just add, can I just chip in?"

but without something, right?

You can't chip in something.

"Can I just chip in?"

"I think you've forgotten ba, ba, ba, ba, ba."

"Nice."

Negar has got, "May I add?"

Can I, so I like that.

Yeah, you can say may or can.

Let me make it clearer.

"Can I just say something?"

"May I just say something?"

May is even more polite

and so could be really appropriate here.

I think, very, very good.

May I just say something?

So Negar, thank you for that, great.

Anything else?

Sorry sir.

Excuse me.

I just need to tell you.

Yeah, the just again you are using just is good.

I'm awfully sorry boss.

I'm awfully sorry boss.

Yeah, I'm awfully sorry, ba, ba, ba,

Now, so a few people are using the word boss.

Mohamed says, "Sorry boss.

I guess you missed something."

When you are speaking to your boss.

If you are in Britain, don't use the word boss.

It's not polite at all.

Sorry boss.

Boss

is really for us is an ironic word.

It's irony.

Do you remember the irony with Tom and Emily

going back here when he said.

This one.

Being ironic and being funny.

So with friends is good,

but if you say boss, it sounds like you're being sarcastic.

Like, it's not normal.

So if you are dealing with British people,

don't call your boss boss, never.

Right?

Just say sir or the name or

or Miss or whatever the name is.

The name is probably the best.

Boss we would use for a taxi driver.

"All right boss, can you take me to this address?"

Okay?

Because you are making it ironic,

like the taxi driver is your boss.

Like it's irony.

So please don't use that in the work context.

Not in Britain at least.

Right?

Okay, great.

Thank you Alexander.

Thank you so much for that.

'Cause that helps, I think a lot of people,

'cause in many cultures you may say that, right?

None use the same, right?

Pardon?

But I think you've missed, pardon sir?

Pardon madam.

Miss.

Probably the name.

You would probably use the name, right?

Okay, excellent, anything else?

There's a few others,

but I think that that's the general idea.

Those are good.

I'm gonna move on.

More polite answers.

Okay, more polite answers.

"Sorry to interrupt, but excuse me for interrupting."

Okay, so I had the sorry here.

Just notice the grammar.

"Sorry to interrupt."

"Excuse me for interrupting."

Okay, so the grammar is different.

"Sorry to interrupt."

"Excuse me for interrupting, but."

Perfect.

Great.

Let's move on.

Let's listen and see what they really said.

Is it similar to your ideas?

Let's have a listen.

Here we go.

- [Tom] If I could just add something,

we could also mention the new product we are

launching next month.

- [Emily] Good point.

We should mention that too.

- I think that was similar to what some of you said.

Here again.

- [Tom] If I could just add something,

we could also mention the new product

we are launching next month.

- ˆEmily] Good point.

We should mention that too.

- Yeah, so there you go.

I'll just play it again for you.

- [Tom] If I could just add something,

we could also mention the new product we are

launching next month.

- [Emily+ Good point.

We should mention that too.

- Okay.

So if I, using that if I could,

if I could just add something

and then he gives the point that was missed.

We could also mention this.

Notice.

Yeah.

Also, I think is kind of hedging.

It's saying what you said is great,

but also we should say this and the boss is very positive.

Right?

Good point.

We should mention that too, right?

I think British bosses are open to feedback and suggestions.

They're not gonna say,

"Huh, I'm the boss, you listen to me."

I think most British bosses,

the good ones are very open to feedback.

Good point.

We should mention that too.

Okay, excellent, let me move on.

Lena says, never thought we'd say to a taxi driver boss.

Yeah, absolutely.

To a taxi driver or the hairdresser.

All right boss, just cut on the side.

It's a joke, right?

It's not a joke.

It's irony.

It's humor.

So it's common, yeah, absolutely.

Okay, I'm gonna do one more for you.

And the last one is disagreeing.

Disagreeing is quite difficult to be polite.

No, I disagree.

Here's the scenario.

Emily is at work

and in a meeting with other colleagues,

one of them is explaining a marketing plan.

She then asks the others what they think.

Emily actually disagrees with the idea.

Context, work, relationship, colleagues,

right on the same level.

So one of them says, "Well what do you think of my idea?"

And Emily disagrees.

What will she say?

What do you think she will say?

Just type in the chat one more time.

Let's do it.

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Hello Kanwal.

Wow, you're very diplomatic.

Nice, Natalia, I like it.

Helene, good

Showcase is a bit strong.

Maybe I would like to give my point of view.

This is nice.

Good.

Okay.

Excellent, good.

So lots of really, really, really good ways

of expressing it here.

Again, I think simplicity is the key.

Keep it simple.

Possible answers.

I will suggest a few here.

Yes, but.

Well, right, I disagree.

Yes, but,

so you have to kind of

accept the ideas and then disagree.

I think that's a very much a British,

a British culture thing that it's very difficult

for British people just to say, no, that's wrong.

British people tend to say, this is good, this is good,

this is nice, but this is not so good.

We do that with children, we do it with workers.

You always give positive things first and then the negative.

Most British people don't just go,

"No, I disagree."

It's kind of a positive then a negative.

So that, yes, great,

but I think

da, da, da.

Or I see your point,

but I think da, da, da.

Again, "hat's an interesting idea but."

"I beg to differ," just means I disagree.

That's really nice.

Very simple.

You can do that.

Some others, I'm gonna put up that you've got I think,

yes, "Sorry, but I disagree."

And then I think da, da, da.

Yeah, I think absolutely.

That's great.

That's as good as well

because you're giving the sorry to make it softer,

Seyda, I like this one. I'm gonna share this one.

"Don't get me wrong, but," is a nice way.

Don't get me wrong.

Right?

Means don't misunderstand me,

but I have another idea.

Yeah, something like that is nice, good.

Yep.

Ibrahim, "Could you allow me to disagree with you?"

I think that's too polite.

"Could you allow me to disagree?"

I think it's too polite.

I think something like, "I see your point but."

Maybe you could say

in your idea of asking permission,

"If I may,

I actually think,"

or "If I may add."

So that idea earlier we had,

If I may add,

I actually think."

So this is kind of your asking for permission.

I's similar to your idea, Ibrahim.

Could you allow me to.

But that's too strong, too polite.

"If I may add, I actually think da da da."

Yeah?

And the actually is kind of is the disagreeing.

I actually think.

So the other person knows I'm going to disagree with them.

Okay, great.

Another one we've got.

"I'm afraid I have to disagree."

Yeah, good.

"I'm afraid

the only change is I,"

you can't, I have to disagree.

Okay, not I've,

because the stress is on the have.

I'm afraid I have to disagree.

So you need to change that.

You can't contract it because it's stressed.

So it's, I have to disagree.

Okay, lovely.

Again, lots of really good answers,

but here I think some very simple ways.

Simple and to the point of just disagreeing, okay?

Let's have a listen to what they actually said.

Here we go, disagree.

- [Emily] It's an interesting idea,

but I think we should focus on something different.

Suppose we try increasing the price instead.

- Okay.

I think that's similar to what some of you said.

Let's listen again.

- [Emily] It's an interesting idea,

but I think we should focus on something different.

Suppose we try increasing the price instead.

- Okay.

And there it is.

One last time.

- [Emily] It's an interesting idea,

but I think we should focus on something different.

Suppose we try increasing the price instead.

- Okay.

"It's an interesting idea."

So you're giving a positive,

"but I think dah, dah, dah, dah, dah."

And then she gives her her suggestion.

Okay, brilliant.

Some of you, in fact, all of you, some great, great ideas.

They're really good.

I obviously haven't got time to go

through all of them, but that's great.

Good, lovely.

Where are we?

What's coming up next?

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