IELTS Speaking Vocabulary: POLITENESS

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- Let's begin.

Let's do a little warmup, first of all, okay?

A warmup quiz for you.

So imagine, right, that you are eating dinner with friends.

You want the salt.

So, you are sat around the table.

You want the salt, which is at the other end of the table,

which is the best phrase to use?

Is it A, give me the salt.

B, could you pass me the salt?

Or C, would you be so kind as to give me the salt.

What do you think?

Just type in the chat.

Let me know what you think is the best phrase to use here.

I'll give you a minute to write something in there.

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Hello, Brian.

Hello, Roy and your gallery.

Victoria.

I think everybody's saying B.

Oh, I've got one or two Cs.

Hmm, let's have a look.

I would say in this context, I would say,

could you pass me the salt, okay?

Could you pass me the salt?

Because generally speaking, give me the salt.

This kind of imperative, do this, do that.

Give me the salt, pass the salt is quite strong in English,

especially for British people.

Even if you say, give me the salt, please.

It's still, it's the imperative, right?

This do this, do that.

That for us is a little bit strong.

So normally we use questions.

And if you saw my video on the Facebook page,

it's about that idea that we tend

to use questions to be polite.

Instead of give me the salt, could you give me the salt?

Instead of open the window, could you open the window?

Instead of shh, be quiet, could you be quiet, okay?

You may say, please, could you be quiet, please?

Okay, we use please and thank you a lot.

But the question, that's the key, right?

Is asking the question.

The last one, as Christina said,

would you be so kind as to is too formal, it's too polite.

It's just not natural conversation.

I think that would be a bit strange to say that.

Would you be so kind as to give me the salt.

If you were having dinner with the king?

Maybe. (chuckles)

But it sounds a bit like, "Downtown Abbey."

Donton Abbey, "Downtown Abbey." (chuckles)

It sounds a bit like old fashioned and a bit formal.

So I would go with B.

Now that said, here's a very, very important thing, right?

I think we need to be careful of stereotypes.

So a lot of people think, yeah,

British people, they're very polite.

All the British people have this bowler hat, an umbrella.

Hello, good morning.

We're all very, very polite.

Please, thank you, sorry.

It's not true, right?

It's just not true.

It's a stereotype.

So when we talk about politeness,

be really careful of stereotypes.

A stereotype is a general idea that everyone's the same.

And of course, it's not true.

Britain has polite and rude people.

Polite, polite rude is the opposite, not polite,

just like every country, right?

And indeed, the level of politeness

will depend on different things.

It will depend on the person, right?

Generally speaking, I'm quite a polite person.

I have a friend who's much less polite,

he's much more direct.

He's British, but boom, he's much more direct.

It depends on the person's personality, right?

It depends on the relationship with the other person.

If you're talking to your father or your friend or your boss

or your children, your politeness will change.

Depends on the situation.

Is it dinner?

Is it meeting?

Is it relaxed?

Is it with a lot of people you know or don't know?

It will depend.

And it'll depend on the mood, right?

I am not always polite.

If I'm angry and I lose it, I can be very, very rude.

I may feel bad later, but it depends on my mood

if I'm in a good mood or a bad mood.

So I think it's impossible to say what is correct

or incorrect with politeness in English.

It depends on so many things.

That said, we are gonna look at some guidelines.

We've got a great expression in English.

It's called a rule of thumb.

A rule of thumb.

The thumb

A rule of thumb is a guideline, right?

It doesn't mean it's a rule, black and white.

It's just a guideline, a help.

For example, using a question is one guideline to be polite.

There are others, and we'll be looking at

kind of guidelines and rules of thumb.

A rule of thumb.

Oh, there you go.

It knows it.

A rule of thumb equals a general guideline.

I love this.

It's writing for me.

Good.

Now, if you are interested in reading a bit more about this,

I'm gonna share with you a link here.

I'll ask Burns to share it.

Burns who works with me.

I think I can share it as well, actually.

But eh, let me show you over here.

So this is about English etiquette.

Etiquette just means the way we behave.

It's the customary code of polite behavior, right?

And this is a really interesting article.

It will talk about the English and the culture.

For example, here it says, British etiquette

dictates courtesy at all times, or courteousness,

which means forming an orderly queue in a shop.

We love to queue, right?

Saying, excuse me, when someone is blocking your way.

Saying, please, and thank you

for any service you've received.

All of these.

And this article goes on.

It talks a lot more about it.

It's an interesting article.

It talks about being a guest at a party.

As the guest, it's polite to wait until everyone

at the table has been served.

Once the meal has begun, it's impolite

to reach over someone else's plate for an item.

So if you're all eating and the salt is there,

if I reach over your plate, it's a no-no, it's impolite.

So, it's an interesting article.

I recommend you can go and have a look at it maybe later

and find out a little bit about the English etiquette.

It's not 18th century.

I mean, what they've written here,

I think the vast majority is still true today.

So, it's quite interesting.

You can go and have a look at that.

There you go.

I can put the link in myself as well.

But thank you, Burns, has got it in there.

Daniela, it is true.

I can't imagine you not to be polite.

I can seriously, sometimes it does happen. (chuckles)

Okay, so with that in mind, let's move on.

So let's have a look at vocabulary.

So just to put this in focus,

where we are, where we actually starting.

Politeness.

That's the theme.

If you've just joined us, we're gonna begin

looking at vocabulary on the topic of politeness, okay?

So politeness is the noun, politeness.

And that stress goes on the light, right?

I'll just try and make it a bit clearer for you.

Politeness.

And we have the plosive P, it's a puh, puh.

In many languages, the P is not plosive, it's per buh, buh.

But in English it's a puh.

So, actually, if I take my lesson plan

and I do this, politeness.

Can you see that it moves?

In many languages, it will be politeness,

but in English, politeness, politeness.

I'm gonna have students walking around England going,

"Hello, my name is Paul."

Politeness, politeness.

Stress on the light, politeness.

And it's a per, politeness, okay?

This means just showing respect

and being thoughtful of other people, right?

Being careful and thoughtful.

The adjective, polite, polite.

And we say to be polite to someone.

So just notice the the preposition there.

I am polite to you.

He was very polite to me.

He was very polite to me.

And notice the two becomes tuh, right?

Of course, because it's weak.

He was polite to me, tuh me, to me.

Can you say to me.

Polite to me.

Da da, da da, da da, da da, polite to me.

He was very polite to me.

Nice, good.

Making good progress there.

You should be polite to your elders.

It was polite of you to help me.

It was kind of you to help me.

Thank you.

It was polite of you to help me, okay?

Other expressions we've got.

To make polite conversation.

So, polite conversation just means small talk.

Small talk if you don't know, is the unimportant talk,

the things that are not important.

So when you meet somebody, polite conversation,

small talk is nice weather today.

Ooh, it's a bit cold.

Have you been here before?

Ooh, what time is it?

It's just talking about small things.

Mostly the weather actually, for most British people.

Polite conversation is the weather.

Or did you have a good trip?

Did you find it okay?

Yes, good, okay.

Did you drive here?

Hmm, all those polite conversations.

You can say, I'm not very good

at making polite conversation.

So notice to make polite conversation or to make small talk,

I am not very good at making polite conversation,

I just say what I feel.

Okay, good.

Now, oh, I've got a quick book recommendation,

because I read this book several years ago.

It's called, "Watching the English"

the Hidden Rules of English Behavior."

And there are extracts that talk about politeness,

etiquette, and the way British people are.

Well, English, it talks more about English.

It's the English people, English behavior.

Again, there's a link here you can go and have a look at.

I will show you, this is just an extract,

but to give you an idea.

And so you can see the book.

I mean, you can go and look for this in Amazon or wherever.

These are some of the quotes.

It's a great book.

If you are living in England, you should read this.

I think it's really, really interesting.

There you go.

Small talk, small talk.

So it says on small talk, "You do not go up

to someone at a party or in any other social setting

where conversation with strangers is permitted,

such as a bar counter and say, 'Hello, I'm John Smith,'

or even, 'Hello, I'm John.'

In fact, the only correct way to introduce yourself

in such settings is not to introduce yourself at all,

but to find some other way of initiating a conversation

such as a remark about the weather.

The brash American approach,

'Hi, I'm Bill, how are you,'

particularly if accompanied by an outstretched hand

and beaming smile makes the English wince and cringe."

Wince and cringe is, ugh.

"Hi, I'm Bill."

We hate that.

We don't do that in England.

"Hi, I'm Keith."

We just don't do it.

When you meet somebody, you say, "Oh, nice weather."

(chuckles) You never introduce yourself.

It's an interesting extract.

There are different quotes here, but you can go

and check out the whole book, "Watching the English."

I do recommend it.

Especially if you are living in England,

I think it's really valuable.

I think it's well worth picking up.

Get it in Amazon or somewhere similar,

wherever you get your books.

Okay, coming back to being polite.

Well, let's come back to you.

Let's see.

Lina, "That helped a lot."

Good, great.

Mohsen says, "I think you're so polite in every situation."

Maybe, maybe.

Lina, "Keith, tell me the difference

of a verb and a noun."

Well, Lina, a verb is a doing word.

A doing word is some action like run

or swim or speak when you do something.

A noun is normally a thing, an object like a cup

or a coffee or a pair of glasses, normally, okay?

Very, very simple.

Okay, good question though.

"You always introduce the weather first."

Yes, exactly, exactly.

Good.

Okay, excellent.

There's another recommendation here.

This is from Mehrpascal,

"I recommend a book calls, 'How to be a Brit.'"

Fantastic, good.

Sounds good.

I'm just gonna make this slightly bigger,

but easier to read.

Thank you for that recommendation.

Nice, thank you very much.

Do appreciate it.

Let's get back into synonyms.

So synonyms on words with a similar meaning.

Not exactly the same, but similar meaning.

So synonyms for polite.

So these are adjectives, right?

We can say respectful.

Again, I should mark the stress for you.

And you can just say it with me.

Respectful.

Well mannered.

Courteous.

Ker, ker, not core.

Courteous.

You can see the courteous.

And stress the first word, right, the first syllable.

Courteous, courteous, courteous.

I am courteous.

You are courteous, I'm sure.

Civil, civil.

It's a vuh, civil.

Civil meaning polite.

Civil.

Civil.

Not Cybil, which is a name, but civil.

Civ, vuh, vuh, vuh.

Civil.

I'm civil.

Please be civil.

Don't argue, be civil.

Other words which are similar, are tactful and indirect.

Now, tactful and indirect is not polite in the same sense.

It's polite in that you are not

saying something directly, okay?

So let's imagine you are talking about

somebody who is obese or fat.

Now, today nowadays we don't use the word, fat.

It's become a bit of a politically correct thing.

And so sometimes you want to find a way

to say it more politely, to be tactful or indirect.

So you may say she's a bit on the large side,

or he is a bit on the large side.

Instead of saying he's stupid, not nice, right?

That's not polite.

Oh, he's stupid.

He's not very clever.

He's not very clever.

And yeah, I heard this in the news very, very recently,

talking about the riots in the UK

and some of the officials were saying,

"Yes, the people who are out rioting

are not very clever, not very smart."

It's just a indirect way of saying he's stupid, okay?

So tactful and indirect,

the idea of saying it in another way.

Okay, synonyms, antonyms, which is the opposite meaning.

So the opposite of polite, impolite,

impolite, rude, offensive.

Offensive is stronger.

So I think you would say impolite, rude, and offensive.

Offensive is very, very impolite.

So offensive.

If you say to somebody, you are stupid, you are an idiot.

That's offensive.

It's like an insult.

It's very, very strong.

Impolite could be, you forget to say thank you.

That's just impolite, but offensive

is much, much stronger, right?

Okay, so those are the antonyms

with the opposite meaning, okay?

Right, good.

Shaimi says, "I bought it right now."

You bought the book, fantastic.

Well done.

Julia, "She's short, she's vertically challenged."

Yes, very, very good.

This is another example.

It's a very good example actually

of being indirect or tactful.

And I'm just gonna help you a little bit here, Julia,

because as an adjective, challenge

will change to challenged, right?

So she's short, she's vertically challenged.

This is, we use this quite euphemistically.

It has a sense of humor, right?

It's quite funny when we say this.

We use this to convey humor, right?

Excellent, good.

"In game culture, we usually call

a ruder person, 'toxic,'" right?

Yeah, good.

Very, very good.

"Oh, now I've come to understand

a bit the culture of the English people."

Right, good, start your journey.

"What do I say if I want to dodge

saying that someone is short?"

They are vertically challenged.

Or they're not very tall, right?

Just use the opposite, Tram Long.

They're not very tall, not very clever, not very tall.

Yep, or they're not very, yeah, they're not very tall.

Good.

Rude.

Excellent, good.

Anna says, "I love the way you're teaching synonyms."

I'm glad they're useful.

Shaimaa, "Does the rule of thumb equal to common sense?"

It's very, very similar.

Yes, similar.

Actually yes.

Artyom, "She's boring, she's too serious."

Nice, very nice, yes.

She's not the most interesting person, right?

She's not the most interesting person,

or I like this Artyom, "She's too serious," yes.

So antonyms, just a few more phrases

that we commonly use here.

We talk about a common courtesy.

It can be countable or uncountable actually.

It can be uncountable or countable, both.

This is the expected politeness.

If you expect people to do things, it's common courtesy.

So it's common courtesy to take a gift

when you visit someone's house for the first time, right?

It's common courtesy.

Remember courtesy.

Courtesy is, did I have that already?

A common courtesy?

I did, right?

Courteous.

Ah, okay.

Courteous was the adjective.

Courtesy is the noun.

Common courtesy.

To take a gift when you visit someone's house.

As we said before in that article, it's common courtesy

to not lean over somebody's plate when you are eating.

It's common courtesy to talk about the weather

when you meet somebody, maybe.

If you go to somebody's house for dinner,

it's common courtesy to take a bottle of wine.

In England, we take a bottle of wine,

maybe some flowers or a dessert, maybe.

Yeah, common courtesy.

In England, personal space,

the space we have around us is very important.

There's a bit of research on this that says

the personal space that British people expect

is about one meter.

So it's about, well, that far.

And if somebody comes into that space,

it's not common courtesy.

It's a bit of a surprise.

In fact, if a person comes into that space,

the British person will move away to establish that meter.

And I notice this with a Spanish people,

because the personal space is much shorter

and Spanish people will come much closer,

and so, I used to move away, but now I'm used to it.

Common courtesy in England is to keep

that meter space, interesting.

Again, remember, depends on the person,

depends on the context, depends on other things, right?

It's not black and white.

Other expressions, good manners.

We talk about good manners.

Behave in a correct way.

These are good manners.

So, as a noun.

He has got good manners.

Yes, I think often British people talk about children

saying, "Oh, your children have got good manners."

It's a compliment.

Your children have got good manners.

You've brought them up well.

You've educated them well.

He's got good manners.

To be considerate is another one.

To be considerate, considerate, stress the ser.

Considerate.

Is to be thoughtful of other people.

Respectful, thoughtful, considerate.

Respectful, thoughtful, considerate

of other people's feelings, right?

Thanks for your help.

That is very considerate of you.

So do notice the preposition, it's considerate of you.

For me, this is why it's so important,

not only to learn words, but to learn the chunk,

the collocation or the preposition that goes with a word.

Sometimes we say the grammar of the word, right?

Considerate of.

It's very considerate of you.

Are you considerate?

Are you a considerate person?

Hmm, good question.

Okay, good.

So lots of vocabulary.

We're gonna move on.

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