Confusing Sex & Gender Words in English - girlfriend, guys, partner...

No entiendo nada. Hey. James, from EngVid, speaking Spanish. Si? I'm looking at a French

book, but you guys understand. It's good for a teacher to learn different languages because

as they get better, they understand how to teach you, right? Right, guys? Come to think

of it, there's a word I was thinking about. I've been asked by many a student, "When we

say, 'guys', can we use it for everybody or is it just for men or" -- because they get

confused because in North America, we use the word "guys". And when we do, we use it

for groups of people that could be male and female. Now, in our language, you don't have,

really, gender. There's no "el" as in -- excuse me for a second. You know, in Spanish, you've

got the "el", or the "le" in French and the "la" -- we don't have any of that. No. Not

at all. So most people assume there's no gender, but I have a secret. In English, we do have

gender. Come on. We're going to go to the board. We're going to work it out, all right?

So what do I mean by "gender words"? Well, there will be no cue like this. And this is

what makes it confused, and that's why this is "confused words in English". Because they're

confused gender words -- words that can be used by only one sex, and only one sex uses

them in this way. And if you say it a different way, you will confuse us. Okay? So why don't

we start off with, well, No. 1. See? Confused. Two is over here; one is over here. The lesson

has begun. Mr. E secretly is watching me teach this lesson. This is the female symbol and

the male symbol because these are gender words. "Gender" means "sex", and we mean "boy", "girl",

"men", "women". Your "gender" is your "sex". When you fill out forms in English, it will

say "male", "female" -- that's gender. Okay? Are you male, man, female, woman? So now we're

there, why don't we go and take a look. "Guys", I started with "guys". You'll notice

that "guys" has -- well, we got two guys and a girl. We can also have mini guys, Mini Mes.

Okay? A group of men can be called "guys". A group with even one woman can still be called

"guys". And a group with all women could be called "guys". But you cannot call a group

of men "girls". If you go, "Hey girls! Hey girls!" They're all gay. I'm sorry if anyone

says, you know, "Whoa!" But it's -- "girls" would be gay, you know. Or we use it as an

insult to guys, "Look at the girls over there." Because we're saying, "They're not He-Men

like us. So they're a bunch of girls!" Right? "Quit crying, you girls!" So when we use "girls"

as a reference to guys, it's an insult either in, "You're not a man" or we're saying they

may be of a different sexual orientation. You like those big words? I do, too. Okay.

So that's one thing to think about. So you're going to think, "Okay, so I can

use 'guys' all the time." Well, you're right. But there is one difference. You don't use

"guys" with older, mature women because it's almost insulting because they're going to

say, "We're ladies. We're women, not guys. We're not little girls." Right? Even older

businessmen like being referred to as "guys" because it's that sports, macho, manly thing.

Right? "Look at the guys." "Let's go, guys." But if it's an older woman or a group of older

women, please say, "ladies". All right? Or "women" -- do not call them "guys" unless

they have moustaches, and they're really old. Anyway. That's different.

So "guys" you understand that one. That's one of the confusing words. So simply, to

make it simple so you understand exactly what I want, "guys" can be used for any group with

a female in or a completely -- a complete group of females, okay, and males. For males,

it can be used for young males to older males, no problem. Our exception is with older females;

you must actually call them "ladies" or "women". Men use the word "girls", okay, for a group

of girls, which makes them feel young. You can use that with older women. It's a good

one. Okay? Careful if they're wearing business suits. But they also use the word "girls"

for insulting other men especially in sports, like, "Look at the girls on that team." Means

you're not good. All right? Let's move on to the next one.

So we're done No. 1. What's No. 2? We talked about "guys" and "girls". Well, why don't

we talk about "girlfriends"? "The other day, I was talking to my girlfriend about going

to Starbucks and getting a coffee." Nothing to be confused about? "Well, it's not my girlfriend.

We're not sexually intimate or anything." "Intimate" means "close", all right, when

you're "intimate". In this case, sexual -- sexually intimate. It doesn't mean that. What I meant

to say was my "female friend". And you go, "What's the difference?" Well, girls can say

"my girlfriend", and it means "my female friend". It means there's no sexual or loving relationship.

They're just really good friends. "So my girlfriends and I, we're going to dinner tonight, and

then we're going to go shopping, and we're going to watch a movie, and we're going to

have popcorn. It's going to be so much fun!" "My girlfriends and I" -- a girl can say.

Now, when a guy says "girlfriend", we only think sexual relationships or a relationship.

"My girlfriend, the one I kiss and hold hands with." If you're a guy, and you want to say

"a girl who's a friend", you have to say "female friend". Now, a lot of times today we say,

"my friend". But when somebody wants to know specifically -- because you say, "Hey, my

friend told me to wear this sweater because it goes good with me, you know. It looks good

on me, you know? It looks real good." Then, they'll go, "Uh, which guy friend told you

that?" See? They say, "guy friend". Back to the word "guy". And I go, "No, it's a female

friend of mine. She went shopping with me." And they go, "Oh, I understand now." Got it?

If you have the same conversation -- you say, "My boyfriend told me this", automatically,

you are a homosexual. Please be careful. Boys cannot say "my boyfriends". Females, actually

-- funny enough -- don't say "my boyfriends". They say -- if they're talking about a male,

they go "my male friend James". And I will say "my female friend Joanne." That's how

we describe members of the opposite sex who are our friends. Okay? So "girlfriend" and

"boyfriend" are only used for relationships. Cool?

Lesson No. 2. We're talking about relationships. Lesson No. 3. The 21st century -- this is

really, really interesting. In Europe -- I was just told the other day that a "partner"

is like an "association", and in a professional sense, people who work together. So people

will directly translate "associate" or a "partner" to "partner". In North America, we had that

same thing -- "my partner". But we use it for, like, law practice, accounting, and medical.

Once you step outside of business and you say "partner", there are only, really, two

meanings. I need you to be careful because the 21st century is very strange because this

word has changed, and it's continually changing, evolving. "Evolving" means changing and going

up. So by the end of, you know, in ten years, it might have a totally different meaning.

But let's go and talk. "Partner" here, means an association. If it's said by a male, one

has to be very careful because the male could be saying, "I am a homosexual because my partner

is a man." You have to listen very carefully for context. And I'm warning you: Don't speak;

listen. Because also, in the 21st century, "partner" is a word that people who are above

the age of 30 use for their long-term lover or partner. So a girlfriend you've been with

for 10 or 15 years may be -- and you've been living together -- they may be your "partner".

That means nothing to do with homosexual lifestyle. So many times, a man or a woman may walk up

to you and go, "My partner's coming to the party tonight." Now, you should say something

like, "So your partner, how long have you been with them?" "Twenty years." Ah, we're

getting warmer. But don't put any kind of gender -- remember I told you what "gender"

means, right? -- or attach gender until they keep speaking. They might say after that,

"Yeah, she is coming at 7." Boom. Long-term girlfriend. "He is coming" -- got it. Okay?

And welcome to western civilization: We don't put too much on gender issues. Same-sex marriage

-- that is okay, all right? So when someone says "partner", just wait for context. They

will give you the information you need. All right?

So we've done "partner". We've gone from "guys", "girlfriend", "partner". What could possibly

be next? Well, we're talking about association and relationship, so why don't we give you

a word that seems very -- shouldn't be confusing, right? Because we've got -- "partner" is confusing.

Shouldn't be confusing. Should be very, very easy. But in North America, it's not. We have

a television program called "Friends" in North America. It's about six people who hang out

and party and do everything together and get married and divorce each other. Now, that's

confusing. But they do this. Joey and Chandler and whatnot -- Phoebe. Love Phoebe. But in

North America, everybody's your friend. They'll even say, "Hey, friend! How are you?" And

they don't even know who you are. "Friend" in our language, really, means "acquaintance".

Okay? Don't get it confused. If you've never been to their house, never been to their house,

never been invited over for dinner, haven't been gone to, you know, one of the baseball

games or anything like that, you're an "acquaintance". "Acquaintance" means -- from the word "acquaint"

-- they know you. And that's all. So when you go to the bar, and they go, "Hey Friend!

What are you drinking?" It means, "I know you come to this bar. What do you want to

drink?" You're not friends. Don't say, "Free drink from you!" You're not his friend or

her friend, okay? That's why it's a confusing word because, other cultures, when you say,

like, if you're Arabic, "habibi", "my love", right? We don't think like that. You're not

my friend. You're not my "habibi", okay? So let's move on.

So we got that one. Kind of confusing -- not. But it is for you guys. And the final one.

This is a personal favorite of mine. "Yo, my brothers, my man, my bros". Many of you

leave comments calling me, "Yo, Bro! Is good?" This is the best part. "I'm from Russia. I

would like to say, Bro, that we are good friends, right? Bro? You my man! Right, brother?" I'm

like, "I've never met you, okay?" Yes, I know there's a skin thing. And the problem isn't

yours -- and I apologize -- it's ours. In North America, we have many movies where the

black guys always go, "Yo, man! Yo, man! Yo, brother, what's up? What's up? What's up?"

And then everybody in the world thinks that every black man does that. If you can find

ten videos where I say, "Yo bros, we gonna be studying today. You know what I'm saying',

my brothers?" Find ten EngVid videos. Please watch them, and see me say those words over

and over again, and you can call me "bro" whenever you see me. If not, I am not a "bro",

"brother" or "man". I will do that on sports teams; it's true. I'll go, "Yo, that's a good

shot, man!" Sports. And everybody does it. So here's a little lesson -- and my favorite,

most important. Right, Mr. E? See, he's my bro. We've been hanging for 127 videos. Probably

200 by the time you see this. So he can call me "bro" because we're like brothers. Now,

I will give you the real deal, okay? The "real deal" means the truth or honestly. "Brother".

People will call each other "brothers" who have a close relationship. If you go to war,

you play on sports teams, or you've had a long -- like my brother-in-law Noyen. He's

like my brother. From different family, but like my brother. He's been around so long.

He can call me "brother", and we call each other "brother". Noyen is white and Turkish,

okay? Totally different. But we're like brothers, so it's okay with me. Now, if you have one

of those relationships, you can call somebody of color "brother". Okay?

Second reason. This is DNA. If you are literally from the same mother -- "literally" means

"exactly" -- you come out of the same mother, you can call them "brother" because they are

your brother. That's biological, okay? If you are non-African -- hey, hell, if you're

from Africa. Okay, I'm from Canada. You go, "Brother, how are you?" I go, "We're not brothers."

I don't know you, okay? This is usually used for North American, and they call themselves

African Americans. They will call each other "brother" or "bro", and they're usually from

ghetto neighborhoods, or -- not even ghetto, but lower class neighborhoods is where it

started from. Okay? So be careful when you use it. The best rule is if you have blood

relations, call somebody your "brother". If you have a long relationship, and you're close,

call someone "brother". If you've just met them on the street, you ain't nobody's brother.

Don't even think about it. I know -- no, don't. Stop. Stop. No. Okay? We like you. Say, "Hi,

guy!" Not, "Hi, man." Try that. And you'll be surprised at the reaction you get. Anyway.

"Confused words" because, as you know, people think "brother" means "friend", but it can

be insulting to people, so be careful with that one. "Guys" -- anything with a girl or

guy is "guys", right? Remember, unless it's older women. "Partner" -- be very careful

with that. Is it partner as in a long-term relationship; is it is business associate;

or is it a gay relationship? Context tells you what. "Friend" -- nobody is your friend.

Don't be confused. Unless we've known each other a long time, you're just an acquaintance.

And "girlfriend" -- as Oprah would say, and before I get out, "Yo, Mr. E.! Girlfriend!

I got to get going now, you know what I'm saying, my brother? I got to see my partner,

partner in crime, you know?" Anyway. Hope you had fun. I enjoyed this lesson. I hope

you did. And it will help you when you're trying to make friends by not using these

confused words and confusing the relationship. Anyway, got to go. Have a good one. See you

in a bit. Don't forget. Where are you going to go? www.engvid.com, where you can go and

do the quizzes that follow this lesson, okay? And don't forget to click "like" on the box, all right? See you.