Conversation Skills: What's your communication style?

Oh, poor E. Hi. James, from EngVid. You know, people see the world differently. We all do.

I mean, what sounds good to you may not feel right for other people. And we also learn

differently. What I want to do in this lesson today is teach you how to communicate more

effectively. I want to teach you the three styles that people have when they communicate,

how they communicate, and how you can use these styles -- understanding your own -- to

learn English more effectively. Let's go to the board and take a look, shall we?

We've got Mr. E. He doesn't seem to be so good today. Professor E, or whoever this guy

is with the funky glasses, right? Like a doctor. Like Freud. "So how do you feel about it,

Mr. E?" Mr. E says, "I don't like how it sounds. It just feels wrong." I can't see myself doing

it.

Now, each one of these things, they're different styles. There's a word called "modalities",

which is a way of seeing or learning things, right? Modes, models. Now, he's talking about

different ones. Sounding is for hearing. Feeling could be your hands or your body -- how does

it feel? And seeing -- your eyes. We're going to look over here, now. And I'm going to give

you the titles or the proper names we say when we talk about these things, okay?

So when we talk about a person who is "visual", we mean they see -- with their eyes, of course.

But what we're talking about is when they're thinking, they see pictures or movies. When

you ask them a question, a picture appears in their eyes right away. When you say "the

large, black dog", they see a dog, a large, black one. They tend to be like me -- they

speak quickly. That's why I'm slowing down now. But you say something to me -- I see

a picture, and I want to get it out of my head as quickly as possible because pictures

are like a thousand words. Okay?

Now, they like things to look good. Why am I telling you this? Well, if you understand

how these people think, you'll understand how to communicate with them, right? So a

visual person likes things looking good. They speak quickly, and they see pictures when

they're speaking. That's why they speak so quickly to you or rapidly. Okay?

What about an auditory person? "Auditory" comes from "audio". You know, your MP3 player?

You like music? That's auditory -- with your ears. These people need clear speech. What

that means is what I'm doing now is best for an auditory person. They need to hear clearly

what you're saying or they don't understand you. It's not such a bad thing. We should

all be a little bit more clear in our speech, especially when learning a language. They

also need to manage sound level. What would happen is if I'm talking and they're talking

and several people are talking, they're the people most likely to say, "Hey, guys. Shh!

Calm down. Lower the volume." Because they can't concentrate because they need that clear

speech. Okay?

And what's the third thing we're going to talk about? Well, body. It's called "kinesthetic".

Sometimes, that includes taste -- delicious! -- and smell. Okay? These people need really

slow speech because they feel with their body. So the slow speech helps them to process the

information, okay? They like to do things. They are what we call "hands on". They want

to touch something or move something. They understand things when they're doing it. If

you draw a picture like you would for the visual person, it won't make as much sense.

And even if you just speak to them, they won't get it. But as soon as they touch it, they

understand it. Okay? They like comfortable environments, something that makes them feel

comfortable.

So in each category or sense, these people like things to look good -- the visual ones.

These people like to make the sounds nice for them. And these people like to be comfortable

in their environment. The nice heat. The right chair. Okay?

How does this help you with your English? Well, this isn't a beginner lesson. What we

want to look at is how people learn and how we can speak to them so that your messages

are understood more readily. Also, I'm going to show you how you can use it to help yourself

learn. Are you ready?

Okay. So as I was saying, it's important to learn your style as well as someone else's.

How does it work for you? Well, look at Mr. E. He's saying all of these things. It "sounds",

"feels", and "see". What the doctor really understands is "feel". So this is appropriate

speech for him. "Feel", "to feel". How does it work for you in a classroom? Well, if you

have an option, or if you're watching videos, you want to have someone who matches your

style. When Dr. E and Mr. E are speaking, "feel" and "feel" match.

Does your teacher speak quickly? If you're a visual person, this is good because if they

speak slowly, you're going to get bored because you're seeing pictures, and the pictures are

disappearing, and they're still speaking. So you'll be like, "Come on! Come on!" Right?

Now, if they speak too quickly and speak like me all the time like this, too rapidly, and

you're kinesthetic or auditory -- or they're not clear -- you're not going to get the information

you need. So why am I telling you this? Pick the style you need. When you're studying,

look at your environment. If you're an auditory person, pick something that has a neutral

sound so the sounds aren't bothering you, and someone who speaks clearly. Okay? So someone

who's got a lot of stuff going on in the background may not be the best teacher, especially on

the Internet, to watch, right? If you're visual, if they use pictures to show things, this

is good. They speak fast, right? You can keep up with them. That's good for you. And kinesthetic,

the environment. They don't like a lot of mess or stuff around. So they have to be comfortable,

pick someone who speaks very slowly. And you should be comfortable in your environment.

Nice comfy seat. Warm cocoa in your hand, and you're just relaxed. Those are the best

ways for you to learn.

Now, moving on from your learning style, why don't we go back to why we're here -- communicating

with others. Now, here's how this works. People -- we're all different. So don't think one

person thinks in one style. That's just silly. No one's all of everything, you know, 100

percent. But what we're looking at is what words do you hear them use very regularly.

If you want them to understand you better, it's best you use those same words when you're

speaking to them. If I'm always saying, "It doesn't look good to me. I mean, you haven't

really shown me anything, and I just don't see it", I'm a visual person. Speak faster,

and use visual words. That will communicate to me we understand each other. If you use

auditory words like, "Doesn't sound right. I'm not hearing it. Doesn't ring a bell",

it's like we're speaking different languages. And you don't want that, especially if you're

learning a new language. All right?

So I didn't make the words too complicated because I want you to use vocabulary you already

know. But listen for, you know, "see", "hear", "feel". These are common words. And I'm going

to teach you a few more on the board in a second.

But let's look at some useful phrases, okay? Now, when you want to give an idea when you're

teaching, it's a very good thing to try to use as many of the styles as possible because

you have different students. So right now, I'm going to speak a little faster because

I don't want to make you visual people bored. But then, I'm going to slow down a bit to

make sure the auditory and kinesthetic people understand what I'm getting at. All right?

So when you're giving ideas or teaching, you could say something like this, "I'm going

to demonstrate how to do it." And you're telling someone, "I'm going to do this physically."

So for the people who are kinesthetic, they will go, "Okay." And they will be ready to

go, "Okay. Now, grab the bottle. Pick it up. Pull it. Okay." They understand. All right?

Now, if you're talking to a visual person, you're going to say something like, "I want

to illustrate", because that tells my brain -- "illustrate" is drawing. And my brain will

get ready to take a picture and draw. Okay?

And what about "articulates clearly"? "Articulate" in English means "to speak". "Articulate"

is to show through speech. So, "I want to articulate these points to you" -- "I'm going

to tell you." Speech. That's part of the listening set. Okay?

So when we're talking about giving ideas or teaching, here are some handy phrases to use.

So you can use all of them, but at different points. "I'd like to demonstrate how we're

going to do this. Now, before I do that, I want to clearly articulate that you should

have all the things with you. Okay? And you know, just to illustrate my point, when you

don't have these things, you can't do the job." I've used all three to communicate to

all three styles of people. Nice, huh? Let's move on. What's the next one?

How do you say you like it? When I say to you, "You know what? It doesn't really feel

good." You can say, "It feels right to me." You're communicating -- even though you don't

agree, you're telling them, "I have the same kind of idea you have on this situation."

All right? So I can say, "It feels right to me", "It sounds right to me", or "sounds good

to me" or, "It looks good." In each one, I'm communicating to each style, and I'm telling

them, "I understand you. Because you said 'feel', I'm saying 'feel'." Right? "How do

you feel about it?" "I feel pretty good." Proper response to proper question. "How does

it look to you?" "Well, the way I see it" -- proper response to proper question. Okay?

Cool.

And the last one, "being careful". When you want someone to be careful or to take their

time when they're doing something, here are some useful phrases. "Take one step at a time"

-- literally one step. Steps are small, and you're saying, "Be careful. Don't run. Take

steps." That's a physical thing. So if you've got a physical guy who's like, "Yeah, yeah."

You go, "Hey, let's just take it one step at a time." All right?

How about this, "word for word". That's auditory. "Listen, let's go over this word for word."

You could be reading a book or something, right? You could be reading a book or a paper

or even saying -- someone says something, and you go, "Hey, what did he say? I want

word for word." Once again, they're telling you -- remember, auditory? -- they're saying,

"Be clear. I need to hear each word, or I need to see each word or I won't understand."

And finally, the visual. "Look closely." Now, to be honest with you, 60 of people in North

America and 60 percent of English speakers are visual. Partly in the First World, I would

say, it's because we are hit all the time with television and Internet. So the visual

ones you're going to see are maybe a little bit more helpful. But they're useful because

each of us change modes or styles depending on the situation we're in. So you should learn

all of them. All right?

Now, here are some words for vocabulary you may not know. "Dim." When there's a lot of

light, we say it's very "bright". But when there's not a lot of light and you're in a

dark room, you say it's "dim" because there's not a lot of light. When you have a "dim"

view of something or someone, it means you don't have a good view of them; you don't

really like them necessarily. "I have a dim view of drugs." It means I don't like them.

I don't like how they seem to me. "Dim" -- not a lot of light, not clear.

"Clear" -- almost the exact opposite. "Clear" means it's easily understood. So when someone

says to you, "I have a dim view of you" -- "I have a bad view of you. I don't necessarily

like you. The light isn't good on you." When they say, "It's clear", it means, "I understand."

"Is that clear?" "I understand, sir. Got it." "Great." Clear. Easy. Like a good picture.

An "insight". See the word "in"? "In", you know -- and "sight" is the ability to see.

When you have "insight", you have an understanding. "John, what's your insight on this particular

problem?" "Well, boss, I think --." He's saying, "What understanding do you have of this situation?"

"He has no insight" -- no understanding.

How about this one? "Vocal". You'll hear vocal -- [sings]. You think it's speech. It kind

of is, but we use it for people who speak their mind a lot. "He's not very vocal" or,

"He's very vocal" means they speak their mind. They tell you what they're thinking. "Is he

vocal?" "Not really." Okay? I'm very vocal. That's why I'm doing this. Otherwise, there

would be no lesson.

"Tone" -- it's for music. But we usually use it to say something like this, "I don't like

your tone. I don't like the way you're speaking to me." In other words, "I don't get a good

feeling about how you're saying words." "I like his tone" -- I'm happy about the way

they're speaking or what they're saying. Cool?

And the last one, "hear". You're going to go, "James, hear." My hearing. Hear is similar

to "understanding" or "insight". You go, "I hear you." "I understand you." Right? No one

says, "I don't hear you" because it means, "I physically have no ears, and I can't hear

what you're doing." When I say, "He doesn't hear you", it means, "He doesn't understand

you." Or, "yeah, yeah, you can stop. I hear you. I understand you." Cool?

Now, the last one is -- remember, kinesthetic, we were talking about -- "firm". "Firm" means

"strong" or a good hold. When I have a "firm" understanding, it means I really understand

it; I have a good understanding. All right? "Cold" -- "He's just cold." It means they're

not nice; they're not receptive; they're not friendly. Okay? And "grasp" is to understand.

See, we have "grasp" here, here, here, and "insight", and they're all about understanding.

"Did you grasp what I'm saying? Can you grasp what I'm saying?" Did you have any insight?

Are you hearing me?" Okay. Three different ways of saying same thing. You like that?

Good.

So I just want to say this before we disappear because I'm feeling sorry for my Mr. E. No.

1, everybody has a different way of using their style. It won't be one style all the

time. Please remember that. We switch styles depending on situations. No. 2, no style is

better than any other style. People usually think visual people think faster because they

see pictures, but they also can make mistakes because they're quickly going through things,

while the kinesthetic person takes the time to take it in and understand it. Right? Cool.

Now, if you can take these hints and remember, listen for the words people are saying, and

then try to match the words. That will give you what we call a "bonding". There's another

word, but that's for another time. Try to use these phrases to get your ideas across.

Okay? And you know, see how it works for you. Anyway, I've got a good feeling you're going

to use these just right. But hear me out before I disappear. I want you to go somewhere, okay?

Because I want to finish off the lesson. Unfortunately, I've got to go. All right, E, are you ready?

So I want you to go to www.engvid.com, "eng" as in "English", "vid" as in "video", where

you can learn about conversation skills, vocabulary, and many other interesting topics. Cool. I

know you hear what I'm saying. Anyway, I see it's time to go. I've got to jet. Take it

one step at a time. Anyway. Have a good one.