How to Feel Confident in Conversations in English

- Hi there, I'm Christina and welcome

to "Speak English with Christina,"

where you'll learn American culture and business know-how

to become confident in English.

And, today we are gonna start with a special mini-course

called, "How to Feel Confident in Conversations in English."

And, before we start, if you wanna activate

the subtitles for this video,

go ahead and click the little CC icon,

down at the bottom of the screen, for your subtitles.

And, this is a free mini-course that you're going to receive

and it's all about confident conversation skills

and small talk strategies for big success,

whether this is in your personal life

or your professional life.

And, if you wanna make sure

that you get all of the lessons in this mini-course,

go ahead and sign up at christinarebuffet.com

and you will become one

of more than 35,000 Speak English Ambassadors.

Those are the students who are learning with me

and my lessons, and my courses, every week.

So let's jump right into part one of this mini-course:

"How to feel confident in conversations in English."

Now, before we look at how to do that, let's explore first,

why you don't feel confident in conversations today,

like, what is, you know, blocking you at the moment?

One thing to be reassured about is that, you know,

native speakers also have to work

to develop good conversation skills.

It is not natural for everyone,

no matter what language you're in and, you know,

some people, they just avoid

developing their conversation skills.

They find all kinds of excuses, like, you know,

"Oh, I'm just not good at conversation in English.

"I don't have that gift of language skills."

Or, "Mm, nah, I don't like small talk.

"It's superficial, it's boring.

"I don't, I don't wanna learn how to do it.

"I don't like it."

Or, I hear a lot of professionals who say, you know,

"I don't need good conversation skills or small talk.

"If I'm good at my job and I have

"the good technical skills, you know, who cares?"

But, you know, that is all false and there's good news,

is that you can learn good conversation skills.

And, you know, yes, it may be natural for some people

but everyone can learn it and that includes you!

And, it is a big mistake to not develop

your conversation skills, and we'll see why later

in this lesson but it really is a very important thing

to develop, especially for your career.

Now, for you as a student, someone who is

learning English as a foreign language,

there are some additional challenges for you.

First thing is just the conversation skills.

That is not natural for everyone in your language,

in English, you know, it's not natural for everyone.

If it is in English, that just makes it

a little more difficult for you and then if you must,

you know, take into consideration cultural differences,

like, if you're doing work with a lot of Americans,

(gasps) that's a lot to think about!

But the biggest challenge that my students have,

and then maybe you as well, you feel this, is just,

"I lack confidence when I have to speak English."

It's a little like these two people in the photo.

You're at work, or a networking event,

or a social event, and you're next to the person

but it's just easier to look at your phone,

or to look at your computer,

instead of trying to start a conversation.

Don't worry, we're gonna see how to change that.

So how can you instantly boost your confidence,

even with your current level of English?

We're gonna look at a lot of different techniques.

The first thing is just don't feel pressured to be perfect.

Every exchange does not have to be a fantastic,

you know, intelligent, deep conversation

and you don't always have to be memorable,

impressive and charismatic, not all the time.

But the more you try, the easier it becomes.

So take every opportunity, just to try to say, hello,

to introduce yourself, to make a comment on, I don't know,

the weather, to compliment the person

because the more you try to start

and to have a conversation,

the easier it will become for you.

And, then, you know, when you really do want

to have a good conversation and be memorable, incredible,

and charismatic, and make a good impression, well,

it's easier because you have so much practice doing it.

So when you want to join that conversation

with the person that you really want

to talk to, you feel more confident.

Another technique for you is to think

that everyone is an old friend.

Now, let me explain this.

When you meet someone new, instead of thinking,

"I don't know this person.

"Are they judging me?

"I'm afraid of my accent.

"Can I understand their accent?

"I don't know."

Just take a minute and visualize for yourself

and imagine that they are an old friend

that you're meeting again.

When you meet someone new, think of them as an old friend.

And, you know, it's psychological but you will feel

more comfortable instantly because, you know,

it's normal to feel nervous when you're meeting someone new.

This happens to everyone.

And, then for you as a language learner,

maybe you concentrate on your English too much.

You become tense.

That is that feeling of, like, a lot of students say,

"I block when I have to speak English."

You become tense, you block.

That's not good!

But when you're speaking with a friend, you know,

remember that comfortable feeling that you have.

Remember that with a friend, you feel less nervous.

You feel more comfortable.

So just imagine that this new person that you're meeting,

imagine that you're seeing an old friend.

Now, I know this technique, it sounds silly

and you're maybe like, "Christina, that's no,

"that doesn't work."

But it does work.

I have had students try this technique

and come back and say,

"I don't know but it worked,"

because it creates a feeling of warmth and connection,

and even if your language isn't perfect,

you already start that conversation in a positive mindset.

So here's how it works:

You imagine that the person that you meet is an old friend

but, of course, they are not,

so you still introduce yourself, you shake hands,

and, you know, meet them for the first time.

But think to yourself that you're just so happy

to see this person and you're so happy to talk to them.

And, the physical result of, you know, this mind trick,

is that you relax, your body language changes,

and you feel more comfortable in that conversation.

So then, you know, you're ready,

you think that you can do it.

Don't hesitate.

Just do it!

This is the next technique because, you know,

we can very easily find excuses to not do something

so don't think too much about the things

that might make you uncomfortable in that conversation.

You know, don't think, like,

"How can I start the conversation?

"Will I understand their accent?

"Will they judge my English level?

"Will I have enough vocabulary after two minutes

"and we start talking about sports?"

If you think about it too much,

you will find a way to convince yourself

to not join a conversation, or not start a conversation.

So, you know, don't think about it too much.

If necessary, just take a moment and visualize

how you want to start the conversation.

Just imagine the first things that you can say

to that person and imagine that that conversation goes well.

But, you know, take a moment but don't hesitate too long.

Just do it!

Just go and try it and trust yourself,

that you will be able to do this!

You're better than you think and remember,

like we said, not every conversation has to be fantastic.

You just wanna get the practice and do it,

and realize that it's not as scary as you think.

And, remember, you know, confidence, it's all in your head.

It starts with your mentality.

Between saying, "I'm not good at English.

"I'm sorry for my level.

"My level's very low.

"I don't have enough words."

You know, instead of saying, "I can't," or, "I don't,"

just say, you know, "I can do this.

"I'm not perfect.

"It's not going to be perfect.

"I'm gonna make mistakes.

"I might feel a little silly but it's okay

"because I'm trying and I'm learning."

And, when you're able to do all of that,

there are some very concrete results

of better conversation skills.

Now, the first thing is, if you have bad social skills,

what you risk is losing opportunities in your career,

in your business, in your professional life,

and even in your personal life, too, because, you know,

you can make lots of friends and achieve lots of things

in your personal life through conversation, also.

But if you have good social skills,

that is going to help you advance your career,

grow your business, you know,

advance in your professional life,

have a more fulfilling, a better professional life,

and also have a more satisfying personal life

because you fit in socially.

You have friends.

You can, you know, make jokes with your friends,

your neighbors, your colleagues,

and all of that is part of conversation skills.

And, small talk is a major skill for business as well.

There are so many articles about how important

conversation and small talk is in your professional life.

And, I just wanna share a book, a resource with you

but also, a very relevant quote

about being able to make conversation.

The book is called, "Reach,

"A New Strategy to Help You Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

"Rise to the Challenge and Build Confidence,"

by Andy Molinsky, who is a professor

in behavioral psychology.

And, he says that, you know,

"You can be the most technically skilled worker

"in the world but your ability to progress

"in your job is dependent on your ability

"to build and maintain positive relationships

"with people at work."

And, guess what skill is critical

for building and maintaining these relationships?

Can you guess?

Small talk!

And, that's, you know, years of studying what,

you know, what makes people connect,

what helps people to advance in their careers,

to communicate better and Dr. Molinsky has found

that conversation skills and small talk

are one of the biggest factors in your success.

So you think that maybe some people

are just natural or good at English

but the students that you see

who have good conversation skills,

and the native speakers, also,

with good conversation skills,

they worked to develop their conversation skills,

their vocabulary, and their confidence.

And, you can do that, too!

But it all starts with a change in your mentality,

to instead of saying, "I can't do this.

"I," you know, "I'm never going to be good," to say,

"I can do it.

"I just have to try.

"I have to practice.

"I have to," you know,

"not be so afraid."

So here is the recap of how to feel confident

in conversations in English:

Don't feel pressured to be perfect.

Take every opportunity to try

even if it's just a very small exchange.

Remember, like, everyone is an old friend,

have that approach when meeting new people

so that you relax.

Don't hesitate too much!

Just go and do it and trust in yourself

because you can do it!

You gotta believe in yourself

but then you also have to take action.

Now, our next lesson is going to be,

how to take action specifically,

and that's our first step:

How to introduce yourself naturally and confidently

so that you don't feel afraid.

But I have a question for you,

before we get into the next lesson.

What frustrations do you have

about conversations in English?

Put your answers in the chat below the video.

Share those frustrations with me,

and like we said, don't worry, it is totally normal

to feel those frustrations so share 'em with us

and we'll see how I, or the other Speak English Ambassadors,

can help you with those.

And, if you want to be sure to get the next lesson,

go ahead and sign up at christinarebuffet.com

so that I can send it to you,

'cause I don't want you to miss it.

It's really fantastic.

It's concrete!

It's practical and it's something

that you can use immediately in the real world.

All right, you guys!

I will see you next time!

Have a good one and go practice your English!

See ya!

Bye!