What to say in chit-chat moments in English

- Hi there!

I'm your English coach Christina

and welcome to Speak English with Christina,

where you'll learn American culture

and business know-how

to become confident in English.

Small talk or chit-chat

may feel awkward,

especially if you feel like you don't have

an arsenal of things that you can talk about.

However, chit-chat moments are great opportunities

for you to practice your English,

and one of the best reasons to engage

in chit-chat comes from my student Miguel.

During a Master Real American English session,

Miguel said that he enjoys practicing chit-chat

with English speakers because it helps him

to improve his pronunciation.

And also, he said that chit-chat

introduces him to natural phrases

that he can add to his own English.

Miguel is spot-on with this,

and this is just another reason

that I want to encourage you

throughout this lesson to chit-chat,

to make small talk, to make conversation

in English as often as you can.

And if you feel a little nervous

about what you're gonna say,

don't worry, in this episode,

you're gonna learn many easy practical things

that will make a big difference

in how you feel about small talk in English.

Let's go!

(bright music)

So many of my students feel awkward

making simple conversations like this.

But having the courage to start

these little conversations as often as possible

can make a huge difference

in your social relationships.

And that's why I'm creating a new course

to help you master social situations

and everyday conversations

in your professional life.

It teaches you how to socialize with confidence

and build up those important

personal and professional relationships,

to get techniques

to make you a good conversationalist,

as well as understand cultural differences

on a deeper level.

So if you want interesting conversations

without feeling awkward

and to make real connections in business,

there is a link in the show notes

with more information about the course.

(bright music)

Sometimes even native English speakers

can feel nervous making small talk or chit-chat.

Keep in mind that chit-chat isn't intended

to be a deep and profound experience.

No.

This isn't a job interview

and it's not a marriage proposal.

No, it's small talk.

It's a simple friendly conversation.

And small talk is actually

a healthy habit, too.

Because researchers are discovering

that when you make small talk,

you feel more positive

and connected with others,

and this positive effect can last for hours

after the conversation has ended.

Well, it's just another reason

to make more small talk.

(bright music)

To get small talk started,

find common ground.

Common ground could be a shared experience,

such as the weather, work life,

school or a networking event.

It could even be something

in the immediate environment,

such as a movie advertisement or a billboard.

For example.

Waiting for the bus gets boring

and if someone else is waiting too,

well, you could mention

the Batman film advertisement

that you happen to see on the bus stop

as a small talk opener.

And you could kick off the conversation with

"Oh, looks like the new Batman movie is coming out."

(bright music)

Next, share something about yourself.

And it doesn't have to be something

deeply personal, no.

But, for example.

Continuing our Batman small talk.

"I liked the special effects in the last Batman,

"but the story didn't blow me away.

"But I did see it over Christmas weekend

"so maybe I wasn't in the mood for an action flick."

(bright music)

Now that you've found common ground

and revealed something personal,

it's time to pass the ball,

the conversation ball, to the other person

and give them a chance to share.

Something as simple as

"Have you seen that movie yet?"

Of course referring to the movie

on the poster at the bus stop

that you're both standing at.

(bright music)

Lively chit-chat is fueled

by specific questions and answers.

Notice in my Batman example,

I specifically mentioned

the special affects, the story,

and having seen it over the holiday weekend.

These specifics give my conversation buddy

opportunities to continue the conversation

in a variety of ways.

They might mention a movie

they enjoyed with the terrific story.

Or they might mention something

that they do with their families

over the holidays or weekend.

In this way, specifics provide

many more ways to extend the conversation

rather than you just saying,

"I liked the last Batman movie."

(bright music)

Okay, so up until now, you have been

in chit-chat heaven.

Everything has gone perfectly and then

your chit-chat hits a moment of silence,

a long lol.

In English we call that an awkward silence.

But guess what?

I want you to use this awkward silence

as another opportunity

to practice your conversation skills.

If you feel awkward, chances are

that the person you're talking to

or were, was talking to,

until you hit that dreaded awkward silence,

feels uncomfortable, too.

Acknowledge that awkwardness and say something like,

"Well, I guess that pretty much sums it up."

Or "Yeah, it's a complicated subject.

"I'll have to think about that one."

If it is indeed a complicated subject,

if you're talking about the special effects

in the Batman movie, there is a better technique.

Continue the small talk by bringing up

another topic, or even bring up something

that was said earlier in the conversation.

For example.

If your conversation buddy mentioned

just buying a dog earlier in the conversation,

you could follow up on that and say,

"So about that dog you mentioned earlier.

"Have you come up with the name?"

Or "You said you got a dog recently.

"What kind of dog is it?"

(bright music)

Parroting is a specific form of active listening.

It can help

get the other person talking more

and feel more comfortable around you.

Parroting is also a good way for English learners

to clarify what someone said.

Parroting may also help

if you feel stuck in a conversation

and you're not sure how to respond.

Plus, it lets the other person know

that you're listening, and it feels good

to be listened to.

All you need to do

is repeat the last few words

that the other person said

and say it as a question

with your rising intonation.

For example.

You might see a colleague

carrying a big stack of papers and you say,

wow, that's a lot of paper work.

Busy day?

- Yes, I need to get some work done

before I leave for vacation.

- Ooh, vacation.

- Yes, I'm going to Hawaii next week.

Lots of work to do before my trip.

- Mm, Hawaii.

- Yes.

- One important thing is

not to overuse this technique.

For example.

It'll get uncomfortable

if you repeat everything

that your conversation partner says.

- Yes, I'm going to Hawaii next week.

- Oh, Hawaii.

- Yeah, for a family reunion.

- Mm, family reunion?

- Are you going to keep repeating

everything I say?

- Everything I say?

Err.

Not good, no.

(bright music)

Many of my students enjoy small talk and chit-chat

because mistakes may be easier to recover from

in small talk rather than a formal meeting.

If you take this attitude,

each time that you engage in chit-chat,

you can expect a mistake or two,

and that is fine.

Instead of feeling embarrassed or ashamed,

acknowledge the mistake and make a note of it

feeling grateful that you likely

won't make the same mistake

in a business meeting, for example.

(bright music)

For good small talk you have to listen

and think about what is said in the moment.

This listening means that we need

to be actively engaged and observant

during a conversation,

and act on what we notice

about what the other person said.

I've given you the techniques,

such as parroting, as well as easy ways

to keep a conversation flowing

by asking questions, getting specific,

and offering up personal details.

I hope this episode has given you

some ideas about small talk

so that you can be more confident

to strike up a conversation in English

with anyone that you come across.

So now, what about you?

Do you have any tips or strategies

about small talk in English?

If so, please share them in the comments.

And if you've been a student

of American English for years now

and you still feel awkward

making small talk,

check out my new course designed

to help you master social situations

and everyday conversations

in your professional life.

The link for more information

is below in the show notes.

Thank you so much for learning

with Speak English with Christina

and I'll see you next time!