Improve your life & find SUCCESS with social etiquette

Welcome back to engVid.

In today's lesson I'm going to be giving some social etiquette tips; that means guides on

how we conduct ourselves; how we behave.

Now, you might think: "Why bother watching this one?

I just want to learn English."

But actually this is probably one of the most important videos you'll watch, because our

success in life is based on what other people think of us; their perception of... of us.

So, if we act in a way in which people enjoy being around us, then we are more likely to

do well in life.

So, I've divided this into four sections, and then we are going to take some inspiration...

okay?

We're going to get some good ideas from some literature.

Okay?

Let's go for it.

Outlook, okay?

So I'm looking out.

Okay?

"How do I see things?

What are my ideas?

What is a good space to come from?"

Well, it's good to have some sort of self-respect.

Okay?

To feel good about yourself, but not to take it to the extreme by being boastful, by saying:

"Yes!

I'm amazing!"

Okay?

Okay?

So don't think you're terrible, but don't think you're God's gift.

"God's gift" is a phrase we use if you think you are very, very special.

José Mourinho, the special one, perhaps.

Be cautious to quarrel.

"Quarrel" means argue.

So, we don't want to be getting in fights all the time.

Yeah?

If someone expresses an idea that is different to yours, it's okay for other people to have

ideas.

But know your mind; know what you think.

Listen to others.

You don't always have to disagree violently.

It's also good to be able to give your idea in a way that doesn't upset other people.

Okay?

How?

By following this.

In actions, be brave.

That doesn't mean getting in lots of fights; that means doing what you believe in; that

means, you know, living an interesting, courageous life; doing the things that you are drawn

to; that you are inspired to do.

But in conversation; when we are talking, be gentle.

Okay?

Listen, as well as talk.

Manners.

I actually got this from one of the schools that I work in.

Say: "please" to make a request.

Okay?

When you want something, say: "please".

Say: "Thank you" when someone has helped you, and say: "Sorry" when you make a mistake.

Okay?

"Please", "Thank you", "Sorry" - three simple words that do make a difference.

Okay.

If you're coming to London and we're thinking about transport... it's not just about London,

but, you know, if there's a pregnant lady, offering your seat to them; if there's an

elderly person, offer your seat to them.

It's polite to... if you're coming to a door, to let a lady go past first.

You might be a lady watching this, so it doesn't apply to you.

Holding doors, okay.

Smiles.

A smile can make all the difference.

If you give a nice smile to someone, it can really brighten up their day.

But we don't want to be, kind of, going: "Ah", all the time.

Okay?

It's a balance.

Make eye contact with people.

Again, that doesn't mean staring into their eyes; but don't just always look at the ground.

You know, look up when you're talking to someone.

At the dinner table.

If someone asks you somewhere, it's polite to respond to it.

If someone invites you by email, you should respond by email; if someone asks you by Facebook,

respond by Facebook.

So you respond with however they ask you, but in good time, so that that person can

make their plans.

If you're going somewhere, maybe bring a gift.

If you're going to an outdoor picnic, think: "Well, what could people share with me here?

What would I like to share?"

If you're going to dinner and you're over the age of 18, a bottle of wine would be appropriate.

But, you know, it's also really nice to ask what people would like you to bring.

And then turning up.

Don't arrive early, okay?

Because people might not be ready for you, but try not to be more than 30 minutes late,

because then they'll start thinking: "Oh, is this person still coming?

My food, it's getting cold."

And then it's... it's also nice if you go to a social occasion to make sure that you

speak to a range of people there.

If it's a formal occasion and you're sat there, eating a meal, you should really share your

conversation with the person on your right and the person on your left.

Starting a meal.

If it is sitting down formally for a meal, don't start tucking in until everyone else

is.

Okay?

Email.

Now, there will be more from engVid on this shortly, but a couple of tips for emails.

It's polite to give an addre-... you know, "a salutation", we call it, when you say:

"Dear, so and so", or: "Hello", or...

"Hi" would be quite informal.

But make sure it's polite and make sure, you know, you sign off at the end.

"Yours sincerely", if you don't know the person; "Kind regards" is quite professional; just

make sure there is some sort of closing.

Don't just make it one line.

The formality.

Okay?

If it's work, it should be well-written; it should be, you know, written in full sentences,

etc.

The tone.

Emails are very easy to get the wrong idea from.

So, you can type something quite quickly, and then the person gets it and they think:

"Oh, god, that person's in a bad mood."

So, write it... if you are annoyed, it's probably best not to press "send".

Yeah?

Walk away, go and wash a plate up, come back to it later.

Right.

Let's take some inspiration from Rudyard Kipling.

Rudyard Kipling wrote this over a hundred years ago.

This is not the complete poem, "If"; it's just a few lines.

It wouldn't totally fit on my board, so these are just some lines that I've chosen from

it.

Bearing in mind that this was written a hundred years ago, you'll notice how the language

has slightly changed from modern English.

It's advice on how to be a good person.

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs..."

Keep your head?

What that means: "keeping your head", phrasal verb, there, is: If you can stay cool, calm,

and collected when other people are going: "Ahh!"

Okay?

Stay cool and calm.

Okay?

So, you're staying calm and other people are going mental, and they're blaming whatever

chaos is going on you - can you still stay calm?

People are giving you a hard time, they're saying: "Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah!"

Don't shout back at them.

Okay.

Next point: "If you can trust..."

By the way, I'm not saying all this advice is very easy to follow all the time; this

is a benchmark.

This is like the top standard; it's something to aim at.

"If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you..."

Okay?

So if you can... other people are saying: "No, you can't do this, Benjamin; you can't

do that; you can't do this", if you can believe in yourself, and you... to hear those voices,

yes?

But you think: "Okay, what is their worry?

Why are they saying: 'I'm not sure if you can do this'?"

Okay?

So, you trust yourself; you have some confidence.

Other people are saying: "Not sure."

You listen to them, but you can still keep going.

Okay?

So, it's not not listening, but it's having enough confidence in yourself to continue.

"If you can wait and not be tired by waiting..."

Okay?

So, I think that's self-explanatory. "...or being lied about..."

So, if other people starting saying lie... telling lies about you - that means... that

doesn't mean that you should start telling lies yourself.

"If you can dream..."

If you can have big ideas.

"...and not make dreams your master..."

And not get swept away with them so that you forget about the rest of your life.

"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster..."

So, we've got capital letters, here, it's like turning them into people - cue for watching

my personification lesson. "...and treat those two imposters..."

Okay?

An "imposter" is like a fake; it's a person who is a bit of a cheat.

Okay? "...just the same..."

Good things happen; bad things happen - doesn't matter.

You don't... if a good thing happens to you, if you do well, that's great - you take it

in your stride.

If something bad happens, that's okay, too - we learn from it.

"If you can make one heap of all your winnings..."

Okay?

So, I have earned all this money and I'm going to take this, and I'm going to use it to do

this.

I'm not going to be sort of... you know, I'm not just going to keep it under the... under

the bed and wait for a rainy day when perhaps I might try something.

You know, be adventurous; be bold.

"And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss."

I don't think what he's saying is: Go to the casino and blow all your money.

He's not saying that.

He's saying, you know, invest in yourself to do well.

"And if you lose, be able to start again at your beginnings."

And if you've tried... you've put everything into a project and it doesn't work... okay?

You start again.

Lots of people who start businesses, it's not their first idea that works; it's their

second, third, fourth.

Okay?

You've got to keep going.

"And never breathe a word about your loss..."

Something bad happens, it doesn't mean you need to tell everyone.

Okay?

Pick yourself up; start again.

"If you can talk with crowds..."

What he means here is if you can... like, "crowds" is like the everyday person, like

lots of people, if you can be in a busy place, if you can be in a big party and have a nice

time.

Okay? "...and keep your virtue..."

Your "virtue" is your kind of... your values, what you believe in.

Okay?

So, you don't just have to live all on your own; you can be with other people, but you

stay... stay good.

"...or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch."

You can hang out with important people, but not forget who you are.

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run."

Okay, so again we've got personification; the minute is being described as unforgiving.

What that means is time goes quickly.

If you can use time well... if you can use it to do amazing things, then:

"Yours is the Earth, my son, and what's more: You'll be a Man" is roughly

the ending.

Okay?

I'm going to read it through to you once more:

"If you can keep your head when all about you

are losing theirs and blaming it on you.

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

but make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, or being lied about - don't deal in lies.

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss.

And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds' worth of distance run

Then yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

and what's more: You'll be a Man."

Now, there's one point, here.

He talks about men.

"Men", there, means general for human beings; it's not just saying that this is just for

one, you know... for one gender; for one sex.

Hope you've enjoyed this.

Hope you've learnt something from it, or that it's made you think and question things that

you believe in.

Thanks for watching.

See you again soon.