Conflict: Office English episode 8

Sometimes at work we disagree with our colleagues.

I definitely think that everyone's  ideas are worth something and it's  

definitely worth disagreeing with your peers.

Generally, I don't like confrontation and  sometimes I worry if I disagree with someone,  

they might think I'm criticising them as a person.

There's this idea that people with  authority always have things right,  

you know, impostor syndrome.

Today on Office English, we're talking about how  

you can keep things professional  when disagreements happen at work.

Hello and welcome to Office  English from BBC Learning English,  

your podcast guide to the language  of the office. In each episode,  

we talk about business English that will  help you succeed in your career. I'm Pippa.

And I'm Phil. And in this episode  we're talking about disagreements  

at work. Of course, we never disagree, do we Pippa?

No, we never disagree. We never have a  cross word. But different opinions at work

aren't always a bad thing, Phil. Sometimes  you want different perspectives on a problem.  

Sometimes you want to hear what other people  have to say, even if you don't agree. The  

problem I guess comes when a disagreement  gets in the way of the work getting done.

Today we're going to talk about how to express  your opinion, disagree politely and if necessary,  

complain about a colleague at work, all  while staying professional, of course.

And it's important to say that we're speaking from  a British cultural context. So in Britain, we like  

to think of ourselves as quite polite. We're quite  indirect when it comes to conflict. So we don't  

like to say straight to somebody's face that we  disagree with them or that we think that their  

idea is rubbish. So that's what we have to think  about when we're having this discussion, Phil.

Yes, as always, do think about the context  in which you work. Think about how direct  

people are comfortable being with each other.

So, Pippa. Let's imagine there's  a decision that needs to be made  

at work and we have a strong opinion  about it. How do we share that opinion?

So we could say something like,

'My feeling is we need to...'

So that's quite polite. You're not saying,  

'We must do this.'

You're making it clear what your opinion is but you're saying, 

'My feeling is that we need  to do something like this.'

Yes, this is a very common way of saying it.  Yeah, it's that idea of this is what I think, but  

of course other people might think different  things. You're allowing the possibility that  

someone else might have a different opinion. It's not the same as just saying,

'We have to do this. We need to do this.'

It's saying,

'This is what I think, but you might think differently'.

Yeah, another thing you can think about is  talking about how you would explain your opinion,  

what's guiding your opinion. So you might say,

'This is the company priority and so I think we need to...'

So you're giving kind of a  reason for why you have a particular opinion,  

which can be quite convincing, but  in a kind of more indirect way.

This definitely sounds like something a  manager will say when they're trying to  

bring a meeting back on topic or a discussion back. They'll say,

'Well look, these are the priorities. Whatever you suggest needs to do this, this and this. So why don't we try this?'

Yeah. Another option is to say something like,

'I know there are a lot of different routes we could take, but I really think we should...'

So that's kind of, again, acknowledging there are a lot  

of options, but re-emphasising what you think, so really gives more strength to that opinion.

Yes, but again as before you're  acknowledging that there are other opinions.

OK, so we have given our opinion,  but let's imagine that we have a  

colleague who is trying to persuade  everybody to make a decision that  

we think is a terrible idea.  What would we do then, Phil?

OK, so this first one I think we often say  something like Hmm, I'm not sure about that,  

'Hm, I'm not sure about that. I think...'

So we're not just saying,

'I think that idea is terrible.'

We're saying that you've got doubts about it,  

you're saying that your opinion is that you think  there might be a problem with this approach.

Yes so, I'm not sure doesn't mean  a definite this is the wrong way to  

go. But it introduces that idea  of doubt into the conversation.

OK, we've got another one here,  we could say, that's a good point,  

'That's a good point Pippa, but in this instance, I think we should...'

What do you think of that one?

Yes, that's nice. If you said that to me in a  meeting Phil, I wouldn't be offended. So it's  

acknowledging the other person's opinion. But you're still being firm about what you think too.

So you're not just saying,

'Oh, that's a great idea. Let's do that.'

You're saying,

'That's a good point, but in this instance, I think we should do something completely different.'

And here's another one,

'I'm sorry, Phil. I have to disagree with you on this.'

I seem to hear this one a lot. Lots  of people say this to me. I'm not sure why.

I couldn't say, Phil. Yes, I like this because you're being quite direct about disagreeing with someone.

You're saying,

'I have to disagree with you.'

But you're saying,

'I'm sorry,'

And you're saying,

'I have to disagree.'

So it sort of makes it more  professional. It's less of a personal disagreement  

because you have to disagree, you don't want to  disagree. It's more of a matter of principle.

So we have some good options for disagreeing.  But what if the person we disagree with becomes  

unprofessional and prevents the work from getting  done? Is there anything we can do here, Pippa?

So it depends. If you have a colleague who keeps getting in the way of things, or ignores the  

decisions being made by the company, you could  consider complaining to someone more senior,  

so your boss or your manager. You'll have  to think really carefully about whether  

it's a good idea. This will depend on the  seriousness of what's happened and also the  

kind of company that you work in. It might  be a better idea just to talk to the person  

directly, but sometimes you just aren't  getting anywhere, it's a really big issue  

and it's causing problems for your work and  for the company, so you have to complain.

If you're gonna complain, you might use  a phrase like,

'I'm finding it difficult to work effectively because...'

What do you think of that, Phil?

Well, it's a very common way of saying this  and the reason that it works is because the  

focus is on you, on why your work is difficult,  rather than the focus being directly on the other  

person's behaviour. Although, obviously, you  are going to mention that. But it, kind of, it  

tries to reduce the conflict by pointing out the  consequences of what the other person is doing.

Mmm yes, and a manager's probably going  to be most interested in why this is a  

problem rather than your kind of personal  disagreement with somebody.

Another phrase you can use which is useful is,

''I'm worried about how this would affect... for instance, our customers or our clients.'

So again you're focusing on the impact.

Yes, I think, by focusing on the consequences,  it reduces the possibility of it just becoming  

too personal. You're just saying,

'Look, it's about our customers, or it's about the work that we need to do'.

And that's where the focus needs to be really.

Yeah, and not everybody gets on as  well as we do Phil so, you know,  

sometimes you'll have to work  with people you don't get on with,  

but it is really about whether or not you can  do the work. And if the work can't get done,  

then you probably need to look at what  the problem is and how you can solve it.

Hopefully, with these phrases, you  can keep disagreements professional  

and avoid having to complain. But  conflict at work is difficult,  

as we heard from our BBC Learning English  colleagues at the start of the podcast.

Generally, I don't like confrontation  and sometimes I worry if I disagree  

with someone they might think  I'm criticising them as a person.

There's this idea that people with  authority always have things right,  

you know, impostor syndrome.

So, Georgie talked about something called  'impostor syndrome'. And this is what we call  

'the feeling that you don't belong somewhere or you aren't good enough to do your job, when you actually are'

What do you think about that, Phil?

Yes, it can be difficult with impostor  syndrome, because there's two sides to  

this. You get people who are not very  confident, but they are competent,  

and that's usually when people have impostor  syndrome. But you also get the opposite,  

you get some people who are really confident,  but maybe they're not so good at their job. And  

if you're the person who's not that confident,  it can be really difficult to stand up against  

another colleague who's really confident, even  though you think they're doing everything wrong.

Yeah, and in the UK, people talk a lot about  impostor syndrome stopping people from doing  

their best work and so there's a lot of talk about  kind of being more confident and standing up for  

what you believe in. But I guess it's important  to think about your workplace and culture because  

there's some places where there's quite strict  hierarchies and it wouldn't be a good idea  

to disagree with your boss or somebody who's  worked at the company a lot longer than you.

So, again, as we've said, it's  about reading the situation,  

trying to be confident in your opinions if you  think they're gonna make the company better,  

make the work better, but also recognising  when it's a good idea not to voice an opinion.

Yes. And actually that's a really important  skill. Look at the place where you work,  

look at how people deal with conflict. Are  they very direct in criticising each other?  

Or are they a lot more indirect, do they try  and not get very personal with it or perhaps  

go through third people? Have a look at it  and see what the context is where you work.

That's it for this episode of Office English.  Remember, you can find more programmes and  

activities to help you with your English at  work on our website, bbclearningenglish.com.

Next time, we'll be talking about  the language of negotiating at work.

Bye for now.

Bye!