Speaking: Being polite - how to soften your English

Hi Sian here for BBC Learning English... in this Masterclass we're going to look at something

British people love doing! Being polite.

No, I'm not coming to your party this evening. Wow, this food is disgusting! Give me some

of your lunch. Now sometimes it's ok to be direct - or even blunt with your friends...

but it's important not to sound rude, particularly in the workplace. We're gonna look at 4

ways you can soften your language to make you more polite...

OK, listen to these two requests. Which one

sounds more polite and less direct, and why?

Number 1: 'Pick me up on your way to the party this evening!'

Or number 2: 'I was hoping you could give me a lift to the party.'

Now, number 2 is much more polite. We soften requests, and suggestions and questions by

using past forms, continuous forms or both. For example, 'I was wondering if you could

give me a lift later.' We can also make requests softer by using

a negative question with a question tag. So, 'You couldn't give me a lift later, could

you?' or 'I don't suppose you could pick me up tonight, could you?'

OK, listen to these two opinions. Which do

you think sounds less direct and more polite?

Number 1: 'You're too young to get married!' Or number 2: 'I reckon you're a little young

to be getting married!'

Yeah, the second one is much less direct. It's softer. We use verbs like reckon, guess,

feel to make your opinions less direct. You can also use vague expressions like 'sort

of', 'kind of', 'a little bit'. It also helps if you make it into a question: 'Aren't you

kind of young to be getting married?'

OK now listen to these two problems. Which

one sounds less direct?

The first one: 'You've made a mistake in this report!'

Or the second one: 'You seem to have made a mistake here.'

Yes, the second one was softer, less direct. We introduce problems with verbs like seem

and appear to soften them. So, 'You appear to have saved over all my documents'. You

could also use these to introduce your own problems. So, 'I seem to have lost those reports you wanted'.

Now listen to these two ways of refusing an

invitation. Which one sounds less direct?

Number 1? 'No, I'm not coming to your party this evening.'

or number 2? 'I'm not sure I'll be able to make it to your party this evening.'

OK, again the second one was much softer, less direct. We find it really hard to say

no! So instead we use tentative language to soften it. So, 'I'm not sure I'll make it

to your party.' Or 'It's looking unlikely I'll be able to come this evening.' This basically

means 'I'm not coming!'

Now to find out more about avoiding being too direct, and to practise not being rude,

I was hoping you would check out our website bbclearningenglish.com. See you soon, goodbye!