Dating apps: How our brains react - 6 Minute English

Dan: Hello and welcome to 6 Minute English. I'm Dan.

Rob: And hello, I'm Rob.

Dan: In today's programme we're going to

be looking at what our brains are doing

when we are using dating apps. Now, Rob,

have you ever used a dating app?

Rob: No way, I would never use one.

Dan: Hmm, so Rob, can you explain, when

talking about dating apps, what we mean

by swipe left and swipe right?

Rob: Ah, yes. These are not new words

but technology has given them new

meaning. 'To swipe' is the movement of

your finger on a smartphone to

change the screen you're looking at. So

imagine turning the page in a book, well,

on a phone, you swipe. In some dating

apps, they show you pictures of people

you might find attractive.

If you do like them, you swipe right. If you

don't like them, you swipe left.

Dan: We will dig deeper into this topic

shortly, but first, a question. In the UK,

approximately how many marriages start

with the couple meeting online? Is it:

a) One in three, b) One in four, or c) One in five.

What do you think?

Rob: Well, all of those seem quite high to me,

so I'm going to guess in the middle,

one in four.

Dan: Well, we'll find out if you're right later in the

programme. Now, Alice Gray is a

science communicator and blogger.

Recently she was a guest on BBC

Radio 4's Woman's Hour programme and

she was asked about what goes on in our

brains when we use dating apps

compared to when we meet

people in real life. What difference does

she say there is?

Alice Gray: It's very easy to think that just with

these instantaneous swipe left, swipe

right, that the process in our brain of how

we pick out a suitable mate would be very

different, when actually it's really similar

to how we do it in person.

Rob: So she says that what goes on in our

brains is actually very similar. Online we

make decisions very quickly about who

we like. These decisions are almost

immediate - she used the adjective

'instantaneous' for this. So we make these

instantaneous decisions then choose to

swipe left or swipe right. In real life, we do

the same thing.

We know almost immediately when we

see someone, if we find them attractive or not.

Dan: Although of course in digital dating,

once you've swiped left you will never see

that person again and you won't have the

chance to meet. In the real world you

could meet someone you don't find

attractive instantaneously and then get to

know them and find that you do quite like them.

Rob: Yes, this is true, but then possibly

they won't like you. And then you have to

deal with rejection. Rejection is when

someone doesn't find you attractive and

they don't want to spend time with you or

get to know you.

Dan: So, what's the difference in our brains

between online rejection and real life

rejection? Here's Alice Gray again.

Alice Gray: We see that a lot of the

patterns associated with rejection in real

life and rejection on dating apps are

similar, it's just the exposure to the rate of the

amount of rejection you get on dating

apps is a lot higher than the ones in real

life. So in real life you'll have time to, sort

of, compute the rejection, get over it a

little bit, and dust yourself off and get on

with it. Whereas the rate of rejection

on dating apps is so high it's often hard

to cope with one coming in after another.

Rob: So, she says that our brain's response

to real life and online rejection is quite

similar, but in the digital world you can be

rejected many more times.

Dan: In real life you have a bit more time

to recover from the rejection, to get over it,

as she says. You can dust yourself off

which is a way of saying you think

positively to make yourself feel better.

Imagine falling over on the ground, when

you get up, you might be covered in dust

and dirt, you need to dust yourself off to

make yourself ready again, before you

carry on.

Rob: In the online world though, you don't

have that time. Online dating apps can

lead to many rejections and

psychologically that can be difficult to

manage. Another way of saying

'difficult to manage' is 'difficult to cope with'.

Dan: Well, we don't want you to reject us,

so time now to give you the answer to

that quiz question before a recap of

today's vocabulary. I asked: in the UK,

approximately how many marriages

start with the couple meeting online? Is it:

a) One in three, b) One in four, or

c) One in five.

Rob: Hmmm, so I said b) one in four,

25%. Was I right?

Dan: Sorry, Rob, the answer is a), one in

three. Does that surprise you?

Rob: Yes, it does, I didn't think it would be

that high.

Dan: It's the sign of the times, Rob. Digital

world – digital dating! Let's have a look at

that vocabulary.

Rob: OK, well, we started with the verb 'to

swipe'. The movement of our finger on

a smartphone or tablet screen to indicate

whether we like someone or not. Swipe

right for like, swipe left if you don't like.

Dan: Our decisions on whether we find

someone attractive or not are often

instantaneous. This adjective means

'immediate', 'at once'.

Rob: 'Rejection' is when you let someone

know that you are not interested in them,

you don't want to be romantically involved

with them.

Dan: If you are 'rejected' you might need

some time to feel better, and for this you

can use the phrasal verb 'get over'. It can

take some time to get over a rejection.

Rob: Yeah, I know! Now being positive and optimistic

after a rejection can be described as

'dusting yourself off'. But, having many

rejections can be difficult to cope with,

which means it can be difficult to

manage, difficult to keep positive.

Dan: Well, we hope you don't swipe left on

this programme and you will join us again

next time. Remember you can find us on

Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube

and of course our website

bbclearningenglish.com.

Rob: And don't forget our new BBC

Learning English app.

Dan: Oh good idea. See you soon. Bye.

Rob: Bye bye!