The power of crying - 6 Minute English

Hello. This is 6 Minute English from

BBC Learning English. I'm Neil.

And I'm Sam.

Do you cry easily, Sam? I mean, when

was the last time you cried?

Let me think... Last week watching

a movie, probably. I was watching

a really dramatic

film and in one scene, the heroine

gets separated from her children.

I just burst out crying.

How about you Neil - when was

he last time you cried?

Men don't cry, Sam.

Come on, Neil! That's a bit stereotypical,

isn't it? - the idea that men

don't show their

emotions and women cry all the time.

Well, that's an interesting point, Sam,

because in today's programme

we're discussing crying.

We'll be investigating the reasons why

we cry and looking at some

of the differences

between men and women and

between crying in public and

in private. And of course, we'll

be learning some related vocabulary

along the way.

I guess it's kind of true that women

do cry more than men. People

often think crying is

only about painful feelings but we also

cry to show joy and when we

are moved by something

beautiful like music or a painting.

So, maybe women are just more in touch

with their feelings and that's

why they cry more.

Well actually, Sam, that brings me

to our quiz question. According to

a study from 2017

conducted in the UK, on average, how

many times a year do women cry? Is it:

a) 52, b) 72, or c) 102?

Hmm, it's a tricky question, Neil.

I mean, there are so many different

reasons why people

cry. And what makes me cry might make

someone else laugh. I think

some of my female friends

probably cry around once a week, so I'll

guess the answer is a) 52.

OK, Sam. We'll find out later if you were

right. Now, while it may be true that men

cry less often, it also seems that they feel

less embarrassed about crying in public.

This may be because of differences in

how men and women think

others will view their

public displays of emotion. Here's BBC

Radio 4's Woman's Hour speaking

to therapist Joanna

Cross about the issue of crying at work.

Let's take the workplace. If you've got

somebody who seems to cry regularly,

I think that's

not helpful for the individual because then

if they cry over something that really is

important to them, they might not be

taken so seriously - or they

get a label. But I

do think crying is often a build-up of

frustration and undealt-with

situations and it's a bit

of a final straw moment.

So people who regularly cry at work

risk not being taken seriously - not

being treated

as deserving attention or respect.

And they might even get a label - become

thought of as having a particular

character, whether

that's true or not.

Here's Joanna Cross again:

You build up your resentments, your

lack of boundaries, not being able

to say 'no' and

then somebody says, 'Can you go and

make a cup of tea?' and you

suddenly find yourself

weeping. And everybody says,

'What's wrong with her?', you know, but actually

that's often a backlog

of situations.

So, a common reason for crying at work

seems to be a build-up

of resentments - feelings

of anger when you think you have been

treated unfairly or have been

forced to accept something

you don't like.

When left undealt with, these feelings

can create a backlog - an accumulation

of issues that you

should have dealt with before but didn't.

Right. And then, like Joanna says,

someone asks you to do something

very simple and easy,

like make a cup of tea, and you start

weeping - another word for crying.

That's a good example of a final straw

moment, a term which comes

from the expression, 'The

straw that broke the camel's back'.

The final straw means

a further problem which itself

might be insignificant but which finally

makes you want to give up.

I hope this programme won't be

the final straw for us, Sam.

I doubt it, Neil. The only time I cry at work

is when you used to bring in

your onion sandwiches

for lunch. In fact, I can feel a tear rolling

down my cheek right now...

Ah, so that counts as one of your cries,

Sam. Remember, I asked you

on average how many

times a year women in the UK

cry - and you said?

I said a) 52.

Well, don't cry when I tell you that you

were wrong. The actual answer

was c) 72 times a year.

Which on average is more than men,

but less than parents of new-born babies,

both mothers

and fathers. They cry almost as much

as their babies!

Today, we've been talking about crying - or

weeping, as it's sometimes called.

People who often cry at work risk not

being taken seriously - not treated

as deserving

of attention or respect.

This means they might get a label -

becoming known as someone with

a particular kind of

personality, even though that

may not be true.

But crying is also a healthy way of

expressing emotions. It can help

deal with resentments

- feelings of anger that you have

been treated unfairly.

If we don't deal with these feelings in

some way, they can grow into

a backlog - an accumulation

of unresolved issues that you now

need to deal with.

And if you don't deal with them, you might

become a ticking bomb

waiting to explode.

Then anything someone says to you can

become the final straw - the

last small problem which

makes you want to give up

and maybe start crying.

What's the matter, Neil?

Was it something I said?

No, Sam - I'm crying because it's

the end of the programme!

Ahh, don't worry because we'll be back

soon for another edition

of 6 Minute English. But

bye for now.

Bye.