Loneliness - 6 Minute English

Hello. This is 6 Minute English from BBC Learning English. I’m Neil.

And I’m Rob.

It’s great that you’re here to keep me company – to spend time

with me so I don’t get lonely – because loneliness is the subject

of this programme.

It’s good to be here, Neil.

I think many of us have experienced loneliness at some point.

Maybe you’ve felt lonely because all your friends have gone out for

dinner without you, or maybe you’ve felt lonely

just because you don’t fit in somewhere.

Yes, that’s when we sometimes use the expression ‘to

feel lonely in a crowd’.

Well, we’ll be exploring if this is a new idea or something humans

have always experienced, and along the way we’ll be teaching

you some new vocabulary.

But now I’m here to keep you company,

how about a question for me?

Of course! Well, one possibly lonely man is Mauro Morandi.

He’s lived alone on Budelli Island in Italy

for many years, but how many years exactly?

Is it: a) 6 years, b) 31 years, or

c) 44 years?

Umm 44 years would be tough, as would 31, so I’ll go for 6 years.

OK, Rob, we’ll find out later if that’s right.

Now, I’m sure we all want to be alone from time to time, to escape

the demands of our colleagues or the pressures of real life,

but would we really want to be totally alone?

Well, I certainly wouldn’t.

And research has found that prolonged social isolation is bad for us,

particularly mentally.

It’s an interesting topic, and one that the BBC Radio 4 programme

Thinking Aloud has been exploring.

Its guest, Fay Bound Alberti, Reader in History at the University

of York, explained how loneliness is a relatively

new emotional state.

A state is a condition at a particular time.

Let’s hear what she had to say about references

to loneliness in literature.

Well novels are fascinating, because there’s a difference

between novels in the 18th Century, when they first came into being,

and novels in the 19th Century - in the 18th Century something

like Robinson Crusoe, there’s not a single reference to loneliness.

By the 19th Century novels are full of lonely people and that reflects

those kinds of social changes.

Give me some examples. What may count as examples?

Well, I suppose I’m thinking about if you compare something like

Wuthering Heights where you have this desperate desire on the part

of the heroine to find love which is bundled up to in this sense of the

self not being complete without another, or Tess of the d’Ubervilles.

And so Victorian fiction in particular tends to be full of woman

who are in search of the significant other

and needing to find happiness and an absence of loneliness

in the domestic.

It’s interesting that Fay mentions the story of Robinson Crusoe –

about a man living on a desert island –

does not mention the word loneliness.

But because of a shift in how people behaved and thought in the

19th century – called social change – loneliness became

an emotion that was written about in stories.

Ah, but loneliness tended to be something affecting women.

They were searching for happiness by finding a ‘significant other’ –

a partner, usually a man, who they wanted to marry.

How things have changed!

Yes, now Fay also went on to talk about how some

female authors, like Virginia Woolf, looked for solitude – that’s

being alone – because that helped them be creative.

Even today, being alone gives us headspace and time to think,

as long as it doesn’t last forever. Anyway, as we mentioned,

we’ve probably all been lonely at some point, and Fay

Bound Alberti told the Thinking Aloud programme that

loneliness can take many forms.

Absolutely, I think that loneliness is something that affects

all people but at different times in their lives. I would describe in

terms of pinch points – there are times when we change [when

we become] when we get married, we become mothers, we get

divorced, anything that changes our life might put us under

temporary loneliness. When it’s a problem is

when it becomes chronic.

It seems that there are certain times in our lives when we might

feel lonely – when we break up with a partner or have a baby and

feel isolated, for example. These are moments that Fay

describes as pinch points – times in your life where there are

difficulties and things slow down or change.

We could say loneliness at these times is understandable,

normal and temporary. When it becomes a bigger issue,

it’s what Fay describes as chronic – so, long lasting.

And loneliness isn’t always obvious to other people, so it’s good

to check in with friends and family to see how they’re feeling

and to ask if they’re OK. Of course, it would be difficult to check

in on Mauro Morandi, who’s been living on Budelli Island in Italy

for many years, but how many years exactly?

Ahh well I thought 6 years. Was I right?

I’m afraid not. It’s actually been 31 years. He told National

Geographic magazine “I’m sort of in prison here… but it’s a prison

that I chose for myself.” So I’m guessing he’s got used to his

own company! I certainly couldn’t live alone for that long –

I’d been too lonely, I need company Rob.

Yeah, me too Neil! And loneliness is what we’ve been discussing

in this programme. Here’s a recap of some of the vocabulary

we’ve mentioned. Firstly, to keep someone company is to spend

time with someone so they don’t get lonely.

Social change is a shift in how people behave and think.

A significant other is an informal way of describing a partner.

Solitude describes being alone.

When talking about life, pinch points are times where there are

difficulties and things slow down or change. And chronic

describes a health condition that is long lasting.

And that’s all we have time for in this programme,

but remember you can find more useful vocabulary,

trending topics and help with your language learning here at

BBC Learning English. We also have an app that you can

download for free from the app stores and of course we are

all over social media. Bye for now!

Bye bye!