Do you get jealous easily? ⏲️ 6 Minute English

Hello. This is 6 Minute English from

BBC Learning English. I’m Sam.

And I’m Neil.

Your friend, Alicia, phoned and left

you a message for you, Neil. She’s

sorry but she has to cancel lunch

today. I think she’s going

with Jenny, instead.

That’s the third time this week

they’ve had lunch together!

Are they best friends now?

It sounds like Neil has a case of the

green-eyed monster, in other words,

jealousy – the fear that someone

else may take something you think is

yours. Humans have struggled with

jealousy for thousands of years.

Jealousy damages friendships,

destroys relationships, and can even

become a motive for murder.

In this programme, we’ll discuss jealousy

to find out happens when the green-eyed

monster raises its ugly head. And, as usual,

we’ll be learning some useful new vocabulary.

Meanwhile, my friend Alicia will be having

lunch with Jenny instead of me.

Feeling jealous is no fun. Maybe this

question will take your mind off it.

The expression ‘the green-eyed monster’

comes from a speech in one of William

Shakespeare’s most famous plays,

but which one? Is it:

a) Romeo and Juliet?

b) Hamlet? or c) Othello?

I think the answer is Othello.

OK, Neil. I’ll reveal the answer later

in the programme. For many people,

feelings of jealousy occur in romantic

relationships. Here, psychologist,

Dr Alex Mielke, explains why to BBC

World Service programme, CrowdScience.

So you have a friend, a significant other,

your parents… and you have the feeling

that this relationship is threatened by

someone else starting some form

of relationship with them, starting

a new friendship, you know, flirting

with them and so on, which is different

from envy, for example, which is

probably the emotion that gets you

to act when someone has something

you want and you have to somehow

get that from them – that’s

when you feel envious.

Jealousy can be a problem for

husbands and wives, boyfriends and

girlfriends, or anyone involved in a

romantic relationship. Dr Mielke uses

the term, significant other, to describe

any kind of romantic partner who you

have a long-term relationship with.

You might feel jealous if someone

flirts with your partner. Flirting is

when you behave as if you are sexually

attracted to someone but in a

playful way rather than

with serious intentions.

Dr Mielke also notes the difference

between two words people often

confuse: jealousy, and a similar term,

envy - wanting what someone else has.

You could be envious of someone’s

possessions like a new car, their

achievements like promotion at work,

or a personal quality like

being funny or good-looking.

So, jealousy involves three people – you,

your loved one, and someone

else - whereas envy involves just two - you

and the person who has something

you want. But while these emotions

are easy to define, they can

be very difficult to manage.

Jealousy can lead to controlling

behaviour, like checking your partner’s

text messages or monitoring who they

see, behaviour which damages

relationships. But unlike other

psychological problems such as

anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder,

many do not feel brave enough to

ask for help with their jealousy.

So, what can people who struggle with

jealousy do? That’s the question

Caroline Steel, presenter of BBC World

Service programme, CrowdScience,

asked clinical psychologist, Dr Johan Ahlen.

If there was sort of an ideal future

for people looking for help with their

jealousy, what would it be like?

Could there be a pill? Or would it be

a specific therapy? Or what’s kind of

a realistic ideal future?

I believe that some kind of cognitive

behavioural therapy where you work

with decreasing this monitoring and

checking behaviours like having a

plan for how to do that because

that's not easy. And also, at the

same time increasing activities or

behaviours that harmonise with

how you want to become.

Unfortunately, Dr Ahlen says jealousy

cannot be cured by taking a pill –

medicine in the form of a

small tablet that you swallow.

Instead, he recommends cognitive

behavioural therapy, or CBT for short,

a therapy which helps people deal

with their emotions by changing

how they think about things.

Instead of feeling jealous that your

best friend is spending time with

someone else, try feeling happy that

she’s made a new friend.

Good idea - plus I won’t have

that horrid feeling of the green-eyed

monster inside! Speaking of which,

it’s time to reveal the answer

to your question, Sam.

I asked which famous Shakespearian

play first described jealousy

as ‘the green-eyed monster’.

I said it was Othello. So, was I right?

Othello was the correct answer!

Othello becomes so jealous that

he murders his wife, Desdemona,

before killing himself. If only he’d had

some therapy! Right, let’s recap

the vocabulary from this programme

on the green-eyed monster,

another name for jealousy.

A significant other is a wife,

husband or other romantic partner

who you are in a long-term

relationship with.

Flirting means playfully pretending you

are sexually attracted to someone.

The emotion envy means wanting

what someone else has.

A pill is medicine in the form

of a small tablet which you swallow.

And finally, cognitive behavioural

therapy or CBT is a type of therapy

where people are encouraged to change

the way they think about their emotional

and behavioural problems. Once again,

our six minutes are up. Join us again

soon for more emotional support as

well as new and useful vocabulary

here at 6 Minute English. Bye for now!

Bye bye!