Feel Stuck in English Conversation? (How to Get Unstuck and Continue the Conversation)

549,968 views ・ 2018-02-07

Speak Confident English


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

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Hi I'm Anne Marie with Speak Confident English and welcome to your weekly
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Confident English lesson where we focus on the skills and the language that you
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need to say what you want in English. This week we're focused on those
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situations when hmm those situations when you get stuck. Those moments when
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you get stuck, when you freeze, when you lose the words that you want to say, when
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you don't feel confident about what to say next or you can't find the right
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word the right expression or the right grammar, you're searching in your mind
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and you just say nothing because you don't know what to say. When it comes to
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feeling stuck or searching for the right word in English I have bad news and good
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news. The bad news is these situations will always happen and yes
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they suck they are awful. The good news is these situations happen to native
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speakers too and that means that we have several strategies and things that we
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can say in those moments to help us. When you know the right thing to do and the
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right thing to say in those moments it can help remove the stress, the
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frustration, and the fear and more importantly you can continue to
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communicate with confidence in a conversation. I'm going to share with you
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three strategies for what to do and common things that you can say to help
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you in those moments when you feel stuck. We're going to start with situation
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number one - someone asks you a question in English and you have no idea what to
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say. Maybe you've never heard the question before, maybe you didn't
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understand it clearly, maybe you just don't know you just need a little bit of
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time to think. So here are two strategies to help you.
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Number one - if you just need a little bit of time to think get your thoughts clear
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and figure out the right words to say then buy yourself some time. What that
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means is saying something that will give you some extra moments to think. Here are
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three things native speakers often say when we need just a moment to think
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about what we want to say and find the right words. 1. Great question!
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Let me think about that for a moment. Number two - you know I've never thought
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about that. Let me think about it. And number three - huh, you know I'm not sure.
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Give me a second to think about it. Each of those sentences will buy you or get
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you some time so that you can pause, take a deep breath to calm down, and think
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about what it is that you want to say in English. The second strategy that you can
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use when you don't know what to say, you don't know how to answer a question in
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English is to answer a question with a question and this is my favorite
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strategy to use in English and in my second language when someone asks me a
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question and I don't know what to say, I feel a little bit stuck and I need some
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time. I usually say something like: You know, I'm not sure. What about you? For
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example, imagine that you're talking to someone and they ask you a question,
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maybe they ask your opinion on a topic and you freeze you don't know what you
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want say, you need some time to think about it,
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to find the right words. Instead of trying to answer or feeling nervous you
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could simply say: You know, I don't know what I think about it. What about you? Or
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I'm not sure. Let me think about it but what about you? What did you think?
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When you do that, when you answer a question with a question,
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it gets the other person speaking and it gives you time to keep thinking about
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what you want to say. Now in that example, my answer to the question was I don't
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know or I'm not sure let me think about it,
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what about you? That doesn't always work. For example if someone says 'what do you
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do' they're asking about your job and of course you know what your job is so you
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can't say I don't know but you could use something like: Give me a moment to think
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about how to explain it in English and while I think tell me about your job.
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Again that will get the other person speaking and it gives you time to think
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about what you want to say and find the words that you need. Now those two
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strategies that we talked about - buying yourself time with something like 'let me
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think about that' or answering with a question - those give you the opportunity
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to think about what you want to say but what should you do if you just don't
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understand the question, you're not sure what they asked you? I actually have a
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full lesson just on that topic of what should you do and say when you don't
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understand and you can get a link to that lesson below this video but now
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let's move on to situation number 2. You're having a conversation in English
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or you're speaking at a business meeting and things are going
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great until you lose it. You lose the word or suddenly you can't think of the
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expression that you want to use. You've totally lost what you wanted to say and
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those moments can definitely be embarrassing because other people are
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waiting for you, they're waiting for you to continue or to say what you want but
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you're totally stuck. This happens so often to native speakers that we have
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several things that we say in those moments and these things help us to have
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time to think, they explain what happened, they make other people laugh, or they
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help us change the topic. So you can use the same expressions native speakers use
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to help you in those moments when you lose the word, you feel stuck, and you
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need time to think or you want to change the topic or you simply want to explain
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what just happened and everyone will understand because again it happens to
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all of us. So here are several things native speakers say. These are things
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that I say when I forget what I want to say or I lose a word. Number one - oh my
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gosh! I totally lost what I wanted to say. I'm
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so sorry. Give me a moment to think about it. Number two - oh my brain just froze! I
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lost what I wanted to say. Number three - mmm I can't find the word that I want to
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use. Maybe you can help me if I explain it. And then you would try to find
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another way to explain the word or the expression you're looking for and get
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other people to help you find it. Number four - oh I lost my train of
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thought. One moment. And then use that extra moment to try to
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get your thoughts back together to get those connections in your mind going.
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Number 5 is with an idiom that we use often - oh I lost the word! It's on
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the tip of my tongue. We use that idiom to say we almost remember it, it's so
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close in our mind but we can't find the word or we can't find the expression and
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again if you really can't find it then you could ask someone to help you or
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change the topic. Number six - oh sorry, I forgot what I wanted to say. Um, hopefully
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it'll come back to me in a moment. Hopefully it will come back to me in a
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moment. That's another great expression to use to buy yourself some time to show
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that you've lost what you wanted to say, you can't find it and maybe those words
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will come back to you if you have a little bit of time to think. And finally,
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another common way that native speakers talk about this is - hmm I think my brain
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just went dead. Sorry. Now all of those sentences that we just talked about
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explain what happened if somebody's listening to you speak and you suddenly
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get stuck. Those sentences will explain what happened and of course it gives you
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a little bit of time to think but if you cannot find the word, if you're thinking
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about it and it doesn't come back to you you have three options. Number one: just
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forget about what you were trying to say and go forward. So for example, if you're
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at a business meeting and you're sharing an idea, suddenly you get stuck, you're
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trying to find the word and you explain 'oh I'm sorry. I just lost what I'm trying
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to say. lLet me think about it.' And if it doesn't come back to you you can say
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something like: You know it's not coming back to me
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but let me continue. And then you just go on to your next topic. The second
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thing you can do is give someone else the opportunity to speak. If you're
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in a conversation, you get stuck and it's not coming back to you, you could say: You
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know, I just can't remember what I wanted to say. Maybe it will come back to me and
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I can talk about it later but does anyone else want to answer the question?
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Or does anyone else have something to say? And it's an invitation to others in
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the conversation to speak instead. Your third option is to simply change the
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subject, to move on to a new topic. If you get stuck and you cannot find the
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words that you wanted to say, you lose your thoughts and they don't come back
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to you, you can simply change the subject by saying: You know, it's not coming back
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to me. Let's move on, let's change the topic. In all of those situations you
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continue the conversation successfully and maybe in a few minutes
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what you wanted to say, the words you were looking for, will come back to your
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mind and later in the conversation or while you're speaking at the business
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meeting you could say: Oh I just remembered what I wanted to say earlier!
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And then you can continue to say what you want. So the next time this happens
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to you, when someone asks you a question in English and you freeze for a moment
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or you're speaking and suddenly you lose what you wanted to say, try using one of
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these strategies to help you continue in that conversation. And here is another
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thing that is great about those strategies that you can use: they work in
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every situation. If you're talking to a friend in English, you're talking to your
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neighbor about a vacation that you went on, if you're at a business meeting
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sharing your idea, or getting to know a new client. In all of those
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situations these strategies are perfectly appropriate and polite to use.
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And if you found today's lesson useful to you, please let me know. You can do
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that by giving this video a thumbs up on YouTube and sharing it on Facebook. With
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that have a fantastic week and I look forward to seeing you in our next
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Confident English lesson.
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