Conversation Skills - The secret to successful socializing

Hi. My name is Rebecca from engVid. In today's lesson, I'm going to show you how to socialize

more effectively. Now, socializing well is an art no matter what language you speak.

So whether you're an English speaker or whether you're an English learner, you can benefit

from this lesson in which you'll learn three easy steps to be able to speak more effectively

whether you're in a social situation or in a professional situation. Okay? So here we

go.

So let's suppose in the first scenario that you're at a party or at a business conference.

A very common question that you're often asked is, "What do you do?" When people ask, "What

do you do?" they mean, "What is your profession? What kind of work do you do?" So if you're

asked, "What do you do?" there are two possible responses that you could have. I've indicated

what they are with this face, which is kind of not really a smiley face, and this response,

which is a smiley face, which is the preferable response. All right?

So you could say, "I'm an accountant." Somebody asks you, "What do you do?" and you could

say, "I'm an accountant." Is that a bad answer? Well, it's not a bad answer. It is an answer.

You weren't rude. You didn't not answer, but you're not kind of giving the other person

too much to go on. All right? And in a good conversation, you should be giving the other

person some information so they can continue the conversation. All right?

So let's look at the preferred response. So if you're asked, "What do you do?" you could

say, "I'm an accountant." In fact, I've been an accountant for about ten years now. And

then you turn it around to the person who asked the question and say, "How about you?"

All right? And this is key because now you're not keeping all the focus on yourself. You're

turning it around and asking the other person, "How about you?" All right?

Let's try it with another question. Somebody asks you, "Where do you live?" So, of course,

you could say, "London" or "in London", and then the conversation's not going anywhere.

Okay? But if you want the conversation to continue in a friendly manner, you could say,

"I live in London. In fact, I've lived there all my life. How about you?" Now, you come

across as a much friendlier person who's not only given the other person some information

about yourself, but you're also showing an interest in the other person. With this key

question and this simple question, "How about you?" We just use that question to turn it

around and ask the same question of the other person. Right?

Let's take another question. "How long have you worked here?" or "How long have you worked

in this company?" Oh, we have a lot of motorcyclists here today. Okay. "How long have you worked

in this department?" All right? You could just say, "Six years." But that sounds not

very friendly. It doesn't sound like you want to continue the conversation. You're not likely

to make close business contacts if you just answer in this very short manner. Instead

of that, you could say, "I've been in this department for six years. Before that or prior

to that, I worked in sales. How about you?" Okay? You see that little trick? So, you answer

the question, you give a little bit more information about that first answer, and then you turn

it around with a simple question, "How about you?" Okay? In a minute, we're going to look

at a few more examples of this kind.

All right, let's look at some more examples. Okay? So, suppose somebody asks you, "Do you

play any sports?" You could say, "Yes, I do. In fact, I play tennis every weekend. How

about you?" All right? So, again, you have the three-part answer. The basic answer, a

little elaboration, and then turning it over again to the speaker, "How about you?" Yes?

Let's look at another question. "Do you speak any other languages?" So, you could say, "Unfortunately

not. I've always wanted to learn Spanish, but I haven't had the time. How about you?"

Okay? So, by doing this, you're giving the other person enough information to carry on

a conversation, to comment about something. Perhaps they also tried to learn Spanish in

the past, or they tried to learn Russian or some other language. Right? So, by providing

the extra information, you keep the conversation going, and you give some further information.

Now, what I explained to you here about this three-step process is not just good once.

You can continue it back and forth. So, let me show you a little scenario where it's continued.

Okay? So, let's suppose the first person asks, "Do you have any children?" Okay? So, the

second person says, "Yes, I do. I have a son. How about you?" Okay? See the three points?

Now, comes back to the first speaker who says, "Yes, I have two children. They are six and

four. How old is your son?" "How old is your son?" is like, "How about your son?" Right?

Same basic question. "How about you?" And the answer is, "He's six. He's quite a big

baseball fan. How about your kids?" Right? What are they interested in? So, you see,

by doing this three-part answer, by providing the three-part answer, you're really providing

enough material to carry on a conversation, whether you're in a social situation, whether

you're in a business context. It will make each person feel more comfortable because

sometimes what's awkward in social situations or when you're socializing with people is

the silences. So, this gives you something to do and gives each person enough information

to be able to ask interesting questions about the other person. Okay? If you'd like a little

more practice with this technique, please go to our website, www.engvid.com. Thanks

for watching. Good luck with your English and making friends and business contacts.

Bye for now.