12 Phrases You Should Never Say To Native Speakers

Of course, you're learning English because you  want to communicate with natives in English.

To do that confidently, you need to expand  your vocabulary with the correct phrases.

But what about removing phrases from your  vocabulary because they sound awkward,  

sound unnatural, or even sound rude to natives?

Today, you'll learn 12 phrases that  you should never say to natives.

And you'll also expand your vocabulary with  

the correct phrases to help you feel  confident communicating with natives.

Welcome back to JForrest English.

Of course, I'm Jennifer Nell.

Let's get started.

The first phrase you should never say to  natives is Can you correct my English?

I understand that you're an English learner,  

and many of the natives that you interact  with are English teachers like me.

But when you're in the real world,  communicating with natives, maybe it's  

at a party, a social function, a conference,  or simply talking to some people at a park.

Those people are not English teachers.

So in this situation it seems awkward, unnatural  to ask a native to correct your English.

And also remember that it's not  the purpose of your conversation.

You didn't start a conversation with someone  at a party to get feedback on your English.

Hopefully.

Hopefully you started a conversation with  someone at a party to get to know that  

person to talk about interesting  ideas or movies that you've seen.

Now you might be thinking, well I  need to ask them for feedback on  

my English because they might not understand me.

But don't worry, the person will tell  you if he or she can't understand you.

You will know if your  English skills are a problem.

When you're outside of the classroom,  the focus is not on your English skills.

Make sure you keep the focus  on your conversation and you  

should learn some small talk phrases to  help you keep the conversation going.

Small talk phrases are topics about the  weather, Oregon traffic or movies, world  

of events that you can use and my best advice  for you is simply ask the person a question.

If you don't know what to talk about  with a person, just ask them a question.

The second phrase you shouldn't use with  natives is how do you call this in English?

Now you should remove this phrase  because it's grammatically incorrect.

It's not the way a native would say this.

I understand that when you're talking to natives,  

you might be in a situation where you do need  to ask about a word or the meaning of something.

So here are the correct phrases.

How do you say this in English?

So not how do you call this,  how do you say this in English?

You can also say what's the word I'm looking for?

What's the word I'm looking for?

And then most likely the native speaker  

will just naturally help you try to  finish your idea or help you communicate.

You can also say, what is this called in English?

Now of course, you can use these phrases if the  word is important for the specific conversation,  

but don't use these to get a free  English lesson from native speakers.

Remember, focus on the conversation.

And that leads us to #3 Can  I practice speaking with you?

This can be awkward and rude when you're  not in an English learning environment.

If you're in the real world, then you  should be interested in talking to the  

person because you want to get to know them  or you want to talk about something specific,  

not because you're interested  in a free English lesson.

So if you are in the real world and if  it's an appropriate time to talk to start  

a conversation again, you can use some small  talk phrases to start a natural conversation.

So you can make a general  statement or ask a simple question.

So let's take a general  statement about the weather.

Beautiful day isn't it?

And if the person is interested in talking to  you, keep in mind they might not be and that's OK.

If they are interested  

then they will naturally reply and then  the conversation will happen naturally.

Another general statement.

I hope it doesn't rain this weekend.

And again, the conversation will happen naturally.

Asking a question, a simple question,  is a great way to start a conversation.

You might ask the person, are there any good  restaurants near here or what did you think about?

And then maybe it was the conference you just  

went to or a movie or something  specific asking for their opinion.

They'll share their opinion and  then you can start a conversation.

Naturally, the next phrase you should  never say to natives is I don't understand.

Now this statement is just too direct.

So if you're having a conversation at a party with  someone and they're talking to you and you simply  

say, I don't understand, well, it might  embarrass you because you don't understand.

It might make you feel bad, but it might  also embarrass the speaker because remember,  

natives that you're talking  to are not English teachers.

Natives don't know that they  use phrasal verbs, idioms,  

expressions, or use connected  speech or talk very quickly.

Natives don't think about these things.

English teachers do.

Students do, but natives in the real world do not.

So the native might feel a little  embarrassed that you don't understand them.

So here's what you can say instead.

If you don't understand because  the person is talking too fast,  

then you can say, would you mind?

Would you mind speaking a little slower?

You don't have to provide a reason.

You don't have to say, because English  is my second language, You don't need to.

Would you mind speaking a little slower?

Oh, sure, no problem.

Or do you mind rephrasing that?

So the native speaker said something but the  combination of words you didn't understand.

So to rephrase it, the native speaker knows they  

should share the same idea  but use different words.

So that is how a native speaker,  

not an English teacher, a native speaker  understands what you want them to do.

Do you mind rephrasing that?

Or you can simply say, can you explain that in a  simpler way and don't feel bad about saying this?

I use this all the time when  I'm talking to my husband,  

who uses a lot of technical computer  expressions that I don't understand.

I have to ask him to explain things to me in  a simple way because my level of knowledge  

on that specific subject is a lot lower than his.

Now instead of saying I don't understand, you  can add one word I don't quite understand.

This makes it sound softer, but then add on.

Can you give me an example?

Can you say it a different way?

Can you rephrase that?

So add on something else  if you want to start with.

I don't quite understand #5 when you're  talking to natives, you should not say,  

sorry for my English mistakes,  sorry for my bad English.

Remember, native speakers  are not English teachers.

They're also not examiners.

They're not evaluating your English.

They're listening for your ideas.

So if you say that, if you apologize for your  bad English, this may be awkward for both you  

and the native speaker, and it also might stop  whatever natural conversation you were having.

And it shifts the focus on to something that  

the native speaker honestly  doesn't want to talk about.

They don't want to talk about your English.

They want to talk about the  movie you are discussing.

And remember the person you're talking to.

They will tell you if they can't  understand you and then you know that  

there is an issue that needs to be addressed.

So remember, focus on the  conversation, not your English skills.

Again, learn some small talk phrases to keep  

the conversation going and you can  always ask the person a question.

People love talking, so when you ask a question it  

puts the focus on the other  person instead of yourself.

Now let's move on to some  non-english related phrases.

And number six, you should  not ask a native speaker.

How old are you?

This may be the same in your culture.

Please let me know in the comments,  but in North America is generally  

considered rude to ask someone's age directly.

So to directly say how old are you now.

Although this is considered  rude in North American culture,  

N Americans are still curious about people's ages,  

so we have other ways of trying to find out this  information without directly asking the person.

So you can say just simply tell me about  yourself and the information the person  

shares can reveal approximately how old they are.

Now you can ask how old is  your mom, sister or daughter.

It is considered appropriate to ask  someone about someone elses age.

So if you know how old the person's sister is,  you can approximate how old they are, for example.

Or you might just ask how long have you  been working here or when did you graduate?

So you absolutely can ask other  questions that have to do with age,  

but just don't directly ask someone, how  old are you #7 what religion are you?

Again, in North America specifically,  

it's generally considered inappropriate to talk  about someone's religious or political beliefs.

So if you want to find out about  that person, you can simply say,  

tell me more about your  culture and your traditions.

And from that you will probably understand  naturally what religion or what beliefs they have.

So it is appropriate to ask follow up questions  based on the information the person shares.

So if they share a specific tradition, you  can absolutely ask a follow up on that topic.

Now you can also ask what holidays  are celebrated in your culture.

In North America, we love celebrating  holidays like everyone in the world,  

and we are happy to talk about holidays.

And when you find out what holidays the  person celebrates, that will give you  

clues at least into their beliefs.

If that's important for you to know #8 don't say  

to a native speaker even someone  you know well, you look tired.

This is similar to saying you look bad,  you look unwell, you look unattractive.

This can also be awkward because  the person could be very tired,  

but maybe it's for a private reason.

They didn't get any sleep last night because  there is some family event taking place,  

but they don't want to discuss it.

So when you ask, when you make that  statement, they may feel obligated  

to tell you why they are in fact tired, and it  might not be a conversation they want to have.

Now, if someone does look legitimately  tired and you are concerned about them,  

there are other ways that native speakers even  phrase this to sound more polite or indirect.

How did you sleep last night?

Or you can make a general hope  you're having a great day so far,  

hope you're having a great week so far.

And then it invites them to share with you  if they aren't having a good day or week  

because they slept poorly or because there  is some event taking place in their life.

But it gives them the opportunity to share  

that or not share that now with  someone you are quite close with.

You might ask a more direct  question and say is everything OK?

Is everything OK?

But that is really only for  close relationships #9 please  

don't ask a native speaker why aren't you married?

Remember that marital status is considered  personal information in North America,  

and discrimination based on marital status  is forbidden in North America by law.

So this is more of a sensitive issue in North  America, perhaps compared to other countries.

So again, in North America, generally  we don't like to ask direct personal  

questions about someone, their status,  their beliefs, but you can always think  

of an indirect question to try to  find out more about that person.

For example, how do you spend your free time?

And then you can get a sense of  how this person likes to live.

Maybe that isn't with a partner.

Maybe they have other activities  or what did you do last weekend?

Or tell me about your family.

Now instead of directly asking  someone why aren't you married?

Again, with a very close relationship,  

you may feel comfortable seeing something  more direct, such as have you thought about?

Have you thought about getting married?

But again, that would be more  for a closer relationship.

Certainly not someone you just met at a party  or at the park #10 similar to the last one.

Don't ask a native speaker.

Why don't you have kids?

North America is tolerant  of different life choices  

and asking someone about this is just considered  too personal for North American culture.

And for our culture, it sounds judgmental.

Since we accept people of all different  beliefs and all different lifestyles.

It sounds judgmental to say why don't you, but  you can ask someone directly do you have kids?

Generally, parents are proud  

to talk about their kids and it isn't  considered offensive to ask that.

You can directly ask someone do you have kids?

How many kids do you have?

Just keep in mind that this question  is considered inappropriate in a job  

interview because in interviews people  are protected against discrimination.

So this question will not  be asked in a job interview,  

but you can directly ask a native  speaker in a social situation.

Do you have kids?

Now again, if you are very curious,  why does that person not have kids?

Well, maybe you just want to  know more about their life  

and how they spend their time so you can ask them.

What hobbies or interests do  you enjoy in your free time?

What goals or causes are important to you?

Or how do you picture your  life five years from now?

These are questions that would be interesting  for a native speaker to discuss, and you'll  

get to know about them at the same time in an  indirect, clever way #11 you should do this.

Should and shouldn't are direct, and in general  people don't like being told what to do.

However, of course there are many situations  where using should and shouldn't is appropriate.

But if you want to sound more  indirect, use softer language.

You can say, have you considered  you need the gerund Next,  

have you considered talking to your boss?

Perhaps you could.

Perhaps you could talk to your boss.

Those sound like gentle suggestions  where you should sounds very direct.

Now, you could also say, what do you  think about talking to your boss?

And then you're getting that  person to share their opinion.

And ultimately, they make the decision,  not you, because you say you should.

But remember, there are many situations  where you would, you should or shouldn't.

And finally #12 I don't like that.

Again, this can be awkward or rude  when used as a reply to something  

someone else likes or something  that someone has offered you.

So let's say you're at a party  and you're talking to someone  

and they love mountain climbing  and you just want to participate.

So you say I don't like mountain climbing.

Well, that might make the person  feel like you don't appreciate  

their interests and they might  not want to talk to you anymore.

So you can say, for example, that's  great that you love mountain climbing.

I prefer reading.

I prefer reading instead of physical activities.

So you're complimenting them,  but then stating your preference  

without specifically saying you  don't like mountain climbing.

Or you can say that's great  that you love mountain climbing.

Do you have any upcoming trips planned?

So again, you're not sharing  your personal preference at all.

You're keeping the focus on that person or  let's say is something that someone offers you.

So you're at a party and someone  offers you a piece of chocolate cake.

Now you could say no thanks,  I don't like chocolate.

But again, this is very direct and you've probably  

noticed that we prefer a more indirect  approach in general social situations.

So you might say that's so kind of you to offer.

So to offer me a piece of cake,  that's so kind of you to offer.

I'll pass though.

Now you can leave it at that.

I'll pass.

You could provide the reason and just  say I'll pass though I'm not hungry.

So again, just avoid directly saying I don't like  

this because the person may feel a  little awkward in that situation.

So you've removed some phrases that are specific  

to North American culture and use of  language, but you've added many more.

So if you found this video helpful,  

please hit the like button, share it with  your friends, and of course, subscribe.

And you can get this free speaking  guide where I share 6 tips on how  

to speak English fluently and confidently.

You can click here to download it or  look for the link in the description.

And here are some more words that you can  consider removing from your vocabulary.

Watch the lesson now.