Change your life by changing how you speak

Hey everyone, in this lesson we're going to about word psychology, and lots of times in

life, we think we know what we want -- I want this, I'm going to do this, this is my plan,

this is our goal -- and we think it's going to happen.

But our words say something different.

Our words tell a different story.

And, if we watch the words closely, the words are not really so sure about the things we're

going to do.

And we could say this is the difference between our conscious mind, the things we know and

we think we want, and the part that we don't know and we don't access, which has its own

opinion on things and tells a different story sometimes.

So, we'll start with a common question that many of you will have heard is "Do you speak

English?"

Now, sometimes, a person who has generally quite good English ability will answer this

question like "A little.", or "Sorry for my English, sorry.", or "My English is terrible."

when it isn't really, but they - because they know a certain amount of English, perhaps

they feel like there's so much English out there for me to learn, I already know a lot,

I can have a conversation, but there's so much out there, so that they don't feel confident

in describing their English as good as it is, whereas some people who have really bad

English skills, they feel fine about just saying "Yes, I speak English, my English good.

I speak English well, how are you?".

When really, if you compare the two people, sometimes the one who says "My English is

terrible" is much better.

Anyway, this was an introduction to say if we can use word psychology, is even if this

is how we really feel, we know some English already, we don't feel it's the best English

in the world, but we can use word psychology to say - to answer this question "Do you speak

English?"

"Yes, I speak English."

You don't have to say it's the best English, you don't have to say "Oh, my English is fantastic!"

You don't have to do anything like that, but if we use word psychology, which means to

talk about ourselves in a positive sense, in a way that helps us to have conversations

in a way that helps us to speak English more.

Because sometimes, if you say this to people, "Do you speak English?" and you say "A little",

the other person will think "Oh, you barely speak English, so we can't have a conversation,

I'll just talk to this person over there."

So, if you reply that way, you can close a conversation.

If you say "Sorry for my English", or "my terrible English", the other person might

think oh, it's going to be too hard to speak to you, so as much as you can, try to answer

the question "Yes, I speak English."

And then you can continue the conversation after that.

Moving on to the things that we say to ourselves, so much of the time we say, "You know what,

I should do that, I really should!"

"I really should lose weight.

I should lose weight."

We could say "I should study harder.

I didn't do well in that exam, I should study harder, I should, I really should!"

Or we could say, perhaps we're not happy in our job, we could say "I should look for a

new job, I should, I know I should."

So, when we say "I should" like this, this is a way that we talk to ourselves in our

heads and we tell ourselves what we should do, that we should, we should, but the thing

about using "should" is often, it's not a very powerful statement.

It's not like we really mean it, we're just telling ourselves off, we're just attacking

ourselves in our own mind and being disappointed with ourselves.

So, instead of saying "I should lose weight.", we could use more active language, such as

"I am losing weight", I'm doing that now.

Or, more positive: "I will lose weight".

If I say, "I will lose weight", I'm more certain about it.

So, be aware of saying "should", "I really should, I really should", because it doesn't

have a lot of action in it and it is just picking on ourselves and having a hard time

on ourselves when we say, "I should".

Let's look at "I have to".

When we use "have to", that's about obligation.

You have no choice, this thing, I must do it, I have no choice, so when we say we have

to, often we take the power outside of ourselves and we take the power outside of ourselves

because we have no option now, so if I say "I have to work late.", where's the obligation

to?

Is it your boss?

Is the obligation to your boss?

Is the obligation to yourself, maybe if you work for yourself, then it's true, "I have

to work late", but again, when we use this obligation, we take the power from us, so

we could - if we're using word psychology, although it doesn't - it doesn't always make

the most natural sentence, it's a way to bring that power back to ourselves and make the

choice to work ours, instead of "I have to work", it's not my choice, I must, I must,

I can't do it, I say "I am working late."

It's my decision, it's my choice, it's my power to do the action.

If I say, "I have to clean up."

Who said?

Your Mom?

You're 35 years old now and you have to clean up?

So, we can take the action back and the power and we say, "I will clean up, I WILL clean

up!"

It's my mission.

That's what I mean about it can sound unnatural, but at least the power is your own if you

say, "I will clean up."

And here's another one: "I have to mow the lawn."

Have to mow the lawn, that grass is always growing, now we could say "You know what,

it's Saturday, I want to mow the lawn."

It's not a sentence that people probably say that often, "I want to mow the lawn.", but

why not?

Isn't it better to desire to do something rather than be forced to and not have any

choice and it all be obligation?

Let's look now at the intention strength.

An intention is the idea that you have that you will do - it's like your plan in the future.

Let's look at these examples, which are all about smoking.

"I'm trying to give up smoking."

Well you know what?

A lot of the time, when we try things, we fail.

More people fail when they try something new than succeed.

So, if you ever see "trying to", usually "trying to" is going to fail.

A person saying, "I'm trying to", they don't really believe in their ability to do that

thing.

So, when I say "I'm trying to give up smoking", hmm it's probably not going to happen, so

you wouldn't say that if you really meant it.

Next: "I hope I can quit."

I hope, I'm too weak, I couldn't possibly do it, but I hope one day, if God helps me,

I might be able to!

So, if you say "hope", it's almost impossible.

You don't believe in your ability to do it.

Same with "wish", very similar meaning, "I wish I could stop smoking, it's just too hard!"

It's just such a dream, like winning the lottery or going to the Maldives on a desert island

holiday, it's such a dream, I wish I could!

So that person as well doesn't really believe in themselves.

"I'm going to quit soon."

"Going to" always means - this is present continuous, but it means not right now.

Going to is always slightly further off in the future.

"I'm going to quit", and then also + soon, soon's not now.

So, if someone's delaying it, they don't really believe it themselves.

If you are going to quit cigarettes, you'd quit it today rather than, you know, just

two more days, just three more hours, you'd quit now if you really meant it.

And another one, "I might quit soon", hmm, I might, it's an idea, I've considered it,

I've thought about it, I might quit soon.

Yes, you might, but you might not equally, and you probably won't.

So, the more active language to use in these situations is to say something like "I've

quit", even if you've just smoked a cigarette and put it out on the floor just then, from

that moment, and it was ten seconds ago, say "I quit!", or "I've quit."

Or you could say "I used to smoke."

And there goes your last cigarette on the floor.

More examples coming up.

Before, I was talking to you about the negative things that you want to stop, but we can also

use word psychology when there are things that we want in life and to go towards our

goals.

But our words sometimes show that we don't really seriously mean those things that we

desire.

So, let's look at things that never happen.

You like painting, and you say to me, "I want to start painting again."

I really want to start painting again.

That means eventually.

I want to, but because I'm not starting it now, it's still a desire, it hasn't happened

yet, I'm not really feeling it 100% yet.

So, if you said that to me, I know that you're still not certain to do it, because you haven't

started yet.

You haven't called up, you haven't found the class.

Your desire is there and maybe your desire is growing, but it hasn't become your action

yet.

Let's look at "I'm starting tennis lessons again."

I'm starting tennis lessons again.

You've already played tennis before, you quit, and now you get back to playing tennis, "I

am starting again", you're certain, I am, I am is happening, is happening, but because

you're starting it again, again is - in the meaning of this sentence, it's not tomorrow

or it's not today, "again" has the meaning of soonish, soonish.

Maybe next week, maybe a few weeks, we don't know.

So, it is - it's more likely to happen than the first example, but it's still that first

- that first time you're going, it hasn't happened yet.

Next is "I'm thinking of starting rowing again."

I'm thinking of something, I'm thinking of it, I'm considering it, it's a good idea,

I did it before, I could do it again, I'm thinking of it, I like that idea but I like

thinking about it more than actually doing it, you know?

Because rowing's kind of hard, hard work, so it's more fun just to think about it and

consider the idea than actually take action.

Next is "I might start yoga again."

We looked at that before with the smoking example.

I might, yeah, I could, I could do that, or otherwise I'd just like to talk about all

the hobbies that I might do one day because it's something to talk about rather than actually

getting started.

Next is "I'd really like to start singing lessons again."

I'd really like - strong desire - I'd really, really, really like, but it hasn't happened

yet.

Maybe there's something in your life like you don't have the time, or you can't afford

the lessons, whatever it is, something is blocking your desire now because although

you really like it, you haven't made the arrangement or the plan to do it.

And then last example here is "Maybe I'll start learning French again."

We know whenever we see that word "maybe", whenever see the word "might", it's probably

not going to happen or at least not happen right away.

So, when I say, "I might", "I might start French again, I quit it before because I got

bored, but you know, I might start again, it's still just a possibility."

So, how we turn these thoughts and things we might do, how we use word psychology here

is to change the language by using "I am".

When we use "I am", it's going to happen.

"I am starting French lessons again."

Or "I am starting French lessons again tomorrow" or next week, that's the way we make our little

ideas and the things we say we're going to do but don't really mean, when we use word

psychology, we're giving more power to ourselves to make those things actually happen.

So, thanks for watching, everyone!

I have a quiz on this lesson which you can go and do now ( www.engvid.com ) and I'll

see you again soon.

Bye!